I Breastfeed For All The Men Out There Who Don’t Have The Internet And Can’t Google Boobs

why-i-breastfeed

Why do I breastfeed? For men. Duh.

Sure, my infant child gets nutrition out of the deal and stays alive, and that is a bonus – but the real reason I breastfeed is because I am an exhibitionist. Also, I know there’s a man out there whose internet connection in his mom’s basement is spotty at best, and he need to see boobs, too. I’m doing it for him, obviously.

The internet understands my plight. There was a story about breastfeeding moms who took over an Oklahoma park and held a breastfeeding demonstration. Some may think that these women were protesting society’s ridiculous sexualization of the most normal, necessary practice in the world. Nope. I’m sure these moms don’t care a lick about that. They really just couldn’t shake the thrill that publicly showing the tiniest glimpse of their nipples gives women. It’s really a rush I can’t describe.

The following comments really illustrate how much society as a whole understands women, biology, and nurturing. We are not feeding our babies! We’re getting a sick thrill out of flashing our boobs. WE DO IT FOR THE MENZ!

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Seriously! Have some decency! I know your baby’s mouth and head is totally covering up your entire breast, and the general public can only imagine what your boob looks like – but feeding an infant is gross. Cover up!

 

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Breastfeeding moms – you’re pervert bait. Don’t you care about safety?

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Your kid isn’t special. Stop feeding him. What the hell do you have to prove by feeding your child when he’s hungry? Men like staring at boobs – that’s “their thing.” So is peeing everywhere.

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Breasts are for men’s entertainment! Breastfeeding is not entertaining, though. Feel free to dress as skimpily as you like normally – just don’t show even the smallest portion of your breast if you are using it for its intended purpose. That’s just weird.

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Did you hear that, ladies? Stop taking your boob out and just plopping it out there. We all know you do that, right? Just plop it out there? NO? Oh.

These comments are a horrifying refreshing reminder that society is completely clueless about really understands breastfeeding.

 

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    • Amber Leigh Wood

      I’ve breastfed in public, and feel lucky that I’ve never been reprimanded by one of these idiots….
      Now does anyone have that nope octopus cause I suck at gifs

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      I think my eyes are permanently damaged from rolling into my head.

      • Rachel Sea

        That’s why it’s dangerous to mostly hang out online with smart people. Just like with all other forms of exercise, eye rolling is something you have to work regularly, or you’ll pull something.

        For these types of injuries, remember to RICE (Righteously Imbibe Choicest Ethanol).

      • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

        See, this is why I love you. You always know what to do to fix things. I will RICE thoroughly.

    • LadyClodia the Modest Rat
      • AE Vorro

        Brilliant!

      • jane

        That polar bear does look a little skeevy.

    • Elyne

      Even the duckling does not approve
      http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/dcknp.gif

    • Jennie Blair

      I kind of want to publicly and obnoxiously (like loudly announce and parade around) breastfeeding just to piss on their indignant parade

      • noodlestein’s danger tits

        Make sure you “flop your breast out there,” then!

    • Ursi

      Why do SO MANY MEN immediately compare breastfeeding to pissing in public??

      I see this online all the time. WTF is the correlation?? There are public toilets all over the place. Where is the nice lounge where a momma can breastfeed without being stared at? Few and far between. Hence, breastfeeding in public become a necessity.

      Not that I think people should go indoors or cover up, but even by their own logic it’s a deeply stupid argument.

      • K.

        I don’t like public breastfeeding –> but people defend it because breastfeeding is natural –> peeing is also natural –> peeing isn’t allowed in public –> breastfeeding in public = peeing in public.

        Like most things with faulty logic, the end justifies the reason sought.

        Sigh.

      • AE Vorro

        Aarrrgghh! Rage stroke.

      • Alene

        Um, because eliminating waste from your body via your genitals is exactly the same thing as nourishing a human infant with a non-waste product via your secondary sex characteristics, that’s why.

        Wait.

      • Maria Guido

        Hahaha.

      • Lackadaisical

        I don’t think women feeding should have to hide away but public breastfeeding rooms are a marvelous idea anyway. We have one at our local out of the city centre shopping centre and the planner behind it was a rare gem for thinking of breastfeeding mums and their needs. Having somewhere you can go that is quiet and calm for baby and is comfy for you and has none of the hygiene issues of a public toilet (that so many people expect mum and baby to do the deed in) is wonderful. I loved it when I was a breastfeeding mum. I didn’t feel hidden away like a dirty secret there; I felt comfortable, relaxed and catered for. Breastfeeding in a busy public place is a necessity, not some kind of fun thing all round that mums adore doing. A woman doesn’t wake up in the morning and say “I want to feed the baby in a crowded and loud place where people jostle us, and stare at us. It is going to be ace.” Offer them a private room with an armchair and calm quiet, and do it in a way that shows you care about their needs rather than wanting to hide them away, and many would leap at the chance.

      • Ursi

        I too think this idea needs to catch on!

        Today it seems like everyone is all about “pro-family” as a buzzword and how do we make it family oriented but still haven’t figured out that a public place for a mother to breastfeed in comfort is the epitome of making things family-friendly for mothers with babies. I’ve been to restrooms in department stores that had lounges attached. How much harder would it be to have a breastfeeding lounge that was separate from other facilities?

        I think it would be a great idea for places to incorporate this, places where mothers and children come. Even if a mom wanted to give her baby a bottle in comfort and privacy she could go there and relax with the baby. I bet it would be a big hit!

      • Jessica

        Most of the shopping centers in my area have them. They were so nice to have with my baby that refused to nurse if anyone was talking anywhere near us. They are amazing!

      • guest

        I’ve only seen ONE mall in our area that had one attached to the women’s bathroom and while it wasn’t even that nice I still thought it was magical. Why isn’t this a thing? I don’t care if people feed in public but I know I’d much rather have a cushy room to do it in away from all these perverts and angry people anyway.

      • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

        Not to mention the time thing. People comparing pissing in public…pissing (usually, hopefully) only takes a couple of minutes. Feeding a baby can take 15-30 minutes each time. Or more.

      • Gangle

        in my town there is an awesome drop-by centre for breastfeeding mums that I like to use. not because of shame but because it is clean and quiet and has really comfy seats with side tables to put my snack on. Women should be able to breastfeed wherever they like, but there also should be better facilities for when you want to get away somewhere quiet to feed your baby.

    • falcongirl

      And see, now, looking at that picture, I really want ice cream.

    • noodlestein’s danger tits
    • AE Vorro

      The whole “decency” thing really goes up my ass the wrong way. How do these morons even define it? It’s okay for a man to jog in public on a hot day with no shirt on, but a woman feeding her kid in public is “indecent?” And what set of rules are basing these moral assertions upon? Such bullshit.

      • KarenMS

        It’s all so arbitrary and yet people base entire moral grounds off of it. It’s so hard for me to wrap my head around the mind set that allows people to feel actual negative emotion at the sight of some female breast skin yet not have any reaction to that same skin of a male. And I realize that was very creepily worded but that’s just how strange the whole thing is to me.

      • AE Vorro

        Not creepy! I mean, the way people react is creepy, but you nailed it.

      • BexleyS

        I have no problem at all with women breastfeeding wherever the hell they want to. What I do have an issue with is every man in this city taking their shirt off when the weather goes above 15 degrees. I find that pretty indecent! I am yet to see a woman breastfeeding shirtless.

    • Spongeworthy

      I love how the one guy tries to be all egalitarian about being a douche. “Breasts are for men’s entertainment. Or women!” Wow! So my breasts belong to all the random men AND women out there, and not to me? Ok. At least you’re open-minded about it!

      • Rowan

        This guy probably thinks that lesbians are ALSO for men’s entertainment.

    • rockmonster

      Yes, because your entertainment is more important than the tiny, helpless human being fed by those evil, shameful breasts. And I don’t care what Bear Grylls or his ilk say, urine is not a part of a balanced diet (and neither is semen), especially for an infant or toddler.

    • Rachel Sea

      But if women’s breasts are for men’s entertainment, isn’t it only right that women breastfeed in public? There are a lot of lactation fetishists out there who might not be satisfied by your basic Victoria’s Secret type exposure.

    • Jason

      Oh for Christ sake lady, nobody wants to look at your saggy old tits and listen to your kid slurp all over them. It’s disgusting. Go in a room and close the door. It’s gross. And a guy pissing in public IS the same thing. How about I stand next to you in the park while you are exposing your breasts to your kid and take a piss right next to you. It’s very natural you know.

      • waffre

        Here’s an experiment for you to try, Jason: go outside and take off your shirt. Go ahead, I’ll wait here.

        Okay, you’re back. Great. Now, tell me:

        did anybody even look at you twice when you did that? No?

        Oh, they did look because your skin is flaccid and pasty from not exiting your mom’s basement in ten years?

        What’s that you say? If they don’t want to see it they should just not look, because it’s your right and you’re not breaking any laws?

        EXACTLY.

      • Jason

        Your rant doesn’t even make sense. I bet your tits are saggy and veiny and no man has touched them in 10 years.

      • waffre

        Well, it makes more sense than insisting that depositing bodily waste onto a public surface is the same thing as feeding an infant.

      • K2

        Somebody’s bitter! You’re just jealous ’cause no one wants to touch/see your moobs. ;)

      • momjones

        Either your mother dropped you when she was feeding you (breast or bottle, doesn’t matter), or your father pissed on you when you were an infant. That’s the only reason I can think of for your stupidity.

      • Frannie

        Maybe he’d like to drink another man’s urine straight from the source and come back with the same argument?

      • Rachel Sea

        Don’t feel the trolls y’all.

      • waffre

        Yeah, I’m sorry; I already had my comment halfway typed when he commented, so I felt it was a good place to put it. Looks like he was just a drive-by troll anyway. Which is just as well, I like to think we hold our trolls to a higher standard around here. I don’t think he would have fit in. ;)

      • Rachel Sea

        Trolls need to be intelligently funny or GTFO.

      • Ursi

        If you have to be offensive, be funny. If you have to be offensive and you can’t be funny, be ridiculously entertaining. And if you can’t manage either of those things don’t bother showing up.

      • Ursi

        god I miss Socks

      • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

        *yawn*

      • Véronique the Attachment Shark

        best. response. ever.

      • Obladi Oblada

        …said the man who’s never seen tits that weren’t on the internet or attached to his mom.
        Dumbass.

      • lea
    • Lilly

      saw this a few days ago

      • Maria Guido

        perfect!

      • andrewjwilliam

        my Aunty
        Ellie recently got a fantastic red Subaru WRX by work part-time using a
        lap-top… Read Full Report J­a­m­2­0­.­C­O­M­

      • rockmonster

        Spam elsewhere heathen!

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x3v28kU28k MissyCute
    • Rachael

      Where are all of these women whipping out a tit in public to feed their infants?! I never see anything but women covered up, nursing discreetly in public. If I saw exhibitionist boob I would probably buy the chick dinner and say Good for you, Mama! I need to live somewhere where public displays of boob are more of a thing, apparently.

    • Shadow

      I’m not saying it’s okay, but boobs for feeding are not sexy like boobs for fun. Which is what a lot of men and women in our society seem to think. Give people time to warm up to public boob; if you want “people” to just suddenly magically be okay with boobs-not-for-pleasure, you’ll be disapponted. Let people warmup to the idea.

      • Johnstone

        Except they’ve had since – oh, I don’t know – the DAWN OF HUMANITY to get used to the idea. It’s not like breastfeeding is a new thing.

      • Maria Guido

        We all just need to “warm up to the idea.” Ha.

      • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

        I’m thinking it will take what…another 2000 years before we are all warmed up?

      • EX

        Next time I’ll be sure to whip my tits out reeeeaaaaalllllly slooooooooooowly.

      • Gangle

        my boobs come pre-warmed for my baby’s convenience.

    • Kathryn Mackenzie

      What baffles me is that women’s nipples have a biological function that isn’t remotely sexual, and people expect them to be covered, while men’s nipples which have no such purpose, but can induce feelings of pleasure when stimulated, thus making them useful only for the fun stuff, are the ones that people have no problem seeing all over the place.

    • Ezzy666

      Are people who are against breast feeding always looking for it? I never notice breastfeeding unless someone points it out. I have sat next to breastfeeding women and haven’t noticed.

    • Courtney Lynn

      I was told to “grow up” on a comment I made on HuffPo just because I said you can’t really see the boob and it wasn’t like I was trying to get mardi gras beads. I could understand “go fuck yourself” but “grow up”?

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