STFU Parents: Parents Who Get Explosively Angry About Fourth Of July Fireworks Need To Chill

Last year, I wrote a Fourth of July column advising parents not to overreact to predictably loud and annoying holiday fireworks by complaining profusely on Facebook. No one listened to me. Granted, it could be because parents’ ears were punctured and rendered useless by the cries of their sleeping babies, barks of their dogs, and repeated booms outside their bedroom windows — but let’s be honest here: We are a nation that doesn’t live in a war zone (where I imagine that children’s sleeping patterns aren’t exactly top priority), and beyond that, we are a nation that loves guns, which also make loud booms and also happen to kill people every single day of the year. There’s an irony to people complaining quite vocally, and angrily, about loud fireworks, when we actually have far more restrictions against setting off fireworks in the United States than we do against owning guns. If a person complains about fireworks on Facebook, especially if that person is a parent, his/her status update is usually greeted with righteous comments in solidarity. But if a person complains about the lack of gun safety in the U.S., that update will likely be met with some extreme opposition. I find this both disconcerting and amusing.   __intro 1.jpg.jpg


Don’t get me wrong, I’m as much a proponent for the safe and responsible use of fireworks, and the banning of many such explosives, as anyone, and I know a large contingent of people don’t heed those laws. I know what it’s like to live in ‘Murrica, where the fireworks parties start around June 28th and stop around July 7th, and how aggravating that can be (especially when paired with the rapid firing of shotguns!). But in the grand scheme of things, it’s hard for me to give a shit about this week of headaches for parents, because fireworks are intended to be fun. They may be dangerous to handle, and they may not be fun for everyone, but they’re a source of wonder and excitement (and stupidity) for many, and I, for one, enjoy them. Parents, on the other hand, do not.   __intro 2..jpgEvery year, frustrated parents go online to vent about their neighbors (almost as though their neighbors can hear them), and what they’re really saying is, “I’m special, and my children are special, and your loud and illegal fun needs to stop now.” Holiday tradition doesn’t matter. The fact that the parent(s) probably shot off a firework or two before having kids doesn’t matter. All that matters is that their neighbors are rowdy, fun-having assfaces who have no respect for the fact that *some people* need to get a little shut-eye around here!!!! It’s one of the most frivolous and self-indulgent things to be angry about, particularly because the partying is so short-lived. Being inconvenienced sucks, yes, but instead of just dealing with the noise in real life, parents cling to their children and their iPhones and make a whole lot of noise on the internet. For every day that fireworks disrupt their lives, their bitching is on display online. It’s a different type of noise, but noise nonetheless, and I can’t help but suggest they stop — even though I know they won’t listen. I suppose from that perspective, parents and their obnoxious neighbors aren’t really so different after all! Let’s check out this year’s new batch of complainers.      

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  • Caitlin Burrows

    Is it really that bad to deviate from the sleep schedule to let them watch the fireworks for a little while? They’re making it sound like the world will implode on itself if their Babbies’ bedtimes aren’t micromanaged. Adjust so you’re not trying to ruin it for everyone else. That said, people setting off fireworks shouldn’t carte blanche over when and where (and for how long) they set them off.

    • brebay

      WTF is a babby? And you’re ruining it for people who like to sleep at night just as much as they’re ruining your flashy boom-booms. It’s an issue with 2 nutty extremes and a middle ground, it’s not moms versus “everyone else.”

    • Caitlin Burrows

      I’m not saying it’s moms vs. everyone else. What I’m saying is, neither group of people should dominate Canada Day/Fourth of July/any other fireworks holiday. Parents can take precautions/prepare for fireworks holidays (letting the kids watch the fireworks or having some sort of noise cancelers in place). People setting off fireworks should make sure they’re shooting them off safely (read: not at anything) and that they stop at a reasonable time.

    • brebay

      It’s not only parents was the point.

    • Caitlin Burrows

      I probably should have said neither people who don’t want to be disturbed by fireworks (for whatever reason) and people who set off fireworks should be considerate of each other. No one group of people should have the soul decision on the proper way to celebrate or what neighbors are subjected to on a particular holiday.

    • brebay

      Sole. And it’s the city that has the sole decision, and they made it. Everyone should follow the law.

    • Caitlin Burrows

      *Sole. Granted, if it’s illegal for citizens to shoot off fireworks in a particular city/state then all this is a moot point. But in the areas where it is legal then both sides have to be considerate of each other.

    • BarlowGirl

      Also correcting peoples’ spelling is rude. Typos happen. Dyslexia and learning disabilities happen.

    • brebay

      It’s not a typo.

    • Ellie

      Babby = slang term for baby in a lot of countries, but I suspect you were trying to make a nasty comments about spelling? Yeah, you sound super-fun!

    • brebay

      Not this country.

    • BarlowGirl

      Lucky that someone might not be in your country then seeing as it’s the internet! Funny how slang works. I mean, fanny totally means the same thing everywhere in the world!

      “Babby” is also a common joke on STFUParents.

    • brebay

      Seriously, It’s September, STFU. In no country is baby spelled that way. Not one.

    • BarlowGirl

      I know it’s September. Things on the internet don’t stop existing after 3 months. As Blair recently posted two brand new posts STFUParents for the first time in 2 months, I, like many other people, likely, are reminded of Mommyish and reading the backlogs.

      Like I said, “babby” is slang that is commonly used in a joking manner on STFUParents among other places. Why are you so upset about slang?

    • brebay

      wowww……I’ll totally look all these up, because I care that much…

    • BarlowGirl

      Obviously you do care, seeing as you’ve made several comments claiming that a slang term didn’t exist. Why are you so upset that you didn’t know a slang term and someone else did?

    • brebay

      I said it’s not a correct spelling of baby, not that people don’t use it. Go away.

    • BarlowGirl

      Nobody said it was a correct spelling of baby. People said it was slang. And you did, actually, say “In no country is baby spelled that way. Not one.” Well, yeah, it is. In the slang use, often seen on STFUParents. It’s a common joke in the comments of the website, and on the website itself.

      Slang often isn’t correct. The “doge” meme, for example. It’s not spelled “dog”, but if you say “doge”, most people know what you’re talking about. Why are you so upset about a slang term? You’re using nasty, aggressive language, and being an ugly person over a slang word. Why? Why does it bother you that somebody used a slang term? Why are you getting so upset over that? You’re so upset that you stalked my entire Disquis profile. Why does it bother you so much that someone used a silly mispelling of a word to make a joke?

      Ableism isn’t cute, by the way. I’m not ashamed of my depression.

    • brebay

      Wow, your entire profile is you being nasty and combative with people. Every. Fucking. Comment. No wonder you’re depressed.

  • OptimusPrime*

    You know, I can completely sympathize with the mommas on this one. I live in a fabulous neighborhood: quiet, older homes with tons of trees, three schools in walking distance, and great neighbors. Except for the rednecks on the corner of my cul-de-sac. Whose house has a hole in it and whose front porch has their dresser on it. Who have 10 rat terriers that bark consistently. Oh, and whose outdoor dining set is a regular wooden kitchen-type one. For every darn holiday they set off a ton of fireworks until really late (way past Midnight). It’s sooooo annoying. Unfortunately, we’re not in the city limits. So, until someone looses an eye, we’re stuck with them.

    *Sorry for any typos or grammar f-^s–rage-typing.

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    Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474
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  • Katherine Handcock

    Being Canadian, we tend to get the opposite complaints on social media: “OMG, I just kept my child up until 10 pm JUST so she could see the fireworks and they cancelled them because of the fog/wind/rain!”

  • M.

    If people are going to live anywhere with neighbors they need to just accept that sometimes those neighbors will be annoying. I have neighbors who are annoying sometimes and I’m sure sometimes WE are the annoying ones. That’s life. It’s fine to be internally annoyed, if that’s what you really want to do, but there’s no need to whine about it out loud and broadcast it to the entire world. We all need to adjust to the fact that other people exist. Horrors. If you don’t want to be annoyed by other people, your only option is to move out to the boondocks where there’s no one around you for a mile. Otherwise STFU about it and move on with your life.

  • Melissanichole Hermes

    My parents have a dog which can’t handle fireworks. They go vacation at my Grandmother’s ranch house for a few days. Very few (if any) noise 6 miles from the nearest town!

  • Blueathena623

    Fine, I admit it, I’m one of the people who complains about fireworks that start in June and end in mid-July. I don’t care about the 3rd, 4th, or 5th, go nuts. I don’t care about my kid waking up. I care because of my dog. She’s a rescue, she has anxiety, we have tried training, had a dog behavioural expert come to the house numerous times, done the thunder shirts, crating, white noise, desensitization therapy, drugs, etc., and the only way to keep her from destroying the house and injuring herself during fireworks is to tranquilize her into unconsciousness, and I don’t like doing that for 2 weeks straight.

    • Chinchillazilla

      Yeah, I don’t care about them in the first week of July. We STILL have them going off regularly here and it’s August 9th. You’d think the dog would get used to it, but no, poor little guy still acts like we’re in the middle of a firefight every time he hears one.

  • CaneCorsoMom

    Sooooo, I have to get up at 400 tomorrow to work a 24 hour shift saving people who are being stupid with fireworks (or having heart attacks due to fireworks, or are too drunk to realize what they’re doing with fireworks) but you know what I’m not doing? Notching about my neighbors setting off fireworks while I’m trying to sleep. Because the world doesn’t revolve around me.

  • Sa

    Hell I woke up my 4 month old to watch fireworks at 930pm last night. She watched them fine then had a bottle and went back to bed. Its one day people pipe the f down.

    • Guy C

      It’s the best way! Teach them that there are rules to be followed, like bed times (ok, 4 months is a little young for that lesson, but I’m thinking of my girls who are older), but that there are special times where the rules are different.

      In Switzerland it is August 1 when the minor ordinance goes off, and we just have a party, with the kids, and let them stay up till everything is quiet. They have fun, and haven’t been ruined yet!

  • Liberty

    Oh, please no one has to have a background check to purchase fireworks. Perhaps you could just write a post about how annoying it is that parents think their children are more important than celebrating our nation’s birthday. We should celebrate it with fireworks & if you have to put your kids to bed early on that one night instead of having them share in the celebration then you probably deserve to have to deal with their crying.

  • Denise Cantrell

    I’ll work to outlaw fireworks if in return you promise I never have to put up with a screaming kid running around hitting stuff while I’m just trying to eat dinner with a friend.

  • Rebecca R

    All of the Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve posts led me to believe that every kid loses their cool around fireworks or other loud noises, but my newborn handled the fireworks going off in our neighborhood the same way he handles the doorbell ringing or the dog barking, by sleeping through it. I don’t know if that’s typical for newborns but I was pleasantly surprised.

  • Mia

    I think you’ve missed the point of the SPD mother, she’s making the point that it’s something they have to deal with all year around and they find a way. SPD is often linked with other issues. She’s ot moaning like the others, she’s making the pointthat if she can deal-her child finds a way to deal- with an actual issue then they can suck it up.

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