• Mon, May 5 - 12:00 pm ET

The Only Thing Creepier Than Purity Balls Are The Photos That Emerge From Them

Purity Balls have been in the news quite a bit; the unfortunately named father/daughter dance in which a daughter pledges her virginity to her father until her wedding day. The whole idea of that makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit – but the photos that emerge from some of these events are even creepier than pledging your virginity to daddy.

Purity Ring Ceremonies

What may be even weirder than a mock marriage to your daddy as a preteen, are the posed photos that emerge from some of these events. Think prom-meets-engagement-photos-meets-who-the-hell’s-idea-was-this?  Whoever had the idea of making these photos resemble real wedding photos needs therapy. Actually, I skipped some people; whoever decided this should be a thing and then went about making it so needs all the therapy.  I wish I could post them, but they’re copyrighted – so I’ll just post a few candid shots of the events so you can get the idea.

Purity Ring Ceremonies

In case you haven’t heard of a Purity Ball, here is the gist: Dad escorts his daughter to a dance. Daughter is wearing a white gown that looks disturbingly like a wedding gown. They exchange rings and sign this creepy contract:

Purity Covering and Covenant

________________’s father, choose before
God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of
purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and Father. I will be a man
of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and
my family as the High Priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to
influence generations to come.

Then they share an eye-locked dance and take photos that look like a man with his child bride. Not weird at all. One father explained that after the girl dons her purity ring she is  “married to the Lord” and her father is her “boyfriend.” Huh?

The idea of a father/daughter dance is sweet, but these balls take it to a creepy, archaic level. I’m certain there’s not a mother/son equivalent, because men and boys are rarely perceived as property that needs to be kept pure to eventually be passed on like some weird virgin dowry.

(photos: Getty Images)

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  • biggerthanthesound

    Gross

  • CMJ
    • Megan Zander

      Is this Pride and Prejudice? My favorite book!

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Megan, that’s a movie… duh!

    • KaeTay

      They didn’t have balls for purity.. they did it to show social status

  • K.

    If
    there’s anyone out there who has been to one of these AND believes in it as a
    tradition that’s meant something positive to their lives, I really would be
    interested to hear. To my eyes, as an outsider, this is gross. Not to mention
    anti-women.

  • Andrea

    I saw those on buzzfeed last weekend; and I am sorry, but I puked in my mouth a little.

    ETA: not really sorry.

    ETA2: I swear I posted this before I read the article…sorry you puked too. ;)

  • Valerie

    I still cannot get past the phrase Purity Balls. It sounds like a special manly soap.

    • Megan Zander

      Hahahahahahahahahahaha

    • Megan Zander

      The ad would have to be be something about using it on Monday to fix whatever mess you got into over the weekend. Like at the end of a crazy vodka commercial.

    • Valerie

      Yesss.

    • Rachel Sea

      One that kills crabs.

    • Megan Zander

      Yes!

    • Sarah

      As if men care about having clean balls

    • Abel

      I care about having clean balls :(

    • JJ

      Can we make a commercial for this similar to those awful douche product commercials for the ladies?

      Not feeling so fresh down there guys? Try Purity Balls with a fresh scent! Just put a little spritz down there your junk can smell like whatever you want: a fresh meadow, bacon, beer, or the ocean breeze. If you really want pure balls approved by the lord try our new scent called Christian Martyr available in misogynist style and super creepy dad style. Available at Walmart and all local retailers.

    • Valerie

      Hahahahaha. If my husband could make his junk smell like bacon I’d buy a dozen!

    • Jonas

      I’d imagine that if you marketed bacon flavor soap for peoples junk, you’d soon be a very, VERY wealthy person.

    • JustaVisiting

      Right? horrible things come to mind…

  • Megan Zander

    Maria, you should watch the documentary “Virgin Tales” it follows the guy who started these, Randy Wilson, and his family for a year. They’re kinda like the Duggars, only with makeup and heels. The focus of it is on his 20 year old daughter, who, unlike her older siblings, has yet to marry and feels adrift. It’s a great film shown from a more left leaning angle, so you won’t want to break the TV.

  • MellyG

    so disturbing on so many levels

  • Rachel Sea

    These touch my brain in a no-no place. I wish these girls all the therapy, and plenty of age-appropriate, non-incestuous, consentual sex whenever THEY decide it’s time.

  • keetakat

    MUST…
    UNSEE…
    THIS…

  • keelhaulrose

    I’m usually a “to each their own” type of person, but things like purity balls get my blood boiling. What a misogynistic bunch of crap. Sex is not dirty, and having sex sites not mean you’re dirty or impure.

  • SunnyD847

    My husband would never go for this because that would mean acknowledging that our girls have such a thing as virginity and that they might lose said virginity someday. He does not want to think about that AT ALL!

  • Butt Trophy Recipient

    First picture… the second dad from the left… he ain’t got too much to worry about.

    just sayin’

    • Megan Zander

      Picking on kids= poor form.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      PPsshh… I’m an equal opportunity troll

      ;P

    • Kay_Sue

      Trust me, man. These girls have enough to worry about it. And these are beliefs that are forced on them, brainwashed into them, every day unless they manage to escape as adults. Have a little compassion, my internet friend.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      :( Sorry

      I’ll go sit in the corner for a timeout

    • Kay_Sue

      <<<< Was one of those girls, although thank God, while our church was fully conservative and fundamentalist, my parents were not fully bought into it to the extreme that they felt my dad "owned" my virginity….bleck. So I have to push for some compassion. It's a hard viewpoint for them to shake. I still struggle with it.

    • Chelsea DeLoney

      She’s beautiful.

  • Emily Wight

    I think the mother-son equivalent is Mother Boy. Can we work together to make it happen?

  • Alicia Kiner

    If this was a way to protect girls from dangerous situations, we’d all be all for this. Unfortunately, it’s creepy, and misogynistic, and more than a little frightening. I’m all for us (parents) teaching our daughters that sex is a big deal, and shouldn’t be had on a whim. We need to include our sons in these, and include teaching respect for self and for others. Teach girls to stand up for themselves, and each other when they see stuff like that Steubenville debacle happening. This?! All this does is teach girls that sex is bad, and they’re bad people if they don’t keep their word. Also, what happens if one of these dads is a pedo, and/or the girl gets raped? Then what?

    • noodlestein

      The way the dad with the girl in the green dress in the first photo is posed, I think she definitely has to worry about this. SO. CREEPY.

  • LK

    It’s the “daddy owns your virginity and all associated whatevers” that makes this so so creepy. Feel strongly about your kid not having sex before marriage. Ok. I get it. Not super realistic, but I can understand the inclination as a parent. But a showy display declaring all intentions by all involved. CREEPY. And not to mention STUPID. These girls are doing what Daddy said (and some of them are WAY young to be making any sort of pledge of their potential sexies for later). This is totally MEANINGLESS. Teach your freaking daughter to respect herself enough to take ownership over her own body and WHATEVER that entails. This crap does not equip your daughter with anything but a paternalistic mandate that she TOTALLY won’t rebel against in another year or two. And of course boys don’t have to do stuff like this, because if freaking harlots would not tempt them with their wiley ways, no inappropriate sexiness of any kind would take place ever.

    • Kay_Sue

      and some of them are WAY young to be making any sort of pledge of their potential sexies for later

      I completely agree. One of my many, many fundamental disagreements with purity teachings is that they are often presented first at an age when a child–because that’s what they are–has no real idea of what they are agreeing to. If you agree at nine or ten not to have sex with no real idea of what it even is, and then you have it at 16, then you have guilt compounded from so many levels. Informed consent (of a sort) means nothing in these scenarios.

  • Kendra

    NO.

  • Kay_Sue

    I found these Purity Portraits through No Longer Quivering: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2014/05/purity-portraits/.

    No kidding, guys, these look like wedding photos. Or even pregnancy photos–several of them had dads’ hands resting protectively over their daughters’ wombs…so freaky. So, so freaky.

    • Sara610

      WUT.

    • Kay_Sue

      My thoughts exactly.

    • Alicia Kiner

      freaky is right… looks like posters for a horror movie

    • Kay_Sue

      I know. And the girls all share this dejected expression. We agreed on NQL that they must have been going for “solemn” but all I read is resignation. It makes me sad.

    • SunnyD847

      Oh, those are just awful. Why does the dad have his eyes closed in ecstasy while rubbing up against his daughter? Also, in one photo those girls are barely in elementary school. WTH?

    • Kay_Sue

      I know, they are wrong on so many levels.

    • Rana

      Really, the closed eyes are creepy as hell!!! And with the arms around the stomach they look like pregnancy pictures!

    • CMJ

      I had to stop looking at them….

    • Kay_Sue

      I made it through somehow, and when I showed them to my husband (because a-I like to torture him and b-I couldn’t stand being the only one in the house traumatized), he was completely appalled as a father of girls. How any sane man can look at those and think, Yes, this is something I should do, is completely beyond us.

    • Rachel Sea

      I wonder if the photographer is secretly grossed out by these people. The stark backgrounds and cold, overexposed light make them look part of some post-apocalyptic thriller. The girls’ expressions are eerily like most of the pictures I’ve seen of third world child brides.

    • Kay_Sue

      I have wondered that also, because they really do look like quite damning to the culture.

    • Pappy

      They are eerily reminiscent of fundamentalist Latter-Day Saint pictures of men and their teenage wives. I honestly think you could slip a few pictures of various “prophets” with their ?-teenth wife in there and be hard=pressed to tell them apart.

    • LiteBrite

      I liked the comments on these. Like the person who pointed out the way the dads are posing with their daughters is eerily reminiscent of a romantic pose between a sexual couple. I agree.

      And the other commenter who asked the age-old question, “What about the sons?” Oh that’s right. It’s never the boy’s fault and always the fault of those slutty temptresses. Of course it is.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      Hooooly crap. I don’t even know what to say about those, except WTF?! The one with the two little girls in it where the older looks like she’s in, what, fourth grade? That makes the already-implausible “informed” consent for these balls referenced in an earlier comment even more laughable. Yeah, I’m sure your 9-year-old understands fully what it means to foreswear her sexuality.

    • Kay_Sue

      You know those promiscuous nine year olds, man. Gotta keep ‘em in check. *rolls eyes*

    • whiteroses

      I’ll be honest. If I didn’t know these girls were their daughters, I’d be wondering where the wedding veils were. And that, to me, is a picture that doesn’t need to be taken. EVER.

    • hell no.

      da. fuq. I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so glad I do not have a daughter. Also that I have enough brains to nix this kind of… event.

    • Mystik Spiral

      Why did I look at those?!? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I WANT TO STAB MY EYES!!!

    • Kay_Sue

      Just breathe, my friend. It will pass in time.

    • RayneofCastamere

      I hope you’re happy. I’m going to have nightmares until the heat death of the universe. Thank God my dad’s a sane, normal person.

    • Kay_Sue

      *looks appropriately shamed*

    • RayneofCastamere

      Why? Why must you inflict these horrid visions upon my delicate brain meats? Think of my brain meats!

    • Kay_Sue

      I promise to try to do better in the future. ;)

  • Greta Young

    I DON’T WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE.

  • AP

    The girl in the pale blue dress in the 2nd photo has a priceless look on her face. Like, “This is BS,” or “What did I just agree to?”

  • Ursi

    I agree with all those who think this is a bunch of misogynist crap.

    I am 100% for people making a choice for purity. That’s totally A-ok. It’s part of my belief system and if it’s a part of theirs too I support it.

    Modesty, chastity, servitude; these are all Christian virtues. The ultra-conservative push to make them WOMENS virtues, as if men aren’t called to this image, as if men are somehow the ones who are supposed to benefit from these virtues in women, makes me absolutely ill.

    If you do not hold your sons to the same standard as your daughters then your standard is worthless. If you think that a father owns any part of his daughter then you’re setting her up for failure.

    • LiteBrite

      “Modesty, chastity, servitude; these are all Christian virtues. The
      ultra-conservative push to make them WOMENS virtues, as if men aren’t
      called to this image, as if men are somehow the ones who are supposed to
      benefit from these virtues in women, makes me absolutely ill.”

      Agree with this so much. As someone who spent a lot of time in a very conservative Protestant church, I saw this firsthand. I have no problem with modesty, chastity, and servitude being values to uphold. I do, however, have a problem with the only onus being on women to do so.

  • Abby

    Everyone in these photos looks completely and predictably miserable. Nobody is smiling! Even in the posed ones! I mean, you’d think that even if this was meant to be a solemn occasion, they could at least turn up the corners of their mouths a little bit for the posed photos, but everyone looks like the purity ball is going to end with all the virgin daughters being thrown into a volcano. Wtf.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      At least if you throw them into a volcano you can guarantee they won’t have the S-E-X!

  • tk88

    I think the title in itself summed it up.

  • Brandon Isaacs

    Sorry, but I’m gonna go ahead and vote drone strike on this shit. Deeply disturbing in so many ways. I get creepiest vibes from this kinda stuff man. Like underground colony of inbred cultists or something. It’s just not right…

    • G.S.

      I find your avatar to be fittingly appropriate.

    • Brandon Isaacs

      Indeed, I find it’s a accurate depiction of my inner jaded old man.

  • Sarah
  • Chelsea DeLoney

    This is the wrong message to be spreading. There’s no use in saying “I can’t believe this is happening in 2014″ which was my initial response. It doesn’t matter what year it is… this is just disgusting and just not realistic. EW.

  • Sarah

    And SURE there’s a male equivalent! Motherboy!

    http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq8vhsVh0c1qcm16uo1_1280.jpg

    • Sarah

      oops I tried to delete this after I saw Motherboy had been sufficiently covered :x

    • Kay_Sue

      So not sufficiently covered. This is perfect. :-P

    • Sarah

      Hahaha :) I posted it up there when I thought this was deleted but I guess you really can’t see it too many times.

    • Mystik Spiral

      Can Motherboy ever REALLY be sufficiently covered?

    • Kay_Sue

      I don’t think so. There’s always more material there.

  • Sara610

    Okay, if I were going to be a complete conspiracy theorist, I would think that a man who wants to do inappropriate (read: sexually abusive) things to his daughter would totally raise her in this culture. Because what better way to make sure that your daughter will keep her mouth shut about anything that happens to her sexually, whether consensual or not, than to a) make her feel like her sexuality is sinful and something to be ashamed of and b) give her the idea that her sexuality is something that her father “owns” in the first place?

    In that light, some of the poses that these fathers are taking with their daughters are really disturbing.

    In no way am I saying that all fathers who raise their daughters in this culture are sexually abusing them. But it does seem like a really great way to set the stage for a situation where sexual abuse is something that the girl either doesn’t know how to recognize or doesn’t feel empowered to speak up about.

    • Kay_Sue

      A lot of “survivors” of purity culture are coming forward and saying that the culture was also deeply damaging to their concepts of consent, so it can be very hard for girls to feel safe even reporting a violation. In fact, it can be hard for them to even label it as such, because it is so ingrained into you that it’s your job to make sure no one lusts after you.

      There are a lot of good people that believe in it because it is a tenet of their faith, but I think you are absolutely right–for someone that wants to abuse young people, you can actually find a very vulnerable audience there.

      Not only that, but in some more extreme traditions, abuse is even downplayed if a “man of God” is involved, like Debi Pearl does for Bill Gothard here (warning: link is really infuriating): http://nogreaterjoy.org/2014/04/24/debi-pearl-weighs-iblp-situation/. Victims are accused of not putting the good of millions of unsaved souls before their own abuse.

    • http://salemthegoddess.com/ salemthegoddess

      This is a quote from Elizabeth Smart.

      “I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value,” Smart said. “Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.”

      http://feministing.com/2013/05/06/elizabeth-smart-says-abstinence-only-education-made-her-feel-like-a-chewed-up-piece-of-gum/

    • Kay_Sue

      Yeah, it was actually reading a quote from her back in 2009/2010 that made me go, “Oh my, this was a fucked up way to be raised” initially. She’s got so many insightful thoughts on the subject, and I honestly cried the first time I read her account of laying on the ground feeling worthless and wondering who would want her after she was kidnapped and *raped*.

      This culture is damaging to young girls, and the damage has nothing to do with abstinence and everything to do with forcing these values of humiliation and shame down their throats.

    • Sara610

      BOOM. That’s it exactly–I get so irritated when proponents of this culture say that critics are “against abstinence” or “for promiscuity” or “against family values”. Humiliation, shame and abuse are not family values, and if you want to teach your kids abstinence until marriage–great! Go for it, even though that’s not how I personally would do it. But there are a lot of ways to do that without all of this horrible-ness.

    • Kay_Sue

      So true. I absolutely believe in teaching kids about abstinence *as one option*. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to abstain. There’s something terribly wrong with teaching people that sex is wrong, and setting girls up to define their entire self-worth by these concepts. I hate it when I get accused of being anti-abstinence when I argue against purity teachings. I’m not anti-abstinence. I’m pro-”giving kids a healthy and realistic outlook on sex”.

    • Sara610

      I think I’ve written about this on here before, but as part of my job I oversee a comprehensive sex-ed program called Our Whole Lives (OWL). The program is based on several assumptions, and one of them is that it’s best for young adolescents not to engage in sexual intercourse–not because it’s bad or sinful, but because it comes with potentially major and life-altering consequences and it’s better not to have sex until you’re old enough to handle those consequences.

      Having said that, the program also understands that some adolescents are going to choose to have sex, and everyone’s ready at different times–so it also teaches that sex is healthy, natural and needs to be treated with responsibility. That includes making informed decisions about consent, birth control, STD prevention, etc.

      But one of the reasons I love OWL is that it treats sexuality as a multi-faceted thing of which intercourse is only one part. It gives equal attention to communication, fostering healthy relationships and recognizing unhealthy ones, decision making, etc. It’s an amazing program and I blab about it to everyone who will listen (as evidenced right now, apparently….)

    • Kay_Sue

      You may have, but I haven’t seen it. I love that idea though. Is it an outreach? Like, do they do seminars and things? Or based through schools? Both of my stepdaughters are getting into pre-teen and perilously close to teenagers. I would love to introduce them to something comprehensive that treats sexuality as something complex but not scary or shameful. It’s a huge deal to me. If there’s a resource out there, I’d love to explore it further.

    • Sara610

      It was co-authored as a joint venture between the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ (I’m a Director of Religious Education for a UU church) and it’s taught in the vast majority of UU churches that are large enough to sustain it–some smaller UU churches have to partner with others, but virtually all UU congregations are involved one way or another–and a fair number of UCC churches. If you want to find out more, you can at http://www.uua.org/re/owl/.
      Our church usually has a few spots open to offer to kids from the community–first we fill the class (we offer it in 8th grade every year) with youth from our congregation and the other UU church that we partner with, then we open it up to the local UCC church, and then if there are spots left over we open it up to the community.
      I could be mistaken about this, but I’m pretty sure a lot of Planned Parenthood clinics use it, as well as some public schools–but not nearly enough, unfortunately.

    • Kay_Sue

      Cool. I am definitely going to look into it. You are awesome. Thanks!

    • Mystik Spiral

      Debi and Michael Pearl are fucking psychopaths.

    • Kay_Sue

      To say the least. The things they write are so off the wall that I can’t look away. I’ve been following a review of her book “Created to Be His Help Meet” by a former fundamentalist like myself, and I shudder every time the blog’s author goes through another post, complete with quotes, that blames abused women for not “serving” their husbands well enough. They are both off their rockers.

    • Mystik Spiral

      I’ve seen bits of her writing here and there (mostly courtesy of fstdt.com). To say it makes me shudder would be a severe understatement…

    • Kay_Sue

      She’s a phenomenon unto herself.

    • Kay_Sue

      P.S.–I am bookmarking that site for later exploration.

    • Mystik Spiral

      It will make you laugh, cry, facepalm, vomit, and weep for humanity. Often all at the same time.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      I have a love/hate/shake-head-and-cry-for-the-world-and-eat-ice-cream relationship with FSTDT.

    • Kay_Sue

      I finally got around to looking through it….

      ….I need some ice cream.

      Also, please hold me. Anyone.

    • Sara610

      So, one of my friends is having trouble because her almost-three-year-old still doesn’t sleep through the night and she’s exhausted and at the end of her rope. So some of us were offering advice and suggestions on Facebook, and one of her friends (I don’t know this person) suggested To Train Up A Child for good parenting guidance.

      Have you ever read something were you’re like, “Uh-huh….. yeah…. okay, that makes sense NOOOOOO WHAT THE HELL?!”

      By the way, my husband (who grew up evangelical fundamentalist Christian) has heard of that book and knows all about Debi and Michael Pearl. He is not a fan, either.

    • Kay_Sue

      suggested To Train Up A Child for good parenting guidance.

      The paradox was strong with that person….

    • Sara610

      I’ve never heard of them. Should I be grateful for that?

    • Kay_Sue

      Yes. They are…they are awful.

      In To Train Up a Child, they advocate “blanket training”. Basically, you stick your baby on a blanket, and every time they try to crawl/roll off…you swat them and say “no”. Every. Single. Time. Until finally your baby is compliant enough to just lay there. No exploring, no curiosity. Just…beaten into submission. In fact, that pretty much sums up the whole book.

      In Created to Be His Help Meet, they espouse their views on a woman’s role in marriage.

      Here’s some highlights:

      * “A man will resist with all his might those who come against him. Most women spend their whole married lives in conflict with their husbands, trying to change them. It is a battle of the wills that no woman has ever rightly won, for even if she gets his compliance, she loses his heart, and he loses his self-respect.”

      * “When a woman resists or tries to change a man, she makes him more stubborn, and her own heart will be filled with bitterness.”

      * “If a woman obeys God, a man does not have anything to come against, to resist, to dominate, to conquer, or to beat down.”

      * ” have seen women come through some rough times to arrive at a heavenly marriage. They did not start out with a righteous man, but God is a master at making heavenly marriages. I know one young woman who had a husband so violent, vile, and unrepentant that she asked the church to pray, “Lord save him or kill him as soon as possible.” In two weeks he was dead.”

      * And one of my personal favorites: “When you have lost your husband and are alone, and the children are at a daycare or public school, and you are trying to pay rent on the dumpy duplex and keep food on the table, you can always know that you stood on principle, you called him to repentance, and you didn’t allow him to humiliate you and play the hypocrite. You called his hand. There he will be, living in sin with that other woman, and you, the righteous one, will be standing for your rights – but sleeping alone. If you get another husband, he will be like your old one, cast off by some other woman. It is a merry-go-round where the scenery gets uglier every time you go around. ” (This to a woman who supposedly wrote in that her husband was having an emotional affair. It’s followed by her “advice” on how to get the husband back.)

      Now that I have introduced you to Debi Pearl…..I’m going to have to find a way to make it up to you. I’m really sorry.

    • Sara610

      What! I don’t know what you’re talking about–all that sounds awesome and not completely batshit crazy at all.

    • Salena

      I thought the same thing for the potential for encouraging sexual abuse. My dad and I were close, but ewwwwww, why are they touching pre-pubescent pelvis areas? And, think about it…who do these young girls look like? Their moms? The young, beautiful version of the woman he’s been sleeping with for years? A mirror version of the teenager he feel in love with 20 years ago? And now he “possesses” her developing sexuality? YUCK YUCK YUCK….mind bleach!

  • http://twitter.com/ElyneS Elyne

    This is very disturbing even creepier than the purity rings. I believe that teenagers/women should choose for themself if they want to be a virgin and not being pushed by society/religion/parents.

  • Frannie

    Am I the only one getting a vaguely incestuous vibe with these pictures and events? I feel totally gross now.

  • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

    ‘One father explained that after the girl dons her purity ring she is “married to the Lord” and her father is her “boyfriend.”’

    Sorry I’m turning my kids into Slutty McSluttersons by not encouraging them to have a three-way with Jesus.

    • whiteroses

      I’ll be honest- speaking as the mother of a son, it never ceases to amaze me how people can be SUPER emphatic on women “staying pure” and men don’t have to worry about it.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      Well gosh, men shouldn’t have to worry about it if those vile 11-year-old temptresses aren’t walking around wearing knee-length skirts or tank tops or anything else that might lead a man to temptation! (men are only ever led to temptation, they can’t get there themselves because they would have to stop and ask for directions and we all know THAT’s not happening)

    • whiteroses

      “Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself.”- Mae West

    • JJ

      I just threw up in my mouth reading that line about her father is her boyfriend. Gross and wrong.

  • lucie uk

    Just. Ew

  • lucie uk

    I own your womb bitch

  • SA

    HA! I can only imagine that my dad would have died of embarrassment if the term virginity was used my company, much less had me pledge it to him!!!! That is uber creepy. My dad couldn’t even stay in the same room when the discussion started turning to me wanting to labor in a tub.

  • Mystik Spiral

    I wonder what the stats are on these girls getting pregnant before they are married off…?

    • Ursi

      In homes where they have no access to birth control I would bet those stats are higher than these people would like to admit.

  • http://salemthegoddess.com/ salemthegoddess

    ah yes, purity balls. reinforcing the idea that sex is shameful and dirty. oh America, when will you escape your puritanical roots?

  • Rowan

    Craster approves of these events…

  • Beth

    I grew up in the Pentecostal church, and some of the sluttiest girls I’ve ever met are the ones who went to my church. There’s something about virginity shoved in your face that just makes you want all the sex all the time …. Or at least, that’s how we all felt! I’m glad these Purity Balls (honestly, they sound like a dirty dessert, like Schwetty Balls or Chocolate Salty Balls or whatever) weren’t around when I was in highschool, or you can bet your un-touched ass that my mother would have been pushing me into it. My father would never have gone for it, I’m sure, but my mother would have found some way to get me involved.

    http://nothingandeverythingbeth.wordpress.com

    • LiteBrite

      I also spent a major amount of time in the Pentecostal church, and some of my family members are still involved. [Shudders....]

    • Beth

      Oh, hellz yeah …. My brother and his wife are still Pentecostal. In fact, at their alcohol-and-dancing-free wedding in 2009, they served green kool-aid to match their wedding colours. Oh, the irony. My father has been dead for twelve years now. He was a thinker, and never quite in line with the Pentecostal church because, you know, thinking and all that. When he died, my mother married a Pentecostal pastor. Honest to balls. I’m still trying to find a way to graciously put up with their sanctimonious presense at all the holidays and in the lives of my daughters. They already ask why their grandparents believe this or that, why they say whatever, why their church is so creepy. I know that, at some point, we’re going to have to have the “grandma and grandpa are crazy” conversation, and I’m not looking forward to that.

    • LiteBrite

      My husband is Presbyterian but not a super religious person. His church is actually quite nice, and I like the pastor a lot.

      However, I did tell him once that if he had been Pentacostal, no matter how much I loved him I would’ve dumped him. It’s that much of a deal-breaker for me.

      I do miss the speaking in tongues thing though sometimes. That was kind of interesting to watch.

    • Beth

      All four of my grandparents used to do that, and it was amazing to me …. I’ve never been able to dismiss it outright. I’m still a believer. I’m just not a Pentecostal believer.

    • Joye77

      OMG, Schwetty balls and Chocolate salty balls.. I would totally go to those!

  • midshine

    Jessica Valenti also covers this topic in her book The Purity Myth. Worth a read.

  • SarahJesness

    How many of these girls even know what sex is?

    • Norma Nobboff

      All of them… their daddies have given them private tutoring.

  • Spiderpigmom

    My creepometer just exploded.

  • koolchicken

    I totally understand why some men jumped on this bandwagon. No father ever wants their daughter to have sex, like ever. But I think this was a semi good idea taken over by perverts. I feel like Michael Scott, “We cannot let the pedophiles win again!”.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      Uh, what? My husband and I hope that both our kids (son and daughter) have a fulfilling sex life someday if that is what floats their particular boats (or maybe they’ll be asexual, and that is fine too). I don’t find a single redeeming kernel of goodness about perpetuating the idea that a young woman’s sexuality is owned by her father and her worth as a person dissipates along with her virginity. The only potentially OK thing about a purity ball would be if they serve really nice food at them or something.

    • MerlePerle

      My husband is very uncomfortable with the idea of our daughter ever becoming sexually active, married or not. It’s just not something he likes to think about, and I think many men are like that. But there’s a line between being uncomfortable with it and throwing a ball where your daughter’s virginity is the theme.

  • rrlo

    “Come mothers and fathersThroughout the land
    And don’t criticize
    What you can’t understand
    Your sons and your daughters
    Are beyond your command
    Your old road is rapidly agin’
    Please get out of the new one if you can’t lend your hand
    For the times they are a-changin’

    I hope they dance to that at the purity ball…

  • Jallun-Keatres

    I chose to wait until marriage to turn in my V-card but a freaky ball had absolutely NOTHING to do with it– my 8-year-old logic did (I thought it was weird to have sex with people you weren’t going to marry [I HOLD NO JUDGMENT FOR OTHERS WHO FEEL DIFFERENTLY!!]). This is freakayyyyyyy… I love my dad and we’re very close but no. Eww.

    Believe it or not, my religion had NOTHING to do with my decision! I grew up in a home where religion was not practiced or really discussed. Only later did I become religious.

    • Norma Nobboff

      I liked you until you admitted to becoming religious. Isn’t that going backwards.

    • Sara610

      Dude, really? Religion in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. It’s when the religion becomes a platform for hatred, oppression or covering up abuse that it becomes a problem. But again, in those cases, the problem is the actions, not the religion itself.

      As a religious liberal who advocates for progressivism and equality because of my faith rather than despite it, I’m annoyed by the prevalent view that religion ALWAYS means social conservatism, that religious people are moving “backwards” in some weird evolutionary journey.

    • Norma Nobboff

      Sounds to me like you are already well prepared to leave the fairy tales behind and move on with your life religion free. Congratulations.

    • Sara610

      Thanks (?), but I don’t particularly feel any need to. My religion is an important part of who I am. But you seem to have some weird issues with other people being religious. Don’t be religious yourself–fine. I don’t think anyone really cares what you do or don’t do. But it’s pretty ridiculous to go around telling people that their faith is somehow a weakness or something that they need to “move on” from.

      Also, you talk about “fairy tales”. Are you under the impression that all religious people are Biblical literalists? Because just so you know, most aren’t.

    • Norma Nobboff

      My reference to religion as “fairy tales”, is just shorthand for, ‘god in any sense is fictitious’ Investing any belief in the mythology is juvenile. Children and childish minds are most likely accept and retain a faith in them…. literalists or not. Even a casual belief in the stories of (insert religion here) is ridiculous. All of it is regressive regardless of cultural background. The original commenter stated “I grew up in a home where religion was not practiced or really discussed. Only later did I become religious.” My point is that from a progressive upbringing, she has chosen to become religious. That seems to be a cultural U-turn. She is not starting from a place of belief and moving forward into a more contemporary secular belief system… she is moving backwards!!!!

    • Sara610

      If you believe that all religious people believe in a Judeo-Christian-style God–which you appear to, or you wouldn’t have made the comment above using the blanket term “religion”–then you appear not to know very much about the topic that you’re arguing.

      There are many religious people who are either still figuring out their relationship with God, don’t believe in God as an actual, physical presence, or straight-up identify as atheist or agnostic. Take, for example, many Unitarian Universalists, who would have a good laugh at what you’re saying here.

      Also, as a reform Jew, I teach the stories of the Old Testament not because I believe they actually happened (many Jews and Christians do not) but because they’re good allegorical tools for teaching the lessons that we want kids to learn. Most people that I know think the Bible isn’t a collection of things that actually happened, but rather a book of stories that contains lessons (much like the holy books of a number of other religions) that can be useful in living a good life.

      My suggestion is that before you start making blanket generalizations about “religion”, you learn a little more about the topic. You’re making yourself sound pretty ignorant here.

    • Norma Nobboff

      No, you are just assuming that I only refer to a Judeo-Christian-style God. I have not stated any specific religion, as they are ALL cancerous garbage of the mind.

      My suggestion is that before you start making blanket generalizations about what you mistakenly think I have written, you read and try to comprehend using what is said not what you imagine has been stated. You’re making yourself sound pretty ignorant here.

    • Sara610

      Well, alrighty then. You appear to be getting pretty upset about this–I would just make a friendly suggestion that you do a bit of learning about what the term “organized religion” actually means (I threw “organized” in there because I noticed that in another comment you specifically said, “That’s what organized religion depends on to keep perpetuating itself”) before you start making these blanket statements about it.

      Also, you specifically did NOT limit your criticism of religion to a Judeo-Christian God. You said, “Investing in any belief in the mythology is juvenile”, “even a casual belief in the stories of (insert religion here) is ridiculous”, and “God in any sense is fictitious”.
      Religion, and organized religion, do not refer only to Judeo-Christian faiths, and even all people who follow Judeo-Christian faiths don’t have the same belief in God. You made an unfortunate and simplistic generalization, and I called you out on it. I’m sorry that that’s so hard for you.

      However, I suspect that all of this is moot, since you also say that “they are ALL cancerous garbage of the mind”– again, affirming that you appear to be referring to all religions, no matter what they believe or who practices them. If you believe that, that’s fine; I really don’t care. But don’t get so angry when people call you out on your ignorant comments that appear to be based on an understanding of the various world religions that’s tenuous at best. Good day.

    • Norma Nobboff

      Here’s an Idea. Before you start leaping to conclusions about what you think I might or might not believe. Ask for some clarification. Don’t just assume that the projected interpretation that you have is in any way correct or even relevant. Let’s not forget that I did not even direct my original comments to you. You decided that you have something relevant to say… and you are wrong. I have tried to keep it all simple enough, that even someone like you could comprehend… you did not.
      You claim not to care what I think, but here you are engaged in a conversation about what you assume I assert. You hypocritically decided to accuse me of using blanket terms when your very first unsolicited statement is determined by a non specific religion. You assume that I care what you think, how you feel, what you believe. Let me be explicit. I don’t know you, I don’t intend on getting to know you. I don’t care about anything you have to say. I am not emotionally moved by any of your assumptions, assertions or asinine beliefs. Go get the kinks out of your panties, they are irritating you…I am not bothered by your twisted knickers.
      You lost all credibility with me when you attempted to defend the belief in imaginary supernatural beings. All the rest is blah blah blah as far as I am concerned. Go fill children’s heads with your garbage. Just don’t expect me to be sympathetic when they turn on you because they realize you don’t know what you are talking about.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      No because I’m not some Bible thumping nutjob.

  • Williwaw

    You get the feeling that if chastity belts were still available, all of these girls would be coerced into wearing them under their dresses (and maybe the key would be on a chain around daddy’s neck). Ew. Just Ew.

  • mattiereadsabook

    Of all the creepy, “hell-no”s surrounding the whole purity ball debate, the one that really gets me as a young adult is the importance of being able to form your own distinct sexuality and developing a sense of sexual agency that begins during early teen years. Having your chastity (forcibly) pledged to your father definitely hinders this process. Being able to make informed decisions about sex (or the lack thereof) is a key part of growing up and getting on with becoming an adult, which parents are supposed to facilitate, correct me if I’m wrong. From an outsider’s perspective, these parents are doing no such thing

  • doodlebug2

    God I’m glad I wasn’t a virgin when I got married. I slept around plenty (always safely) and I had a blast! I’m not talking like mythological numbers or anything like that–Lindsay Lohan seems to have me beat–I’m just saying I had fun and got it all out of my system before committing to my hubby. And besides, how can you buy a car without first taking it for a test spin? I can’t imagine marrying someone I didn’t have sex with first. I also resent the notion of sex before marriage being “unpure”. It’s a very misogynistic concept.

    • Nelson

      That’s just religion.

      How anyone still believes in god in this day and age, escapes me.

    • Counterculturalist

      Maybe it’s just me but I don’t find joy having the genitals of complete strangers shoved in my vagina. Not my cup of tea. Maybe it’s because I’m not a whore. Who knows? For me sex is always spiritual.

  • Joye77

    In the posed pictures the girls and their father both look so sad and depressed. NO person at these balls look like they are having a pleasant time at all. Creepy posed pics and dancing and pledging your virginity to your dad. So very creepy. Why aren’t their moms and sons involved? Is it less important in their religion for men to stay “pure” until marriage as well? I can’t stand religious double standards.

  • radicalhw

    If I caught my husband making goo-goo eyes at our daughter like that I’d hand him his “purity” balls on a platter.

  • Apple

    Everything always comes down to sex with these men. How about they will commit to putting their child through college and support her in her independance with becoming the best woman she can be and contribute to society besides spreading her legs for a man and shooting out baybees. Where are those dances?

    • Norma Nobboff

      Children and childish minds are easier to control. That’s what organized religion depends upon to keep perpetuating itself. Why risk committing to a scary, unpredictable future when one can focus on the relatively simple act of brainwashing and suppression.

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