Google is incredible, isn’t it? Everything you ever need to know is at your fingertips. There’s no guarantee that it’s right – but at least you can try to find an answer to any question, any time. I used to love Google. Then I became a mother.
After you have kids, Google becomes the enemy. There is too much information – and most of it will make you freak the hell out. If you’ve just had a baby and find yourself Googling every decision you make, don’t worry – you’re not alone. According to Google (ha!), new parents use Google twice as much as everyone else. Google is your friend – until that inevitable night comes that your new baby has a totally normal fever and Google convinces you to spend the night in the emergency room. Did I just type that?
Here are some things you may frantically find yourself Googling in the months after you have a child…
1. How can I make sure my baby’s breathing while he sleeps?
2. Is it safe to leave my baby alone for a few minutes while I shower?
3. Approximately how long can I leave an infant alone without checking on him?
4. Are pacifiers safe?
6. How often do babies need baths?
7. How do I stop people from putting their hands in my baby’s mouth?
8. How do I say “no” to someone who wants to hold my baby?
9. Is it safe to watch back to back episodes of American Horror Story with an infant in the room?
10. Is it normal for baby to cry constantly?
11. What color is baby poop supposed to be?
12. How many times a day do you need to change an infant’s diaper?
13. Will we scar our child forever if we have sex in the same room as the crib?
14. What is “bottle rot?”
15. How many times a day does an infant eat?
16. How can you tell if an infant is sleeping enough?
17. My infant fell off the couch, how can I tell if he’s okay?
18. How long can you safely let a baby cry?
19. How long do fevers last?
20. Is it normal to momentarily hate my husband after I give birth?
Remember – Google is a fickle friend. He will turn on you. Don’t lean on him too much.