12 Things No Mother In Her Right Mind Wants To Do On Mother’s Day


In case you haven’t heard, Mother’s Day is the day about the mother. This is the day where you are supposed to celebrate any lady who has had the gall to grow another human being for nine months, sweat profusely in public, and bring new life into the world. She deserves it, and don’t you ever forget it.

I only have two Mother’s Days under my belt, and I am still somewhat uncomfortable with all the glory. And by glory I mean random relatives wishing me Happy Mother’s Day—hold the red carpet, please. As a mother, my Mother’s Day requests are relatively simple. I don’t want to do any type of manual labor, and I’d rather someone else keep an eye on my crazy kids. I would also like to eat some delicious food that I didn’t spend hours slaving away over in my crock pot. But that’s just me.

Since there are so many mothers in the world, I don’t see Mother’s Day as a holiday that requires major fanfare. But it is nice if you can find it in your heart to cut your mother a break. She has spent years keeping children alive. All she wants is to kick up her feet and drink her GD Bailey’s and coffee in peace. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? I think not.

On Mother’s Day, any mother with a brain in her head does not want to:

1. Wake Up At Dawn.

2. Put Away All The Kids’ Toys From The Night Before.

3. Cook A Big Meal For Extended Family That “Pops” By.

4. Clean Anything.

5. Change Dirty Diapers.

6. Make A Reservation At Her Favorite Restaurant.

7. Wait For Two Hours At Her Favorite Restaurant Because Someone Forgot To Make A Reservation.

8. Listen To Fighting In The Car On The Way To The Restaurant.

9. Cut Up Food For The Toddler While Nursing The Baby While Trying To Eat At The Restaurant.

10. Make Small Talk With Family Way Past The Kids’ Bedtime.

11. Put The Kids To Bed. 

12. Go To Bed Late After Picking Up The House Yet Again.

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  • ctpdenver

    I do not want breakfast in bed. Ever. I don’t want to clean it up and I don’t want to eat a mess of food.

  • Rachel Sea

    Not to nit-pick, but step moms, adoptive moms, and foster moms are mothers too.

  • keetakat

    Truthfully… I want a $200 gift certificate at Old Navy, a $300 GC at Michael’s and a $400 at Target….and dinner at Olive Garden….and a Blizzard from DQ. I have totally sold out.


  • Mss

    Yeah, taking me out for a meal where the kids are just as demanding as ever is a total waste of money. Give me all of that money so I can leave for a couple of hours and spend it all on myself.

  • Elisabeth TheQueen Smith

    I would just like to be left alone. Take a nap, watch MY favorite show, take a shower without a conversation and the door being opened and closed 50 million times. and not have to get anyone but myself a drink

  • keelhaulrose

    Right now my expectations are so low that my only demand is neither hear nor see ANYTHING to do with f–king Frozen for one. bloody. day. If I hear one stanza of ‘Let it Go’ on Sunday I’m going to flip a shit.

    • Valerie


    • Valerie

      And now when our daughter sings “Do you wanna build a snowman?” my husband will catch my eye and mime slitting his wrists. He thinks its the saddest song ever. Bwahahaha.

  • Ptownsteveschick

    I didn’t want to get the guilt trip for not going 2 hrs away to visit my mom, so I invited my family here to spend the night Saturday. I was then informed by my husband that his mom and step dad will be stopping by for a visit at some point on Sunday. That makes at least 5 extra people(6 if his step dad brings his mom) in my 700 sq ft apartment. Meaning I have to clean everything, find some sort of thing to cook that everyone will eat(shopping at costco with a toddler on a friday!) and pray to the gods that I am not morning sick that day because I haven’t announced it yet and don’t want them to know. Can it just be Monday now?

  • Guest

    I want to book a nice hotel suite (maybe with a jacuzzi tub but I’m not picky) and order room service while binge watching television and not having to talk to anyone or do anything for the weekend.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      OMG find one with a jacuzzi in the living room area so you can watch tv. TV jacuzzi on my birthday this year was pretty much one of the best days of my life.

    • Guest

      TV Jacuzzi is going to go on list of things needed in my dream home…

    • DeanaCal

      Holy crap where do you find TV jacuzzi?

    • Ptownsteveschick

      It was in a best western, the “suite” had a living room area with a jacuzzi, a couch and a tv. It was the best thing ever.

    • ted3553

      That sounds like a dream

  • @Real_George_Clooney

    Why are there no articles about what I WANT for Mother’s Day???

    • LiteBrite

      Because you’re George Clooney and you get everything you want ALL THE TIME.

  • Darling Dewey

    I wouldn’t mind if I was given the key to a very nice hotel suite just to spend the day lounging by myself, taking a long bath and getting room service.

  • Renee J

    I just want a cookie cake. I’ll even share.

  • LiteBrite

    Don’t laugh everyone, but I actually WANT to spend the day with my kid. I’m not kidding. Seriously, I want some alone time with him because in between work, practice three days a week, and everything else I have going on, I feel like I either a) Don’t get time with him or b) Have to share my time.

    So as long as the weather holds out, I’m taking his lazy little butt on a nature hike. He’ll be so tired he’ll go to bed with a quickness, so win-win on all fronts.

  • Valerie

    Hookers, blow and maybe some Weezer tickets. And sleep in and drink a fricktillion mimosas.

    • Jessica

      Do you want to destroy my sweater…

    • @Real_George_Clooney

      What’s a Weezer?

    • Valerie

      I thought you were a 90′s kid!

  • Lackadaisical

    We had our mothers day last month in my country as ours coincides with the church date of mothering Sunday. I got a box of chocolates and then a day like any other. Chocolates are nice, not having to make a big deal of the say was both a relief and not at all special all at the same time.

  • Jennie Blair

    I have no idea what kind of prize I want, but I requested take away cracker barrel, cuz all the restaurants will be a mob scene and who doesn’t like chicken n dumplings in front of the tv?

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