• Mon, May 5 - 2:00 pm ET

Only Rude Jerks Expect Presents At Their Dumb Gender Reveal Parties

gender-reveal-gift-etiquetteI’ve had to learn to accept that gender reveal parties are a real thing that people do, despite not really understanding the point. I will never accept, however, that people actually want gifts for these things.

Sure, knowing the sex of your child falls into the BFD category-at least, it did for me, but I was acutely aware that no one else really cared except for me, my husband, and his parents. People asked, of course, but it was a polite way to make conversation. I know this to be true because I told multiple people multiple times that I was having a girl, and then the next time they saw me they would ask again.

Since that time, I’ve been introduced to the world of gender reveals, politely attending more and more, each a little more elaborate and Pinterest-y than the last. I’ve sat quietly in my chair with something that is never alcohol at an event that should never not serve alcohol. I’ve casted ballots, been forced to choose blue cupcakes or pink cupcakes, and pretended to care when the proud parents sliced open a cake to reveal that-surprise!-their child had genitals of one kind or another. I’ve clapped, congratulated, and then abruptly forgotten all about their fetus’ gonads on my way out the door.

Fine. I’ll do all of that and more as a show of support. What I won’t do is bring you a gift. You don’t deserve a gift for making me choose either a mustache or a pair of lips to pin to my t-shirt. If anything, I deserve a gift for not ruining your carpet by stabbing a fork into my eye. But I digress.

Lots of people endure the charade of the gender reveal with the understanding that hey, at least you aren’t expected to bring a gift.

This weekend, I stumbled upon a facebook rant about how rude it is to show up empty handed at a vagina or penis unveiling, and it caused me to plunge into a deep internet rabbit hole. No, I thought. This can’t be a thing.

This is a thing.

First you have to order invitations that let everyone know that you want presents:

-via Zazzle

-via Zazzle

Of course, this raises the obvious question: how will my guests know not to get me gross yellow stuff?

gender-reveal-gift-etiquette

Fortunately, there’s an easy solution:

gender-reveal-gift-etiquette

Ask the suckers party guests to bring a receipt so you can trade the crap they brought you for cold hard cash or something less ugly.

I’m not into open letters, but I’m making an exception today because sometimes we must fight oblivious douchebaggery with oblivious douchebaggery.

It is in that spirit that I’d like to address this part of my post to the couples who I will refer to as Parents Registering In Consideration of their Kid’s Sex, or PRICKS.

Hey PRICKS,

Thanks for inviting me to your gender reveal party, for which I see you are registered at Target, Babies ‘R’ Us, and because you have balls of pure titanium, Pottery Barn. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was picking out that housewarming gift you wanted, which wasn’t so hard, considering that you helpfully suggested I purchase whatever was left of your wedding registry, which you created shortly after that bridal shower I attended that was right on the heels of the engagement party you threw yourselves. I’m looking forward to the invitation I’ll receive for the baby shower in a few months, complete with the url to your baby page, where I’ll be presented with a click through link to your Amazon wishlist. And while I simply can’t wait to pop balloons full of pink or blue confetti while I pretend to be positively beside myself in anticipation regarding whatever stupid name you’re going to pick, please know that on the off chance that I actually show up, it won’t be with gift. I know this looks like I’m saying that I’m a thoughtless party guest, but you mustn’t think that! What I’m really saying is “fuck you, no one cares about your kid’s junk.”

Kisses,

T

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  • rana

    I have never even registered anywhere for my wedding or babies! I never expected anyone to buy me a damn thing! This is absurd!

    • Nica

      AGREE!!! I didn’t even have a baby shower (cultural thing), never mind a gender reveal party! You know how I “revealed” the gender? Well, the hubs was sitting right there both times so the u/s tech revealed it to him. Then we went home, called our parents and said “It’s a boy!” both times. Because, really, that pretty covered everyone who actually cared…
      Remember, NO ONE cares about these events as much as you do… NO ONE!

    • rana

      Exactly! I would feel silly for assuming people wanted to come to a party for me to simply state my child’s gender. And to expect gifts?? I mean come on!!!

  • Bree

    I have never been invited to a gender reveal party. I’ve heard of people talking about having them but never received an invite. Now that I thought about it, it probably says something about my personality. I’ve never been happier to be a curmudgeon in my life. Yelling at a kid to get off your lawn with no hint of irony really does pay off, y’all.

    • Jessifer

      I’ve never been invited to a gender reveal party either… hence no expectation of any additional “gifts”. I must have really good friends! lol

    • Ursi

      It’s a good life, the cynical life, I tell you what

    • whiteroses

      I have a friend who is pregnant. I hope it’s a girl, because she really wants one, but she’ll be happy if it’s a boy too. I am co-hosting the shower. And because she’s awesome, the most I’m likely to get is “I’m having a…!” And she won’t care a bit about gift receipts.

      Because of that, the shower will be kickass, and I am handknitting her baby a custom sweater. Those who ask don’t always get.

  • Kay_Sue

    Wow…just wow.

  • journalgal2

    Do these twits realize that sometimes the gender-revealing ultrasounds are WRONG? My nephew was a girl for the last half of his mother’s pregnancy until he was born and showed the doctor his boy bits.

    • Kay_Sue

      Not to scare any expecting moms on the page, but this happened quite a bit when I worked at a baby store. We had many instances where we were switching blue for pink and pink for blue after baby came because the ultrasound was wrong/read wrong/inconclusive.

    • Kendra

      Because I spend WAY TOO MUCH time on a baby forum, I firmly believe this is because some people are trying to find out between 12-16 weeks now, which in most cases, is still quite early. So then at 12 weeks they go “OMG! IT’S A BOY!” and then when they have the anatomy scan at 20 weeks or whatever, it’s suddenly “WOW! I can’t believe it! It’s a girl!”

    • Kay_Sue

      I don’t know if that’s the way it was when I worked there four years ago or not. On average, people were most likely to start a registry between the 18th and 24th week…because yes, our store tracked all of that. ;)

      But that would do it…

    • Erin Murphy

      My friend is an.ultra sound technician and people have gotten angry at her because a tech told them the sex at 12 weeks and when she sees them at 20 weeks it’s the opposite. I was curious and excited to know what I was having but definitely not in a rush.

    • Guest

      I feel like the people I know have all kept their traps shut after the initial one because they want to wait until the later one to “be sure”. If I were the first tech I’d tell each and every one that this is VERY early and has a decent chance of being wrong so we can look for fun but don’t go out buying a bunch of pink/blue whatever.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      That’s nuts. I had an IPS u/s at almost 12 weeks, and I never dreamed of asking what it was — I was always under the impression they couldn’t tell before 18 weeks.

    • val97

      Yep, we thought my youngest was going to be a girl… he is definitely a boy.

    • keelhaulrose

      They thought my brother was going to be a girl.
      The doctors even argued over the gender for a good five minutes in the delivery room before they decided he was a boy.
      If he ever makes me mad I’ll reveal that fact on Facebook.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      The doctors even argued over the gender for a good five minutes in the delivery room before they decided he was a boy.

      I feel like there’s more to this story!

    • Megan Zander

      I have a friend who is currently pregnant and she wanted, and is having a girl. But she is so afraid of the ultrasound being wrong that she paid for not one, but two of those 3D strip mall ultrasounds just to make extra extra sure. I really hope it’s not a surprise boy bc I really don’t think she could handle it.

    • whiteroses

      I’ll be honest- that’s kind of sad.

    • kate

      i’m not sure how many people are now doing the free cell dna/maternity21 or similar tests now, but that gives you a nearly 100% gender as early as 10 or 12 weeks, i think. i had it instead of the serum test that goes with the anatomy scan because i’m old- they are all up in the chromosomes looking for anomalies, so the gender is right there.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      Happened to my husband’s aunt’s DIL (figure out that family tree connection). My husband’s aunt then told me the story on at least two occasions because apparently that was then likely/going to happen to me.

      Get out of my uterus, woman — two separate U/Ses have confirmed this is a girl. Go away. And no, I’m not doing the “ring test” to confirm the baby’s sex — jfc, I believe in science, not your crazy woo-woo.

  • Kendra

    I’ve never been invited to a gender reveal party, yet. I would say the ONLY time it is acceptable to throws gifts into the gender reveal party idea, is if you aren’t having another separate baby shower. If it’s just one party that happens to include revealing of the gender, then I’ll bring you a gift.

  • Butt Trophy Recipient

    Just not attend?

    • Valerie

      Butt, have you learned nothing about us by now? Just not attending removes all the fun of making fun of these twatwaffles. Please give us this. We need it.

  • Ursi

    If this takes the place of the shower, sure, fine, whatever.

    If this is another step in the trend of making everything a gift giving occasion that actually has nothing to do with the thoughtfulness of the giver and everything to do with I WANT STUFF GIVE ME STUFF BUT ONLY STUFF I PICKED OUT FIRST then to hell with it.

    I mean, I’m happy to buy a gift for the baby. I am totally not up for dealing with a flood of registry notes for gender reveal, baby shower, baby arrival, christening, baby’s first poo, baby’s 6 month birthday, etc

  • Rachel Sea

    So when the reading of the anatomy scan turns out to be wrong, are they going to have a do-over party where everyone brings them gifts in line with the actual sex? Then later if their kid is trans they can have another gender reveal where people bring gifts to match?

    As an aside it’s irritating as fuck that people call these gender reveals, because unless the parents are legit psychic, they aren’t. They are external sex organ reveal parties.

    • Ursi

      WORD.

    • Mystik Spiral

      If you want to get technical, VISIBLE external sex organ reveal parties…

    • Rachel Sea

      As-seen-on a grainy-ass monitor sex organ reveal parties.

    • Psych Student

      All-y’all are now my favorite people!

  • Valerie

    OMG, I do not give even the teeniest weeniest of fucks about the gender of any babies except my own and even then I was like “Oh, ok, cool!”. Not worth baking batches of cupcakes oozing pink or blue. Of course I still care about the babies of my friends and family but their genders are so completely irrelevant in my celebrating of said baby. What in hell stake do I have in what gender someone else’s baby is? Why would I cheer or jeer one way or the other? Why would I give it more than a second of my time let alone AN ENTIRE PARTY’S worth of my time? I mean, do people even fucking think anymore or is it literally just a long string of “ME, me me me ME me me me me ME and of course, MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      So hiring that stripper was not a good idea huh?

    • Valerie

      So what happens- the gender reveal part of it is the stripper coming out from behind the curtain? You catch a glimpse of pasties and BAM, you know its a girl. A banana hammock? Welcome, Junior!

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      I might consider going to a gender reveal party if there were strippers. And cake! I’m not going to any party where there’s no cake.

    • Valerie

      All the better if you can eat the cake off the stripper.

    • Rowan

      Or you have one of those ladies firing pingpong balls – pink for a girl and blue for a boy.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      zOMG! There are ladies who can select which pingpong ball to fire out of there??? O_o I must hire her!!!!!

    • Valerie

      Bwahahahahaha

    • Megan Zander

      I’m going to have to respectfully disagree as I will find ANY reason to make baked goods. For instance, just last night hubs decided that game of thrones could not be viewed without celebratory brownies. Today the boys are teething like sharks, hence he is stopping for fraps before coming home.

    • Nire

      I HATE these parties. It seems so self indulgent. No one other than your nearest and dearest cares about the sex of your baby. I have been invited to a few, and I’ve attended none. I will go to your first shower and bring an awesome gift that you’ve registered for, but I will not attend your stupid gender reveal party, and I sure as hell am not sending a gift.

  • Bethany Ramos

    You are brilliant – PRICKS forever!

  • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

    The gimme-gimme gift grab is bad enough, but: “Register for neutral crap you don’t want, pretend to like it, and then return it to the store for pink or blue loot as soon as you’re out of eyesight of those poor saps who thought they were doing something nice for you. That way no one will ever dare to be able to be anything less than 100% certain of your baby’s genitals ever again!”

    Obviously the proper solution is expecting your friends to buy TWO of everything: one in pink and one in blue. That way you can keep the correct-colored one and return the other (for cash, preferably).

    • Kendra

      I’m seriously the only person in the world who prefers neutral stuff…even though I knew my baby was a girl, apparently. I want to use the same stuff for future kids. I don’t want to go out and buy everything over again because I only bought pink shit. Does no one else think of these things?

    • Valerie

      I bought only 2 gendered items for Claire- the swing and the convertible carseat. And guess why I did that? Because those patterns were on crazy clearance. And my son ended up using them both. I am clearly a #horriblemother.

    • Kendra

      I like the way you think.

    • Valerie

      #hellacheap

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      I like neutral stuff too – with boy/girl twins it just makes sense – but I’ve also decided I just really don’t care what each kid is wearing as long as it’s the right size. Amusingly, because they have different complexions (he is very fair like me, she is ruddy like her dad), my son is definitely the one that looks better in pink.

    • Blahblah

      I’ve had people in the park get stupidly offended if my daughter is wearing a Batman sweater with her head bow. Why does it matter to you what my kid wears? I’m solidly in the “Well hey, if this is clean and it fits…” camp. (I’m so tired.)

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      Batman is for everyone! EXCEPT CRIMINALS. My daughter doesn’t even wear a bow … if we’re out and she’s in her Captain America onesie and people compliment me on my cute sons I just smile and nod. No one cares what’s in my kids pants but me, and I only really care about that when it’s diaper change time.

    • Katja Yount

      Our friends’ adorable toddler who still looks like a baby because her fine fine hair has come in very short and she still looks babyish is always rocking her Star Wars gear. Her parents are 501st members and she has her own honorary costumes like a mini-Emperer, mini-Emperical Officer, totes adorbs Princess Leia snow suit. When she’s in her officer’s uniform so many people call her a cute little boy but then turn around and get indignant when her mom or dad actually tell them that she’s a girl. Apparently she’s supposed to be playing with ponies or something.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      Offended? Wow. My daughter requests her “superherope” onesie, and can name the four dudes on it. She also knows her Batman and some of the villains — she has a playset and my husband has picked up some of the villains to go with it. Batman and Bane like to ride around in Riddler’s car together.

    • whiteroses

      This warms my geeky, geeky heart.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      I’m glad to hear it! We’ve also exposed her to Warcraft II through a soundboard app on my husband’s tablet, one of the first shows she seemed to enjoy was Futurama, she’s been to two Comic cons so far, she has a Batman activity book, and her first counting book was Dracula-themed. :) We plan to raise our little nerd(s) right. ;)

    • whiteroses

      As it should be! One of my son’s first words was “Who”- and now, every time he sees David Tennant or Tom Baker, he gets REALLY excited- as excited as he gets when he hears the Pioneer Woman theme song.

    • Psych Student

      You are wonderful! My wife is big into Warhammer 40K and plans to tell the future babies stories, especially when they are little and can’t really follow what’s being said anyway.

    • Blahblah

      Your daughter understands everyone can be friends! …Although Riddler might be mad at them joy riding.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      Her playset includes an area where people can be “electrocuted” (Bane has paint on him that shows up under the black lights that light up when you electrocute people). Everyone has been electrocuted at some point or another — so not only can everyone be friends, but everyone can be bad, too. Even Batman.

    • Sarah81

      My daughter LOVES her some Spider-Man. Toys, bouncy balls, pj’s, clothes. Maybe it’s the liberal college town I live in, but everyone says they love her Spider-Man clothes.

    • Valerie

      Ben looks adorable in pink! He wore a pink Tommy Hil polo shirt for Easter. :-)

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      My favorite is the pink “I love Mommy” onesie with navy blue and white polka dot pants. SO CUTE.

    • Rachel Sea

      I actually think the neutral clothes are cuter, for the most part. I don’t really like pink, and sportsball clothes give me hives.

    • Kendra

      I have an aversion to all pastels.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      We have a lot of frog and dinosaur stuff, which is my FAVORITE. We call my daughter Princess Velociraptor, so she ends up in most of the dino stuff even if was intended for her bro. (She’s got triceratops socks on today. She ends up wearing those like 4 out of 5 days that they’re clean, haha.)

    • Valerie

      I had a thing for hedgehogs with Claire. Bought a lot at Gymboree.

    • Valerie

      I thought that about sports clothes. Until I saw my little man in teeny Yankees gear and just about lost it. I try to be subtle with it but we do have a lot of baseball-themed stuff. My fave is a Gymboree t-shirt that has a baseball and says “B is for baseball”. Because we call Ben “B” all the time and baseball has been his fave since he could walk. :-) But yeah, I used to find it really irritating.

    • Rachel Sea

      I make an exception for team stuff, because Go Giants and/or Yankees.

    • Liz

      I’ve been picking out as much neutral stuff as possible. Except for clothes :) they’re cheap enough that I don’t care if I have to buy all new clothes for the next kid!

    • Psych Student

      So my thought was, if we have a girl and then a boy, then the boy gets to wear all the cute pink things. Mostly because their moms like pink.

    • Valerie

      It is a little known fact that your baby WILL give you side-eye for putting them in wrong-gendered clothing and baby artifacts such as bouncy seat, swing, carseat and stroller. My own son acted like I was sitting him on a bed of hot coals whenever I put him in his swing and looking back, it is probably because I made the bad move of putting him in the PINK swing we bought for his sister. I think part of him still hasn’t forgiven me.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      I had to take my son to the doctor last week. The doctor said it was just a cold but I know it’s really because I dressed him in his twin sister’s “I Love Mommy” pink onesie the week before. :(

    • Valerie

      Aimee, I’m sure you are trying your best but I think you have done irreparable damage. You may have even given him The Gay. #HDY

    • Blahblah

      I know my daughter sobs violently if I dare to set her down in the BLUE bouncy chair!

    • Valerie

      See? Its epidemic.

    • SmrtGrl86

      We had a kid born yesterday, do you think we should’ve have a gender reveal party for her? I think she’s pretty cute ;-)

    • keelhaulrose

      Congratulations!

    • SmrtGrl86

      Haha thanks! I get so excited when my girls give birth. I try to be there for all 20 of them and I tear up every damn time, I’m a softie, my husband thinks I’m nuts.

    • Kay_Sue

      Oh my goodness! Only if I can come and play with the kid because he/she is adorable.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      BUNNY! So cute! (I was really confused for a moment because the picture didn’t load for a while and I was like … wow, you get strong wifi in the hospital?)

      p.s. please put a hair bow on that bunny’s ears, what if people thought she was a boy bunny!? SCANDALOUS.

    • Kay_Sue

      Is bunny another word for goat? Or can I not tell animals apart?? Because it is entirely possible that I totally misinterpreted this photo.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      OMG, is that a goat? I saw lop ears and got excited. I’m the world’s worst zoology major.

    • Kay_Sue

      I thought goat at first, but now I do think rabbit. There are long ears in there. But the snout looks more goatish to me, as does the top of the head…

      I am way overthinking this. It’s adorable regardless.

    • Kendra

      I’m LOLing at this conversation. I can’t see the picture, but I would assume she meant goat because she said “kid”, unless they also call baby bunnies kids?

    • Kay_Sue

      Kits or kittens, usually.

    • Kendra

      Well, that’s deceiving.

    • Rachel Sea

      It’s a goat. Baby bunnies are blind little pink things. You can also tell from the horizontal pupils.

    • Kay_Sue

      That is what I thought originally, especially since we call baby goats kids…but then I confused myself.

      I’ve gone off caffeine again. I’m going to blame it for this.

    • SmrtGrl86

      Lol! No it’s a goat I promise. Most of ours have big floppy ears.

    • Kay_Sue

      They are cute. We kept goats at the stable I rode at prior to having kids (because human kids ruin everything…kidding, kidding) to keep the horses company.

    • Psych Student

      To be fair, big floppy ears are the best! Newborn human babies would be much cuter if they had big floppy ears instead of big bug eyes.

    • chill

      You’re right… it’s a (wait for it) baby goat!! AKA a kid

      (it was pretty funny so don’t misinterpret my post as rude. I’m just explaining the joke)

    • Kay_Sue

      That was my first thought too. :)

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      The important thing is that the goat still needs a bow on its ear for gendering purposes.

      (looool that joke went so far over my head, not to mention not being able to identify a large and familiar farmyard mammal. I will show this thread to my children to explain to them that they need to let me sleep through the night so that Mommy doesn’t look like a doofus on the internet the next day.)

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Looks yummy!

    • Linzon

      That is the only gender reveal party I would attend!

    • SmrtGrl86

      And after laying my human kid down for a nap, I went out to the barn and got there just in time to see this cutie being born, it’s a good day :-)

    • Kay_Sue

      In my now expert opinion, that is definitely a baby goat.

      I kind of really want to snuggle it though. Awwwwwwwwww.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Snuggle it? Aren’t you afraid of getting a horny feeling from it? Billy me when I tell you that those hurt. It’s a ba-a-a-a-ad feeling.

    • Kay_Sue

      So you think you’re punny, hmmm?

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Aw, cutie!

    • Morsecode Nimbus

      I had the pleasure of meeting one of these great animals at the local fair last year. What a lovely and friendly little guy he was.I would have bought him in a second if it were feasible. He had a perfectly centered white diamond on the forehead and was so jovial it was amazing.

    • tjsand

      she is sooo cute!!

    • Shelly Lloyd

      OH my gosh! I is dead from cuteness!

    • K.

      Pink gives boys the gay, doncha know?

  • Natasha

    My friends did a gender reveal brunch. They fed us food and mimosas and we had to pin a little bow or mustache to our shirts to show our guess. Then after brunch food, they brought out cupcakes, that had the appropriate color frosting inside. (Pink)

    No one was expected to bring gifts. No one was expected to bring food. We did grab a couple bottles of oj on our way after my friend called me sobbing that she had forgotten the most important part of mimosas.

    It was really just an excuse to have a brunch and tell everyone happy news at the same time. I think if they had expected gifts no one would have gone.

  • Mystik Spiral

    If the stupid gender reveal is also the shower, fine. But if these PRICKS have a shower AFTER the stupid gender reveal, I’m not getting them shit for baby gifts for any of it.

    • A. Levy

      My thoughts exactly. If it’s a shower where gender is also revealed, ok. But for both? That’s like expecting a gift for an engagement party, a bridal shower and a wedding.

  • Sarah

    I am so glad that no one I know would ever do this. Renegade Mama had a funny post about gender reveal parties.

    http://www.renegademothering.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Picture1-1024×775.png

  • Blahblah

    Wait, wait, wait, now I have to buy a present for that??? No! I’m fine MAYBE bringing a small stuffed animal, but this is absurd. Now I have to do a wedding present (and a shower gift?? What the hell!), something for a gender reveal, something for the real baby shower, and something when the baby is born? That is just too much. How about a hug and a hand shake?

    I knew people who did this instead of a shower and asked for nothing. They just wanted a celebration of the baby and a chance to hang out with everyone. And that was fine! That was great! Food and good times! But no, I’m not busting my butt to buy another piece of crap you don’t need.

  • JenH1986

    I hate gender reveal parties. Hate them. Pointless. Even if the parents aren’t asking for shit, no one cares that their kid has a penis or a vagina (though, they might care if they have both). The hubs and I don’t plan on finding out at ALL what we are having. Let alone some bullshit “reveal” party. I’ve only seen ONE couple pull it off. They had their parents over for dinner, then they had a cake with the frosting in the middle. All 6 learned at the same time. It was a fun night for them and it was mostly a way to bring everyone in on the upcoming baby. That is ok. The huge party? no. no. no.

    • Valerie

      I would be all over a Hermaphrodite Reveal party.

  • Jessica

    Eh, I’m Ok with this assuming the parents are having this sort of party in lieu of a regular baby shower. Actually, it kind of sounds like fun. But then, I tend to actually like most of my friends.

  • Alene

    We had our sex reveal (because I have no idea how my child is going to identify later in life) this weekend. The main reason we had it was because it was an excuse to have really fucking good cake from a fancy bakery. There were no invitations, as the only people we invited were our family and a few really close friends, who we know well enough to call on the phone or invite in person. We ate delicious cheeseburgers, beer and wine was a given. We were fully aware that nobody cared as much as we did (aside from his dad, who was genuinely upset that we weren’t having a boy this time. For real. ) and it was really fun. Nobody brought gifts, because we made it quite clear that this was just dinner at our house plus colored cake.

    • AmandaSam325

      This is perfect. And thank you for calling it a sex reveal. I wish more people were sensitive to the difference between gender and sex.

    • Katja Yount

      I’ve heard of people incorporating sex reveals in their baby showers so they can encourage guests to bring more gender neutral and practical gifts to the shower. I kind of like that idea and how after the gift giving is all over you can wheel out a delicious cake with blue or pink innards. Might even curb getting a glut of adorable fancy new born dresses that the baby would outgrow and never have a chance to wear.

    • Alene

      I’ve heard of that too! For us, we just didn’t want to wait to find out or tell people. Usually showers happen in the 3rd trimester (in my experience) and finding out the sex can be much earlier. It works for us, because like I said, it was really laid back. As long as nobody is being gift grabby or obnoxious, I don’t think the idea of a sex reveal in and of itself is bad.

    • Psych Student

      You and your sweetie sound brilliant and freaking awesome! Congratulations!

  • Jessifer

    I don’t care what kind of pre/post baby celebrations my friends decide to do… I’m buying ONE gift and that’s it. Heck, I’ll even buy a gift for those who don’t do a baby shower at all because not everyone wants to have one but they’d still appreciate a gift in any case.

    I apply the same philosophy for weddings: ONE gift. No more.

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  • val97

    This reminds me of my sister in law’s registries for: an engagement party, a bridal shower, a lingerie shower, and the wedding. There was also the bachelorette party in Vegas. Luckily (?) they got divorced before any babies happened. I can’t even imagine how many shower ideas they would have come up with.

    • Rachel Sea

      A lingerie shower sounds like something that should seriously be happening in private between two consenting adults.

    • val97

      All I can say without sounding like a terrible person is that it was awkward.

    • Ursi

      wait a second, your brother’s wife?? SO AWKWARD.

      “Hey baby, this is from your sister!”

    • Kay_Sue

      I honestly don’t mind a lingerie shower. They can be a lot of fun. But I’ve only seen them thrown in lieu of either the bridal shower or the bachelorette…I’ve not met anyone (knock on wood) that did all three events.

    • Megan Zander

      Sounds like that would be a fab reality show

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Sister-in-law as in your husband/partner’s sister or as in your brother’s now-ex-wife? If she’s your husband/partner’s sister and therefore still a part of your life, brace yourself for round two – don’t expect her to dial it back for her second wedding. These folks never do.

    • val97

      My husband’s brother’s ex wife. So yeah, I haven’t seen her in years now. I’m very happy that his new wife seems normal.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Whew. You dodged a bullet there!

  • keelhaulrose

    I had a friend do one of these… and for those of us unable to attend we got a minute-by-minute update of the festivities.
    The only thing worse than a gender-reveal party, is an online one (with links to various registries)

  • SA

    We had a tiny group of friends over to the house the evening we found out the sex to ‘reveal’ the gender. Champagne and homemade cupcakes (of which I furnished & had both *gasp*) and everyone went on their way. These were the friends that would have probably been knocking down our door to find out if we hadn’t had them over. My invite was a text message the week before. I can’t imagine having the audacity to ask for gifts! One person did bring a unisex onesie which was very sweet. I didn’t even think people registered until after the 20 week ultrasound anyway, I mean we all think of it as the sex reveal, but it is actually the anatomy scan which will clue you in on any big issues, I wouldn’t try to make a huge party until after that.

  • K.

    Okay, so I had a gender-reveal SHOWER. Basically, we cut a cake at the
    shower and it revealed the gender. But it was a shower otherwise. And I was
    really surprised that there were a few–not a lot, but a few–people who were
    scandalized that they COULDN’T purchase something gendered. I’m a unisexy
    kind of girl, so I was a bit shocked at the realization that for some people,
    the whole pink or blue thing is a very big deal.

    • Megan Zander

      I think that’s fun, it’s a little extra something at the shower but it’s not asking for extra gifts.

    • K.

      Ya know, it WAS fun–it was coed! And there was champagne and beer, so that helped too.

    • brebay

      co-ed showers are definitely more fun.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      We also revealed the twins’ gender at our shower (because we didn’t want gendered gifts, haha) but I also heard stories about relatives who were angry we didn’t tell people beforehand, including at least one who was concerned that we might make inadvertently have gay kids if someone bought a lot of blue and we had two daughters, or a lot of pink and we had two sons. *deal with it sunglasses fall from the sky onto my face*

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      colors make you gay? awesome. FWIW I will always bring gifts to a reveal/shower combo. Just not two separate ones.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      Oh yeah, that’s my feeling as well. We added a reveal to the shower basically because people were going apeshit over not knowing, and also because I realized it would give people something to do other than stare at me for a while, which was a definite plus. (I brought cupcake wrappers filled with multicolor M&Ms to the shower for each place setting and two of them had a piece of paper buried in the M&M’s, one that said “It’s a Boy” and one that said “It’s a Girl”. ) Basically I would reveal a hundred people’s babies sexes if it got me out of the shower spotlight for five minutes.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I LOVE your letter at the end of this article, and the very brilliant creation of PRICKS. It was epic. *applause*

    • Ashley Austrew

      That sounds super fun! I don’t know why people are so worried about being able to buy boy/girl crap. At my baby shower, people already knew the sex, but I didn’t have a name picked out and I got crap for that. “We wanted to get you monogrammed/printed/whatever blah blah blah…” I was like, dude. Just buy lotion or something, or just show up and eat some cake with me. All of this name/sex stuff does not matter!

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      The name reveal! OMG. My husband’s aunt/godmother was apparently? all upset that I wasn’t sharing the name we’d picked out for my first, and we were jokingly referring to her as baby noname. She was saying she was thinking of getting a tag for her gift to us that was from the NoName line of products (Canadian grocery thing), but was worried I’d be offended.

      This is the same lady who asked if I did the “ring test” above my belly to determine whether or not she was a girl, insisted on taking a belly pic of me (when none had been taken of me throughout my pregnancy to that point), and told me at least twice of the mis-read of her DIL’s U/S (DIL was told she was having a girl, later revealed to be a boy) in response to me saying we were having a girl. Yes, because that happened to one person you know, it will automatically happen to ALL the people.

      (She’s a nice lady, but sometimes I really have little patience for her… she has to be “babied” by everyone and it’s infuriating to witness — and off-topic for this comment).

      We also ran into the DJ coordinator from our wedding at a friend’s wedding (we’d recommended the company) while I was pregnant, and she was trying to push me into telling her the name we’d chosen: “Come on, I’ll never see you again!” — Woman, my own mother doesn’t know the name yet, back off.

    • ladygrace

      My sisters were so pissed that I wouldn’t tell them the name we had picked out, they named the baby themselves. Julius. It was hilarious. I never did tell them the name.

  • Moony

    I’m quite firmly against the whole “Pink and Blue” gender stereotyping . So I’m quite firmly reject the entire concept of gender reveal parties. After all, gender doesn’t matter, right? So why host a crap-tastic gathering and expect me to fork out money for it? o.O

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Yeah. If I’m ever invited to one of these, I’ll be tempted to give a snarky gift, like a onesie that says “gender is a social construct” or a book about a trans kid or something.

    • brebay

      Very cool. I might actually go to one if I could find something like that.

  • Layla

    I know this is my personal preference but I am always a bit saddened to hear when people find out the sex of the baby. It was very exciting to not know and to find out once I actually popped out the baby. I feel like I am more in the minority on this feeling as most seem to find out these days. Does anyone else feel same way?

    As for gender reveal parties, I would be okay with it if it replaced the bridal shower but it definitely should not be in addition to. Very gift grabby if you ask me.

    • K.

      I totally wanted to wait until the birth but my husband didn’t want to. We compromised with the gender-reveal shower (1 event, not 2)

    • Layla

      My husband did also want to know but I won out both times. Boo yah lol was it wrong to use the “well I’m carrying this baby” card? For the second baby though he did not put up a fight as long as I agreed to do the genetic testing tests so I was like fine.

    • Katherine Handcock

      I know several people who wanted to wait too, so you’re not alone! In my case, I was glad I found out for my first – for whatever reason, I’d never been able to picture having a son, so knowing I was having a boy gave me a while to get the “It’s a WHAT?” out of my system before I had to actually take care of him :-)

    • Lackadaisical

      We waited to find out with all three of ours and baby showers aren’t a thing here so we didn’t have (or expect) pre baby gifts. I really find this all a bit grabby.

    • shel

      It’s still a surprise no matter when you find out… but I think it’s definitely up to personal preference. Some people enjoy the wait and the excitement of finding out during the birth.
      We had all of that excitement going into the ultrasound when we knew we were going to find out. Plus it helped us decide which direction to go with painting/decorating since we had just bought a new house. If we have another, we’ll probably find out before birth again, since logistically it will matter as to how we arrange rooms/ beds/cribs etc. and I’d rather have that done before baby arrives. But, like most things parenting, it’s all about what works for each family.
      I am a no on the party idea though… unless it’s the shower… but to have an extra party and expect more gifts? NO!

    • brebay

      I don’t know why anyone would care about this as an “issue.” Do what you want, but why would you even care whether somebody else finds out? It’s exciting either way. I found it more exciting to be able to picture my child, and it’s kind of hard to picture a gender-neutral child. But that’s me, I just don’t understand why you’d have a “position” on this besides just doing what you prefer and letting others do what they prefer.

    • Layla

      If you read my post you would see I did say I know this is my personal preference. I was just commenting. Geesh

    • brebay

      So was I. Fuck!

  • Liz

    My husband and I wanted to do a little cake reveal just for ourselves. Then we decided we’re not quite that dramatic, and we just found out over the phone when the amnio results came in lol oh well. We were so relieved to hear everything was okay with the baby that having any kind of “gender reveal” party after that just seemed silly.

    • brebay

      I don’t think I would have the patience not to know while the cake-baker knew.

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    Whatever happened to people having a party just for the hell of it? If they insist on throwing this kind of party then fine, but it is insane to expect a present.

  • browndiva

    I always thought the most important thing about pregnancy is producing a HEALTHY BABY.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Nope, it’s the presents.

    • whiteroses

      Pass the loot!

    • brebay

      I don’t think that negates having a preference, but I’d keep it to myself, not advertise it.

    • Di Another Day

      Nope, it’s about BEING A MOMMY. The baby is basically just a prop.

  • Frannie

    My gender reveal party was me, my husband and our youngest in the exam room at the ultrasound. I’ll tell people who ask, but that’s it. This is my 3rd pregnancy and I’ve never even had a baby shower. I find that people don’t actually care that much. If they really want to know, they know where to find me.

  • whiteroses

    Nobody, but nobody, cares as much about the gender of your baby as you do, except its grandparents. Everyone else just cares if its healthy. I mean, if you want to have a barbeque or whatever and say, “Hey, everyone, Junior’s a…” then rock on. But expecting presents for this? What planet do these people live on?

    • brebay

      A lot of grandparents I know aren’t into this. They find it all a bit obnoxious. I was just on the phone with my friend who had to sit through this for her son’s girlfriend who already has 2 boys by her ex-husband and “accidentally” got pregnant right when her boyfriend was talking about going to grad school out-of-state. Anyway, apparently she cut into the blue cake and exclaimed “But I wanted a girl!” Long…awkward…pause. My friend is a good sport and will be nothing but nice to this girl, but she was laughing hysterically at how stupid the whole thing was.

    • whiteroses

      Oh, I agree. I think gender reveal parties are dumb, honestly. My son is the only grandson on either side of the family, and my parents and in laws were interested in knowing the gender, but it never would have occurred to either my husband or I to throw a party over it. We called or texted the relevant people then made an announcement over Facebook a few days later. No big deal. Maybe it’s just that we’re lazy, but a gender reveal party is a lot of effort over something that not a lot of people really care about.

      It’s this idea that some parents have that their child is the first baby born in all of creation. When it comes to my friend’s or family’s kids, all I care about is if they and their baby are ok. I couldn’t possibly care less what organs said kids are toting around.

  • clarissa

    I think making a gender reveal SHOWER rather than party is different(as in the only shower you are having(or at least that group of friends is going to). I would actually love gender neutral stuff because if you’re planning on more than one, you might get the opposite gender next time and all the frills and pink don’t help then.(im assuming those who get all pink for their daughter would have a heart attack at a little boy in a pink onesie.) Or for a second or third baby or so on, where you just wanna celebrate the baby but don’t expect gifts.

  • Stacey

    Not all people who ask for gifts at gender reveal parties are bad. When I was pregnant with our first kid(a girl), my wife and I had a gender reveal party at our house. We wrote “Feel free to bring gifts for the sex you think it will be!” on the bottom of the invitation. We’re not jerks, and we didn’t MAKE people bring gifts. Not all people who ask for gifts are bad.

    • Stacey

      And I’m going to add that it was a sex reveal/baby shower sort of. We called it a baby party, because I cannot with people who have showers AND gender reveals.

    • Layla

      Still tacky to throw yourself a shower and write on the invite anything about gifts. Most people would’ve probably bought gifts if you just invited them without having to ask.

    • sandra richter

      Stacy, I’ll say it again. One Never Asks For Gifts. It is rude, tacky, selfish and low class. Ditto money.

    • whiteroses

      I don’t understand why it has to be a separate thing, personally. While everyone’s at the shower, say, “Oh, by the way, I’m having a…” But the point is that it’s tacky to expect gifts for both, esp. if they’re two separate occasions. Have one party, get presents from that, call it a day.
      The only situation I can think of where that “rule” might be relaxed is if you have a work shower and a “friend” shower, but the line there is pretty thin imho.

    • brebay

      You may not be a bad person, but that’s tacky as hell.

    • whiteroses

      I’m sorry, but I have to agree here. Maybe it’s just me, but I was raised not to put registration information etc. on an invitation. If they know you well enough, they can call you themselves and ask about gifts. If they don’t, why did you invite them to a party?

    • Gangle

      Oh I am glad I am not the only one! I am not having a baby shower either. If people want to buy my baby a gift, they are welcome to. I do not require anyone to get my baby a gift. I do not rely on them. I am more concerned about catching up with friends before the baby comes, and would rather we catch up for a cup of tea over the kitchen table.

    • mattiereadsabook

      Honest question just out of curiosity: so, there’s been talk on here before about a diapers-and-formula shower. How are the party-throwers supposed to let people know about that? When does Emily Post say it is appropriate to let the guests know where they are registered or about non-traditional gift situations? Again, I’m honestly wondering. I like doing things the proper,polite way!

    • Ursi

      So the actual etiquette approved way to let people know about a registry is to provide the registry info to those who are hosting the party and then when guests call to RSVP or else call to ask about gifts the info can be given.

      Technically it is always rude to mention gifts on an invite. Even “no gifts” is a presumption. But what people forget is that in absence of instruction many will ask what is appropriate. At this time it is polite to say, “she is registered at X” or “she is interested in X” or “she prefers diapers and formula”. This relieves any burden on the giver as they have requested the info with the intention of giving a gift.

      Now I’m not so old school that I’d be affronted by registry info with a shower invite. It’s technically not correct but since the point of the shower is gifts I wouldn’t complain. However when people do this on wedding invites, for example, it’s really glaring.

      Edit: If you actually do want just a diapers and formula shower I think you can put that right on the invitation in a way that indicates that’s the whole point of the party. The terms that are usually non-etiquette approved are those like “paper shower” which indicates cash only (never ok to come out and ask for)

    • whiteroses

      Yes. Like a “Diapers and Formula” shower as part of the theme on the invite- but I still stand by my original statement. In other words, I agree with you.

    • sandra richter

      One who has class never, ever asks for gifts. Ever. Even those raised in a barn often figure this out (I was) before they are 25.

  • Jennie Blair

    I literally asked my sister in law to have me committed for psychiatric care if I have a sex reveal party or the expensive/moronic photo shoot. Ankle biters are expensive, I’m not wasting money on a photo shoot and party when I could just as easily tell people via the phone, plus no boring ass party that no one wants to be at worried that I’m demanding shit.

  • Sarahstired

    I will never attend one of these “parties.” It lacks everything about a party that I like and now they want gifts?!

  • Ashley Austrew

    Why is this a thing? Why are we calling it gender when it’s really sex? Why is this a thing? Why is…? WHY?

    When we found out the sex, I baked cupcakes with pink centers. We took our parents/siblings out to a yummy dinner and fed them the cupcakes and we all smiled and then we went home because guess what? Outside of your immediate family, NO 1 CURRR. And they certainly shouldn’t be expected to bring gifts because your kid has a vagina.

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  • Iciepup

    We had this awesome sex-reveal party! We decided to hold it at the hospital, and we invited the doctor and a few nurses and residents. I revealed the sex of my daughter by popping a baby girl out of my vagina. It was very exciting. The best gift: the baby. The worst gift: the episiotomy.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      my worst gift was hemorrhoids. second worse was the episiotomy. :/

  • Abby

    Is there really a reason for gender reveal parties beyond “hey that’s a fun cake”? Because that’s all I can come up with.

    We didn’t really have a gender reveal party. I just used the new fancy cupcake tools I’d gotten as a Christmas gift (because DH knows that I can’t resist new baking equipment) to make little cupcakes with blue frosting in the middle. Everyone already knew we were having a boy; we just ate the cupcakes because cupcakes.

    • Di Another Day

      Cupcakes are always a valid reason for cupcakes.

  • practicallyperfectineveryway

    There are so many things to comment on but I’m gonna skip over the obvious ones and wonder aloud why you don’t just register for things in a color you like? I’m a girl and my mother dressed me in blue and no one cared on account of the fact that I was a BABY and BABIES ARE CUTE no matter what color their stroller/onesie/etc is…

    • whiteroses

      Yep. My son has long, blonde curly hair at the age of two, and people have argued with me if he’s a boy or a girl. It’s really not that big a deal. He wears his fair share of pink, but who cares?

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      argued with you?? oh my goodness.

    • whiteroses

      Oh yeah. I kind of got the sense that a lot of people were just arguing to argue.

    • Gangle

      Yeah, I never got that either. I am having a girl, but to fit in with my families wishes, I haven’t told them what we are having (they all apparently are desperate for the surprise). They have all been buying little bits and bobs for the baby. Honestly, I don’t give a crap if it is ‘girls stuff’ or ‘boys stuff’ simply because my baby won’t give a crap. I doubt she will care if her onsie has dinosaurs and trucks or flowers and ponies on it. Either way, she will be the most adorable baby ever, just like the baby of every mother ever.

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  • sandra richter

    Theresa is my hero.

  • tk88

    I’d totally bring a gender studies book that talks about the social problems caused by gender stereotyping.

  • Caitlin Burrows

    Is the Gender Reveal Thing in addition to a baby shower, or instead of one? Because if it’s in addition to a baby shower, that’s a bit much to be expecting gifts at both events. A gender reveal party is not a traditional thing, so there’s no “right way” to do things. (And not to be Miss Manners, but expecting gifts is never the “right way”). If the gender reveal party is instead of a baby shower, then if the guests choose to, they can bring gifts to that.

    All that being said, save for the pink rosebuds on my white Christening gown, I don’t remember my parents dressing me in pink.

  • Buffy

    Wow, I really don’t believe this stuff!
    Gender reveal party?
    I don’t even understand this ‘shower’ things (bridal/ baby/who knows).
    Here you get presents AFTER your wedding or giving birth — so your friends already know the gender. What’s next? Menstruation party? Or menstruation shower (I don’t like the pictures in my head right now…).
    Are we really such special snowflakes that we need a special something for everything?

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