• Wed, Apr 30 - 4:00 pm ET

What It’s Like To Get A Child Ready For School In 5 Minutes, In GIFs

Every school year starts out the same; our family resolves that with the new schedule change, we will be five kinds of on top of it. We’ll wake up early enough to get the beds made, perhaps enjoy a proper fry-up for breakfast once in awhile, brush our collective teeth, and make our way to the bus stop and work at a leisurely pace, well rested and aptly prepared.

Sometime around December that inevitably falls apart, and we start waking up a half an hour before school, eating nothing but Rice Krispies every morning and brushing teeth maybe sometimes. We excuse our inability to get our daughter to the bus stop by claiming that it’s too cold, despite the fact that a Texas December rarely dips below 40-something, and drive her to school instead.

By May, everyone is so utterly burned out and checked out that all of that goes out the window. With only six weeks of school left, we all typically wake up just before the bell rings, and have five minutes to get ready. You know the drill.

The sun is shining. Wait! Something’s wrong. The sun shouldn’t be shining yet!

Oh crap. We are sooo effing late. Better call the boss.

Hurry up and get dressed. Just forget about shoes.

Get your face on for work.

Brushing your child’s hair becomes about efficiency, not comfort.

You get some food into everyone’s mouth hole

You need coffee, but mugs will only slow you down.

Everyone get in the car, NOW.

Oh crap, the first bell is ringing and you aren’t even near the school entrance.

You have to make a tough decision to get your kid out of the car and out of the hands of truant officers, sorry kid.

You scream at your child to run like their ass is on fire. They do, but you aren’t sure they’ll make it.

And then they do something resourceful, making you SO proud.

You’re drained, but you totally nailed it, so you high five your partner.

(Image: TongRo/Shutterstock)

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  • Kendra

    I couldn’t get the Saved by the Bell theme song out of my head while I was reading this.

    • Valerie
    • TwentiSomething Mom

      you guys seriously make the work day go by faster

    • Valerie

      I want that outfit, don’t you??

    • Effervescent Pheasant

      Good gawd.. I think I had something like that, only we were not allowed to show midriff back in the day. The sad news is, my 17 year old proclaimed to me that it’s now cool to be “grunge” do you know what “grunge is mom?” uhm, yeh… yeh I do… *(sigh)*

    • Butt Trophy Recipient
    • SmrtGrl86

      And now showgirls shall haunt my dreams, thanks Crusty.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Like it haunts Jessie’s career?

    • Valerie

      I’m soooo excited!! I’m sooooo,……scarred!!!!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Also my fave line ever – you are on a ROLL.

    • Valerie

      My son was sitting next to me when I opened this gif. He’s like “momma, whys that lady licking the pole?” Bwahahahahaha

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      puuuuuahahahaha

      Hm… I probably should make sure all pics I post on M’ish is PG

    • Lackadaisical

      “Because it tastes of strawberries and she hasn’t eaten all of her breakfast, darling. However the delicious pole was previously licked by someone with a nasty cold so now the nice lady will feel poorly, so please don’t go licking poles, dear.”

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      I already have it!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Okay, she had a really nice bod – I forgot about that.

    • Valerie

      I know, right? My life’s ambition when I was 9 was to look like Kelly Kapowski. Hence, my owning the off the shoulder Bayside Tigers sweatshirt.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I AM STILL SO JELLY OF THIS.

    • Valerie

      Will buy you one. We can wear then together to our Hangover Breakfast after Night 1 of our trip. With leg warmers and floral denim wear.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Go on…

    • Valerie

      It’s upside down but there it is.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I love it (and your face)!!! Now I must have a matchy-matchy one. :)

    • Valerie

      I suck at taking ipad pics. #Unflatteringangle

    • Bethany Ramos

      NO! Very flattering :)

    • Valerie

      I’m doing that thing that gives me an extra chin. Lol. I suck at #selfies.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      go to http://www.thechive.com and see how those chickys do it. Then you can post it here

      ok, see you in 5 mins. GO!

    • Valerie

      In ratty pj’s now talking to Beth about beer. Skype, dammit!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Seconded!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Good try. I can’t wait for the day one woman on here takes you completely seriously and takes you up on your offers. One day. One day…….

    • Lackadaisical

      OK, I’m game. Here I am

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Awww. So cute!

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Upside down side up

    • Valerie

      Yeahhhh! Your degree in Supersmart at work.

    • Lackadaisical

      Oh Valerie, Valerie, Valerie. As lovely as the picture is I now have some official looking chaps with clip boards here wanting to discuss the trade descriptions act with you. They say that you clearly offered “off the shoulder” yet no shoulder is visible. These would be the same chaps that about 15 years ago gave a shop in York (the proper old one, not your new fangled New York) a hard time because they called themselves an “adult shop” and yet the contents were not considered adult enough. I pointed out to the them that you are in fact an American so completely out of the jurisdiction of her majesty’s government and they scuttled off, hurumphing and shuffling papers. I assume that you have similar laws to us in the US so I have taken the liberty of drafting a few disclaimers for you

      *While this shirt can be off the shoulder, no shoulder is exposed in the preceding photo*
      *Other, off the shoulder, poses are available with this shirt*
      *Valerie reserves the right to use her off the shoulder t-shirt as an on the shoulder t-shirt for the purposes of photo sharing*

    • Valerie

      I didn’t want to show bra straps on M’ish! Don’t want to give Butt the wrong idea!! Hahahaha

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      It’s ok, I’ll just photoshop your head on Elizabeth Berkely’s body

    • Valerie

      Please do it on her 1992 body. I think she’s like, 15 years older than me. I don’t want that.

    • Valerie
    • kendra

      That is THE BEST episode.

    • Bethany Ramos

      MY FAVORITE GIF I HAVE EVER SEEN.

    • Rachel Sea

      For me it was Degrassi Junior High.

    • Lackadaisical

      Both of which are far more glamorous than Grange Hill, which it was for me.

    • Lackadaisical

      And as Grange Hill means nothing to you Americans, and all of the young UK readers who watched it in the 90s will have a snazzy theme that tried to be cool in mind, this is the the theme I grew up with

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE7gAEsI0XY

    • tSubh Dearg

      Me too! I was lucky enough to live in a part of Ireland where, if you adjusted your aerial right you could get the BBC and not just be stuck with our 2 local channels.

    • Rachel Sea

      I’m going to look up episodes of Grange Hill this weekend.

    • Rachel Sea

      I’ve now watched the first 3 episodes of Grange Hill, and I’m quite enjoying it. Except the bits where the gym teacher thumps the students, the messages are still sound, and a lot more kid relateable than the schlock being peddled now.

    • Lackadaisical

      The first episodes were in the late 70s, when corporal punishment was still legal in British schools, although obviously that didn’t mean thumping. My dad started teaching in a London school about the year grange hill started and he found it very realistic.