• Fri, May 30 - 11:00 am ET

10 Reasons Why Moms Are Way Better Than The Childfree By Choice

Moms Are Better Than The Childfree By ChoiceI’ve always been a huge defender of the *CBC CrĂĽe. I get why people don’t wanna have babies. Hell, I don’t even wanna have babies but I should have thought about that before having that third vodka tonic and spreading my legs wide open. And as much as I appreciate NOT having kids, the fact that I do have them makes me all sorts of defensive about the fact I do have them and I find myself debating this choice on occasion, especially when one of those uppity childfree by choice people gets in my face and tells me why not having kids is the way to go. I’ve thought about this a lot recently, and I have devised my ultimate list about why us moms are way, way, way much better than you CBC peoples.

1: We have better snacks. 

You don’t have or want kids? Go into your pantry. OH I FORGET CHILDFREE BY CHOICE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE PANTRIES. Burrrrrrrn. OK, go into your kitchen cupboard. What ya got? I have Goldfish crackers. And NOT in the bags, but in those giant industrial sized CARTONS. I also have fruit snacks in every shape imaginable, including rolls AND sticks. They also come in these flavors: princess, fish, video game dude, other uglier princess, bumbleberry, snoopy, sad lady from Frozen, insect, bear, froot, vitamin and Smurf dude.

I also may have cheeze. IN A CAN.

2: We are more helpful to people 

I can be with one of my other MOM friends and if I have something on my face you know what she will do? She will dig into her purse past the skanky pacifiers and urine-filled diaper rolled into a ball and crumbs and will find some used Kleenex from a few months ago, take it out, spit on it and wipe something off my face with it. NO PROBLEM. When is the last time one of you childfree by choice people did something that kind for another person?

3: We have laps 

 

You people who don’t want kids and your toned abdomens – whatever. Us moms got laps.

4: We have more toys than you 

I don’t care if one of you CBC people is some collector of awesome figures or dolls or action figures or whatever, I can promise us moms have more toys than you, even if half of them are shoved in the sofa cushions or broken in a toy box or lodged up our kid’s nose.

 5: We know way more about music than you 

There is an unfortunate stereotype that moms aren’t with it and we have no idea what’s cool these days but one thing we do know more about that the childfree by choice is music. I challenge any one of you to a game of singing the theme to The Doc McStuffins show or Caillou and I will kick your ass.

 6: We have more cake access 

 

Listen, I know you CBC celebrate birthdays and have friends who celebrate birthdays and go to your adult restaurants and celebrate birthdays with a nice bottle of wine and things that aren’t cake like Crème brĂ»lĂ©e and watermelon-basil sorbet but us moms got cake, usually cake with FUNFETTI frosting and Hot Wheels cars lodged into it and spittle on it from when some three-year-old blew out candles.

7: We can make the face  

You don’t know how to do THE FACE unless you have kids and one of them did something very very very bad like eating the last of the ice cream and leaving one small freezer burned spoon in the carton. Or fed the dog too many marshmallows and the dog puked all over the entry way rug right before you were expecting company. Moms own THE FACE.

8: You have to spend money on things like vacations 

Spending money on going to a place that isn’t your home with things like fluffy beds and adult beverages and interesting things to see and do? Us moms don’t have to spend money on that. Us moms KNOW that going on vacation with kids is just cleaning up after people in a different city.

9: We don’t freak old people out 

According to all the old people everywhere always, us moms are doing what we should be doing, by settling down and birthing them babies. You childfree by choice freak them out and make them ask things like when are you going to have a babbbbbbbby and why don’t you want babbbbbbys and your life would only be complete if you had a babbbbbby where is your babbbbbbby? No one gives a shit what us moms do because we are all ready doing it so we don’t scare old people, they just ask us to bring them more decaffeinated coffee and hold our babbys for two seconds and then hand them back to us after asking if it is a boy or a girl.

10: We get to talk more 

Us moms get to talk a LOT. We get to talk to kids, talk to their teachers, talk to their doctors, talk to other moms about everything they are doing wrong. You childfree by choice and your quiet, lazy afternoons spent enjoying an amazing book without being interrupted by a four-year-old asking you WHY a gazillion times don’t get how awesome it is to talk. Constantly. Us moms get to talk when we are trying to sleep, trying to finish a meal, and trying to pee and we get to talk through a door when our kids are pounding on it because we walked out  of the room for two seconds. We get to talk talk talk talk talk. You CBCs don’t know how much FUN it is to patiently explain to a five-year-old why we don’t hit the lamp after going through a raging bout of stomach flu.

 

*It should (always, forever) be noted that CBC is childfree by choice. Not people struggling with infertility or those unable to have children. Childfree by choice means a decision NOT to have children.

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  • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

    I loved this, but I am more looking forward to seeing how many people completely miss the point. You troll, you. :-P

    • ToastDon’tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      Me too. I’m ready.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      Now I am craving Swiss Rolls and I have Thriller in my head.

      Thanks, Mommyish..

    • Ms. Anne

      Swiss Rolls and Thriller party! My house!

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      You are my new best friend.

    • ToastDon’tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      Thanks Evebama!

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      She strikes again…

    • momjones

      Where is SAHM when we need her?

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I know, right?! *sighs*

    • james watson
    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      Well, you see, it’s elementary, my dear Watson.

  • Valerie

    Omg evil Caillou. Amazing.

  • Jennie Blair

    I’m pregnant but was cbc for years, much to the annoying when are you going to make me a (whatever 2nd degree relative). I have a lap, if my cat isn’t on it. My snacks kick the gold fish ass. Not having a child has never slowed down my cake in take. I guess you have me on vacations, I do pay for those. Unsure on talking. I do miss booze though, won’t it be nice when I can drink again. I won’t be calling it mommy juice though, that sounds nasty.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Listen, you need to stop your cake bragging RIGHT now.

    • Jennie Blair

      Little Debbie, all the cake none of the annoying clean up or forks

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I want Swiss Rolls like right now after reading this comment.

    • Spongeworthy

      Forget Swiss Rolls. The oatmeal cream pies are where it’s at.

    • momjones

      Team Swiss Rolls.

    • Spongeworthy

      You know momjones, I thought you were cool, but now it’s like I have to re-evaluate this relationship.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      THIS THREAD IS TEARING US ALL APART

    • Spongeworthy

      You’re tearing me apart!!!

    • Mystik Spiral

      Reason for divorce: irreconcilable snack differences.

    • momjones

      We’re OK – dadjones loves the oatmeal ones. It’s one of his go-to’s when he is fishing.

    • Spongeworthy

      Well, if you and your husband can work through these differences, I guess we can too.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      this has turned into a snack cake showdown

    • Spongeworthy

      It is game on right know…hold my earrings.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      … I …CAN’T…. WATCH

    • Spongeworthy

      Get ready for a snack-down smack down!!

    • Jennie Blair

      Team Cosmic. (Cupcake or brownie, I’m down for both)

    • Kendra

      Is there a Team Nutter Butter? If not, I’ll settle for Team Cosmic.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I think the best way to settle this is to just have us all supplied with a truckload of our favorite snack cakes and whoever eats the most is the champion.

    • Jennie Blair

      Sounds good to me

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I’d definitely take some Cosmic Brownies though, you know, if you wanted to share.

    • Jennie Blair

      I always share, unless it’s a cosmic cupcake and then I will stab your hand with a fork like I’m in an old prison movie

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I’m going to make a confession that often affects my popularity *but*…

      I can’t stand oatmeal cookies or anything resembling them….

    • Spongeworthy

      See I loathe oatmeal cookies except the little Debbie’s! I think they put crack in them.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I think that’s Little Debbie’s secret ingredient for *everything*.

    • libraryofbird

      And lard, yummy yummy lard

    • Spongeworthy

      Mmmmm lard…

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      see, I like them OK, I like all cookies, but keep those damn raisins out of them. Ew.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      Raisins. Ick.

    • Rachel Sea

      That means more for me.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I will definitely pass any that fall into my care on.

    • momjones

      Even better – reduced price at Big Lots – CMJ will tell you momjones Big Lots stories.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      I sense a trip to Big Lots in my future.

    • Jennie Blair

      I’m doing my part to enlighten the world, I send cosmic cupcakes, fudge rounds, and honey buns to the sad land of England where little Debbie is only a myth. And girl scout cookies, seriously is it cookie time anywhere?

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      Oh jeebus. I need Girl Scout cookies. My stash of thin mints is depleted and I’m starting to twitch.

    • Jennie Blair

      Quick fix, they sell it in grocery stores as ice cream and coffee creamer

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      How are you pregnant and have a lap? That’s the one time in my life that I actually think I didn’t have one.

      I need to learn the ways of your people.

    • LadyClodia

      My one cat didn’t care, he would sprawl across my bump when he wanted to sit with me.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      My dog was really bad about that too. Then my kid would kick him, and it would be a brawl for my lap between the tenant and the mutt. *sighs*

    • whiteroses

      My husband’s cat (a Russian blue) crawled into my lap when I was eight months pregnant. The baby kicked him in the head. I have never seen a cat run that fast.

    • JulesInNC

      May you be blessed with the nursing metabolism of a teenage boy, as some are. I ate ALL THE CAKE, to the point of semi-obscenity. It makes the sleep-deprivation and lack of boozing more tolerable.

    • LadyClodia

      I had a great nursing metabolism with my first, and it was great, and then not at all with my second. I didn’t have an appetite throughout most of my 2nd pregnancy, but the cravings I got while nursing made up for it. I think I put on more weight while I was nursing than I did while I was pregnant. :(

    • JulesInNC

      Oh man… I just found out I’m pregnant with #2, and am totally banking on the nursing weight loss program again. Don’t tell me things could possibly be otherwise!!! (Kidding/NotKidding)

    • LadyClodia

      I’m sorry! And congrats with your 2nd!
      Well, I also have a problem with gaining weight when I’m stressed. My husband had his second brain tumor surgery when my 2nd was only 2 months old, so that probably had something to do with it.

    • JulesInNC

      What an awful load to bear for all of you. Hope you’re all healthy and happy now. And thanks–very excited about #2, but only the hubs and our nanny know so far, so it’s nice to be able to share it SOMEWHERE!

    • LadyClodia

      Thank you. Yes, we’re all good now. It’s been two years since my husband’s last treatment, and all of his scans have been clear since. :)

    • ALE515

      I just gave birth on the 17th, and once I got home I drank champagne and then pina coladas. I hear ya on the missing booze part!

    • Momma425

      I always thought mommy juice was breastmilk.
      No joke.

  • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

    #Eveisbesttroll

    I want cake now.

  • Emily A.

    I was going to be all, “Heck, no!” because I have a friend who is CBC and is 100% awesome, but… I do have way better snacks. #Truth

  • Kendra

    Eve, I’m really upset about this article. HOW DARE YOU.
    I mean, seriously. How could you have all these snacks and all this cake and you aren’t even sharing with us????? That is uncalled for and UNFORGIVABLE.

    • Kendra

      #snackbraggingisworsethanhumblebragging

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      #MortalMomSin

  • Mystik Spiral

    I don’t know… I am CBC and I consider myself quite the snack connoisseur.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      prove it PROVE IT

    • Mystik Spiral

      In my desk RIGHT NOW I have goldfish pretzels, cherries n’ berries fruit snacks, sunflower seeds, jelly beans, Craisins, granola bars, pita crackers, and li’l Debbie peanut butter bars.

      So nyah.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      are you sure you don’t have a toddler in there?

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      If not, it’s sure to attract one. Mystik Spiral, you may want to set up traps.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      hahahah! YES!

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      You know once you feed them, they never go away.

    • Mystik Spiral
    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      Exactly. Glad to see you are prepared. :-P

    • Mystik Spiral

      Lololol. My snack affinities never matured past toddlerhood…

    • momjones

      Oh God – who hasn’t bought a package of Little Debbie anything and not eaten the entire thing?

    • Rachel Sea

      No one I want to know. Part of being a grownup is being able to eat an entire box of Nutty Bars for dinner.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Nah, it’s ordering a sundae and a side of bacon in a diner. Bonus points if there are small children at other tables.

    • Rachel Sea

      See, that sounds more like breakfast to me…perhaps brunch. Dinner is all about laziness in my book, which means if there is ice cream, it’s straight out of the pint in front of the computer.

      And now I want Chubby Hubby.

  • Ursi

    Y’all do freak out the old folks a lot less, I have to concede this point. I’m still waiting for the day an elder finds out I’ve opted out of the gene pool and says, “Wait, you can do that?”

  • JenH1986

    Mr. H is like a toddler: our snacks: Goldfish (also by the Sam’s club carton), all manner of Twizzler, Sour Patch Kids, Swedish fish (5 pound bag), pop tarts (3 of the super big box), peanut butter crackers, swiss cake rolls, cosmic brownies, Nutty Buttys, peanut butter filled pretzels AND granola bars (those dipped in chocolate not the plain ones because “those are gross”). A cashier at Kroger once asked me how old my kid was. Imagine her surprise when I said “32″.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      Can I come live with you?

    • JenH1986

      We got room! So heck yea. You gotta change the toilet paper roll tho, because I can’t be the only person in the house that does that still.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      THAT’S MY SUPERPOWER!

      At least, I assume it is, because I’m the only one that does it here.

    • Maggie J

      I would take over the toilet roll changing duty completely if you let me come live with you.

    • JenH1986

      Done! Come on over!

    • Harriet Meadow

      My husband is the same way. Just over a year ago I was shopping while heavily pregnant, and I was getting snacks for him AND me (when I’m not usually a snacker): bags and bags of Doritos, tons of ice cream, boxes of over-processed Hostess products, etc. The cashier said, “Wow, SOMEONE’s having a party.” Nope. Just me and my husband.

    • Linzon

      Goldfish with tzatziki sauce for dipping is amazing.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I have never thought of this

    • PAJane

      Oh! Dinner is now planned. Thank you.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      Sounds better than my sister’s idea of appropriate dipping sauce. She dipped goldfish crackers In ketchup until she was 16.

    • whiteroses

      I like to save Chick-Fil-A sauce and dip them in that.

    • whiteroses

      I always like to tell my husband that he eats like a five year old on crack. Before he met me, his food pyramid consisted of: chocolate, salted peanuts, Skittles, SweeTarts, chocolate, the occasional meat pie, and chocolate.

  • JulesInNC

    “Us moms KNOW that going on vacation with kids is just cleaning up after people in a different city.”

    So much this. I’m going to the beach for a week with my toddler, and am hoping to ACTUALLY get a leeeettle break, since a bajillion kid-loving family members will be there to help. Especially when they find out I’m newly PREGNANT and just want to sleep forever. (Hubs is away all freaking summer for work.)

  • Spongeworthy

    I can’t be trusted around goldfish crackers. If I buy the big carton I worry they’ll find me one night frantically pouring them in my mouth, surrounded by crumbs.

    • Kendra

      Ditto.

    • momjones

      I had a student who brought a bag full of goldfish every day for lunch. She would always eat them in Home Room, and every day she had to give me some. Nothing like mooching off a kid satisfy my junkie need for them. Besides, I was also giving her a grade.

    • Spongeworthy

      I have definitely lied to my son about the goldfish being all gone and then eating them after he goes to bed.

    • ToastDon’tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      I do that when I eat all my son’s Pringles.

      “No, I do not know who ate all the Pringles. No, I do NOT have Pringles in my mouth right now.”

    • Spongeworthy

      Hahahaha

    • Jennifer Freeman

      My daughter once confronted me with the empty Pixie sticks that she found in the garbage. I totally binged on them the night before while I was watching TV and she was asleep. She stormed over to me and thrust her grubby little paw full of wrappers into my face and demanded “What’s THIS?”. I am not proud.

    • Spongeworthy

      Snack shamed by your own daughter!

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Is there no end to the judgment moms face?

    • AE Vorro

      That’s awesome. My friend and I most of her daughter’s Halloween candy after she went to bed. We justified it by eating only the non-name-brand stuff that was made in China on the assumption that it contained weird chemicals. We were nice enough to leave her peanut butter cups alone.

    • ToastDon’tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      Me neither. And we had to stop buying Teddy Grahams for that reason. I seriously could. not. stop. eating. them.

    • Mystik Spiral

      Yeah I can’t buy Teddy Grahams… nom nom nom.

    • ToastDon’tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      I’m pretty sure they’re made with heroin.

    • TwentiSomething Mom

      Mmmmm Teddy Grahams

    • jane

      I had to stop buying those Gerber puff things. I ate 99X more than my toddlers.

    • http://overthecuckoonest.blogspot.com/ Kay_Sue

      The fruit ones were my crack. They were such a waste of money because I ate so much more than he did.

    • TwentiSomething Mom

      OMG the ones that were like cheese doodles? YES! I used to eat those too.

    • momjones

      OK, can we now talk about cheese doodles? One of my vivid memories of my childhood (I’m 62) is sitting on the couch with my Mom and eating an entire bag!

    • Alexandra

      A mom friend of mine actually said those Gerber puff things were the best part of having toddlers :)

    • Maria Guido

      I’m on a diet right now, which means my son isn’t even allowed to have them. I have to keep goldfish crackers from a 3-year-old because I can’t be trusted around them. That’s sad.

    • Spongeworthy

      Yep. That is why there are currently none in my house. Sorry sweetie, you can’t have any crackers because your mom has no willpower. Here, have a banana.

    • whiteroses

      Did you put a bug in my house? Because I said this verbatim to my kid the other day…

    • Spongeworthy

      Haha! I think that means we’re both awesome moms :)

    • SA

      I eat all the crackers all the time. Need to switch kid back to carrot sticks.

    • LadyClodia

      If for some reason I eat one goldfish cracker then I can’t stop, but usually I can keep myself from eating them. Pretzels are a different story, though.
      We had just bought a Costco size box of fruit snacks, and then my son’s dentist told us that he shouldn’t have them anymore. I technically shouldn’t have them either, but I’ll take one for the team.

    • Spongeworthy

      Well those fruit snacks aren’t going to eat themselves!

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Ohh! The Annie’s fruit snacks are amazing. We get the big pack of them from Costco. I am a fruit snack connoisseur and they are far superior to the others (and you can be superior to others, too, because they are organic). #snacksnob

    • LadyClodia

      I do still let them have the Annie’s ones sometimes. They are better, and also don’t seem quite as sticky as most of the other ones. The big box I have are Mott’s Medley’s which are actually pretty good, but they’re super sticky, and definitely not good for their teeth.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      It is good that they have you there to save them from the fruit snacks. At least someone is thinking of the children! :)

    • G.E. Phillips

      I have no issues with goldfish crackers, but I have a hardcore Pirate Booty problem.

    • Spongeworthy

      Not gonna lie, I giggled at this comment for like 5 minutes.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      me toooo

    • Spongeworthy

      This thread is pretty much guaranteeing I get no work done this afternoon. Thanks, Evebama!

    • CrazyFor Kate

      I still buy boxes of them (or did before I moved to Russia), and I’m 22 and have no kids. Goldfish forever!

    • http://flockeoseagulls.flavors.me/ Frances “Librle” Locke

      This makes me sad. Can we all put together a Mommyish care package for Kate here? Filled with Goldfish and other goodies?

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Leaving in three weeks, so it’s all good ;) I actually have a list of all the foods I’m going to devour when I get home. Starting with poutine, obviously.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      Those god damn chicken crackers are what does it to me. I loved em as a kid, was disgusted by them for awhile as a childless adult, and then as soon as I had a kid of my own suddenly couldn’t get enough. I put Tillamook sharp cheddar on top and eat half the box and then my daughter yells at me for eating all her crackers…

    • Allyson_et_al

      My dad used to work for Pepperidge Farm, and he would send me those giant cartons when I was in college. It’s amazing how fast a group of college students with the munchies can demolish one of those things.

  • Sophia Bennit

    hahahaha nice one you have mentioned all points about moms, it is good to read that article very intresting 10 Reasons About Mom is Better

  • LiLi

    #11 When you’re drinking in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday you can point to the snotty thing in the stroller as your excuse. #momlife (did I use that hastag correctly? meh who cares, time for a margarita, whooo!)

  • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

    I love this.

  • Maria Guido

    I love this so much.

  • evilstepmom

    But I can buy cake, and not have to share it… or hide it, except for every other weekend. ;) (By the way… I do love this article.)

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    I have lots of snacks at home but I DON’T SHARE with my toddler so I hide them and eat them after he goes to sleep. I try and encourage healthy eating like fruits and plain Greek yogurt for him and then I binge on cake, wine and ice cream after he goes to bed.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      “But I don’t wanna go to bed!” Too bad, kid, mommy’s ice cream is waiting.

  • Rachel Sea

    I am totally set for cake. I am the designated office cake maker, ’cause I make bomb-ass cakes, totally from scratch, yo.

  • staferny

    At what point does a mom develop the ability to make “The Face”? Is it something that develops during pregnancy as a response to people who make stupid comments like “should you be eating that”? or is it bestowed on mom at the moment that you see the first poop-drawing on your walls?

    • AP

      I developed it while supervising swim lessons in an inner city elementary school. It works well on wayward adults, too.

    • Maria Guido

      I try to make it so hard. My kids don’t care.

    • Alicia Kiner

      I’m with you there. I give my kids dirty looks and unless there’s a very stern tongue lashing along with it, I could be glaring at the wall.

    • SA

      I think it is the “in the moment” bestowed type thing. It automatically happens when you see your kid dipping your toothbrush in the toilet.

    • kittymom

      I’m child free ATM. The moms I work with agree I have a rocking Mom Face. I developed it as the eldest of 3siblings, and I use it on my husband, and patients I care for that are being naughty. I like to think I’m #blessed.

  • keelhaulrose

    You forgot our trump-all excuse for being late.
    “It took me forever to get the kids out the door and my tardiness had nothing to do with me deciding to stay in the Starbucks drive thru line.”

    • ToastDon’tCare(aka LiteBrite)

      My son is always an excellent scapegoat. That’s pretty much why I even had a kid in the first place.

    • Natasha B

      I will be late for ANYTHING before I sacrifice my spot in the starbucks drive through.

    • Ms. Anne

      Potty training toddler! Trumps all and no one wants details. Even about where the latte in my hand came from.

  • Coco

    #1 all the way! I don’t have kids yet but whenever I go to my friend’s house who have kids, the first thing I do is dive into their pantry pulling out fruit snacks and goldfish crackers.

    • Guest

      I can also count on my mom friends to have snacks in their purses when we’re out too!

  • shygirl

    she is trolling right? because I can’t imagine someone like this

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This article is 1000000000% true and totally factual.

    • Valerie

      #truth

  • Danyelle

    This thread has officially tipped the scales. I just have to admit to myself that the main reason I click on any Mommyish article is for the comments! Love it.

  • AP

    I have no children, and three different flavors of Goldfish in my apartment at the moment: Giant Carton of cheddar, small bags of French Toast and Fudge Brownie.

    I’m not four.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      as much as I wanna be behind then Goldfish dessert crackers, I cannot. They lack. idk why. I eat them then I get sad like DON’T BE A CUPCAKE FLAVOR JUST BE A FUCKING CUPCAKE.

    • Mystik Spiral

      I kinda like the S’mores one, though, because chocolate and graham fish crackers, and MARSHMALLOWS like in Lucky Charms!!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      (If Lucky Charms made cereal with just the crunchy marshmallows I would buy it so hard)

    • Mystik Spiral

      YES.

    • Megan
    • AP

      Kraft sells a whole jar of the hard marshmallows like the kind you find floating in powdered hot cocoa. A. Whole. Jar.

    • Allyson_et_al

      Why would you give me this information? WHY?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      We buy a big bag from the Dutch/Amish stores and then a gigantor box of Lucky charms. Actually have one in the pantry right now……. get in your car, you can be here in two days :)

    • Natasha B

      Oh gawd. The toddlers talked me into buying a bag of the S’mores ones, now I’m all WHY don’t these come in the giant carton?! Nomnomnom

    • Mystik Spiral

      YEAH BLAME THE TODDLERS WHY DON’T YOU? ;)

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      I’ve always wanted to try putting those in milk, and eating them with a spoon.

    • Maria Guido

      I HATE those.

    • AP

      I was skeptical at first, until I looked at the sale unit price of Fudge Brownie Goldfish vs. the sale unit price of Chocolate Teddy Grahams. Fudge Brownie Goldfish win!

      The only thing I dislike about them is they have some sugary powdery stuff on them like Cinnamon Toast Crunch that gets all over your hands and if you inadvertently rub your hands on your shirt, you have to spend the rest of the work day smelling like fake French Toast or Brownie.

    • Di Another Day

      This is maybe the best comment I’ve ever read on Mommyish.

    • PAJane

      I currently have Goldfish in my purse, my pantry, and the secret snack drawer in my desk, behind all the hanging files.

    • whiteroses

      Fudge Brownie goldfish are a thing?
      What. the.crap. How did I not know this?

  • KSo

    OMG No 10. I JUST finished a 10 minute talk with my 4 yo about not putting buggers on his brother. I just get so tired of talking sometimes.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      hahaha!!!!!! “listen honey, we don’t snot our siblings..”

    • momjones

      Yesterday my granddaughter told me to take the booger that she rolled up into a ball off her finger. I threw a wipe at her and told her to do it herself.

  • KayeStar

    If being a parent makes someone this conceited (I don’t think I’m better than anybody), that’s all the more reason not to be one.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      You’re right. I’m super conceited about my fruit snacks and broken legos.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Quit being so damn braggy about your lap, Eve!

    • whiteroses

      It’s satire, sweetie.

  • PAJane

    I do envy you the cake. I’ll give you that.
    But I buy my own damn fruit snacks, thankyouverymuch.

  • AE Vorro

    The Calliou gif is killing me. So brilliant.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    All right, I’ll give you the snacks (because Goldfish), but really? The rest of this? *shakes head and laughs*

  • K2

    I have just about NO toys left, but I have a large collection of plushies.. Oops. I also have a secret hiding place at home for my snacks ;)

  • SA

    #10. YES. I talk all. the. time. Never really say anything, but words are always coming out. I love it though. I take kid out shopping and get to talk to myself out loud about my shopping list and make it look like I’m talking to her instead. Try to be CBC and get away with that!

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  • Atti Ann

    Ten reasons why being childfree is BETTER than being a parent:
    1) We don’t have to share the snacks with kids
    2) We actually have time to help people
    3)We get to nap whenever we want, especially after coming home from a long day at work. We don’t have to worry about feeding kids, helping with homework, etc.
    4) We can buy better and more useful toys (iphones, computers, games…) and don’t have to share them
    5) We get to listen to music we want (even music with profanity w/out worrying about kids hearing it) and don’t have to listen to horrible kiddy music
    6) We can buy cake anytime we want, eat it all ourselves (if you’re single), or share it with your beloved significant other.
    7) By not making “that face,” we get less wrinkles
    8) We can save up our money that we didn’t spend on kids and go anywhere we want, peacefully, w/out the worries of bringing along kids. We also don’t have to clean up after anyone.
    9) Us childfree people are awesome for going against the norm, living our lives the way we want to happily live them, and not being pressured by people strangers to do what we don’t want. If old people are creeped out, that’s their business.
    10) We get to talk to those people, and more, or only people we WANT to talk to. And when we don’t want to talk at all, we don’t have to.

    This us just a light-hearted response to the article. Don’t get too offended :)

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      awww, I love this. You should have sent it in as a counter post!

      (and now we all wanna get rid of our dumb kids)

    • Fluffy_1

      Summer camp! XD Seriously, a lot of my friends who are mothers are jealous of American mums who get rid of their kids for six weeks in the summer. XD

  • CrazyFor Kate

    As a non-parent (I’m not childfree, but I’m also twenty two and sure as hell don’t want kids yet), I thought this article would be awful, but it was tongue-in-cheek enough that I actually found it quite funny. Sorry for doubting you, Eve…

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      awww, hahaha. I just thought it was a funny idea. I think most people know I fully support the CF peoples.

  • Kol Altai Kray

    I wonder if they serve the fish bait breaded in their restaurant!

  • Nes

    I know (hope?) it’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek but it still reeks of insecurity.
    “the fact that I do have
    them makes me all sorts of defensive about the fact I do have them”. Lady, your choices are just as valid as the childfree’s. Why did you feel the need to write that article?
    BTW “We women” not “Us women”. And English is not even my 1st language.
    BTotherW “Childfree” implies choice. People who want kids but don’t/can’t have them are childLESS

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      ” us women ” – as with the rest of this, was satire.

      We have many readers without kids who will be happy to argue the semantics of childfree by choice, childfree and childless with you.

      Making a jokey, absurd list isn’t ” defensive” but getting all ragey because you have no sense of humor is.

    • h

      Yes, the semantics are interesting… said as someone who realizes the satire but loves a good pondering. What, for example, would I refer to myself (and my boyfriend) as… we currently do not have children and use birth control, but would like to be parents in the future. We have no idea whether or not this will be (biologically) possible. So I suppose that right now we are childfree by choice, but that term sounds more final to me (ie, couples or individuals who desire to REMAIN childfree, which, in the long run, we do not). I guess a whole other category would be childfree-for-now?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      YES! I have seen that used before.

  • AE Vorro

    I had no idea that Goldfish came in anything except Goldfish flavor. See? We can LEARN from each other!

    • HoolieB

      So many flavors: pizza, white cheddar, bbq, s’mores, fudge brownie, vanilla cupcake, cookies and cream, strawberry shortcake, pretzel, parmesan….I’m sure I’m forgetting several.

    • AE Vorro

      Wow. I’ve never been so impressed and repulsed, all at the same time! I wonder if the flavors were intended to draw in the kids or the parents? I could totally understand adults feeling bored with the original chemical-cheese flavor.

    • HoolieB

      There is also Goldfish mac and cheese. It was just as I had imagined; NASTY! I’m glad I only purchased one box.

    • AE Vorro

      Mind. Blown.

    • Fluffy_1

      As an ignorant English girl, the first time I read about kids eating goldfish, I went “ewww!” and assumed it was the actual fish they were eating. XD Now I know better, I want to try them. XD

    • AE Vorro

      Hahaha, the name is definitely misleading! Personally, I would prefer a real fishy goldfish to the crackers, but the crackers are big hit with kids. If I were you, I’d start with the classic chemical-not-quite-cheese flavor and work my way up. I’m guessing that the cupcake flavor is not for beginners or the faint of heart. :)

  • Grethe Rosseaux

    NOPE. Still nope. But I would love to learn how to do THE FACE…

  • Childfreela

    I don’t want kids and buy whatever snacks I want and workout whenever I want. I also buy fancy make up and get my hair done. Poor me

  • Childfree and happier than you

    And you’re 100% wrong.

    1: We’re not self righteous jealous witches trolling the childfree boards, belittling and insulting those of us smart enough to not ruin our lives by having kids.

    2: We can buy better snacks and have booze without worrying about some kid getting into them.

    3: We get to sleep in.

    4: We can play with all the toys we bought without some bratty kid breaking them.

    5: We can travel whenever we feel like it and not have to schedule it around school.

    6: We have far more time to do volunteer work and take care of older people therefore we are WAY more helpful than parents. (90% of whom refuse to punish their bratty kids while they’re running around restaurants and stores.)

    7: We don’t have to listen to tone deaf pop tarts like Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus.

    8: We get control of the tv remote.

    9: We can tell people freaked out by us to go f*** themselves without worrying about our non-existent kids repeating the word.

    10: We smell better cause we’re not covered in baby vomit and feces.

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