shutterstock_65613799Spring has sprung, and Mother’s Day is right around the corner. Have you been pinning your pins and planning an elaborate five-course meal for the mother who brought you into this world? Or are you going to be one of those dillbags that tries to slide into Chili’s at the last minute and ends up waiting for two hours on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? Shame on you.

If you already have a favorite Mother’s Day restaurant lined up, then you are good to go. But for the rest of us, we will probably be scrambling to try and figure out where we can take the in-laws and the kids to accommodate old people dinnertime, picky eaters, and screaming babies all in one. Of course, the mother isn’t supposed to worry about all that stuff, but as the younger mother in the family, you are pretty much fucked. Enjoy your stressful meal, Mother of Children. You deserve it.

Unless you plan to throw in the towel and order pizza on Mother’s Day—which I’m certainly not opposed to—you need to figure out somewhere cool to take your mother STAT. I personally would enjoy a champagne brunch at a hotel, if my husband is reading this blog (hint, hint). Other than a Mimosa to start my day, I’m easy.

I can tell you 10 places where mothers and celebrations should never meet. If you love your mother even a little bit, DO NOT take her here on Mother’s Day:

1. Hooters

2. Any Place With A Drive-Thru

3. A Pizza Place With An Arcade, Filled With Sweaty Kids

4. Strip Club, Because Someone Was Thinking It

5. Home Depot Hot Dog Cart

6. Costume-Themed Restaurant

7. Golden Corral Buffet With Suspicious, Unhygienic Chocolate Wonderfall

8. Applebee’s, At The Last Minute

9. Fancy Hotel Brunch, Without A Reservation

10. Your Kitchen, You Jerk

(Image: SFC/Shutterstock)