Dear Mommyish: Pregnant Women Are Not Sexy

Pregnant Women Are Not Sexy

With my first son, I was 26 years old and pregnant at the same time as 40 year-old Bethanny Fankel.  I remember being sprawled out on my couch 50 pounds heavier and unable to wear my wedding ring, while I watched Bethanny Frankel sprawl out naked on her white designer bed for sexy pregnancy photos. Her legs were free of dimples and her skin void of stretch marks.  I sobbed, and my husband banned Bethanny Ever After from our home.

Sexy pregnancy is an oxymoron.  No one is sexy when they are pregnant.  Even Bethanny was not sexy when she was pregnant. She was cute, glowing, and even beautiful, but definitely not arousing.  I am sure that all men would rather have sex with their non-pregnant wives versus their pregnant wives. Nonetheless, Facebook is filled with many of my friends posing nude with a sheet covering their private parts while they are fully pregnant.  Is nothing sacred? We can sexualize almost anything and anyone in our 21st day and age, but nothing is going to make a pregnant woman sexy.

From a purely biological and psychological perspective, a pregnant woman is off-limits, spoken for, and out of commission.  The biological drive for a male is to plant his seed in order to reproduce, so once his wife or girlfriend is pregnant, he has succeeded.  From a purely biological perspective, he’s done with his duty and should move on.  However our enlightened human social rules of monogamy require that he continue to remain faithful to his pregnant lady.  He doesn’t have to think she is super sexy though.

Husbands and boyfriends tell their pregnant ladies that they are sexy because they are good men who care about our feelings.  But you have to know that it is not true.  We are sexier when we are in our normal form.  We are only showing for about 6 – 4 months, so why can’t we handle the fact that we just aren’t sexy for that short amount of time?  Instead we must pose for provocative pictures to reclaim our sex appeal?  I think this comes down to an identity crisis.

When women make the decision to become mothers, our identity shifts many times in order to accommodate that decision.  Our identity shifts from the sexy wife or girlfriend that became pregnant to a pregnant lady—a mother in every sense of the definition, but not quite in practice yet.  It’s a type of female limbo—the purgatory between the Madonna and the Whore.  Everyone knows you had sex, but you aren’t quite sexy.  The pregnant woman is a glowing beam of maternal energy, but the baby is not out yet.  This limbo identity is tough to deal with.  Am I a woman or a vessel or in my case, and ocean-liner?  If I’m still a woman, I must be sexy and appealing?  In comes the unnecessary sexy pregnancy pics.  The attempt to make sense of your changing femininity, but a big fail.

Dear Mommyish is a new feature that allows writers who have viewpoints that Mommyish, its writers, or our audience (you lovely readers!) may not agree with to express their opinions. Love pit bulls? Handguns? Think single moms are ruining America? Send your submission to or Eveevevawter AT with the subject heading “Dear Mommyish.” 

(Image: Tumblr)


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  • brebay

    I felt just as sexy. I was young, didn’t gain anywhere but my belly…and was young…why the generalization? Some people feel sexy pregnant, some don’t. Some men like it, some don’t. It’s a preference, hardly seems like something worthy of debate.

  • bugman

    Dear Jennifer,
    I disagree.

  • keetakat

    Sexy is in they eye of the beholder and my beholder is a horn-dog who doesn’t seem to care if I have the flu, pink eye, a yeast infection and diarrhea while pregnant.

  • Maggie

    Look Jennifer, just because you felt bad about your body when you were pregnant doesn’t give you the right to tell the rest of us we aren’t sexy when we’re pregnant. Like many of the other commenters, being pregnant has been absolutely freeing for me and the first time I’ve felt 100% okay with my body, because I don’t have to care what assholes like YOU think of me. I’m growing a human, dammit, and that makes me fucking Wonder Woman. You can kiss my cellulite-ridden ass.

    • Em

      Sexy is a perception and it’s a subjective one. You are totally welcome to feel as sexy as you want, but there’s nothing you could say or do to make me agree that *I* find a pregnant woman sexy in the least.

    • talley

      //You can kiss my cellulite-ridden ass.” Uh, no thanks. Enjoy the imminent flop and sag and widening of everything you’ve got, Saggie, er, Maggie.

    • Maggie

      Aw, how cute, you can rhyme. I can easily lose the baby weight and get myself back in shape, but you, dear talley, will always be an asshole.

  • Erocitnam

    You’re wrong; everything is sexy to someone. Literally every thing you’ve ever done– that was someone’s fetish. Sexy has nothing to do with your actions or appearances, but rather the audience in question.

  • Em

    I never felt sexy pregnant and don’t think pregnant women are sexy either. But there’s all kinds of preferences and feelings, so I’m sure some people find them very sexy and some of them feel sexy.

  • i’llTellYaWhat

    so not true

  • salvatore

    You’re wrong about the biology. Humans hide our ovulation specifically so the man has to stick around for a longer period of time to make sure the offspring is his; also, interestingly, a woman is more likely to miscarry if she has sex with a man who isn’t the father–Bruce effect in humans? Anyway, what a vapid article. Plenty of men/women have no problem with sex during pregnancy.