Remember Joan Rivers, ya’ll? At one point she was a beloved comedienne, former talk show host and Johnny Carson arch nemesis. But somewhere along the way Rivers devolved from comedy legend to Queen of the Mean Girls. Rivers is now best known for her bullying antics on the E! network’s Fashion Police along with serial fat-shamer Kelly Osbourne and a bunch of other people who are allegedly famous. Over the years Joan has smack talked a ton of famous moms, often with no compassion for what pregnancy child birth can do to a woman’s physical and mental state. Sometimes she doesn’t even wait until the person gives birth to bully them for weight gain (not that it’s okay after child birth or ever). Below are just a few of the famous moms bullied by the fashion police bully patrol. Tell me, why do people watch this garbage again?
8. Kim Kardashian & North West
Listen, I know this is going to come as a shock to you all, but last year Kim Kardashian had a baby. I know, I know, this is brand new information for most of you! North West, Kim’s baby (with now-husband Kanye West) has been the subject of Joan’s poison tongue a couple of times, most notably when Radar Online reported that she said:
“That baby is ugly. I’ve never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing.”
Adele has been a favorite target of the unrepentant Rivers since well before the star became a mom, but the abuse certainly seemed to increase once the singer had a baby in 2013. According to US Weekly:
“She was very scared because she was singing at the awards. She kept saying, ‘My throat, my throat — I don’t know if I can swallow,’” Rivers said on the talk show. “And I said, ‘Oh, yeah! You can swallow.”
6. Christina Aguilera
After giving birth in 2008, Aguilera gained some weight (as women are wont to do) and the attention of the Fashion Police Bully Brigage. In 2012 Rivers said the following about the singer on The Jimmy Fallon show:
“Christina Aguilera, we mentioned that she was fat — I think the joke was, ‘Cows tip her,’” Joan joked. “So, I’m at Spago’s with Melissa, we’re eating dinner and fatso is along the way, she comes lumbering over to my table with that no-neck look, she comes over and says, ‘You gonna finish that?’”
Fatson? Where does Rivers get her jokes, my elementary school gym class circa 1993?
5. Elsa Pataky
Rivers oh-so-tactfully poked fun at Pataky’s baby weight while the star was still pregnant earlier this year. Pataky was walking the red carpet during an event and Rivers had some choice words about her:
“I’m sorry, look at her tummy! She is HUGE. I know why she’s huge, I saw her sonogram,” and making things worse, jerky co-host and fashion stylist George Kotsiopoulos chimed in, “That doesn’t look like a baby bump—looks like a beer belly!”
4. Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson is no stranger to fat-shaming and bullying, but when has Joan ever shied away from low hanging fruit? When talking about her own cancer scare, Rivers said:
“I want to die the way Jessica Simpson lived- fat and happy.”
3. Gillian Anderson
When Rivers returned to red carpet commentary for E! in 2010, she had some choice words to say about a dress Anderson had worn back in 1997 which she was in the middle of a nasty divorce. According to The New York Daily News:
”Gillian Anderson — she claims she looks like that because space aliens flattened her breasts, stole her real dress, and made off with whatever charisma she had.”
2. Michelle Obama
Yes, not even the first lady of the United States is exempt from Joan Rivers’ ire. Rivers recently came under fire for making some seriously homophobic and transphobic comments about the first couple. According to CNN:
“The comedian known for her lack of self-censoring recently officiated a same-sex wedding and was asked by a photographer if she believed the United States would ever see the first gay or female president. Her response was typical Rivers.
“We already have it with Obama, so let’s just calm down,” she said. “You know Michelle (Obama) is a trans.”
1. The Cleveland Kidnapping Survivors
While only one of the three Cleveland Kidnapping survivors is a mom, I’m including them because of how heinous I think it was for Rivers to target them the way she did. According to The Huffington Post:
“Rivers’ remarks on the “Today” show on April 22, that “those women in the basement in Cleveland had more space” than when she was staying with her daughter, have unsurprisingly offended the kidnapped victims Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus, whose lawyers want an apology from the 80-year-old “Fashion Police” co-host.
But Rivers, being who she is, refuses to apologize under the guise that it’s comedy:
“I’m a comedienne. I know what those girls went through. It was a little, stupid joke,” she said in an interview with local Cleveland paper The Plain Dealer. “There is nothing to apologize for. I made a joke. That’s what I do. Calm down. Calm f–king down. I’m a comedienne. They’re free, so let’s move on.”
And after insisting that the newspaper stop writing about her “stupidity” and shift the focus toward government leaders, Rivers went on to emphasize her lack of sensitivity. “They got to live rent free for more than a decade.”
Now, I am all for jokes, even ones that other people might consider inappropriate. I am often chastised for my sailor’s mouth and I am leery of anyone who comes off as PC-obsessed. But what Rivers did here was beyond reprehensible. These girls were tortured, raped and abused for years. The very least this has-been hack can do is give them a little respect and dignity. So fuck you, Joan Rivers. Fuck you.