20 Things You Should NOT Do If Your Partner Won’t Give You A Baby

shutterstock_148287620

Unless you have an ironclad marriage full of mystical happiness, it’s not often that two people agree on everything. If you can’t decide what takeout to get for dinner, you can rock-paper-scissors for it. If you don’t want to visit one set of in-laws on Christmas, you can switch years. If you want to have a baby, and your partner doesn’t… You’re totally screwed.

While the stereotype most often applies to baby-crazed women with ticking biological clocks, it can go both ways. There are plenty of times when a husband wants a larger family and his wife doesn’t. Maybe she doesn’t want to go through childbirth again. Maybe she’s sick of breastfeeding for three years in a row.

Whatever the case may be, the dispute of whether or not to have a baby is a big one. If both partners aren’t willing to compromise, for good or bad reasons, it can kill a relationship. The partner that wants the baby may not be able to let it go, and in many cases, they probably shouldn’t if having a baby or more babies holds the key to their happiness.

If you and your partner can’t agree on a baby, there are 20 things that you definitely SHOULDN’T do:

1. Conveniently forget to take your birth control.

2. Schedule a vasectomy and conveniently forget to go to the appointment.

3. Constantly bring up a baby in conversation.

4. Refuse to talk about anything else until your partner agrees with you.

5. Trade a baby for a favor, like a back rub.

6. Offer to babysit for friends to show your partner that a baby isn’t so bad.

7. Bring home a new pet that you can’t afford/don’t want/don’t have room for to prove you can care for a baby.

8. Email your partner pictures of babies.

9. Email your partner real estate listings for family-friendly homes.

10. Create an online baby registry in your name.

11. Order monogrammed baby onesies.

12. Decorate a baby nursery.

13. Withhold sex until you get a baby.

14. Refuse to have sex outside of the Ovulation Window.

15. Passive aggressively send your partner a list of sperm donors.

16. Passive aggressively send your partner a list of egg donors.

17. Bring up the baby every time you have a fight.

18. Cry whenever you see your nieces and nephews.

19. Tell all of your family and friends your partner is pregnant.

20. Fake a pregnancy to see how your partner reacts.

(Image: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
Share This Post:
    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      OK OK Beth, I said I’d stop! Sheeesh

      Now I’m no Gynocerlogist, but #13 seems counter intuitive.

      • Valerie

        I am trying to pronounce out loud your spelling of gynecologist and I can’t even say it. And I’ve had years of theatre/music/diction kind of training. I am puzzled.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        guy-no-sur-lo-gist

        It’s a medical professional that specializes in womenly thinggys

      • Valerie

        Naturally.

      • keelhaulrose

        “womenly thinggys” is my new favorite medical term.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        You mean it wasn’t before?

    • Liily

      What if it is not your partner but your existing child that is putting the pressure on (while you and partner are on the fence)? Where are the gifs for that situation?

      As a side note, my 2.5 year old son has told 4 people about a baby sister (that does not exist), which results in some super awkward conversations — does anyone have any advice on making him stop being obsessed with babies?

      • Bethany Ramos

        Awww, I have no advice, but that is pretty sweet – unless you’re done with kids!

      • Jem

        my 2 year old son has taken to pointing to my empty stomach and proclaiming “baby!!”. Especially in public. Especially at the grocery store. And there is no baby there. Where did he learn this?

      • Lilly

        I have taken to blaming peer pressure — since my son is in daycare I suspect some of the other kids do have baby siblings on the way and he just wants to have the same not understanding what that really entails.

      • val97

        When my son was 2 or 3, his friend had a newborn baby brother, so he kept asking for one. Finally we got him a baby boy doll and loved it. He gave it the same name as his friend’s brother.

      • Shannon

        My 4.5 year old son is doing the same thing. He has nagged us to death for months about having another baby. He even told my sister and his preschool teachers I was “growing” a baby sister, which definitely brought on some questions. I think he sees his friends have younger siblings, plus he has younger cousins, and he likes the idea of a sibling, in theory. Probably will not be so enthusiastic in practice.

    • Kay_Sue

      4. Refuse to talk about anything else until your partner agrees with you.

      I won’t use this tactic for baby talk, because Beth said not to…but everything else is fair game! ;)

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        Kay, you can also use

        b
        i
        u
        a

        You can do pre as well, but formatting is tricky

      • Kay_Sue

        I actually have the first three down. I just like the quote for quoting from the columns. I can’t do the colored text yet–my HTML is apparently more rusty than I would like to admit, and nothing I’ve tried so far has not worked.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        Disqus disabled size and color, don’t bother with them.

        The ones I listed are pretty much the only thing.

        I’m trying to see if there’s an error cold I can punch into to get Disqus to “think” and do that stall thing, but so far, no good.

      • Kay_Sue

        Nice. I ran through some basic ones after I did the first block quote–I had a lengthy quote on another site I was posting on–and put together a list of what was working for me and what was not. Because I love lists and one more on my desktop makes me happy.

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        I’ve forgotten most of my html codes :(

      • Kay_Sue

        I’ve been brushing up as I prepare to relaunch my blog, so it’s fresh on my mind. Probably why it occurred to me to try some on Disqus when I’d never bothered before.

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        I’ve been meaning to relearn them, I used to know a whole bunch, but haven’t used them for years. Plus my blog has things that let me do anything I’d need to without using html codes. ;)

      • Kay_Sue

        I like doing my own CSS. Apparently, I am a masochist.

    • Maria Guido

      “Fake a pregnancy to see how your partner reacts.” What could possibly go wrong? hahaha

      • Bethany Ramos

        Foolproof!

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        No one will believe me! :(

      • Valerie

        The Boy Who Cried Pregnant

        Something tells me that claim won’t hold water.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient
      • Valerie

        Poor John Locke!
        My kids names are Claire and Ben. Think I was a fan? :-)

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        Wait, you serious?

        PUUUUUUUUUUAHAHAHAHA

        You went with the knocked up hermit and the socialpathic killer?

      • Valerie

        :-)

        We would have gone with those names either way- they just happened to be Lost names and we joke around about it. Ben is a family name and Claire we just loved.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        What, Jin and Sun ain’t good enough?

        Waisis!

      • Valerie

        Don’t laugh but Jack and Kate were on the list too. Hahaha. My Dad’s name is Jack and we have both always loved the name Kate but my husband has an Aunt Kathy that we don’t like so that got vetoed and we decided my brother’s should get first crack at naming a son after our Dad. :-) And I def loved Desmond but my husband was not having it.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        What, no Ecko?

        Racist! *click*

      • val97

        We have a penny and a hurley (they’re pets though :)
        I want to get another cat just so I can use a GoT name.

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        I’m desperately trying to convince a friend not to name her baby girl Khaleesi….
        I keep telling her that’s a title and not a name, but she won’t listen lol.

        Danaerys sounds nicer anyway (Dany) Unless she’s gonna nickname the kid Leesie?

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Must…not…correct….spelling…*Daenerys ;)
        But definitely agree, Khaleesi isn’t a name!

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        DAMMIT!!!
        I tried so hard lol I’m proud I resisted the urge to Google the spelling though, I tried my best!
        Thank you though, I’m a total grammar Nazi myself so it never bothers me when I’m corrected!

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        lol, that’s good! It wasn’t too far off, I’ve seen worse!
        The way I remember how to spell it is that it’s basically the Welsh name “Nerys” (or, in my case, my name without the “h” in the middle of it) with a “Dae” in front of it. :)

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        That’s so handy!
        *steals idea*

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Three of my boyfriend’s cousins are a result of his aunt wanting kids but his uncle not. His uncle said fine, have kids, but they’re your responsibility (he’s a nice enough guy, but really didn’t want kids or to raise kids…and whether or not you agree with his eventual compromise on the kids, I’ll just not that he wasn’t a horrible father or abusive in any way, he just rarely helped with them when they were very young). My boyfriend’s aunt still complains that he never helped raise the kids to this day and expect her to look after all three kids and do the cooking and cleaning.
      I’m on the fence with where I sit, because I know it takes two to tango, but at the same time he did express quite clearly that he did not want kids and she still had three of them, perhaps trying to change his mind.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        Pix, you have 3 boyfriends?

        #HDY!

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        I have ALL the boyfriends. ;)

      • whiteroses

        And therein lies the issue. Kids are, really, a lot like being a spectator at a six hour opera. You’re all in and you’ll stay for the duration, you’ll say “screw it” and leave at the intermission, or you’ll sit through the whole thing praying for the curtain. And if you’re really smart, you don’t buy a ticket in the first place unless you’re damn sure you want to.

        Children deserve to feel like their parents want nothing more than to raise them. If your partner doesn’t, don’t be surprised if they leave at intermission, you know?

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Exactly. The three kids are all adults now, the youngest being my boyfriend’s age (a few months younger than me) and the oldest is in her late 20s (30 tops) and have a good relationship with their dad now, but I have no idea what it was like growing up.
        I’m actually a little surprised my boyfriend’s aunt and uncle stayed together despite wanting drastically different things.

    • Valerie

      What about:
      - Poking holes in condoms
      - Getting pregnant by someone else instead
      - Tell any existing children they are getting a new sibling therefore obligating your spouse to cough up the sperm/egg

      • Bethany Ramos

        #1 is my fave ;)

      • Valerie

        It’s the one requiring the least amount of effort and I’m lazy so I fully agree. :-)

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        Please only poke BEFORE putting on the condom

      • Valerie

        S S S and M M M

    • JLH1986

      I’m not sure that sending your partner egg donor/sperm donor lists is really passive-aggressive.

      • Bethany Ramos

        LOL – I am blatantly passive aggressive.

      • Butt Trophy Recipient

        I’m aggressively nonchalant

      • Bethany Ramos

        I’m in-your-face laidback.

      • Valerie

        I’m casually aggressive.

    • Ursi

      Because I married someone who was planning to have children we had to have a lot of long serious conversations on the topic before we decided to marry because having children really isn’t something you can compromise on– you’re either on board or you aren’t. If our genders were reversed I’d be terrified of ending up with someone who decided to “forget” their pill so they might get pregnant. No respect for women who do these sorts of things. It’s terrible.

      • Angela

        Honestly, if I were a man who was set on remaining childfree I’d likely get a vasectomy, especially if my partner was on something as easy to screw up as the pill. To me it wouldn’t matter how much trust there is between us. If I knew I never wanted kids I wouldn’t leave something that big up to someone else.

      • Mystik Spiral

        A lot of doctors won’t perform a vasectomy until you reach a certain age. My brother is 29, married for a year, and neither of them want or ever wanted kids. He was talking about doing a vasectomy, and my mom said something to the effect that there better not be a doctor anywhere who would do it at his age.

        I think it’s ridiculous that people can’t have that sort of medical say about their own fucking body, but I’ve heard from several different sources that it can be difficult to find a doctor to do it before around 35 years old.

      • Kelly

        There are doctors who will do it but he may have to talk to several before he finds one.

        My husband had his vasectomy at 23. He was lucky and the first doctor he talked to agreed to do it after asking him several questions to make sure he really didn’t want anymore children.

      • itpainsme2say

        Ya I was on the child free reddit and although I want kids so bad that I will never really “get It”, by the end of the first page of posts I was ragging so hard for those people. I mean I thought after 18 you were considered an adult capable of making independent decisions for yourself but no the doctors think you’re a wishy-washy baby (the thing you’re trying to avoid). There are thousands of unwanted children why would you not take action for a responsible adult who doesn’t want to add to the number.

      • Kelly

        It’s because doctors have been sued by people who changed their minds about wanting to be sterilized. It sounds crazy but it has happened and continues to happen.

        I can’t really blame a doctor for not wanting to take that risk.

      • itpainsme2say

        Oh i thought they had wavers for that sort of thing and what judge would rule in the favor of the patient. Its an elective surgery, its your decision, your fault, your problem. Its not the docs fault unless they botched it. Sad that the few control the many.

      • Guets

        I know several women who are dead set on not having kids. Not “ehh we’ll see” people but “doesn’t matter who I’m with or what happens I will never ever have them ever” people. The Dr’s told both of them that they had to wait until they were at least 30 “in case they changed their mind”. I would slap a bitch if I was dead set on something like that as an adult and someone talked to to me like I was a child making a willy nilly decision on which flavor of ice cream I wanted.

    • LadyClodia

      Thanks, Bethany! I came here for the gifs and was not disappointed.
      My husband had wanted kids way sooner than I did, like he was talking about it when I was still in college, but thankfully he never resorted to any of these.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Woohoo! :)

    • Rachel Sea

      My cousin sabotaged her birth control and got knocked up so that her rich boyfriend would marry her. It is working exactly as well as you’d imagine.

      • JenH1986

        And that’s what ruins it for the “lucky” 1% who do everything right with their birth control and still get knocked up.

      • whiteroses

        I’d hate having that knowledge for the rest of my natural life. Good luck to your cousin, though- because if he ever finds out, he’ll probably divorce her, and something makes me suspect they have an ironclad prenup. Kardashians and most of Hollywood aside, you don’t get to be rich by being stupid.

      • Rachel Sea

        He’s not marrying her. He doesn’t even want them to move in together.

      • whiteroses

        Wow. I guess I completely misread that.
        In fairness- I wouldn’t want to marry her either.

    • val97

      #6 – A friend wants to babysit our kids to prove to her fiance that they are ready to have a baby. Um, my kids are 9 and 14. Babysitting them basically means ordering pizza and making sure nobody burns the house down. I told them hey would get better experience for parenthood by watching a puppy for a weekend.

    • Obladi Oblada

      I never wanted kids but The Dude did. He wanted a big family. I had one biological and had a stroke during delivery. No more. He already had one and we have adopted two more. Thankfully, our house is full. I tell him, “NO MORE ROOM AT THE INN!” when he gets that look in his eye.
      He’s such a sucker for kids and I’m kind of a sucker for him. :)

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        That’s sweet!
        And how wonderful that you came to a great compromise and have such a lovely happy family!

    • Guets

      #20 GIF is perfect. :-)
      My friend is getting married in June, has a 10 year old from previous relationship, has been with this guy over 8 years and is planning on doing #1. He is a douche canoe who threatened to leave her and her kid on the side of the road the last time she had an actual scare. She is convinced that if it just happens after they’re married, “What can he do, throw me out? We’re already married.”
      #reasonsiwontgetknockedupwithoutcomingtoamutualdecisionwithmyhusbandfirst
      Because who wants to celebrate a baby with someone who is pissed at your for having that baby?

      • JenH1986

        WHAT?

      • darras

        Ditto this comment! Holy crap..

      • Guets

        Yes, that was my response. I’m honestly wondering if she’ll have the balls to do it or if she’ll come to her senses. I would have a really hard time not coming clean if I pulled shit like that on someone as I’d be REAL ticked if someone did it to me.

      • JenH1986

        I’m still really just at a loss for words.

      • Guets

        Cant’ blame ya.

      • whiteroses

        She does know that divorce is a lot harder to deal with than a breakup, right?

    • Kelly

      As much as I love my husband, I’d leave him and have an abortion if he ever sabotaged my birth control or lied about having a vasectomy. It horrifies that people actually do that. It’s such a gross violation of another person that it’s comparable to rape in my mind. And yes, I’ve been raped, before someone gives me shit about making that comparison. I know exactly what I’m saying.

      • itpainsme2say

        Don’t feel bad an unwanted baby is an unwanted baby and its a violation of trust which for a lot of people is the hardest part of being raped (or at least the most haunting). So same here.

      • meteor_echo

        Actually, your comparison is not far off – forcing someone to keep an unwanted pregnancy against their will or sabotaging birth control is called reproductive coercion and is considered a form of sexual assault. There was a recent case, where a Canadian man was charged with rape because he poked holes in his girlfriend’s condoms and she had to have an abortion.

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        I know a good friend of mine whose marriage was breaking down. she had a small boy with her husband already and he said he was thinking of leaving her.
        They were getting marriage counselling.
        Suddenly she ended up pregnant.
        When I met her for lunch she admitted to me with a horrific twinkle in her eye that she “forgot to take her pill” and that every one of his condoms had “an unfortunate accident”

        Guess how that worked out?

        She’s single with a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old boy, because she admitted to her husband that the child was “half planned” was how she put it.

      • whiteroses

        It amazes me that some women still seem to think that a baby will make him stay. If he won’t stay because he wants to, adding a huge obligation/completely helpless but at the same time completely demanding life form (that you’re financially responsible for until they’re 18) won’t do it.

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        I know it’s crazy.
        I did try for a long time to get her to tell him the truth right away, to make it less difficult on all of them, but she waited until she was nearly 8 months gone.

        I hate to say it but I have zero sympathy for her.

      • whiteroses

        I don’t have much sympathy for her either. Trick pregnancies only really work when you’re in a romantic comedy, and sometimes not even then. It scares me to think that women like this still exist.

    • Beanie

      My husband has been on the no side of the fence for a long time but is coming around. However, because people have been questioning us about the baby thing for almost a decade and some of the furor has started to fade we have decided to not let on that it might actually be happening someday. Meanwhile I have to endure awkward conversations with his mother and cousins (including male ones) telling me to simply stop taking the pill. Apparently this is the only reason my husband is here as his father was also in the no kids camp. Everyone seems to think because I’m female I should be the final decider about if/ when we have kids. As much as I want a baby I’m not going to do it against my husband’s will. We’re a team and if we do the kid thing it will be as a team.

      • itpainsme2say

        Go you and your team mate!

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      My fella doesn’t want anymore kids (right now) seeing as he has 5 already lol and he made that clear when we got together.
      I’m feeling broody now but to be totally honest, I WOULD like a baby.

      The funny thing is whenever I’ve mentioned it to him joking, that I’m broody, he doesn’t act like a dick about it, he says ok, what can I do to help, cos I’m not ready for another one right now, but maybe someday.
      And then he runs to buy me cheesecake and sushi and gently reminds me- None of these if you’re preggers. Then I tell him to shush and hand me the tuna roll.

      Seeing as my Implanon implant runs out when I am 26, and that’s the age I set to start thinking about it, we agreed we’d have another proper discussion about it when that runs out, whether I am to get the implant replaced or leave it out, which I think is fair, and there’s no pressure on either of us.

      • malaentuvida

        Wait, why can’t you have cheesecake if you’re pregnant?

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        I’m actually not sure, methinks it’s to do with the soft cheese in it?
        He’s been through 5 pregnancies with his ex so he actually knows more about it than I ever would!

      • malaentuvida

        I realized I can look it up (slow morning brain): it’s to do with pasteurization. If the cheesecake is made with pasteurized products or baked it’s safe. Which is great since I like my cheesecake fresh out of the oven!

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        me too haha awesome!

    • Hellen Pedro

      Hello my good friends i want to say a big thanks and appreciation to the great man Dr Agozi of ikpakparanspelltemple@outlook.com who bless my womb, i have been married for the past 8year without a child i have look for all kind of help that can make me get pregnant but nothing works, but through an insight i came across Dr Agozi profile at the internet when i was searching for help on how i can get a baby, Quickly i contacted him to help me out, he said he will cast a spell that will make me sleep with my partner and get pregnant so he told to have the faith and believe in him, as everything will be fine, and which i did, my friends after doing all the instructions given to me by Dr Agozi, a couple of weeks later i went for test and i was detected positively pregnant of 2weeeks and now i am here taking care of my baby girl all this i never believed will happen but with the help of Dr Agozi my problems where solved..
      well if you need any help with your problem of delivery issue just log on to Dr Agozi on: ikpakparanspelltemple@outlook.com or call him on +2347036013351..

    • Nadezhda Vyacheslav

      I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster. I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with. I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don’t even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people. I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon. I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real. I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls. I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn’t talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn’t look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing. I wouldn’t say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn’t know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out. I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn’t get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don’t know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much. In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive. I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did. I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world. I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good. I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose >> godsofosunx@rocketmail.com