Unless you have an ironclad marriage full of mystical happiness, it’s not often that two people agree on everything. If you can’t decide what takeout to get for dinner, you can rock-paper-scissors for it. If you don’t want to visit one set of in-laws on Christmas, you can switch years. If you want to have a baby, and your partner doesn’t… You’re totally screwed.
While the stereotype most often applies to baby-crazed women with ticking biological clocks, it can go both ways. There are plenty of times when a husband wants a larger family and his wife doesn’t. Maybe she doesn’t want to go through childbirth again. Maybe she’s sick of breastfeeding for three years in a row.
Whatever the case may be, the dispute of whether or not to have a baby is a big one. If both partners aren’t willing to compromise, for good or bad reasons, it can kill a relationship. The partner that wants the baby may not be able to let it go, and in many cases, they probably shouldn’t if having a baby or more babies holds the key to their happiness.
If you and your partner can’t agree on a baby, there are 20 things that you definitely SHOULDN’T do:
1. Conveniently forget to take your birth control.
2. Schedule a vasectomy and conveniently forget to go to the appointment.
3. Constantly bring up a baby in conversation.
4. Refuse to talk about anything else until your partner agrees with you.
5. Trade a baby for a favor, like a back rub.
6. Offer to babysit for friends to show your partner that a baby isn’t so bad.
7. Bring home a new pet that you can’t afford/don’t want/don’t have room for to prove you can care for a baby.
8. Email your partner pictures of babies.
9. Email your partner real estate listings for family-friendly homes.
10. Create an online baby registry in your name.
11. Order monogrammed baby onesies.
12. Decorate a baby nursery.
13. Withhold sex until you get a baby.
14. Refuse to have sex outside of the Ovulation Window.
15. Passive aggressively send your partner a list of sperm donors.
16. Passive aggressively send your partner a list of egg donors.
17. Bring up the baby every time you have a fight.
18. Cry whenever you see your nieces and nephews.
19. Tell all of your family and friends your partner is pregnant.
20. Fake a pregnancy to see how your partner reacts.