• Thu, Aug 14 - 1:00 pm ET

Swearing In Front Of Your Kids Can Get You Arrested Now So We’re All F&*ed‏‏

censored swear wordOkay, this is just getting ridiculous. A woman was arrested in North Augusta, South Carolina in a grocery store for disorderly conduct when she allegedly dropped an ‘f” bomb in front of her kids. Yeah, seriously.

Let’s see if we can unravel this depraved tale, shall we?

According to WSPA, Danielle Wolf let her temper and a loaf of squished bread get the better of her and some tattletale ran to get the cops when she thought she heard Wolf swearing at her children.

The phrase in question, according to the police report is the horrifying and abusive “stop squishing the fucking bread,” which Danielle insists was directed at her husband and not her children, as the entire family was shopping together:

 ”She’s like, ‘you told that they were smashing the bread’, and I said ‘no’ I said that to my husband, that he was smashing the bread by throwing the frozen pizzas on top of it,” said Wolf

I buy it. I have a really filthy mouth, and so does my husband and while I’ve made a halfhearted effort to improve my language, we often say profane things to each other that aren’t even spoken in anger, like, “I fucking love you.” Our daughter may or not be present sometimes. She likes to whisper “oh, shit” and giggle to herself when she thinks no one’s listening, so I’ve seen firsthand just how traumatizing swear words can be. She’s a ruined child, no doubt.

But whether it’s true or not, can I just ask something here with the understanding that none of you are going to call the cops on me?

What the fuck, lady?

There is a time to intervene and a time to mind your own business, right? How, in any alternate reality, is it better for those kids to watch their mother be arrested and later go to court than it is to hear the bitchenest swear word that ever existed?

Apparently the woman who reported Wolf was “having a bad day”, and the swear reminded her of her own abusive childhood, which also makes me sad for her because she was clearly triggered, but still.

Now Wolf has to go to court on September 12th, where it will be determined whether or not she broke the South Carolina law that states that disorderly conduct can occur when someone deigns to:

“utter, while in a state of anger, in the presence of another, any bawdy, lewd or obscene words or epithets.”

Well if that isn’t a law painted with broad strokes I don’t know what is. Bawdy? All this does is make me want to come up with bawdy limericks peppered liberally with the f word all up in them.

More and more, I feel like I have less to fear from the outside world than I do of getting in trouble when someone doesn’t like the way I parent. I used to let my child walk to the park solo, but I haven’t done that for awhile, since that’s apparently a criminal offense. If anyone ever saw me swearing at my child, I woudn’t blame them for intervening, but I don’t do that. I will confess that I’ve been known to swear around her, though.

Now I’m thinking that I have to be concerned that my bawdy mouth will get me in trouble someday. If I can get in trouble for swearing in front of my kid, I am so fucking fucked, you guys.

(Image: Lasse Kristensen /Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Theresa Edwards, on twitter.
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    My mother loves to tell this story and if we lived in today’s society she’d be arrested right now!

    My mom used to call my dad a asshole in front of me all the time. One day I was a bit more of a pain then usual.

    Mom: STOP IT YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE!
    Me: I no asshole daddy asshole!

    I was about 2-3 somewhere in there! Thank the gods I’m 32 now! or we’d both be in jail!

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