• Thu, Jul 31 - 4:00 pm ET

Wishing For Boys When You Have A House Full Of Girls Makes You A Terrible Parent

dealing with gender disappointmentI was happy to have a girl. I wanted a girl, I don’t mind admitting it, and I was happy when it came true. I didn’t have any predisposed notions about what girls were like or what boys were like, I just – for some reason I can’t justify – wanted a girl.

That said, a boy wouldn’t have been unwelcome or met with disappointment. Your child is your child, right? Who cares what kind of junk it sports? Well, apparently not everyone feels that way. I’ve met a few of them personally.

The ones who act completely deflated when they find out they are having a son and not the daughter they longed for. The ones who give clear a preferential treatment to the sons they wanted and the daughters they didn’t. The ones who will tell you, when you are pregnant, that you will be either lucky or doomed if you have one or the other:

They might say, “Boys are rambunctious and girls are sweet.” or “Girls are so much work. So sensitive. Boys are easy going.”

Well, I call bullshit on all of that, and on this little gem I came across this morning, where a mother opines that despite desperately wanting boys, she had three girls and a boy instead. In it she chronicles a day where she had only boys to care for:

“Due to arrangements for beach activities, I ended up looking after just my son, nearly eight, and a friend’s little boy, aged ten. Blimey, it was brilliant, easily one of my top ten best parenting days ever.

‘Do you want to play crazy golf?’ I asked them. ‘Yes,’ they replied in unison.

The version of this conversation with my girls (aged ten and nearly 12) would have gone something like this.

Me: ‘Do you want to play crazy golf?’

Them: ‘When? Where? Who with? Can we have an ice cream, too? Do we have to walk there? What will we do afterwards? Can I go first? I’m not playing if she goes first.’”

Earlier on in the post, the author touches on something very important:

“My relationship with my son is the easiest of my four maternal love-fests (crikey, I said that out loud). Which has no doubt influenced my continuing daydreams of being ‘a mum of boys’.”

I’d like to suggest that she has that backwards. Her continued daydream of parenting only boys likely influences the “ease” of her relationship with her son. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy; a person assumes one gender is worse, amps themselves up for that, and then repeats it over and over again when the child of the offending sex does something challenging, then rolls their eyes and says, “see?”

Maybe her day at the beach was easier because she had two kids instead of four. Maybe it’s because the accompanying child wasn’t a sibling but a friend. Maybe it’s because her entire outlook was sunnier because she finally got her wish – nothing but boys to look after.

I understand being disappointed if you have a baby that isn’t the sex you were envisioning. Every daydream and scenario and that adorable name you had in your mind is either off the table or requires adjustment.

Sometimes my daughter is extremely sensitive. Sometimes my lovely fake nephew is rambunctious. Sometimes it’s flipped.

I’ve cared for lots of kids in the past. Some of them fell into stereotypical gender roles. Sometimes they didn’t. I’ve met boys who were sweet and tender and cried very easily and girls who were fearless and loud and couldn’t sit still. Most kids will fall somewhere in between that because children are actually people with personalities, as shocking as that sounds.

I can say this: if you expect your daughter to be a whiny drama queen and your son to be a loud, obnoxious handful, you probably won’t be disappointed. Kids have a way of trying to live up to your expectations.

(Image: Katrina Elena/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Theresa Edwards, on twitter.
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  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    “Kids have a way of trying to live up to your expectations”.

    This. I try soooo hard to avoid putting labels on my kid like “shy” or “dramatic” or whatever, and name the behaviour instead (“sometimes she feels shy”) because I feel like a lot of kids get stuck with a label early on and then work hard to live up to it.

    Last week at the playground, a mom told me (loudly, and appropos of nothing…it was literally the first thing she said to me) that her kid is “really mean”. Seriously. “She’s really mean”.

    • Lackadaisical

      So much this. A person can assign a personality to a child who is too young to actually have developed it and it can either be a self fulfilling prophecy as they grow into your expectations or you end up with a kid you don’t really know and assume the behaviour and motivations of who resents you for not even trying to see who they are. When my brother in law and ex wife split up they projected the upheaval and fustrations onto their youngest, a baby. They both started talking about her as awkward and a madam, and her big brother and my parents in law started believing the image of her. It got so that my hubby and I were furious that none of them ever said a single nice thing about the sweet girl, although her mother wasn’t as bad as the others. It got to the point where I told her big brother off for saying mean things about her and her father defended the lad, laughing it off as the insult was true. Eventually it changed and they broke through the rut of being down on her, I think my husband finally got through to his mother on that and the girls mother became more supportive as distance to the former marriage increased. It was heartbreaking to watch at the time and whenever she *did* act up (not often, sweet girl) I did not blame her one bit.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      That sucks. :(

    • guest

      I think this is actually huge particularly for the actual shy kids. Everyone told me how shy I was and quiet when really I was introverted. It made me feel uneasy when how I was behaving was perfectly fine and finally as an adult I can be like “who cares if I’m quiet, I’m not shy, I just don’t want to talk to you”.

    • Justme

      God, my MIL did this from the very beginning when I would shift my daughter around on my chest in the hospital and she would cry out, my MIL inevitably said, “she’s stubborn and likes things her way.” No, she’s a newborn and freaking out that there are other people in the world moving her around.

  • JJ

    What freaks me out is the people who try and try numerous times to have a certain gender and refuse to stop till they get it. I can understand wanting a certain gender to be honest even though really you have no control that fact. I can get why some women have this idea of a daughter or son they dream about even if that dream is not always reality or if that dream is very unrealistic. But it reaches the point of sad and obsessive when you see those parents who have like six kids of one gender and have their hands full but refuse to stop because this time it will be a girl or a boy that I want! Why wasn’t it that gender every other time then. I feel sad for the girls or boys they already have who are being made to feel inadequate because they are not what mommy really is looking for any more she wants that girl or that son dammit. I’m not saying don’t be disappointed or maybe surprised if you get the same gender again, after all we are human and its okay to feel maybe slightly disappointed and feel emotion but people should not let that brief feeling impact their relationship with their kids. People shouldn’t have to force themselves by the skin of their teeth to really care or be interested in their same gender kids because darn it they didn’t get that one gender they want. I feel sad for the kids who have to grow up always knowing mommy wanted a daughter but she got all sons so she is sad when she see’s other little girls or vice versa if she wanted a son. Plus like you said kids have all different personalities and the environment, their siblings and friends shape who they are as they grow up too. There is no guarantee a daughter will be sensitive, frou frou princess girl or a son will a sports loving, messy, tough boy.

  • K.

    “I’d like to suggest that she has that backwards. Her continued daydream of parenting only boys likely influences the “ease” of her relationship with her son. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy; a person assumes one gender is worse, amps themselves up for that, and then repeats it over and over again when the child of the offending sex does something challenging, then rolls their eyes and says, “see?””

    Theresa, you’re so wise and eloquent :)

  • LocalMom29

    I had a girl first and then a boy, and I honestly feel like, temperamentally, they are pretty much the same. I didn’t care what I had either time, but I was amazed at how many people commented that it “worked out perfectly” having one of each. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law is a self-proclaimed “Girl Mom.” Her first is a preschooler who is docile and compliant to the point of being timid and scared of a lot of things. She was thrilled to find out her second was also a girl, and I think she was banking on her being quiet and demure like her sister. She was so wrong. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

  • Alene

    I commented on another article about this, but I am running into this constantly. I have eight more weeks (give or take) before having my second daughter, and you wouldn’t believe the number of people who look at me with pity. At the very least, they automatically assume we’re going to have a third, and that when we do we’ll be desperately hoping for a boy. We may have a third child, we may not. We would love a son, jus as much as we would love to have a third daughter. Our kids are individuals, and so much more than their sex.

    • cmichelle

      I am approximately 9 weeks from our first, a boy. I’m so ready to just turn around and walk away from the next person who tells me, “Boys are just SOOOOO full of energy! Just you wait!” Can you let him be born first before deciding you know his personality? It drives me crazy.

  • rockmonster

    Hey kids it seems the original post (not this article) has a logic fallacy. Do you know what type?
    Say it with me!
    “Confirmation bias.”
    Aw come on guys, a little louder for me will ya?
    “Confirmation bias!”
    I can’t hear ya!
    “CONFIRMATION BIAS!!!!!”
    She’s expecting girls to be harder to raise, so she essentially makes it harder for herself to raise them.

  • guest

    Amen to this. I always wanted a girl and now that I’ve gotten older it’s like really, who cares? They’re all different people and gender isn’t going to specify what I can/can’t do with my kid.
    My friend had two kids, both girls, and was sooo upset when they found out the second was a girl. It was actually quite depressing that she seemed to care more about a penis than this kid she created. Even now when she really wants to be done with kids she’ll say “Idk he really wants a boy” or “I would have another kid but only if I could guarantee it would be a boy”. Like why do you care this much? Your daughters just aren’t adequate?

  • Andrea

    I’m not gonna lie, I really mourned the day I found out my 2nd was a boy. I mourned for a daughter that never will be.
    I love my sons with all my heart and we have a great relationships. But I see my sister with her daughter and I know it’s not the same. I will miss out on things that, even though may sound stupid to some people, mattered to me: being the mother of the bride, planning a quinceanera, dishing about relationships.
    And I know that those things aren’t guaranteed if you have a girl. Still.

    • Ursi

      I guess I can understand that but my mother only had one daughter and she never got any gender-specific experiences out of me. Won’t you be special on your son’s wedding day too?

    • Andrea

      Like I said, I know these things aren’t guaranteed with a girl.
      As far as weddings go, it’s very different. Of course, I am kinda assuming a traditional parenting role; but in my case, my mother had WAY more involvement in my wedding than my mother in law did. Part of it was that my parents were paying for it, but a bigger part was that it was MY mother. She came with me to pick out the dress, the flowers, she helped me with the invites and a lot of the planning. Somehow I doubt my (hypothetical) daughter in law will allow that kind of involvement.

      ETA: I think moms are closer to their grown daughters than their grown sons. My mother is way closer to me and my sister in our every day lives than she is in my brother’s.

    • Ursi

      Aw don’t count her out. I’m in love with my mother in law, she’s the greatest.

    • Andrea

      I’m gonna try my hardest for her to love me!

    • guest

      I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have 1 girl and 2 boys, and usually, not always, but usually the experiences are very different. Mother of the groom for instance, is not anything like mother of the bride. Quite often the bride and her mother plan everything and you’re kind of left out. I’m sure there are exceptions but the saying “a son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter’s a daughter the rest of her life” isn’t so well known for nothing. I was so happy my 3rd was a girl so I can hopefully experience all these things with her. It gets complicated after sons marry, too easily they’re called mama’s boys, but a daughter can have the same relationship with her mother once she marries and they’re just “close” or have a “good relationship”.
      I know that this is assuming the kids conform to typical gender roles so please no snarky comments, I’m just talking in general terms, not looking to argue. I’m not close minded and will love and support my children where ever their path in life takes them.

    • Andrea

      Yes. Thank you. That was precisely what I was getting at.

  • Linzon

    I just hope one of my boys grows up to love reading Baby Sitter’s Club books as much as I did. Because I have a lot of them.

  • Ursi

    I don’t believe there is any major difference in the genders that cannot be accounted for simply by personality. And then later, social pressure.

    That being said if I had to have one and had to pick I’d pick a boy. Dunno if I could even begin to articulate why. Maybe because there are far more males in my life. But trying for a certain gender? That’s weird. And if I had a girl I sure wouldn’t go again just to get a boy.

    I just don’t see the logic that someone is missing out on something by only have one gender.

  • Meg

    When I got pregnant I honestly didn’t care what the sex was. I got opinions from almost everyone in the family though. My mother wanted it to be a girl. My MIL wanted it to be a boy, mostly because all her other grandkids were girls. Heck now that I think about it, most of my husbands family wanted it to be a boy, to “carry on the family name”. When the doctor told me its a girl, I was happy. I am due to give birth in 2 weeks. I still have extended family members that want the doctor to be wrong and it turn out to be a boy. : /
    I never know what to say to people when they tell me this.

    • Surly Canuck

      Same here. The first thing my MIL said was that my FIL would be disappointed because his granddaughter won’t carry on the family name. For Father’s day I bought a little onesie that says “I love my grampa” for the baby, but he decided to give it to his grandson instead. It’s tough. After our bout of infertility, we were just happy to have conceived a healthy baby. Being told we still need to “get on that” as if she doesn’t count makes me want to punch my FIL in the teeth.

    • whiteroses

      I told my in laws to talk to their son if they weren’t happy with the gender of my baby. He’s the one who’s mainly in charge of that.

  • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

    “Girls are so much work. So sensitive. Boys are easy going.”

    I’m going to need whoever says and thinks this to come and hang out with my seven year old for a day. He may be a boy, but he is as sensitive as the day is long…

    • Meg

      My friends son is almost 14. He is the most sensitive and emotional person I have ever met.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      I was raised with the idea that boys aren’t emotional and girls are, so my kid…he’s rewriting a lifetime’s worth of stereotyping. For the better. ;)

    • ted3553

      my 2 yr old son is supersensitive. my husband and I were having a discussion about my work which was extremely frustrating a few weeks ago and my little guy sensed it right away. He came right over and peered at my face and snuggled up to me. I know lots of very sensitive little boys

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      It truly is an individual personality characteristic, not a gender one.

    • Melissa

      Clearly there is no accurate way to finish the sentences “girls are…” or “boys are…”! When I was pregnant with each of my girls I just learned to ignore all those comments about how they would or wouldn’t be.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      That’s about the best advice you can give anyone. Your kid is going to be how they are…that’s about the only accurate generalization that can be made with regards to parenting, I think…

    • whiteroses

      Exactly. My son is rambunctious and loves the outdoors. He also likes cooking shows and yarn. Neither of these cancel the others out. He simply is who he is. And since that person is pretty damn wonderful, I’m cool with that.

    • The Actual Devil

      I was on an airplane one day with my mother and younger sister. I was about ten or eleven. An older man tells my mother, out of the blue, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, how sorry he is for her to be raising girls, because girls are “mean”. Um, how is telling a little girl that she’s mean and a burden to her parents because of her vagina NOT mean? I wanted to slap him but I just sat there quietly fuming.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      I’m imagining there’s something wonderful in store for him in the afterlife, given that he said that in front of The Actual Devil. ;)

    • The Actual Devil

      Ooooh yes. *rubs hands together while cackling*

    • noodlestein’s danger tits
    • Old Lady Phillips

      Heh. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen Face’s dad cry–over a commercial, because he’s scared, because someone else in the room is crying (and also for many, much douchier reasons, not to digress) I would be rich. It’s a running joke in his family, they’re all super emotional. And I’m just like, dry-eyed…”Ok…do you need a tissue? A drink of water? ANYTHING? ‘Cause, you know, I’m sorry that you’re sad but Imma need you to stop now because I’m getting really uncomfortable.”

    • Alexandra

      Agree, my little boy is mushy and sensitive and loves to give kisses, my girl is very independent and nosy and has no time for such things LOL
      oops – I really do have to stop pigeonholing them…..
      Must work on that. For real.

  • GPMeg

    Boy drama is much more passive aggressive than girl drama — the girls we care for will yell it in each other’s faces, get it out of the way, and get on with life. The boys will pout in the corner for two days until we make them play together because OBVIOUSLY little Kayden is your best friend still and you’re not going to be mad he got you out in dodgeball forever.

    I just don’t think you can say anything with decisiveness about kids — they’re all different, no matter what junk they sport!

    • Kelly

      That’s so funny to me because it’s the exact opposite of the experiences I’ve had.

      Most girls I’ve known are passive aggressive while boys will just yell at each other and get it over with.

      It definitely is an individual thing that has little to do with gender.

    • GPMeg

      How funny! It must have something to do with the environment as well, then, because I see the same thing over and over each year I work with these kids. They’re gonna be what they’re gonna be!

    • Kelly

      I bet you’re right. It probably varies a great deal from region to region and due to things like economic and cultural differences.

  • KL Walpole

    I desperately wanted a boy when I was pregnant. Why, you ask? My husband and I had the boy name picked out years earlier. We could NOT agree on a girl name, at all. We are talking no middle ground, extreme hatred of the girl girl names the other liked. It would have been a very difficult thing for us to settle on a girl name that, in the end, neither of us would have been that crazy about.

  • Melissa

    I’ve always thought people wished for kids they could relate to. Some moms assume they’ll relate better to daughters and some dads think they’ll only really be able to relate to sons. This of course all gets turned on its head when your wishes turn into your actual babies and you can’t imagine having anything other than your own kids, even if their genders aren’t what you thought you wanted. For example, my husband was just a tad bit disappointed when we found out our second was another girl (and we are through at two), but I absolutely love seeing the way my husband relates to our toddler. She’s just like him so far–fearless, analytical, stubborn–I can’t see him having any better relationship with a son than he has with her.

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    • Boozy Shark Lee

      This is incredibly insightful.

    • Melissa

      Aw, thanks! I spent a lot of time thinking about this while I was pregnant and trying to figure out why I secretly wanted daughters over sons.

    • Andrea

      I tell you what it is though: there is something a smidgen lonely about being the only one in the household of a particular gender.
      I don’t notice it all that much in my every day life because I have girlfriends, and female co-workers, and I am friends with lots of moms that only have sons. But when we go on trips, or spend a weekend alone at home, or take some field trip as a family, I feel alone sometimes. They don’t all 3 of them (my husband and sons) have the exact same tastes, but they won’t do things like antiquing or spas or things like that. My husband is fine with me doing that on my own…but it isn’t the same. I would love to share those things with a daughter.

    • rrlo

      I have a 3 year old and a newborn – both boys. The thought of being alone at a spa sounds like the most amazing thing ever!!! LOL – I guess this feeling will change when the kids are older and want to go fishing or something “manly” with dad and leave me behind.

    • Andrea

      It has its pluses sometimes. But it does get lonely sometimes. Like the fishing thing.

    • Justme

      My husband and I both wanted a girl because that’s what we both relate to – I’m a girl and my husband has a mother, sister, wife, grandmother, aunt and he coaches girls basketball. For him, a girl is much easier than a boy.

    • Melissa

      And my husband grew up with just a brother, so he was worried he’d feel left out as the only guy in the house if he never had a son. But so far he loves being the daddy of girls, and when he looks back on what a crazy, wild pair he and his brother were I think he’s also hoping girls will be easier!

    • BexleyS

      My husband is exactly the same with our daughter. She’s not girly at all (but neither am I) and she’s so rough and tumble that I don’t even feel confident when she’s playing with all the lovely little girls. She’s only 17 months and plays with 5 year old boys like they’re her best friends. I can’t ever imagine having a boy that was more “boyish”. I don’t know if that her personality or the way we have raised her so far. Either way my husband totally adores her and I believe him when he says that if this next one is a girl, he’s not bothered in the slightest.

  • Sailor Fruitpunch

    My husband was a little disappointed when we found out we were having a girl (mostly because his family kinda pressures him to pass on his name, he’s a “III” and they want a “IV”), but now he’s super excited to have a little princess to spoil and play dress-up with and he’s always fawning over my womb. He even told his family not to hold their breath for a son because depending on how things go with her, we may not even want another child.

  • Boozy Shark Lee

    I am not going to lie, if this baby I am growing is another boy I will need a moment to let go of the daughter I will never have. If it is another boy though, I will embrace it and be thrilled for my son to have a brother, to have another sweet little person in my house, and to not have to buy new baby clothes. I decided I am okay to only have boys when I decided I am good with this being our last child. I will still have a pang of disappointment and I am okay admitting it to myself.

    • Melissa

      Not buying new baby clothes is one huge advantage to having another of the same gender!

    • Jayamama

      Definitely. I was hoping for a boy the second time around just to see what it’d be like, but I’m so glad now to have two girls. And they’re definitely different, so it’s still a whole new experience.

  • Guesty Guest

    This. Someone I know just had their 5th child (a boy) after 4 girls. They made NO secret about the fact that they would be “trying until they got a boy!” And they did. Every year. Their kids are all less than 18 months apart. So now they have 5 kids ages 5 and under. Seriously?! Disgusting.

  • K2

    I feel like mums generally have better relationships with sons.. Especially first-born sons. I’ve seen it in a few families, including mine. If they have no sons, then I don’t know how it goes, but in families with at least one son and one daughter.. a lot of the time.. the son is somehow amazing..

    • Andrea

      Yeah my mother had two girls first (me and my sister) and wanted a boy something FIERCE with her third. Well she got him. He is the least close to her now. Meanwhile my sister and I do all the “heavy lifting” when it comes to our aging parents while the prodigal son comes back twice a year. He’s still the favorite. Sigh…

    • whiteroses

      You too? When it comes to my grandmothers possessions, she’s got multiple kids and grand kids, but when it comes to taking care of her, she’s got one kid and one grand kid.

  • Hmmmm

    Is everyone just being PC or have I wandered into some sort of twilight zone? As much as everyone wants boys and girls to be exactly the same, they aren’t. They just aren’t. First off, one is male, one is female. Why is everyone pretending that there is no difference between the two? I don’t get it. I seriously don’t get the point. I understand let’s not stereotype kids and all that, but I’m sorry, there is a huge difference between them. I know from my own experience and from the many conversations I’ve had with other mothers. Hell I just know it from growing up myself. I’m not saying every single boy (or girl) is the same, but come on now, everyone can’t honestly believe that raising a boy vs. a girl isn’t a different experience.

    • whiteroses

      A lot of that, though, is the way parents treat them. And may I respectfully suggest that the fact you used “PC” to indicate something wrong may indicate that this is not the website for you.

    • Hmmmm

      What is it with you? You are not the Mommyish police. You’re the only one that seems to think it’s ok to tell people whether or not they belong here. Guess what, this site includes probably hundreds of people that you don’t even know about, simply because they don’t post or rarely do. It’s not just you and the “regulars”. Most of whom are incredibly bright and so much more tolerant than you. You’re so arrogant-it’s almost as if you take Mommyish as a real life place. It’s a website. And while I understand you may have made many friends here that doesn’t give you the right to push people around simply because you feel you may have “backup”. I don’t know what your issue is with “PC”, but surely you don’t think that everything that is “PC” is automatically pure and good. There’s a lot of ridiculousness there too. Whatever, just get off my back and don’t tell me where I am allowed or when something “may not be for me”. I said nothing offensive or argumentative, but as usual you find something to pick at. Have a nice weekend, and I’m not being sarcastic when I say that, I don’t hate on internet strangers for no reason.

    • whiteroses

      1) I never claimed to be perfect, the mommyish police, or anything else you credit me with. And I am not alone in suggesting when people might not want to comment. Many folks who have misread this site have been invited to leave by other commenters.

      2) A website does, in fact, qualify as real life, since real people are attached to it.

      3) You assume a lot about me based on comments. I’m plenty tolerant, and I’d love for you to point out what part of my previous comment was half as insulting as yours. Most of the folks here who leave comments lean on the non-conservative side of things. As you know since you’re a regular reader.

      4) I don’t “hate on” you. Though I am confused why you think I have enough power to ruin your day.

      5)

    • whiteroses

      5) I’m also not “on your back”. You can disagree with me all you wish, as I am entitled to disagree with you. Funny thing, that Internet- we all get our own opinions. And I wouldn’t presume to tell you who you are based on a single interaction, but I guess that’s where we differ.

  • Rebecca

    I think people can be sad or happy Or disappointed in whatever the hell they want to be sad or happy Or disappointed in. I’m not sure that assigning validity to feelings is what strangers should be doing for other people.

  • CollateralDamage

    I know my dad wanted a son when I was born so he would have a little version of “him” to share his interests with. Turns out, girls are just as likely to enjoy sports and fishing and wrestling! We have a great relationship because he saw me as his kid, not as a gender, and got me to do traditionally “boy” stuff. I OWN the batting cages. :)

  • quelastima

    My first is due September 11th. As someone who grew up with two sisters, with a husband who had grown up smack dab in the middle of four sisters, I really wanted a boy. The day we had our ultrasound and found out we were having a girl, I put on a happy face, but inside, I was sad. I had a mopey feeling of loss I couldn’t shake. Three days later, I received a call from my OB. The ultrasound showed that my baby was under the fourth percentile, with very short femurs. That sure sobered me up quickly. From that point on, I cared about nothing but my daughter being ok, and surviving the pregnancy. I googled more than you can imagine during the month we had to wait to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist for a follow up ultrasound. Thankfully, once
    We had our appointment and the second level ultrasound was done, the specialist literally asked us with a confused look on her face why we were sent here. Apparently, everything was fine, my baby was measuring perfectly average. It was the worst time of my life, the wait and worry, but something I am greatful for and credit with slapping me across the face with a healthy dose of reality. I now anxiously await the birth of my little girl!

  • Old Lady Phillips

    I have three younger sisters and a young niece; I really wanted my first child to be a boy. Not because I think boys are easier or better–just because I wanted something different. I feel like my family kind of needed a little boy in it,too, if that makes sense. And honestly, he’s being raised, primarily, by a gaggle of strong females, so the chance of him ever getting away with any douchebaggery is pretty much zero. You’re welcome, society.

  • Anne

    I have two children…a girl and a boy. My daughter was born sleeping at 40 weeks and my son was born over a year after our loss. So yes, I will do everything I can possibly do to have a daughter. I”m supposed to be a mom to a boy and a girl. But for some shitty inexplicable reason, Mama Nature said no, not right now. So there are more than a few of us out there who get the pass. The problem is, most people don’t even know we exist (or pretend we don’t). I want and deserve my second chance. It’s not because I think girls are easier or harder, or because I like pink (although I do). It’s because it’s really hard to go to a wedding and watch the mother of the bride and watch the father-daughter dance. It’s really hard to go to my niece’s dance recital and watch the proud parents point out their daughter in the tutu. I had my little girl and she was taken from me. So I want my second chance.
    This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be over the moon at another boy. So don’t even try that comment.
    ***sorry for the rant***

    • whiteroses

      I am so sorry for what happened to you. But having another girl can’t replace the one you lost. Speaking as someone who knows personally- having a child of the same gender won’t take that pain away.

  • Quinn Skye

    Yeah. I have a rambunctious but mostly sensitive boy, a seriously rambunctious boy, and a sort of sensitive but mostly rambunctious girl. So no.

    PS – Always with the “terrible parent” titles. Reminds me of calling someone ugly to (not really) make yourself feel prettier. Lame.

  • Wholockkie Head

    My husband works with a guy who has four boys. Him and his wife really really wanted a girl so they did IVF with gender screening.

    We really really wanted children so after 7 years and two miscarriages we did IVF. I couldn’t imagine spending all that money when I already had children. I don’t know, it seemed very selfish.

    • MrsMommy

      Really, really, really?

  • MrsMommy

    Officials have brought ebola into this country, and some of you spoiled witches have nothing else to do but complain about your freaking hangnails.

    • Jess

      Officials have brought Ebola into this country, and you have the audacity to be lazing about commenting on a social media site. Utterly Despicable.

    • MrsMommy

      I can’t help myself: I followed your lead.

    • guest

      Don’t be a sheeple! Take charge and lead, not follow! You can do it-don’t laze about commenting on a social media site just because others are. Take charge and get out there and hold a sign up or something. I mean, my God, Ebola’s here!

    • Courtney Lynn

      Yes, let’s all stop living life because ebola.

    • MrsMommy

      Eventually you will. Ebola does that to you.

    • Courtney Lynn
  • Ezzy666

    it seems like daughters can never make parents happy. When I was growing up I was always hearing “Be more ladylike”, “stop being such a tomboy” “wear a dress once in a while”

    Then I developed a figure and started wearing skirts and make up. Started styling my hair. And it was “Why can’t wear jeans and baggy shirts like you used to?” Why do yo have to look so feminine?

  • Courtney Lynn

    I have both a boy and a girl. I’ve also worked with kids. While I noticed there were some general differences in boys and girls, and there are, I realized that kids are kids. I was a little disappointed when I found out my daughter was a girl, though. I don’t wish she was a boy now, she’s a great kid. I think the author of the linked article sounds ungrateful, though. I do understand gender disappointment because I wrestled with it but to be so nitpicky about perceived differences between kids is petty.

  • mblackm2

    the Boys are Easy, Girls are Hard is always what I hear.. Well, I have 2 boys and 1 girl, all grown and I call BS. All were (are) challenges in their own unique ways. Biggest difference is a girl CAN get pregnant, and you’re likely to be the one helping raise the child, whereas a boy will just be stuck paying for it. my daughter ran away from home, had a baby at 15, ..she was rebellious and wanted to have a baby because she thought it would get her out of my house. Funny thing, though..we wouldn’t trade that now 11 YO granddaughter for the world. And my daughter is now a premed/microbiology major. Bottom line..kids are who they are..some are hard, some are easy.