• Thu, Jul 31 - 1:54 pm ET

Mom Is Weirded Out By Strange Man In Daycare, Director Says Too Bad‏

parent-records-stranger-in-daycareWhen it comes to parenting, I’m far from paranoid. I like to believe that people are mostly good and that kids are mostly capable and while I teach a healthy amount of caution I mostly believe that life is for living; I try not to spend too much time obsessing about every little thing that could go wrong.

But even I am totally weirded out by this story coming out of Connecticut about a woman who found a strange “mystery guy” in her kid’s daycare classroom on multiple occasions and the director’s cavalier approach to her complaint.

According to WTNH, a Hamden, Connecticut mom was concerned when she noticed a man who was not employed by her daughter’s daycare-Sleeping Giant Day Care-interacting with kids in the classroom on more than one occasion. She even recorded it happening on her cell phone on at least once, and when she asked the director what was up with that noise, the director apparently told her:

“He’s allowed to sit here. I’ve known him for over 20 years. He comes to my house to eat.”

Oh wow. I can not begin to tell you how many fucks I would not give about your dinner parties with some rando in my kid’s classroom. Leaving your kid somewhere all day requires a little bit of blind faith–and a couple of certified background checks, in my opinion.

Not so, according to the City of Hartford, where a person apparently only needs a background check after 12 visits in one year to an institution like day care.

The Office of Early Education in Hartford is apparently investigating the incident, but there’s no evidence at this point that the “mystery man”, who has been identified as Tony, a former Sleeping Giant custodian, has ever been alone with the kids.

Am I totally paranoid for feeling weird about this whole situation? While it may not be illegal for Tony to be there, it certainly seems unorthodox, right? I would be totally skeeved out if my former director had invited her friends-their sex inconsequential, by the way-to come chill with my child or the children I had been tasked with caring for.

As for the mother that recorded the incident, she’s still dropping her daughter off there, despite her concerns, because she doesn’t have another alternative. The center is part of a state-subsidized affordable early education program, so even though her gut tells her to yank her kid, she simply can’t afford to take her somewhere else.

I’m not a proponent of instilling a deep fear of strangers into kids, but this is one situation I know I just wouldn’t be comfortable with.

(Image: WTNH)

You can reach this post's author, Theresa Edwards, on twitter.
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  • CT Guest

    I’m a “go with your gut” person and if I didn’t feel my kids were safe at that daycare, they’d be out of there in a flash. I’m not sure what’s more disturbing – the man being there in the first place or the director’s attitude. Either way, once this hits the media, she’s out of business…
    I’m assuming this mom has her daycare subsidized by CT’s “Care4Kids” which is a program helping low-income families with daycare. It is NOT tied to a particular daycare. Daycares choose whether or not to accept it (kind of like docs/dentists accepting medicare). She needs to find another daycare that accepts Care4Kids (and there are many who do).

    • Rachel Sea

      There’s more than one program. If the kid is in free care, like Head Start, she might not have an alternative.

    • CT Guest

      Just looked it up – it’s a privately run daycare that accepts the state subsidy. Plenty of other daycares in that area also accept the subsidy. I’d be high-tailin’ it out of there asap.

  • Justme

    I don’t blame this woman for being a little skeeved out by this seemingly random guy (or person for that matter) being in her daughter’s daycare and I’m sad that she doesn’t have another option. Even with my in home sitter, she was very careful to let us know when and who she would be having in her home when my child was there, whether it was family or other SAHMs with kids.

    I know that parents are the ones signing up to take their kids to the daycare center so, to a certain extent, they must agree to abide by the center’s rules such as no peanuts, or wearing close toed shoes. But I think that in return for the money the parents are paying, the daycare owes the parents the peace of mind that their children’s safety is the primary concern…and to act accordingly when things like this occur.

    • K.

      I’m sort of surprised at the director’s response. Seems like a terrible way to do business, if anything.

    • Justme

      Yes. Like I said below, if she would have initially said, “he’s the former custodian and really misses the kids so he comes in every week to read books and play Legos,” I don’t think this would have blown up.

    • redzulu

      I don’t know… maybe reading a book, but if he wants to hang out with kids and play then he should really apply for a job as a teacher.

    • Justme

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying what the guy is doing isn’t a little strange….but at least a little more explanation could have warded off this shitstorm that the director has incurred.

    • redzulu

      Agreed.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Give it a rest.

    • Guest

      yeah, redzulu… give poor Warren a rest!

    • Jezebeelzebub

      Yeah, redzulu! Leave Warren alone!

    • Lackadaisical

      Yes, typing agreed in reply to someone who is not Warren in a part of the conversation that has no Warren in it at all is just being a bully to poor Warren. Why do you have to be so mean Redzulu?

  • wispy

    Why is it called Sleeping Giant? That name in itself is weird. Not to mention the man who “comes over to eat” dropping in whenever he wants.

    • kitty

      Sleeping Giant is the name of a large hill in that area. Also a park.

    • wispy

      Makes much more sense now that I know it’s not some creepy name the lady dreamed up.

  • Spongeworthy

    I would find that strange too. At the very least, I’d expect an explanation from the owner other than “I’ve know him for a long time.” And? Why is he randomly hanging out here now?
    Even if she had explained that he used to work there and was just stopping in to say hello, that would be something. I find it surprising that the owner, knowing that parents would be wondering who this dude was, wouldn’t give more of an explanation up front.

  • Rachel Sea

    It may not be illegal, but it certainly sounds unethical. Once you’re out of high school, you don’t go hang out where your friends work. I don’t invite my friends to come hang out at my office, and I wouldn’t dream of going and hanging out at any of my friends’ places of business – especially not a daycare or school.

    • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

      I wonder if enough parents complained if the center would do something, or someone would step in and say this is a problem?

    • Justme

      I feel like one complaint should be enough.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      Yeah, I really think if you’re going to bring other adults into a daycare, it should be as staff and they should be vetted and introduced to parents. Volunteers, same thing. Having your buddies pop in to hang out is, at best, unprofessional. You can’t have your pals pop into the classroom, a daycamp or swim class you’re working at. A, your pal is a distraction from your job and B, it’ll weird the parents out. Socialize later.

    • GPMeg

      Definitely — I have very strict rules about that at my facility. Even staff can’t come hang out unless they’re on duty, mostly because they distract each other, but also because parents tend to get skeeved out by someone wanting to hang out with kids who aren’t theirs when they’re not getting paid for it…

    • Williwaw

      Yeah, it’s kind of weird. My 2 1/2 year-old son was recently diagnosed as autistic, and we are arranging for his therapy team to come to work with him at his day care. The day care said that each member of his therapy team has to have a criminal record check, and that totally makes sense to me. I don’t know why someone would think it’s appropriate for a non-daycare worker who is not a parent of a student to hang out at a day care regularly.

    • keelhaulrose

      It’s really not appropriate. Even though I worked at my former center three years and left on good terms if I showed up to say hello I’d be stopped at the front desk and not allowed in with the kids because I haven’t had a recent background check and I don’t work there. I have no business there, I shouldn’t be there. If I want to catch up I need to see the teachers on the outside, and I’d have to contact the parents if I want to see the kids. I’m still friends with the director, but there’s business and there’s friendship, and friendship does not trump business.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And if you think all those security steps are reasonable, then you are just buying into all the paranoia.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      are you offering to baby-sit???? :) :) :)

    • Justme

      So in essence, you’re saying since security is not 100% preventative then we shouldn’t have any security at all?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      They aren’t even 1% preventative. They are useless.

    • Justme

      Would you mind providing me with the link to where you found that statistic?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Tell you what, you provide the link to prove how effective background checks are, and I will provide you with links as to how ineffective they are. For example Sandusky would have passed all criminal background checks for the 15 yrs leading up to his arrest. Yet during those 15 years he commited how many assaults on kids?
      And because of background checks, a great number of people refuse to volunteer, coach or help, just on the principle of the matter. The are willing to do all these things, but are assumed guilty until proven innocent.

    • AugustW

      Obviously background checks aren’t going to catch someone who hasn’t been caught before. Do you want a cookie?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And those with a record of offenses that would be flagged by a background check won’t do anything requiring one. So they don’t catch those never convicted, and they don’t catch ones that have been convicted. So they are useless.
      Even the cops I know say that background checks, school lockdowns, buzz in systems, are all bs and do nothing to keep anyone safe.
      And August, you can take your cookie and shove it up your fat ass. Not too far as to cause brain damage, Moron.

    • AugustW

      By your logic, the existence of background checks keeps convinced pedophiles and the like from applying for jobs with background checks where they ya come in contact with kiddos.
      How is that not working? It may be a side effect, not a main feature, but it’s sure as hell not a bug.

      Ignoring the personal attack because, really?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Convicted sex offenders are not going to try to get into a controlled situation such as a school anyway. The risk is too great for them, in a space they don’t have control.

    • Justme

      You quoted a number and I asked for a statistic. I didn’t necessarily say you were wrong, I just wanted to know the data and survey that backs up your claim.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      They don’t survey negative results. Considering that all the law enforcement officers I know through work and sports all agree that all the crap schools do such as background checks, lockdowns, and such, are crap, and more dangerous. Because you think they keep you safe, when they actually don’t.
      I also love the idiots that think when someone gets a background check done, the school gets to say if they are clear to go. They don’t. The police compare the person’s record against certain criteria, and then say yes or no. So your kids could be with former drug addicts, thieves, drunk drivers, and numerous other offenses. As long as it isn’t violent against kids, they are good to go.

    • Justme

      Bummer. I thought it was such an interesting statistic that I really wanted to understand the research behind your statement.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Logic does not require research. Cause and effect is obvious to those with a measurable IQ.

    • Justme

      My IQ is perfectly measurable, as you might have noticed in my calm, even, and rational responses to your comments. But I do tend to prefer my “logic” backed up with a reasonable amount data.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Ok, so where is your data to back up your logic, of background checks saving people?

    • Justme

      I never said they save people.

    • Justme

      Also…I don’t believe that I’m going to shield my child from people who have had trouble with the law. I know that they will come in contact with drug addicts, thieves, drunk drivers and the likes. I would like to think that I am teaching my child to have compassion and show grace to those people. But if there is a way to at least screen for a record of abusing a child and then keep those known abusers away from my child’s school, then I will support those measures.

      I’m having a hard time understanding your position, because from what you have said, if something doesn’t work 100% to prevent crimes from happening then it’s not worth having or doing. That’s the image you’ve projected. In that vain, do you lock your car? Your home? Do you drive the speed limit? Do you avoid smoking cigarettes? All of these things are designed to lower the instances of a crime, injury, or disease from happening…but they are not 100% effective. Does that mean I should stop doing them?

      Life is not and never will be perfect. At some point, bad things will happen to me and the people that I love, but in the meantime I don’t think there’s anything wrong with minimizing risk – we can’t eliminate risk completely, but there are things within our power that we can do to provide some sort of safety.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      No I don’t lock my vehicles. I rarely lock my home, only if the dogs will not be there. Usually push the limit to what I know the OPP will not bother me about. Quit smoking awhile ago, but still love my cigars, beer, whiskey, red meat and all sorts of other things that are bad for me…………oh but wait, in my late forties and in the best shape I have ever been in.
      Minimize real risk. Your child being molested by a teacher or volunteer is not a real risk.

    • Justme

      But circling around to the original purpose of the article – a parent inquiring about a strange man consistently on the property of her child’s daycare is not being paranoid. Requesting a fully thought out answer instead of a flippant response is not being over-the-top. I teach middle school and since I am in charge of the care and education of children, I must respond to their parents inquiries about their health, well-being, and overall academic success – sometimes which involves the child’s socialization as well. This is something similar – I would rather be an inquisitive parent than an oblivious one.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Then do you not think going to the director afterwards, and asking for a better explaination is better, than writing a blog and taking your bitching to a public forum.
      When you handle things in a public forum, you go from being a concerned parent to a contolling bitch with an inflated sense of entitlement.

    • Justme

      I’m not a fan of anyone taking an isolated incident and flaunting it to the media, but in this comment thread we have mostly been talking about whether or not the mother deserves a better answer – which I agree she does.

    • quinn

      Warren, I don’t want to argue or agree with you, but you seem to have some semblance of what is going on. If you were on a school board, what would be your background stipulations for new hires? Would you perform ANY kind of criminal background check, or would you not even bother looking into it? I am actually curious, and I am not trying to antagonize.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      You will never be able to stop the masses from wanting background checks. So for full time in class employees, sure what the hell, as long as the board pays for them. For volunteer parents, parents to go on school trips and the like, no I would do away with them.

    • keelhaulrose

      Considering we had non-custodial parents attempt to break down the door to “pick up” their kids (or kidnap in their case) and a fired worker come back to try to beat the director while her boyfriend was nearby with a gun I’m not quite sure how the lock on the door and the background checks were “excessive”.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And how did background checks help either situation?
      And if you want to keep locking doors, having lockdown drills……..oh wait are we talking about schools or Alcatraz. Because all this security was standard in prisons for decades.

  • Maria Guido

    I find this totally odd. I would not be cool with this at all – I don’t want people in charge of watching my kids to have lax attitudes about who is around.

  • jen

    My son’s daycare has a volunteer grandma or two. They read and play with the kids. I wonder if this guy is doing the same type of thing. Granted, if that was the case, the director needs to be clear about it with parents.

    • noodlestein’s danger tits

      Yes, that’s the thing that got me, Not that there was an older gentleman there, but that the director’s explanation sounded very strange to me. If I were a mom, it would have sent major red flags up for me.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      What red flag? That the former custodian drops by from time to time.

    • Justme

      But that was not the initial response from the director.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      If the director tells me not to worry, she has know him for that long and is at her home for dinners, that would be good enough for me. Since I already trusted her to take care of my kids in the first place.
      Too many moms want absolute control, and get pissy when they don’t have their asses kissed.

    • Justme

      No, it’s still a very strange response. There are lots of people that I have known for a very long time and have over for dinners, but I don’t invite them to my work….especially if I were working with other people’s very small children. I don’t think notifying the parents of who is interacting with their children throughout the day (other than familiar staff members) is too much to ask.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      No, it is not too much to ask.
      Just as it is way too much to be this upset at his presence.
      This is an example of a mom that didn’t have the director of the daycare, drop everything she was doing, bend over and kiss her ass. She got the quick, I am busy answer, and then got pissy about it.

    • Justme

      You don’t run a regular business like you do a day-care. The customers of a day-care are the parents of the children you care for and they deserve to have the questions regarding the safety of their children answered in a way that is satisfactory. This woman did not initially do that.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      You actually think this mom, who went as far as taking a pic of the guy, would have been satisfied with any answer?
      This has become such a witch hunt. Really, this guy was doing nothing wrong, and neither was the director, but y’all want them burned at the stake.

    • Justme

      What witch is being hunted? No one wants anyone burned at the stake. We are debating how the media coverage of this issue could have been avoided – mostly by the director giving a more straight forward answer in the very beginning. The other conversation that is going on is the relationship between day-care and parent. No one is asking for this director to be fired and her day-care shut down.

    • Korine

      Seriously, most people have said its “odd” or “strange.” The leap to “burned at the stake” was a large one and pretty much shows that you just wish we were all on a witch hunt so you’d have something to talk about. You’re pretty desperately trying to make us into something fun for you.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      No most have said it is unacceptable. Big difference.

    • Johnstone

      You’re confusing “would like some clear answers” with “want them burned at the stake”. It’s ok, easily done, happens to me all the time.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Morning Asshole.

    • Johnstone

      Morning Sunshine!

      Although it’s afternoon here. Afternoon Sunshine!

    • ted3553

      I have some absolutely hilarious friends who would worry parents if they saw them in a daycare initially. i’d like to think that anyone working around my kids, I either know or in a place like a daycare that is a business, has had the same background checks that the staff have. To me, this is like a strange man just coming up to my toddler in a park to play because he likes kids. That will make me suspicious.

    • Justme

      Exactly! And suspicion doesn’t mean you’re paranoid – it just means you ask a question and then see if the answer makes you feel a little better.

    • keelhaulrose

      If I’m a director of a daycare I should just be able to vouch for any man and have the parents be totally cool with it?
      So, it would be totally cool with you if I were the daycare director at your child’s school and I brought over a friend’s husband, because he’s a great guy and I have dinner parties with him. Oh, yeah, he’s technically a sex offender, but he’s cool. I’ll vouch for him.
      Or how about my brother who is great with kids? That arrest for selling pot was years ago, he really had changed, you can trust me.
      How about my former daycare co worker who quit when I turned her for forcing water down a two year old’s throat? She was never arrested, and she was good friends with the director, so she should be able to come back, right?
      Just because he worked there once doesn’t mean he’s completely free and clear forever. And certainly doesn’t mean the parents shouldn’t be informed.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Meds haven’t taken effect yet?
      Your little rant just shows how paranoid you are. Only those with mental illness can imagine that many negative examples. Get some help.

    • Johnstone

      Then what does that say about you, Mr Negativity?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      My negative comments are not what if paranoia, like everyone here. They are nothing more than pointing out how insanely paranoid and controlling these people are.
      Her negativity is imaginary, mine are observational.
      Like you being an Asshole.

    • Johnstone

      Why do I get called an asshole when everyone else is getting called a bitch? RACIST!

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Nothing more than being accurate.

    • Johnstone

      So what qualities does one have to exhibit to be considered a bitch, and what qualities make one an asshole in your opinion? I want to make sure I don’t accidentally stray into bitch territory without realising it. I prefer being an asshole.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Too late.

    • Johnstone

      Wait, I’m a bitch now? Why did that happen? I’m so CONFUSED, your system of hierarchy and classification makes NO SENSE :(

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      He is a DOCTOR you guys. A DOCTOR WHO OWNS A TIRE SHOP!! FREE INTERWEBS DIAGNOSES FOR ALL THE CRAZY BITCHES

    • keelhaulrose

      Honey, you’re the one who says that, because the director owns the center even though she doesn’t, and even though a daycare center is not even remotely comparable to a tire shop, because she’s the highest ranking employee there, she should have the right to have whomever she wants there, parents be damned because they’re nothing more than customers and have no more compelling interest in the going on of the center than the average customer should have walking through Wal-Mart.
      Would you let your friend who changed his tire once run around the shop area of your business “helping out” here and there and ignore customers complaining about the guy in street clothes working on their cars because you own the business and they’re just customers with no good reason to question who is working on their thirty thousand dollar vehicle?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      You don’t like the directors decision, then pull your kid. But stop yapping and get on with your life.
      And my shop, my rules. Don’t like it, there is always another tire shop. My customers are loyal, and I don’t ever kiss ass.

    • keelhaulrose

      I’m calling bullshit on this. I’ve been around mechanics tire most my life, and while they’re not being disgustingly friendly, they know a bit of ass-kissing is occasionally order. Tires aren’t something your average person needs more than every couple years. And they can be bought at at least a couple places even in less populated areas. Owners of shops know customers can and will quickly go somewhere else because “loyalty” doesn’t pay the bills if you’re lucky to see the customer only once a year. They know when to throw a good customer a bone, and really try to provide good customer service because an asshole owner can and will get a shop closed because the work is not unique.
      You sound like one of those dumb shit restaurant owners on Kitchen Nightmares who keep catering to their regulars and insist they don’t need to change anything because it’s worked before, and have no idea why their business has started to go downhill.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      We provide great service at great prices. And every once in awhile you get customers that want you to do something that goes against your personal code, sometimes you get customers that just like to bitch, whine and complain for the sake of complaining. I cater to my customers, but do not put up with bs, and have told people to go elsewhere.
      You can call bs all you want, I really don’t give a rat’s ass.
      And I call bs, because what the hell is mechanics tire? Never ever take your tire work to a mechanic, and I personally know mechanics that testify to that. If you can’t find a tire technician then keep looking.

    • keelhaulrose

      Sorry about “mechanics tire”, I’m typing on a tablet and get ahead of it at times. I meant “mechanics and tire guys”. My husband is a mechanic, my step father in law owns a tire shop, his brother owns a shop and small dealership, the man I consider my second father owns an auto shop, and I’m friends with about ten different mechanics and tire guys. I’ve been around the business pretty much my whole life, and I know that the public only views lawyers as more corrupt than anyone working on their car. They complain about everything, and I can’t imagine a shop staying in business that didn’t throw a customer a bone every so often. You’ve never had a customer complain that you’re trying to sell them a new tire when they feel a flat repair is all they need? Never offered to throw in a balance to make them happy? Nothing of that sort? I’m in awe that a car place exists where the owner constantly says “like it or leave”. I still would love to see what online buzz that generates.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      No we have never had a customer complain about being told a flat repair cannot be done, as the customer is brought into see the tire, the damage and given the explaination as to why it cannot be repaired.
      Don’t have to throw in a balancing, as we do not charge for balancing on tire sales. If you do, then you are just cheating the customer.
      And loyal/regular customers do pay the bills, and much more. Over half our new business comes from loyal customers recomending us to friends, family, and coworkers.
      The only real complaints we ever get are the scammers, that are quoted a price over the phone, and then come in and try to tell us that they were quoted a lower price, and demand we honour it. If my desk crew quote a price they write it down, they don’t lie, and are awesome at what they do. So when this happens, I back my employees, and if the customer doesn’t like it, they are told they have other places to take their business. And it is a stance that creates trust and loyalty from employees, and most other customers appreciate a business that does not put up with bs.
      Darlin, I have been in the tire business for damn near 30 yrs, and you cannot tell me anything new and you certainly cannot tell me how to do business. You are way outta your league.

    • keelhaulrose

      Thinking about it, Warren, why don’t you tell me the name of your tire shop. I want to read reviews of a business whose owner doesn’t kiss ass, but also is so busy it’s owner can spend hours a day on a site geared towards mothers in the middle of the day several days a week, including Fridays and Saturdays, which are usually so busy in the shops around here the techs will often skip breaks or lunch so they can get more work and more money. But your awesome shop with your loyal customers lets you spend at least the last three days commenting on this article alone. Please, tell me how great your business is doing, and let me read your stellar online reviews.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Yes so you can post shit to slander me and my partner. Doubt it.
      Darlin, the nice thing about being the boss, is having an office, and the ability to read the hilarious bullshit coming from people like you.
      You have no idea of what a real tire shop does, how it works, or how busy we are.
      Hell, I make more money on one night call than you do all week.

    • keelhaulrose

      Struck a chord, did I? You seem awful defensive.
      Oh, look at you, you make more in a week than a stay at home mom. So does a kid visited by the tooth fairy.
      How professional of you, sitting at work arguing with mommies on the internet. My step father in law, who also owns a tire shop, doesn’t have the time to play around, if he’s not working on a car or with a customer, he’s doing the office work. If he has down time he spends it looking up car shows and cruise nights so he can go drum up more business. He certainly doesn’t have hours a day to argue with people because he’s pretty busy, and views extra time as lost money. That’s what most business owners think, and I know a fair few. I have yet to meet one who feels they are running a successful business and have hours to spare in the middle of the day, save for my aunt, who owns a bar, since that’s more popular at night so her days are free.
      And it doesn’t take experience in the tire shop business to know Fridays and Saturdays are big money makers for any business dealing with cars. It just takes a bit of knowledge to know that people flock certain businesses on those days because it’s easier to get away from work or they’re not working.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Then your Dad cannot be doing so well. My partner and I do not have to stress about every hour of every day. That is what success and organization will do for you.
      And yes my employees can be very busy most days.
      Oh and by the way it only takes a minute to respond to comments. If it takes you hours a day to do this, then you should pay more attention to your home and kids.

    • keelhaulrose

      Reading comprehension your strong suit, is it?
      My dad, who is not in the car industry, owns a half million dollar lake side home in a wealthy Chicago suburb. He’s doing just fine.
      My step father in law, who does own the tire shop, works his ass off because he’s not content with one shop. He’s looking to expand to two more locations within a couple years. He also runs a family farm. Not too shabby for a man who could be on disability.
      You’re responding to several people, spending at least an hour or so on this site. What does a Canadian tire shop owner care about a bunch of mommies? You must be pretty desperate for some form of interaction.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      What does that say about you that you won’t refer to your “step father in law” as dad? Pretty sad.
      What does it say about you, that you cannot see a father as the primary caregiver, and so overprotective about mommies?
      And it takes all of a few seconds to respond to the comments, if you have to take that long yourself, then you are not spending enough time taking care of your kids and home, which as a SAHM is your job.
      Good for him if he wants more than one shop. I know it took us awhile to do it, but there also comes a time when you sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labour.
      Like today, being out on the boat with family and friends. Was a great day.

    • keelhaulrose

      He doesn’t want me to call him “dad”. He feels the title is earned, and he didn’t raise me. Hell, he didn’t raise my husband, either, he only came into his life after he was an adult. To his face I call him his name at his request. I respect him enough to do as he asks, and no one has any qualms about me calling my mother in law “mom”. My husband has long considered himself not to have a “dad”, as his father abandoned him at a young age and didn’t care enough to contact him until my husband was of-age and couldn’t be “used for child support”, and the step fathers he had before the current one were either neglectful or downright abusive, and I will not go against my husband’s desire to not consider anyone “dad” in his life.
      My dad did a hell of a good job with me and my siblings despite having to fight for his life several times. I’ll fight for him, my husband, and all worthy fathers. But I’m not standing up for any parent who doesn’t care for their kids, and I would count someone who sees a strange man (or woman, because men don’t have a monopoly on being monsters) interacting with their child in what should be a secure setting and NOT questioning who he is and why he wants to hang around with children in a daycare without being paid.
      I’m glad you know so much about my home life that you know I’m neglecting my children by responding, and don’t know that I am always responding when my older daughter is occupied with an activity or out at a friend’s and when my younger daughter is getting her one-on-one therapy or taking a nap. Or, like right now, when they’re both asleep. I guess I could go watch them sleep, but then you’d probably accuse me of being over-bearing and paranoid.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      You can accuse me of wasting time, by commenting here. But when I point out the same to you, you get all defensive.
      You are what is called a hypocrite. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
      You are so full of shit, it is beyond funny.

    • keelhaulrose

      What part of me pointing out I reply when I have no other obligations is “wasting time”? Maybe you’d have a point if I had said “I dump my kids in front of the TV so I can play around on the internet” you’d be right, but I said no such thing. You admit you’re at work when you post (btw, “service manager” or “former tire tech”? Why don’t you show enough pride in your ownership you don’t claim it on your social networking?), I admit when I’m “at work” I don’t.

    • rockmonster
    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Because I have a partner that I have to take into account. And my personal beliefs are not going to come back on the business.

    • rockmonster
    • keelhaulrose

      When you leave a daycare you’re not supposed to just drop by from time to time. The school knows when they hired you what legal trouble you’ve been in, and they know when you’re working for them, but they don’t know after you’re gone. It’s a liability a good center would never risk.

    • whiteroses

      This. My son is two and nonverbal- if I’m not with him, I need to know who is. It’s just that simple.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      A school does not know your legal troubles, unless they disqualify you from working there. Background checks do not tell the school anything specific, other than if you pass the criteria.

  • Alex

    Regardless of whether or not this man represents a risk to the kids (there’s not yet any reason to believe that he is), the director’s cavalier explanation sends up my red flag. As a side note, neither this article or the original article outlines how this mother knew that he wasn’t employed at the center.

    If I saw a man I didn’t know in the daycare classroom, I would probably accept any number of plausible scenarios that would give him reason to be there. Maybe he’s the father of one of the children and wanted to talk to the director/instructor, or he was called in to discuss an incident with his child. Maybe he’s a state or an administrative higher-up who’s stopping by to check in on how things are going. Maybe he’s a new staff member or a volunteer who I just haven’t met yet.

    But no, “friend and former employee of the director” would not be a good enough reason. He has no role there, no responsibility, and no specific purpose. If the two of them get lonely and want to reminisce about old times, hell it’s a daycare center. I’m sure there’s a bar just around the corner!

  • SA

    The fact that the center director would not give a straight, clear answer is the most concerning. I take my child to my sitter’s home so on occasion there may be a relative there that I do not know, but ALL the family members there on a regular type basis she is clear on who they are, how they are related, and why they are there.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      My daycare provider is the same. Her family comes over and I meet them and it’s in her house, so that’s to be expected.
      At a centre, there’s no call for that.

  • Warren Pacholzuk

    Gotta laugh at all you paranoid mothers. He is a former custodian of the daycare. A lot of these guys really miss the kids, when they leave, retire or whatever. They are usually really missed by the kids as well.
    If you get off your soapboxes, you might actually see that it is a good experience for the kids to have his influence around.
    Also, a daycare is a place of business, no different than mine. And as a customer, you have no right to say who can or cannot be on my property.
    This shouldn’t be called Mommyish, should be called Judgemental Cluckers.

    • SA

      I think most people commenting are more concerned on why the director won’t give a clear reason that the guy in particular. And state requirements can dictate who is on the site at a daycare.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Yes the state can, SA. But you or this mom cannot. There is a big different between state requirements and a mom with a feeling.
      The director does not have to give anyone other than the state a detailed explaination.
      And personally, if I trusted the daycare in the first place to send my kid there, then I would accept her judgement, and explaination of knowing him for years, and such.
      So again, there is real life, and then there is paranoid.

    • CMJ

      Um, any citizen can complain to a regulatory agency and have them investigated.

      There is absolutely nothing “paranoid” about asking why a man she has never seen before is at her daycare.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And it was answered by the director. Who is probably busy enough to not have time to waste with every paranoid controlling helicopter mom at the center.

    • Justme

      A daycare is a place of business, but when people’s children are involved, the parents should be allowed a rational reason as to why strange people are allowed on the property. I doubt that if the owner hadn’t seemingly brushed off the parent’s question there would not have been quite the issue.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      If you don’t trust the director’s judgement in the first place, then why would you send your kid there?
      Too many mother’s with paranoia and control issues.
      Sick and tired of all the mommy’s that think they have the authority and control over everything. You don’t so get over yourselves.

    • Andrea

      I fucking wouldn’t.
      But this poor woman doesn’t seem to have much of a choice.

    • Justme

      Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like this mother has much of a choice as to where she sends her child.

      When I am a customer at a daycare, there are rules and regulations that I know I will have to follow such as no peanuts or close-toed shoes. But in return, I expect my child’s safety to be their number one concern.

      The parent simply asked a question as to who the man was that was spending time with her child. The response that was given was not clear and rather flippant.

      “He’s allowed to sit here. I’ve known him for over 20 years. He comes to my house to eat.”

      If we are to believe the reports and this is actually the initial response from the head of the daycare, the parent is left with virtually no information and yes, I think there is a reason to be concerned. If the head of the daycare would have said, “That’s our former custodian! He misses the kids and every week he comes in to read books and play Legos!” or something similar, I don’t think there would have been a problem whatsoever.

      The issue is not that the man is there, but instead that the day care owner did not seem to understand the concerns of the parents.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      OMG I JUST GOT IT!!! Your ex-wife is a controlling bitch and you have ISSUES!!!!!!! Maybe your mom was controlling too. That’s why now you are so angry that you’ve made it your mission in life to stalk mom blogs and put us women in our rightful places. Right? Because you couldn’t do it at home?? Awww, I’m actually starting to feel bad for you.

      Although this is also starting to sound like the beginning of a Criminal minds episode… :S

    • Johnstone

      I just had a thought, how busy can he be as a successful business owner, when he’s free to fart about on Mommyish at 4pm on a Thursday?

    • http://confessionsofamodernswampwitch.weebly.com/ Jezebeelzebub

      It’s “mommies”, O Educated One.

    • Fondue

      Cluck, cluck, motherfucker.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And Fondue is proof.

    • Carolina

      Yeah, if anyone taking care of my child had your attitude, they wouldn’t be given a dime more of my money. Business hint: listening to your customers is a good thing. I have a hard time believing this isn’t trolling.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Really? You can’t believe that former custodians miss the kids, and vice versa?
      You couldn’t teach me jackshit about business Carolina. Yes you listen to your customers needs and requests. But your customers will never dictate how you do business, or who you do business with.
      So take your little rant, and even smaller IQ and go home.

    • Carolina

      I have difficult imagining that you are capable of running a business. Please, tell us what you do and how your “customers” enjoy paying for your disdain?
      And no, I don’t really think the custodian needs to be coming back to hang out with the kids. Not appropriate.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Then you are a fucking idiot. The custodians in most daycares, schools and high schools are the students favorite person.
      Our custodian in school was awesome, he would play football with us, and always had a smile.
      And I own a successful tire business, bitch. My customer come first, but they do not and never will have the authority to tell me who can be on my property.

      You will come for a hard crash when you realize you are not that important, and do not control as much as you think you do.

    • Justme

      Stop. Just stop. The vast majority of comments on this website are from people of differing lifestyles and belief systems but we all seem to discuss and disagree in a manner that is respectful to other people. But whether you are just trolling for attention or honestly stand behind what you type, you are ruining the supportive atmosphere of this site and community. Please leave.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      It is only supportive because you all feel the same way. Which is wrong, paranoid and heaven help you when you have to go thru the teen years.

    • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

      So because you disagree with some of us it’s wrong? Makes zero sense.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      You all are upset at a former custodian visiting the kids. You are all so controlling that you won’t accept the directors judgement, even though the mom initially trusted the director enough to place her kid there.
      So yeah, you are all controlling bitches, and are completely wrong.
      Any other questions.

    • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

      I don’t control anything. And since I don’t have kids in that daycare I wouldn’t expect to control anything. YOU think we’re wrong, that doesn’t in fact make us wrong. That’s not a terribly difficult concept.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Yes it does make you wrong. Because you are all on what used to be called a witch hunt. Yet your collective cannot see that.
      Right now, you are no better than a lynch mob.

    • Justme

      You are fully entitled to your opinion. You think the director’s answer was sufficient? Then great – you are allowed to feel that way. I think the main issue of the commenters here is your attitude towards people and the language you are using. When you speak to people like that you are taking the credibility out of your own argument.

    • redzulu

      Can I vote this up 100 times.

    • redzulu

      People can have a different opinion, however it’s just rude to call people names and be so judgmental. One has to be more tactful to have a debate about something. If you get that angry that the majority of the people here disagree then find a more fitting website to read.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Not angry, just very concerned for our future generations, if the parents in here are the example of what is raising those future generations.

    • Justme

      Please leave.

    • redzulu

      Ok and that can be understandable, however your way of voicing said opinion throws you into the same category that you are disproving of. Instead just say that you feel for the director and maybe this was all innocent. Then if you don’t like other comments gracefully leave and find some where that has like minded people. You can disagree and still respect people enough not to use name calling.

    • Old Lady Phillips

      Actually, I’m really hoping to raise my son to be just like you, Warren. You know, a guy who may or may not have a tire shop or more than a casual acquaintance with the basic rules of grammar, yet is brave enough to call women he doesn’t know “bitches.” You, my friend, are a king amongst men! Do you mind if I start following you on Disqus? I really feel like I could learn a lot from you.

    • Old Lady Phillips

      Jen, you fail to realize that Warren has just schooled us. I know, because that’s what ending a statement with “any other questions” automatically does. Automatically! Try it, it totes works.

    • CMJ

      How is that controlling? Please explain how anyone is “controlling” this situation.

    • Spongeworthy

      Do not question Warren, you judgmental clucker. Warren has a penis AND a successful tire business! Do you have either of those things? Didn’t think so.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      I have seen evidence of neither. He’d probably have to pee on you while you were breastfeeding for you to be able to detect it.

    • Johnstone

      HAAAY EVERYONE. IT’S COOL. Warren is here to show us the way.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      my husband actually likes when i play the role of “controlling bitch” …. that’s where babies come from ;)

    • Nichole

      Yes. I would be upset about a former employee visiting. They have no current business there so they don’t need to be there. I used to work in a hospital lab and have many friends there. I’m not allowed to just hang out there- patient confidentiality.

      The parent wasn’t controlling and her child is still in the day care center. She ASKED a question and was given a crappy answer. The director should know better.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And if this mom is going to be upset enough about this to bring it to the public, then she has control issues.

    • Justme

      Not really. Plenty of people have differing points of view on varying parenting topics (and life in general, really), but we are, for the most part, fairly open-minded and respectful when someone does or believes something differently from us.

    • Johnstone

      Incorrect, we have lively debates all the time. Rarely does it stoop to the kind of bile and anger you seem to thrive on.

    • Nichole

      The custodian in my grade school was fired for making inappropriate comments to office volunteers and for stealing. None of us kids liked him.

      The director does not (usually) own a daycare center (different from a home daycare) and is only an employee. I would not want the friend’s of the teachers to just hang out in my child’s classroom either. Most centers are VERY strict about who is allowed around the children. Your owning a tire business has nothing to do with a conversation about a stranger hanging out in a day care center.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Just because you didn’t like your custodian, does mean jack.
      And this is not a stranger, he is well known to the director, and a former custodian. Whom I am assuming retired or just left on good terms.
      You moms just need to realize you cannot control the world. When you accept you are not that important, your life will be a lot easier.
      I was saying, that it does not matter what the business is, the customer has no right to try and dictate who can be on the property.

    • Johnstone

      I’m not actually a mom. Does that make me a crazy controlling bitch, or am I exempt?

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      Bitches come in all shapes and sizes – even the ones with empty uteri ;)

    • Nichole

      You’re right. You win.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      This sounds so…Zen. Realizing you were never in control, that there is no “self” no “importance”, that we are all interconnected….OM. There is great wisdom in these things.

    • Johnstone

      The only truth … is the tire.

      Think about it.

      It’s spherical, symbolising the beginning and the end, and the circle of life. It’s also made of rubber, which is … bouncy?

      I’m rubber, you’re glue, ommmmmmmmmm. *breathes out*

    • http://confessionsofamodernswampwitch.weebly.com/ Jezebeelzebub

      Namaste.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      Dang. How did I forget the “Namaste”. Namaste, @jezebeelzebub:disqus

    • Justme

      I cannot control the world, nor do I try….but as a parent to a very small child, I think it’s my job to be aware of who my child is around. Again, if he is there on a volunteer basis to truly see and interact with the kids, then just SAY that from the very beginning and a lot of this mess could have been avoided.

    • redzulu

      When it comes to children they can. However, if the owner of said business refuses then maybe it’s time to take your business elsewhere. The problem comes in where there is no where else to go. So then you can voice your opinion that you don’t agree with what is happening and the director can say theirs. Doesn’t mean the mom doesn’t have a right to say what is bothering her. Both sides have to defend their decisions in the long run.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Yes but bringing it to a public forum, is far beyond just asking about the man.

    • redzulu

      Right and people are allowed to voice their opinions about the service they receive from a business. How is a daycare any different. There are lots of reviews, and both sides will have to defend their side. If you are not actually there then you can only go with your gut for who you personally think is right and who is wrong. That’s what everyone has to do.

    • Nichole

      The fact that your custodian was awesome doesn’t mean jack.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Actually it does, because the vast majority of them were great. I have never heard a bad thing about them, but heard many great stories about them from all sorts of people.
      Sorry Nicole, try again when you are a little older.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      Warren’s personal experience exceeds actual data by THIIIIIIIS MUUUUCH!!! (about the same size as his penis)

    • Nichole

      Ha! I was going to reply that he has to be right about custodians being everyone’s favorite person with “the plural of anecdote is data so you must be right” but decided I had already spent too much of my time engaging in this conversation.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      #nerveendings #mutilation

    • http://confessionsofamodernswampwitch.weebly.com/ Jezebeelzebub

      “…the vast majority of them were great.” The vast majority of whom? Custodians? Has there been a study on custodians? Can you provide any research? A Venn diagram? A picture you drew? A single coherent thought that doesn’t consist of epithets and cussin’?

    • Old Lady Phillips

      God, I love a good Venn diagram!

    • Fondue

      And being in the automotive industry for nearly 20 years now, I know how shady and underhanded most “tire business” people are. You, sir (and I use the term loosely), seem to be no exception.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Well maybe in the states, like most are crooks. Up here, we live and breath by reputation, and ours is doing just fine thank you.
      We have ethics, not like your american shops.

    • http://confessionsofamodernswampwitch.weebly.com/ Jezebeelzebub

      You “live and breath by education”, do you? I can tell. Your rapier-like wit is second only to your very fine grasp of etiquette. Do impart unto me where you live, sir, that I may come to admore the birthplace of your fine personage. I want to breath it all in.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Had you actually got what I said correct, you would be more than welcome. Try again.

    • http://confessionsofamodernswampwitch.weebly.com/ Jezebeelzebub

      Had I actually GOTTEN, Warren. I thought this might be fun for a minute, but I was grossly mistaken. You’re too puerile to be of any consequence. You’re too intellectually inferior to even understand that the responses you have gotten here are the direct result of all these paranoid bitches giggling their asses off at the very notion of you. You’re a punchline, Warren- the ending of a very poorly-wrought but somehow still funny jest. You’re not half as bright or as useful as the tires you sell, you poor schmuck. You came to the proverbial gun-fight armed with a toothpick, boyo… and a broken one at that. Still, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, Warren. I want to thank you for existing- because if you weren’t upon this earth and if you hadn’t drawn all this fire upon yourself, I wouldn’t be sitting here secure in the knowledge that as surely as the night follows the day, I am better than you.

      Of course, that’s not real hard. My dog just took an impressive dump in the back yard, and that turd is better than you, too.

    • Johnstone

      I know, that’s the funny thing about trolls. They’re SO SERIUZ they don’t even know when they’re being made fun of.

    • Jessica Johnson

      Amen! You’ll notice he ain’t running a repair shop, amiright?

    • Old Lady Phillips

      You’re calling multiple women who you have never met before “bitch” because they disagree with you. Over the internet. Behind a computer and probably under an alias.
      But please, tell us more about how not important we are. Also, about your “successful tire business,” and how you run it and stuff, because it sounds totally great. Does it offer coupons? We bitches love coupons.

    • Johnstone

      Because I’ve finished my work this evening and have time to kill, I’ve sought out our friend Warren and where he works. Might stop in for some tires plus free condescension if I’m ever in Ontario.

    • Justme
    • Jessica Johnson

      Crap. Ontario. :( I should have read down the thread farther before I played the OSHA card. What’s the Cannuck version of the Occupational Safety and Health Admin?

    • K.

      That’s what trolls do. It’s kind of a shit existence, really.

    • Old Lady Phillips

      #trolllife

    • Carolina

      Ooh, name calling!! Epic. You have surely schooled me and my feeble little lady brain.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      A SUCCESSFUL TIRE BUSINESS, GODDAMNIT. Now all you bitches know good and well that owning a SUCCESSFUL TIRE BUSINESS qualifies Warren here to make sweeping statements about ALL THE THINGS. He’s an expert, because TIRES.

      Suck it, you ignorant hos. YOU TELL ‘EM, WARREN.

    • Jessica Johnson

      Customers can not dictate to you who can be on your property, no. But OSHA and your insurance company tell you you can’t have random people in your bays.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Actually they recommend, cannot dictate. Nice try though.
      Any other questions.

    • Jessica Johnson

      Someone further down the line pointed out you were in Ontario, which might have different regulations. Here in the States, judging by the signs OSHA makes shop owners put up, customers being in your repair bays can get you in deep shit. (of course, OSHA has to find out about it first, and in all my years here I’ve never heard of them stopping by a garage for random inspections or anything.)

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      We are reuglated by three bodies, all of which can only recommend, not dictate.
      Those signs you see are only a bs way of keeping the customers from bugging and slowing down the employees. The owners or their delegates can approve anyone, to go anywhere.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      You see there is a difference between random and invited/approved. And I can approve any person I want. Again nice try.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      You know what they say about anger issues, right? Little penises and whatnot.

      I mean, hey! If we’re gonna go into stereotypical sexist name-calling, let’s do it right!!! ;)

    • Johnstone

      He’s been gone a while. Either he’s compiling an epic rant, he’s had a rage-stroke and died, or someone called needing a tire.

    • Justme

      So, @disqus_BGGCVAndwQ:disqus, tell us about yourself. Are you really his stalker?

    • Johnstone

      I am his stalker for about, oh, 20 minutes last night, when I Googled him and his oh-so-distinctive name. I’ve noticed him spewing his bile all over the forum for the last year, and since I started commenting recently I thought, hey, keyboard warrior time. There’s no need to be so ruuuude and it just rustles my jimmies. He called me his stalker because I’ve argued with him on another thread. 2 threads = stalker material, apparently.

    • Justme

      Well, we’ve all discussed….and we like you. Feel free to stick around!

    • Johnstone

      Thank you! Thank you! *waves and weeps like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality*

    • Johnstone

      And I would happily tell you all more about myself, but for obvious reasons don’t want SOME PEOPLE to know anything about me. If there’s a private message facility or summat, hit me up :)

    • momjones

      Or he’s whooping it up with the old custodian at his high school.

    • Johnstone

      HAHA!

    • Old Lady Phillips

      Or he IS the old custodian at his high school. #neverleft

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Nope, was helping one of my guys with a personal problem.

    • Justme

      I can only imagine the gentle and caring advice you gave him.

    • Johnstone

      Was the problem you?

      Sadly I’m off to bed, so feel free to continue the fun on your own. Night bitches! (You crazy, controlling awesome bitches.)

    • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

      How do you know he is a former custodian? I didn’t see that. And why wouldn’t the director have just said that? Her defensive response to it would have made me question it as well. Plus if he were a former custodian I would imagine the mom would have seen him around previously. If it had been years before then he would have no connection to the kids that were currently there.

    • Justme

      I believe the former custodian knowledge has come out after the fact, but was not included in the initial conversation between mother and director.

    • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

      Ahh ok. When I read it earlier I didn’t see a mention of that.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Try reading the article, and not just looking at the headline.
      Again, you witches need to loosen up. You’ll never make it thru your kids teen years if you are this uptight.

    • Johnstone

      See Justme’s answer for a polite and NORMAL response.

    • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

      I don’t really think it’s uptight for a parent to ask why a person is and to ask follow up questions if she wasn’t satisfied with a response. I think that’s called parenting. Asking follow up questions or not being satisfied with “I know him” is perfectly reasonable. The director didn’t handle this well.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      No, it is paranoid.

    • guest

      You totally didn’t read the article. This shows a lot about you.

    • guest

      hahahaha I agree

    • Johnstone

      “hahahahaha, I’m Warren’s wife / employee / one of his 15 friends on Facebook”

    • guest

      Butthurt and childish? I think you are :)

    • Johnstone

      Now, now, surely you know how Warren feels about EVIL COWARDS you hide behind the name “guest”. TELL US WHO YOU AREEEEEE, right, Warren? Back me up on this.

      Plus I notice you’re not denying it. And nope, not butthurt. My biggest upset at the moment is that my new mouthwash tastes kinda funky.

    • WriterLady

      Almost certainly does not have a wife IRL (maybe an imaginary one). Probably has no employees, seeing that any sort of employment status is dubious at best. Has invited one friend to help troll various mom/women-oriented forums. Warren for the win!!

  • K.

    Okay, I am not an expert on state-subsidized daycare, but spitballing here, I think state subsidies benefit the institution because the state covers part of the cost of tuition. They may also get a tax break. So I don’t think that the mom necessarily has “no options,” but perhaps more power than she thinks.

    If I were this mom I would directly tell the director that I didn’t want my child interacting with any adults but parental volunteers and employed staff members. I’d do this in writing and ask for a response in writing in return.

    The director could say ‘no’ but the reason to ask for it in writing is because I don’t know how the director could defend the practice in any way that doesn’t admit the center is understaffed and/or undertrained and/or disorganized. There is no justifiable reason why a non-employee, non-parent/guardian volunteer *needs* to be in the classroom. And if the preschool is receiving state funds to provide subsidized daycare, then I would think that’s grounds for a complaint with their grantee status.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Paranoid and a bitch, nice.

    • K.

      I sense discomfort in your life.

    • Justme

      If your general feelings towards Mommyish articles and commenters is disdain and anger, why are you here?

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Because we love talking about all the idiots on here. And her post about attacking the funding, is being a controlling bitch. And if you are sticking up for her, then you fit right in.

    • Johnstone

      “We”? Is this the mystery “bride” you keep referring to? Aww, did you name your gun? How cute.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Hey dipshit, wondered where you went. Love to have my stalker back.
      Actually we is my family, my employees and friends. None of which can believe how uptight and self righteous you all are.

    • Johnstone

      Oooh, dipshit. Better than “bitch”, I guess.

      And I SINCERELY doubt you have friends. Or employees that stay long.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      proceed with paranoid bitch caution when purchasing tires in the future, ladies.

    • Johnstone

      Hahahaha!
      “Will this tire work well in winter?”
      “F%*&%^£*, you paranoid BITCH!”

    • Justme

      I’m not sticking up for anyone in particular…just the community in general. I don’t mind disagreements, but I can’t stand hateful people.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      yeah, it’s name-calling. Not really good for kids, and we are all interested in kids, so…..

    • http://twitter.com/jessbakescakes JessBakesCakes
    • Spongeworthy

      Well, SOMEONE has to keep us stupid bitches in line! If not Warren, then who??

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      wait, I can’t remember if we are paranoid or stupid now….darn it. #mommybrain

    • Spongeworthy

      Don’t worry your pretty little head about it…I’m sure there’s a man around who can tell you.

    • Véronique the Attachment Shark

      I think he’s made it his job to insultingly mansplain to us how ignorant and bitchy we really are ;). Think of it as a community service to the hopeless women of mommyish – henceforth known as the HWOM

    • Johnstone

      Can we form a support group?

    • Coffee&Cats

      Ya know us ladies! Our heads are too full of glitter and lollipops to think for ourselves. He’s such a “Nice Guy”. He wants to help correct our errant opinions.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      does your glitter ever stick to your lollipops when you add in cilantro?

    • Coffee&Cats

      Yes it does! And it’s THE WORST!

    • AugustW

      Some of us are fat too. Mustn’t forget. /s

    • Johnstone

      Without him we’d run into each other while helicoptering and clucking about like headless chickens who also have control issues.

    • Spongeworthy

      He’s really doing us a favor, if you think about it.

    • http://twitter.com/jessbakescakes JessBakesCakes
    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      namecalling? That’s just amateur trolling.

    • Johnstone

      I know, I feel like he’s not even trying now. *pouts*

    • AugustW

      Not even creative either. We’re all fat and/or bitches. Shocking. Methinks someone wandered over from a crimson colored medication forum.

    • rockmonster

      Should I be glad that I don’t know what you are talking about?

    • http://twitter.com/jessbakescakes JessBakesCakes

      Yes, we are all bitches. Don’t you know we’re highly intelligent female dogs who have been taught to type, read, and communicate in English and gifs? It’s a new government initiative. You know, the government you hate so much.

    • guest

      Because all adults are sexually-craved, kidnappers and child molesters. Yeah, I know.

    • Justme

      Is your last name Pacholzuk by any chance?

    • K.

      Well, I didn’t say THAT–I’d be supporting that perspective if I argued that the mother lobby to get the guy kicked off campus.

      What I said is simply that if this individual mother is uncomfortable with the guy, then she request that her individual child only interact with those who are contracted to interact with her child (ie, the daycare employees)–which she is entitled to request. If the day care director agrees, great–problem solved. The guy can still be on campus; she can have her piece of mind.

      If the director doesn’t agree, then the only reasons I can come up with for her disagreement indict the legal qualifications of the daycare to operate at all.

    • Ana

      Even if he’s a perfectly nice guy who has never done anything
      wrong in his life he’s not trained in childcare. You’re paying for
      and expect vetted childcare experts to protect and educate your kids, not some
      random guy. You trust them because they do this every day and they have to take classes and get a background check to be there. I wouldn’t like any random adult who isn’t a teacher talking to or playing with my kid without my knowledge. If he likes kids so much he can volunteer at a library or something.

    • Johnstone

      What Ana said.

    • AugustW

      Not all adults are thieves either, but the bank doesn’t let random strangers hang out in their vault either.

  • Lackadaisical

    If he were CRB checked (or whatever the legal checks to work with are called in America) and had been called in to cover a staffing shortage I would have no problem whatsoever. If he is just there as a regular social visitor then I do not think that is appropriate in a childcare setting. I have no problem with someone who has time to give and enjoys working with children volunteering in a children’s daycare centre but it has to be done honestly and with all procedures followed. Doing it properly with CRB checks and procedures followed would protect him and the daycare centre from insurance problems if things go wrong and people reporting things that are innocent if that is the case, as well as protecting the children.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Background checks don’t do a thing to protect anyone. They are security theatre and a waste of time and money.

    • Lackadaisical

      Background checks are not a magical thing that will keep you safe, no. However not having a background check and having something go wrong at the daycare, even though completely unrelated to you, like a fire or a kid breaking a bone in an accident, could mean insurance companies using it as an excuse to wash their hands of the daycare, inspectors using it as an excuse to try and close the place down, investigators harassing the person without a check more than the situation warrants because they find it suspicious and all sorts of other unpleasantness. Whether CRBs (or whatever they are called in the US) are a waste of time and money are not, not having one done and not following procedure could get the guy harassed and the daycare owner in trouble. I get the impression that childcare isn’t as regulated in the US as it is over here, in the UK even childminders have to be inspected by the government regularly and provide paperwork of policy and procedures on a wide range of issues, but having a paper trail that shows you did everything above board can be a huge help if things go wrong or if parents start making a lot of noise with authorities or the media.

    • AP

      Yup. I hired swim instructors in Massachusetts years ago. To get hired, you had to pass a MA criminal/sex offender background check.

      I hired college kids all the time. Surprise, surprise, a college freshman from Virginia or New York came up clean. Lord knew what they did back home, but the Commonwealth of Massachusetts said they were clean so they were clean.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      We have yet to see any evidence that background checks have saved anyone. They are nothing more than security theater.

  • Old Lady Phillips

    Stopping in to say hi once, or maybe even like once or twice a year, and poking his head into the classroom for a few seconds to smile at the kids playing….that’s one thing. Not a big deal in my mind. But if he’s coming by regularly, and he’s interacting AT ALL with the kids beyond a smile and a quick hello, that’s totally different. To play devil’s advocate here, say I was the (obviously a bit ethically-challenged) director and totally wanted my old buddy to come hang out at my job whenever because I’m the boss and I can do what I want, I’d like to think I’d at least be smart enough to call him a “volunteer.” Shit, to MAKE him a volunteer, even. If I trusted him as much as this director claims she trusts this guy, great, let him “volunteer” and let’s tell the parents he’s “volunteering.” Parents love “volunteers.” Ok, so now I have a new “volunteer” who is going to be helping from time to time in the classroom. I know he’s cool and everything, I mean, he likes my enchiladas, *I* like my enchiladas, which is why we eat enchiladas together every other Wednesday at my house, right? So maybe I would look REALLY GOOD if I told all these parents that we have a new VOLUNTEER working in the classroom, maybe I send out a letter or an email telling all the parents about him, and put in a couple of sentences about how this nice retired (grandfatherly!) gentleman volunteer has years of experience working in a “classroom” setting, and, uh, HYGEINCE! Yeah, that will totally work…put the whole thing in that cute “Comic Sans” font that everyone luuuves, and boom. Happy parents and I get to hang out with my buddy at work all day, yay!
    And literally, that’s all this director would have had to do to make the majority of parents ok with this. Instead, she looks creepy, unethical, and unprofessional.
    Oh, I should state for the record that I think this is TOTALLY creepy, unethical, and unprofessional. And also stupid.

    • Johnstone

      I love how “He eats dinner at my house” automatically = not a predator.

    • Old Lady Phillips

      Duh, everyone knows that predators don’t eat dinner because they’re too busy preying and stuff.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      And you just right their proved your paranoia.
      Since when does not fingerprinted, and background checked = a predator.

    • Lucille two

      Well I am paranoid that pedophiles insinuate themselves into situations that give them access to kids. It doesnt mean this man is a predator but parents are allowed to worry.

    • Johnstone

      They do. I know this from direct experience, which if Warren and his cronies had, it might change their sheltered privileged perspectives a bit.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Worrying about nothing is not healthy.

    • http://facebook.com/guineverew Guinevere

      doctor? Or tire shop owner? I am confused. #mommybrain

    • OptimusPrime*

      Exactly! Further, being fingerprinted and background checked doesn’t mean someone isn’t a predator–they might have not been caught. There really aren’t predators around every corner.

    • Johnstone

      So we should let anyone – male or female – hang out in daycare centres without question? Yes, that’ll always be totally innocent.

      If he has a legit reason to be there, make him an official volunteer, and clearly explain who he is when asked. Simple enough.

    • Warren Pacholzuk

      Bingo.

    • kittyuniverse

      I love how you assume since he’s an adult man that automatically makes him a predator.

    • Johnstone

      Where did I say that? U NO READ SO GOOD.

  • redzulu

    I’m with you on this one. That sounds off to me. Why would an older man/woman want to hang out in a toddler room? If they like kids so much then they should apply for a job to work with them as a teacher. Not just hang around where he used to work to see them??? or do i don’t know. What is he doing there? I’m sure the teachers don’t have time to hang out when they are watching a class full of kids. Especially with some kid to teacher ratios.

  • Dona

    What’s so strange about him? I don’t understand why he’s strange if he was a former custodian. What if there were male custodians at your kid’s school? Would it be appropriate to order the school to get rid of them?

    • Nichole

      He’s not necessarily strange. What is strange is the director’s response when a parent asked who he was (because she didn’t know) and why he was there. It’s strange that he “visits” a daycare often enough to be recognized when he has no reason to be there other than “visiting”. Where I live day cares have very tight security- the first time my husband picked our daughter up from her new day care (where she had previously attended preschool) he had to show ID to verify that he had a reason to be there and our daughter was allowed to go with him so it would be very strange to see a person (regardless of sex) in a classroom on a regular basis who was not a current employee, volunteer or parent.

    • Dona

      Do mothers have to show their IDs also?

    • Nichole

      If they don’t know you they ask for ID. In our case they knew who I was because I registered our daughter and they had seen me dropping her off and picking her up- I had to be buzzed into the office the first time I went since it’s a secure/locked building. If my mom picked her up she would be asked for ID since they don’t know her.

    • Dona

      “In our case they knew who I was because I registered our daughter and they had seen me dropping her off and picking her up”

      That doesn’t make sense, because if they require everyone to show their ID, even if they “know you,” you should still be required to show your ID. There’s something wrong here.

    • Guest

      There is something wrong: Your reading comprehension. She didn’t say everyone has to show their ID; only people they don’t know.

    • Dona

      I don’t know about you, but I believe every daycare should require people to show an ID upon every visit, for the safety of the children.

    • Ann Leslie

      Dona, have you ever worked in a centre? We’ll greet parents on arrival and authorised people, such as parents, will have swipe cards or fob keys or codes to enter the building, but there simply isn’t time to check EVERY ID, particularly if you KNOW WHO THE PARENT IS.

    • Old Lady Phillips

      That might be the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard. Sorry, but wow.

    • Dona

      Oh, okay, now I understand.

    • Williwaw

      One time a new employee who had never met me asked to see my ID. I was totally cool with that. She’s looking out for my child.

    • Nichole

      Exactly. I will show it anytime they ask me and my husband had no problem letting them see his.

    • Carolina

      Lord, it’s not about “male.” There are plenty of men who teach at my child’s pre-school. It’s about having random friends of the director just hanging out AND not explaining it to the parents. I see where you’re going with this, and it’s not a man thing – it’s an “unauthorized person around small children” thing

  • Blahblah

    It’s weird, and it’s not okay that the Director blew her off. I don’t care if that dude is your daddy’s uncle’s octopus. If he’s hanging out in a capacity of taking care of my kid, I have the right to know what he’s about.

  • Katherine Handcock

    I’d agree that the problem here is much more the director’s response than the person who was present. I’m currently serving on the executive board for our co-op preschool, and while there are many regulations about criminal records checks etc. for teachers and teaching assistants, volunteers are totally at the discretion of the preschool (although they’re not allowed to be alone with the kids.) We have volunteer duty parents in almost every class, and friends/relatives/etc. come in occasionally to talk to the kids about specific things – we had a dad come in to talk about being a veterinarian last year in one of the classes, for example.

    That being the case, the teachers are always willing to explain why someone is present, and it’s always in the context of their relationship to the school. I think this mom would have felt totally differently about things if the director had said, “Oh, that’s so-and-so, the school’s former custodian. He volunteers to play with the kids under the teachers’ supervision occasionally.” Not only is that the professional answer, but it also directly responds to the mom’s concerns: who is this person I don’t know and what is his role with my child.

  • WhoremonalCrazyLotusSlugalo

    As a parent with a reasonable expectation of the security measures in place at my vulnerable little one’s day care, I think that I have a right to know — specifically — who is interacting with her. Likewise, if I go to the park and see a woman sitting and interacting with my child without first introducing herself to me, I’m going to be suspicious — and with valid cause — until my mind is otherwise put at ease.

    The problem isn’t the stranger in the school, it’s the off-handed way the administrator dismissed the parent’s concerns. My response would have been, “What’s his name? Where is he from? Why don’t you introduce us and I’ll decide whether or not I want him interacting with my child.”

  • Jessica Johnson

    Setting aside for a moment the fact that it’s a day care, WTF kind of craptastic business procedure is it where you just let your buddies come hang out for a chunk of the day? It’s one thing if you’re say running an auto repair place and your buddy swings by for a tune up or something and hangs out while it’s getting done. Or you’re branch manager of a bank, and since you’re buddy is in the bank depositing a check you guys talk for a while. You know: if your buddy has business to attend to at your place of employment. You don’t just let your friends come hang out at your job. Because then, you aren’t really doing your job, you’re hanging out with your friend on company time.

  • Alexandra

    If it’s state subsidized hopefully she can lodge a formal complaint with the state. They shouldn’t want the liability…for Tony.

  • brebay

    Sleeping Giant Daycare thrusts the creep-o-meter pretty high too. But, yeah, when I worked in daycare only parents could visit, had to sign in, and could never be alone with anyone else’s child.

  • brebay

    Seriously, what guy wants to spend their free time hanging out with pre-schoolers who aren’t theirs. This is fucking bizarre. And the whole “Oh, I’ve known him forever, therefore, he is not a pedophile” is how so many kids get hurt by people the dumb adults around them trusted blindly.

  • umnumnumnumnum

    ..and he’s still there because? The biggest reason I won’t have more children is because of the losers who run daycares, and everything about daycares, including stories from others like this one.

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