• Thu, Apr 24 - 12:00 pm ET

Feast Your Eyes On The Worst Baby Name Of All Time, Plus 10 Bonus Baby Names You DO NOT WANT

shutterstock_27655645I’m done having kids, but I still have a soft spot for baby names. I’ve learned the hard way that you unfortunately can’t quiz new parents about what they’re going to name their kid. If they want you to know, they’ll tell you. If they don’t want you to know or haven’t decided, you’ll find out on Facebook when the baby is born with the rest of the world.

The only reason I get so fanatical about baby names is because naming a baby is so much fun. Whenever I hear what a friend has named their kid, I feel like I have been given a little more insight into their personality, what makes them tick. A friend that chooses a very traditional name in spite of her wacky style and unpredictable personality might surprise me. A friend that chooses an uber-trendy name that perfectly matches her hipster clothes and Urban Outfitters lifestyle might…not surprise me.

Finding out a baby’s name is all part of the fun. It’s the cherry on top of the Big Reveal when a baby is born. The only way a parent can spoil this precious moment is by choosing a name that is absolutely, 100% horrible.

Which brings me to the reason why you are all here. I was tooling around on the Internet looking at baby name lists for absolutely no reason at all, when I found this little gem:

Felony

Gender breakdown: 100% Female / 0% Male

National Rank: 36214 of 68285

FELONY IS MOST POPULAR IN THESE STATES:

NORTH DAKOTA: Ranked 189 of 743 Names

In my humble opinion, this is possibly the worst baby name you could ever consider for your little bundle of joy. But what’s even worse is that the name has national ranking. I’m looking at you, North Dakota…

Why oh why are there baby girls walking around with the name Felony in North Dakota or elsewhere? I can’t see introducing beautiful little baby Felony to friends with a straight face. From the get-go, her parents are setting her up to fail.

Parent, don’t name your beautiful baby Felony, along with these 10 baby name travesties:

1. Ahmiracle

2. Allergy

3. Chlamydia

4. Dorcus

5. Failure

6. Freak

7. Hitler

8. Luhv

9. Sin 

10. Thinn

(Image: R. Gino Santa Maria/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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  • G.S.

    I’m gonna assume that the parents entirely forgot that Felony was an actual word, and that it’s just another casualty in the Yoonique Baby Name contest. Like, “I like the name Felicity, but her father likes the name Ebony, so we combined them to be Felony! Isn’t that clever!”

    I still don’t know if that reasoning will let me sleep at night, but I’m trying.

    • Valerie

      I prefer Ebonicity.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      ooh new baby name to add to the someday list

    • whiteroses

      It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    • Brandi

      The population of North Dakota is only 1.5% black, so it’s most likely that the majority of the little Felonies running around are white.

    • G.S.

      . . . What does that have to do with anything?

  • tk88

    If anything I think some of these awful names just show the illiteracy the parents naming the children. If I didn’t know what Felony or Chlamydia meant, I might think they sounded like names. In fact, without knowing the meaning, the words do sound pretty. Although some like Sin, Freak, or Failure are just cruel and mind boggling. And while I also hate the sound of the name Dorcus/Dorcas–it is a real name, a biblical one with a nice meaning behind it.

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      That poor kid is going to be called Dork Ass for the rest of her life. :(

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yup, I knew a Dorcas in Bible College. The “edgy” couple on Millionaire Matchmaker named their baby Sin. :(

    • Sarah

      lolol was he born out of wedlock? That’s the only way this could be even a little bit funny

    • Bethany Ramos

      I think so… ZING!

    • Momma425

      Yeah- I’m willing to bet that many of the young ladies running around with Chlamydia as a name have parents who were either not born in this country OR parents who didn’t finish high school.
      Also, Hitler? Really???

  • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

    I was making faces all the way down, and then I got to Hitler and my brain just shut down. It is all Blue Screen of Death in my noggin right now.

    • Allyson_et_al

      The name was in the news a year or two ago because a supermarket bakery refused to make little Hitler’s birthday cake. I believe he has a sister named Aryan Nation. I wish I were making this up.

    • Sarah

      Yeah his full name is even Adolf Hitler. Fucking vile.

      I’m pretty sure the children were all removed from the home at some point…something about domestic violence. Shocking!!

  • jane
    • TwentiSomething Mom

      I’m pregnant? This is a miracle!

  • Butt Trophy Recipient

    How did Cthulhu All-Spark not make the list Beth???

    >:(

    • http://fakegeekmom.com Aimee Ogden

      Ummm, probably because it is the BEST baby name?

    • K.

      I like Cthulhu Tardis, personally.

    • Lackadaisical

      How about Cthulhu Will Eatyouinyoursleep? Cthulhu Tentacle Face?

    • Lackadaisical

      Obviously to avoid offending all of us who are now naming our children Cthulhu All-Spark as it is such a wonderful name. I am done with sprogging so I have decided to become an evil mother in law from hell in about 20-30 years and I am going to force my children to name one of my grandchildren that.

  • Butt Trophy Recipient

    How did Cthulhu All-Spark not make the list Beth???

    >:(

  • Kendra

    Baby names are my favorite topic ever. I’m currently scouring the internet looking at them on the daily for no logical reason ever. But, somehow the name Dorcus came up in a conversation with my parents and I was LOLing, but they said it’s a name from the bible. Don’t care. Still funny!!!!!!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Dooooooo it.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Reminds me of a kid in school who was named Ashraf, which is a perfectly fine name, unless you are in 3rd grade in a place where Ashraf isn’t common and everyone starts calling you Ass Rash. KIds are awful.

    • dragonflyrunner

      I should not have LOL’d, but dang it – I did!

    • ChickenKira

      There was a lovely girl at my primary school named Poonam.
      Yeah, 8yr olds.

  • JLH1986

    Damn. I know people with 4 of these names…with slightly better spelling in some instances.

    • Kendra

      Well, now you have to say which 4…..

    • JLH1986

      Chlamydia; Love; Dorcus (I spelled it Dorcas and was corrected) and Ahmiracle. I went to HS with Cammie (her nickname) Love is my a friend of my husband (who incidentally I hate) Dorcas and Ahmiracle are current clients. My office does debt collection, some of our debtors names: Saphyire; PreciousJewell (one word) and I guess that silly name myth has been going around long enough that I actually have an Orangejello as a debtor. Ugh.

    • Kendra

      Your making my brain bleed.

    • JLH1986

      Yep. The things parents name their kids. Or that people change their name to. I can’t.

    • Kendra

      I’m going to hope all these people decided to change their names now, rather than believe a parent would choose that. You’ve given me some hope!

    • JLH1986

      LOL. Well I know Love and Chlamydia were parent names. The rest…

    • K.

      I know a Love too!

      And I haven’t met one yet, but Ahmiracle is coming. It’ll go with Neveah. (I’ve met plenty of Neveah’s AND Heaven’s)

      …Is it just me or is “Heaven” a potentially awkward name to have say, in a bar?

    • JLH1986

      I hope your Love is much nicer than my Love.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I think of Miss Love Simpson from the book Cold Sassy Tree

    • Jem

      I know a Love but she is a badass biker chick who takes shit from no one. I love that her name is Love.

    • JLH1986

      Your Love sounds way cooler than my Love…who basically tries to start chick fights like she’s in HS.

    • Jessica

      A guy I was close friends with/dated had Love as a last name. I told him I would marry him for that name (mostly joking), but he wasn’t interested until I was already in a new relationship.
      Whomp whomp wahhhhh

  • Sarah

    My cousin just named her baby Legaci (“because she is my legacy” o_O)

    But our top baby name pick is Barnaby so maybe I have no room to talk.

    • Valerie

      Ohhhh mahhhh gahhh. Legaci. LEGACI?!

      I don’t mind Barnaby. I actually know a guy with that name and he’s British and quite hot.

    • Sarah

      I just love it!! It’s so fun and adorable, imo. 70% of people I tell think it’s cute (“even if -I- wouldn’t use it”) but then it’s like 30% awkward silence. My midwife just said “Hmm!!” Bitch, I don’t even wanna hear it! You named your baby Bjorn!

    • JLH1986

      I’m gonna fall in the latter. I think it’s actually really cute. I wouldn’t name a baby that (Mr. JLH would stroke out) but I think it’s adorable and would be super jazzed if my kids ever had a friend named Barnaby.

    • Sarah

      Haha yeah I totally get that response because it’s definitely unusual but it can’t be denied that it has THRILL

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Bjorn was my husband’s #1 dream name for our son, followed closely by Thor. I wish I were joking. We settled on something else! lol I like Barnaby, it is definitely a cute name.

    • Jem

      I feel your pain. my husband’s top picks were Odin, Thor, Bjorn and Sven. and Seamus.

    • G.S.

      My baby cousin was going to be Oden if she was a boy. I was like, No. No, no, no. If you’re going to name your kid after the head of the Norse Gods, you don’t half-ass it.

    • whiteroses

      Yes. At the very least, it needs to be “Odin”.

      That’s like naming your kid “Xzes”. (Zeus).
      People suck.

    • Allyson_et_al

      Is he Scandanavian, at least? Because those would be hard names to pull off unless you have the stature and coloring of a typical Northern European. I’m trying to picture anyone in my Ashkenazi Jewish family trying to get away with names like that, and it’s juts not working.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Naming a kid Thor is something I would do, though perhaps as a middle name rather than a first.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      This guy I went to college with briefly named his son Thor. It works though because his name is Troy.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Oh, Pixie! If you use it as a middle name, how would everyone know he had the bad ass name of Thor? :) My husband is silly. Of course, in my pregnancy hormone-addled brain, I was in agreement with Ajax because a) its cool and b) cool hero name, until the first three people I mentioned it to all said “You mean like the cleaning powder?”. Ugh. We need to move to CA where it wouldn’t even cause anyone to blink an eye because I still love the name Ajax.

    • Lackadaisical

      Despite knowing who the hero Ajax is my second thought after cleaning is football. The Amsterdam football team is called Ajax. They did name him after the Greek hero but to most people in Europe the team is probably more famous than the mythical hero.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Dang! Football and cleaning products. It was tempting to still use the name but the thought of correcting everyone who asked if it was after the cleaning product, for the rest of the kid’s life, was too much. I already do this with my Brenna, who gets called Brenda/Briana all the time.

    • Jessica

      I love the name Brenna! So cute!

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Obviously I’d call him Thor normally ;)
      My future son shall henceforth be named NormalFirstName Thor Stormageddon LastName!

    • itpainsme2say

      A+ Doc who reference

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      I thought so ;)

    • Allyson_et_al

      Actually, he prefers to be called Stormageddon.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      I speak baby

    • whiteroses

      DH and I called our son Stormaggeddon before we knew his gender :) And now it’s hilarious, because he’s two and he LOVES “Who” (as he calls it).

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Aw, that’s adorable :)

    • Iwill Findu

      In my family people will often go by their middle names. They only use their first name for legal stuff. My Grandma says it had the added bonus of letting you know when it’s a telemarketer calling. So you could give your kid the name like Thor, with a nice normal first name. So he can be Thor but still be a banker if he wants to later.

    • ChickenKira

      Alternate spelling/pronunciation depending on which translation you go by is Aias. I tried to sell my husband on that one, no dice.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Yeah, we considered Aias but we were concerned Noone would pronounce it correctly and we live in the South so it would have sounded like ay-ass lol

    • Linzon

      I have a cousin whose name is Thor. He is on the hippies side of the family, funnily enough.

    • Iwill Findu

      My Grandma was Norwegian Thor was going be a middle name if we had a boy. We had a girl mother (not in any form norwegian) was relieved, my dad was disappointed he had wanted a Thor so bad. Oh well next one it still works for a boy.

    • Allyson_et_al

      I have a friend who named his son Odin. If he weren’t an only child, a brother named Thor would have fit right in.

    • G.S.

      Loki would have, too, since Odin and Loki were blood brothers in Norse mythology.

      But then you’d get everyone asking if you were a Tom Hiddleston fan . . .

    • Kitsune

      Thor and Gunnar were what my father-in-law suggested for my husband’s name. He was vetoed.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      I actually considered Gunner but vetoed it because the band Nelson.

    • Kitsune

      I think my husband could have pulled off Thor because he’s blond and large and looks like a viking. We went with a normal first name with Celtic origins for me, Todd, and crazy Norse middle name for my husband, Thjaszi. My parents still constantly ask how to spell it.

    • Kitsune

      I think it’s great. Unusual but still clearly a name.

    • Allyson_et_al

      And that right there is the Yooneek name thing in a nutshell. MY legacy. Not a person in her own right, who will someday have to navigate the world with a name like that, but MY little creation whose name must express MY spehullness. Ugh.

    • Pappy

      Gotta say, I think it’s a great choice. It’s old-fashioned enough to be unique, but he can easily shorten it to Barry or Barney if he likes. Nice to give them a name you love, which also has some flexibility in nicknames.
      And Naming your baby Legaci should be ground for public flogging. Just sayin’

    • Sarah

      Thank you, I agree!

  • Valerie

    Pathetic would be a great name too. Patty would be a nickname.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahahhaha Pathetic Failure Ramos

    • Valerie

      Ebonicity Luhv Mylastname

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      What’s your last name?

    • Valerie

      Puffalumps

    • Bethany Ramos

      This made me laugh way too much…

    • G.S.

      Puffalumps: The most hardcore gangsta the Sesame Street has ever known.

    • Valerie

      You know it.

  • journalgal

    Neveah is still the one that makes me stabby.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Unfortunately it is becoming quite popular. I guess maybe they liked Heaven but thought it was too strippery or something? Not sure why they’d spell it backwards.

    • shel

      And it’s new friend Legna…. enough with the backwards-ness… especially when to get Neveah to match it’s pronunciation, it’s heaven spelled wrong backwards…

    • journalgal

      ARGH!!! That’s even worse …

    • Linzon

      I didn’t believe that name was actually a thing until I heard a mom calling for her Neveah at the library recently. Agh!

    • shel

      Ugh..there are so many Nevaehs (and Neveahs) out there… across many ages, since it’s been around for 10+ years now…

      It’s very popular in the NICU.

    • http://lawleramericanadventure.wordpress.com/ Nicole

      I was reading a baby names comment section on a nappy Facebook page (Huggies Australia I think), and a women said that she named her daughter Nevaeh Mai because, when spelled backwards, it read I Am Heaven.

    • Allyson_et_al

      Sounds like a stripper looking in a mirror.

    • Iwill Findu

      That’s one kid that will heading in for a name change once she turns 18.

    • Iwill Findu

      My sister had Neveah on her name list I removed it because 1 I refuse to have a god-daughter named Neveah, since I’m already set to take her oldest should anything happen I would hate to spit up the kids but just no. and 2 she’s a teacher she has a degree to me nothing says drop out quite like the name Neveah. Thank goodness she named the baby Nichole.

    • lijepa1979

      If Neveah is supposed to be Heaven backwards, why don’t they spell it actually backwards as in Nevaeh. I just don’t get it.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I thought Dorcas was actually a proper old style name no?

    • LadyClodia

      It is; it’s the Greek version of Tabitha, but it’s not a great modern name.

    • Lackadaisical

      It is. Several maids in Miss Marple and Hurcule Poirot novels have that name, and several survive the book

    • itpainsme2say

      Wasn’t there a dorcas in Harry Potter or maybe some other book to movie?

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I was just gonna say… I think there’s one in HP somewhere.

    • meteor_echo

      There’s one in Rose Madder (and the character is presumably very, very old -much older than she looks).

      .

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      7 Brides for 7 Brothers!!!!!

    • Iwill Findu

      It’s also a name of one of the women in “7 brides for 7 brothers” if you like old schools musicals about women suffering stockholm syndrome.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      OMG LOVE IT! Even though it’s a completely ridiculous idea….best old musical!

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      I thought so, I knew I wasn’t crazy!!

      I remember first hearing it in an old musical, think it was 7 Brides for 7 Brothers or maybe Anne of Green Gables, I knew I had heard it before!

  • Kendra

    Moments like these make me feel more proud to be unoriginal.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Is your name really Kendra?

    • Kendra

      Yes, my name is really Kendra. And my daughter’s name is Lauren. I probably should’ve gone with L’awreynne if I wanted her to be cool.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I only ask because my sister’s name is Kendra and I’ve only met like 2 other people ever with her name. Now I can add one more!

    • Kendra

      WOO HOO!!! I’ve met a few, but not many. My sister had a friend named Kindra and that just drove me crazy. I HATE to be called Kindra. It’s an E people. EH.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      One of those was Kyndra so I suppose she loses a point.

    • Kendra

      Her parents lose a major point.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I call my sister Kyan anyway (it’s one syllable and rhymes with Sean). Or Cylinder. /watch?v=-fKJf2OSucE

      (put youtube before it. I don’t want it to embed! That’s us 20 years ago loooool)

    • Kendra

      LOL cylinder works. It’s much better than what my family calls me.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I apparently called her all sorts of random stuff like Kenry before I settled on Kendy and eventually Kyan. XD

    • My2bits

      Haha. I hope you don’t live in the South. I grew up down here and I have to REALLY concentrate to keep myself from making the “short e” and “short i” sound the same. I’m a teacher, so it’s probably helpful to the kids if pen and pin don’t sound like the exact same word.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      The Southern e/I thing is interesting. On a name board once some woman said she was considering naming her baby Kellen and someone replied that basically she was crazy because the name sounds like “killing”.

  • Jessifer

    My friend named her daughter Luthien… from LOTR… (shakes head).

    • LadyClodia

      I actually like that one. It reminds me of Lucien, which is the name of one of my brothers-in-law. Then again, I named my youngest Ridder, which is “knight” in Dutch, so maybe I’m not one to talk.

    • libraryofbird

      So Luthien is Lucien pronounced with a lisp?

    • Allyson_et_al

      That was my first thought. This is Luthien, and his brothers Thamuel and Jameth.

  • capoupascap

    I’m just gonna give a rundown of my cousins children’s names here because I like to trump people with these awful names. It’s like my party game. Anyway they are, as follows: Anakin (star wars), Lucius (Harry Potter), Tzeitel (Toddler on the roof), Ryker (star trek?) D’Artagnan (3 musketeers this is actually the only name I don’t hate cuz they call him Tag and I like that name) and Kenobe (no idea, does anybody? I was forced to befriend her FB so can’t ask). So yes these are real children u can feel bad for…..also Chalupa Batman is the best worst name….

    • shel

      Is Kenobe pronounced like Obi Wan Kenobi?
      That’s a very special collection of children right there.. Though Ryker doesn’t seem as out there compared to the others…

    • capoupascap

      Duh I feel like an idiot! How did I miss that? You are spot on and I’ve only heard them say his name never written so I didn’t have that visual cue……champion of the internet today.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Chalupa Batman FTW!

    • JLH1986

      I know a Ryker and a Stryker. The others not so much. And why name your kid after the bad guy in Harry Potter?

    • capoupascap

      I was super perplexed about that too! Why name him after the villain? Why not Harry or something?

    • Lackadaisical

      Because bad guys are more fun, possibly, and Harry is such a normal name that no-one will mock your child. Every class has a Harry in it where I live and there were loads of Harrys before the books came out too

    • Jennifer Freeman

      I was tempted by Ryker when we were considering boys’ names. It’s a ‘real’ name, just not an American name.

    • Sarah

      Right?? Why not Voldemort? Go big or go home, y’all

    • Kendra

      I know two kids named Ryker. I think it’s becoming more common now.

    • Lackadaisical

      Ryker is fine, it only becomes obviously Star Trek when people hear the names of his other siblings and the theme becomes apparent. Same with Lucius, although it is rather unusual and old fashioned outside of HP

    • Kendra

      True, though I’m not in to most of those things so I wouldn’t catch the reference, necessarily, but I think a majority of people would. I’m one of the very few people I know who hasn’t seen Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Game of Thrones.

    • Lackadaisical

      I think that people would have got the reference straight away when the series was still going but now, years later, I would only think of it as someone naming their child after a character if I had context to do so. While distinctive it wasn’t as if the name was made up for the series and it is a real name so I would assume that it was just a coincidence and that the nerdiness was on my part for spotting the similarity. However, as soon as anyone hears the name of his siblings they would know exactly why he was called Ryker and the teasing would begin.

    • shel

      Ryker in the show is also spelled Riker anyway… so it’d be easy to play it off as something else.

    • Jem

      When I was pregnant and trolling baby center like a fiend I noticed many women saying they were going to name their sons Ryker, because it was dutch for Richard. I told my husband and he laughed out loud and said their husbands were tricking them into naming their baby after a Star Trek character. Maybe not. Maybe they liked the dutch form of Richard but that’s all I think of, trickster nerd husbands.

    • Kendra

      Those women in the baby center baby name forum are HARD CORE. I spent some time hanging out there, and they just ripped people to SHREDS over their name choices.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      thebump.com’s name forum is pretty awful, too.

    • Kendra

      No!! It’s that one! I was wrong. You are right. It was definitely thebump. I don’t know why I was thinking baby center because I never hung out on those forums.

    • Jem

      I definitely have a Sam named for Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings..so I guess I’m just as bad. But we justified it that Sam is a normal, cute name. My husband wishes we could name our child Ryker or Dartagnan but hell nah

    • Lackadaisical

      No, not the same. If you called him Samwise rather than either Samuel or Sam then it might get a few raised eyebrows but Sam is a good and normal name. Your kid will not get teased for that one, or if they do then whoever is teasing is grasping at straws so much that they would tease them no matter what they were called. If you tried to find a name for your kid that wasn’t in a popular book somewhere then you would be reduced to just throwing random letters around to invent something new.

    • Kendra

      Yeah, I’m impressed we haven’t seen a slew of Katniss babies running around yet.
      For fun, the worst name I’ve ever seen in person is “M’rald”, which is of course pronounced Emerald. Because letters are hard.

    • Lackadaisical

      I knew someone who named their kid Ce’nedra or Cenedra after a David Eddings character, despite the fact that he had made the name up for the book. Pronounced Zeneedra.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      For reals Emerald is next in line for a baby girl for us!

    • Kendra

      It’s very pretty as long as you keep all the letters!!!

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Don’t worry, we are definitely keeping every letter!

    • itpainsme2say

      Oooh are you going to nickname her emmy or a more daring emery. BTW i like this name.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      If i can help it, she will go by Emerald. Because Emmy is too common. Maybe I’ll call her Ralts. haha

      Really, it will prolly be whatever Mini Keatres calls her in her toddler accent :P It’s how my BIL Nathaniel became known as Hengle.

    • itpainsme2say

      Do you mean Ralts as in waltz and aw toddlerdom

    • Jallun-Keatres

      It’s a pokemon :P

    • itpainsme2say

      Oh sorry I missed the boat on that fandom by not being good at video games but that does add an extra element of cool to the nickname.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      It’s ok my husband introduced me to Nintendo. :P People used to joke about starting the Mario song and see how many people keep it going and I was like *airhead clueless face* until after high school.

    • Jennifer Freeman
    • K.

      Oy.

      Primrose, Glimmer, Clover, Peeta, Finnick, Cinna too?

      Poor old Johanna Mason.

    • K.

      No, I think that’s different.

      I know a couple who named their kid (a girl) Annie because of Star Wars. And another couple who named their kid Leonard in honor of Spock (Leonard Nimoy), and one who named their kid Renee Esme (NOT Renesmee!–that’s first and middle) for Twilight.

      Sam for Samwise is not naming your kid Frodo.

    • val97

      This is why pets are a good thing. Get a bunch of fish, name them after all your favorite and least favorite movie characters, and call it a day.

    • K.

      I feel the same way about the Game of Thrones names people are using. I mean, most of them are fine (Sansa, Arya, Cersei, Catelyn), but I’d cast a wary eye on any pop-culture phenomenon. It’s like people of my generation being named Leia or Jem–not terribly objectionable names, but probably lacking in the cache for the kids that they may have had for the parents.

      And the REALLY GoT-type names (Daenerys, Khal/Khaleesi, Varys, Stannis, Viserys, Sandor) are sort of like naming your kid Obi-Wan or Anakin or She-ra. I don’t care if they ARE names; they’re still “GoT names” before anything else.

    • Lackadaisical

      Catelyn is fine. Catelyn is an actual real name, although usually not spelt that way. I know a lot of Caitlyns and Kaitlyns who are older than the books. Obviously Jon and Bran are real and respectable names. Bran is a very Welsh name and before the books came out lads named Bran never caused so much as a flicker of an eyebrow. A lot of GoT names are real names with slightly different spellings (Petyr, Robb, Eddard). The very unusual and obviously GoT names seem a bit … jarring.

      The other problem I have with GoT names is that unless the character you name your kid after is dead then not matter how much you like the character now it could turn into an evil monster at any moment.

    • K.

      Right. Catelyn is whatever (although in the audiobooks, they pronounce the name CAT-lyn, which one assumes came from George himself). I don’t mind Arya or Sansa or even something like Stannis because I think they’re all real names that predate Martin–I do think, however, that riding the popularity of GoT is kind of a bad idea. Leia isn’t a weird name at all and Hermione is classic, but if you were born around 1980 for the first and 2000 for the latter, they’re kind of…loaded, that’s all.

      Then again, there are some things you can’t control, such as my great grandfather being named Adolf (before Hitler) and my friend being named Allegra (before allergy meds came out). Maybe I should be more worried about these!

      But I draw the line at Khaleesi, Renesmee, and Peeta. Too far, folks. Too far.

    • Jessica

      & even if they are dead, they may not stay that way…

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      I used to consider the name “Aria” if I ever have a daughter, because of my musical background, but now I’m a little wary of it because people might think it’s “Arya” from GoT, only misspelled

    • Sarah

      Worse, they might think you mean Aria from PLL

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      *shudder* I don’t even watch that, either.

    • My2bits

      I love that name. I have a friend who was a music major and teaches voice lessons now. Her daughters are Aria and Sonnet.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      That’s cute! I’ve also considered Arietta as an alternative. I’ve still got a few years before I have kids, though.

    • Williwaw

      Cersei is (a) a horrible-sounding name (sounds like some part of the female reproductive system you want to forget) and (b) not really the happiest name connotation for a kid (yes, I would totes want my daughter turning into a brother-screwing psycho bitch with a sadist son she adores).

    • Pappy

      That’s what bugs me about it. I mean, you might as well name her sisters after Andrea Yates, Casey Anthony and Nancy Garrido.

    • itpainsme2say

      Well I plan to have a Ponyboy(outsiders), Daniel(sg1), Brier (circle of magic), and Hero (shakespere and greek myth) if I get the chance and/or have that many.
      PS who loves Fiddler that much?

    • Sarah

      Hero is Yorick’s sister in Y: The Last Man, I wouldn’t use it but I sorta love it

    • itpainsme2say

      Ya its also in this book called Shakespeare’s Secret and she had a sister named Beatrice because their parents are historians/ professors. Also I love the story of Hero and Leander and its a bit creepy but if i ever had twins thats what I would name them.

    • Abby

      I’m generally pretty okay with people naming their kids after their favorite characters–hell, my husband and I are doing that with ours (Samuel, after Samwise Gamgee and Samwell Tarley because they are adorable everyman heroes). I’d just say, you know, be a little more creative with choosing names, because it’s going to be embarrassing for the kid once they reach an age where people can say “OH YOU MEAN LIKE IN STAR WARS?”

      Then again, kids are obnoxious like that anyway, even with more innocuous names.

    • http://nanny-notes.tumblr.com/ Nanny K

      Kenobe sounds like Obi Wan Kenobi from Star Wars.

  • libraryofbird

    I worked with a girl named Ireal (Ariel) and she named her son Q’Jeremy (qwa-Jeremy). Apparently she wanted a Q name and her mom wanted a Jeremy so they mushed them together.

    • TwentiSomething Mom

      Q’Jeremy? I can’t stop laughing at this one.

    • libraryofbird

      It is the weirdest name i know of personally. Tho I do know a Kreg, I just want to call him keg.

    • Sarah

      Please tell me he’s named after the power tool

    • Kendra

      My uncle’s name is Kreg!

    • Lackadaisical

      I can’t decide if I am more confused by being that desperate for a Q name or by actually thinking your mother gets a deciding vote on what you call your kid.

    • libraryofbird

      I swear I was making the dfaq face during her explanation.

  • shel

    When I was pregnant with my daughter, hubby and I joked (Joked! Though MIL believed us for awhile) about naming the baby Anna Christine so we could call her Annie Christ for short… or if it were a boy, Andrew Christopher and he could be Andy Christ…
    But that’s using actual names as opposed to random mishmash of letters…

    • Bethany Ramos

      I LOVE THIS.

  • Sarah

    I know someone who just named her baby Khaleesi. The worst part? She didn’t even know the character’s actual name is Daenerys. I also read about someone naming their son Theon, which admittedly is a nice name BUT HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN THE SHOW?

    • JLH1986

      Please tell me they don’t call him Reek.

    • cesp

      I told my family that regardless of gender I’m naming this child Hodor.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      And then make sure the child’s first word is Hodor. HODORHODORHODOR.

    • JLH1986

      Hodor Bran?

    • shel

      Nobody cares about Bran….

    • Jessica

      Love it

    • Williwaw

      Haha, everyone on the train is looking at me after my burst of maniacal laughter.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      I confess I fell in love with the name Arya lol but I think I’ll stick with Callie and Sephy for my (hopeful) future twin girls

    • staferny

      A friend of mine works for the courts, she mentioned that there was a set of parents scheduled for a custody meeting for their daughter, “Renesmee” poor kid.

  • Jem

    To be fair, North Dakota only has like 400,000 people total so that is probably a small amount of people named that name..and they are pretty …um white washed if you know what I mean so there is not a lot of cultural influences. True story, when I used to work at the Fargo Toys R Us, people returned dolls ALL THE TIME if they were not white dolls. Some were coy about why they were returning it (“it just isn’t right”) some were not so much (i can’t repeat what was said).

    Also, Dorcus is in the bible. it was the original name of Tabitha I think.

    And I think Thinh is a Vietnamese name.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      When I was in North-Western Ontario (3 hours North of Duluth, MN) and travelled to MN, WI, and ND for horse shows, I was very amused to find that a lot of people talk like they do in the movie “Fargo”.
      But then again, the city where I was going to school in NW Ontario was pretty much the same except with “eh?” added to the end of everything.

    • staferny

      FF, Atikokan or TBay?

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Thunder Bay.

    • staferny

      I went to college there and grew up 4 hours away. Whenever I go back home for a visit I pick up the accent and the slang again and then when I get back my co-workers and friends make fun of me for talking like a hillbilly

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      I’m from the Toronto area and still managed to pick up the accent and slang from just being there from September to April for four years if I was being lazy and wasn’t paying attention to how I was speaking. Even now, when I haven’t been there in close to a year I’ll still sometimes slip up and everyone I’m around will give me the weirdest looks.
      I also spent a fair amount of time in Neebing and Kakabeka because I was on the equestrian team and that’s where the farms are, so that didn’t help lol.

  • Lackadaisical

    I feel honour bound to point out that Dorcas is a real name with an older tradition than calling someone a dork. However I have never heard anyone called it outside of maids in costume dramas / novels set in the first half of the 20th century. Agatha Christie was very fond of the name for dull and unintelligent servants. Oh dear, I seem to have failed to defend the name and have made it even worse, haven’t I?

    • LadyClodia

      When I worked at BK in high school I remember our one manager warning us not to make fun of the new girl’s name, Dorcus. We didn’t to the girl’s face at least, but it turned out that she was an enormous ditz, and we did make fun of her when she told us that she dyed her hair black so people wouldn’t know she was blond (blond jokes were very popular at the time.) Another manager remarked to me that she thought I had been a big ditz, but not as bad as Dorcus.

    • http://www.swordcrossrocket.com swordcrossrocket

      Dorcas is aramaic; the greek name people tend to use more, though it seems oddly out of fashion too: Tabitha. Both mean “gazelle,” and I wonder if the name Dorcus is an attempt to masculinize a traditionally female name.

    • Upsilon

      Dorcas is also the name of one of the “brides” in the 1954 movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Don’t ask me why I remember that. So it is a legit name, though perhaps not one that has stood the test of time

    • G.S.

      Did she wind up with Frank(incense), because that would have been perfect.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I think Ben.

    • Iwill Findu

      I remember that one because I thought it was a very unfortunate name.

    • Syd

      I’m pretty sure it is a Bible name as well.

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    I have to disagree. I think Chlamydia takes the cake for being the worst baby name.

    • G.S.

      And then all the asshole kids start calling her “Clappy” for short.

    • shel

      Don’t forget her little sister Syphilis….

  • Jessie

    … I work with a dog named Felony. A DOG. Before now, I had never heard of that name being used as a human’s name. Dear gods.

    • Sarah

      It’s pretty horrible even for a dog. Poor pup :(

    • Jessie

      I’m inclined to agree, especially since this dog is just about the sweetest little pomeranian fluffball you’ll ever meet, and she has a brother dog with her who is simply named Dash. WTF, why give such a negative name to one dog and then give the other one a normal name?

  • dumpplerywhr

    I saw a name once for a girl, Lovett. Odd, but not too strange. Until I learned her last name……Pusey. I want to believe it rhymes with Busey (as in Gary), but that’s not how I read it

    • JLH1986

      Rhyming with Busey doesn’t help much either.

  • LadyClodia

    I don’t think “Ridder” sounds too strange in the US, but I know that some of my husband’s Dutch relatives would possibly put our youngest son’s name on this list. Hopefully his name won’t adversely affect him if he ever decides to live in Holland when he’s older since it is unusual there.

  • Jennifer Freeman

    A long, long time ago I worked with someone whose first and middle names were Vergina Wondar (spelled exactly that way). I don’t know if it was a family name or what, but every time I saw it all I thought was “Vagina Wonder”.

    • Kendra

      Ermagerhd! Vergina Wondar!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahahahaha

    • LadyClodia

      LOL. Why, why is that a name? It reminds me, though, of when I worked at the university mail room and one day I came across the name Harry Allcock. I laughed for about 10 minutes.

    • shel

      What was the one from STFU? Vageena Madgesty? Maybe they’re cousins.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    I don’t even know anyone with a horrible name (although plenty of awful spellings). I must be too unrefined. XD

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Hukt N Funix: Names for Parents

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I went to church with a Qymberli and just the other day heard of a baby Dalieeah. How do you even pronounce that?

    • Lackadaisical

      Is Qymberli pronounced like Kimberly or is it completely different? I assume Dalieeah is pronounced a bit like Dahlia but if parents are going to throw that many vowels at a name then they probably have an interesting pronunciation that is nothing like a name I have actually heard of.

    • darras

      I sure hope it isn’t pronounced ‘Quimberly’ or she’s going to have some unpleasant Quim related imagery flying about.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Yeah it was just Kimberley with a bunch of letter swaps. I have no idea how Dalieeah is pronounced. I thought it was Delilah butchery at first but because of the 24546643 vowels in a row I’m going with da-Leah.

  • Lackadaisical

    Of course stupid and inappropriate names are hardly new. Here is an awesome history programme for kids going through some actual names given to kids in in Victorian times. I like Baboon,Toilet, Princess Cheese, Minty Badger and “Susan Semolina Thrower”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMp_xGeQ2v0

    • Allyson_et_al

      My great-great grandmother was named Minty Wimpy. I wish I were making that up.

    • Williwaw

      I am so naming a cat “Minty Badger”.

    • CleaK

      Somewhere in my family genealogy charts, a couple of hundred years removed, I ran into someone named Cinderella. I thought that was pretty damn awesome.

      In less awesomeness, my step-mom fills in occasionally on the bench in Child and Family Welfare Court and once ordered a name change on newborn twin girls who had been named Cocaine and Marijuana.

  • Jennifer Freeman

    Key & Peele skit about names..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw

    • Bethany Ramos

      LOL love them.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      “Insubordinate and churlish!” is a favorite saying in my house.

    • PghLady

      You done messed up A-A-Ron!

  • http://nanny-notes.tumblr.com/ Nanny K

    “Essence Angel Love Rose”
    My cousin. Yes her (disgusting meth head) mother was high.
    Yes, my brother will be shortening it when he legally adopts her.

  • journalgal

    Oh, and I have a child in the family named Drizzett. Not kidding.

    • jane

      So fitting that this comment was at the end and it was the one that made me weep.

    • G.S.

      . . . As in Do’Urden? Because they spelled it wrong, if that’s the case.

    • darras

      I love how so many of us here are nerdy nerds and damn proud of it too :D

  • LiteBrite

    Felony is an awesome name for a roller girl. Not so much for a regular kid walking down the street.

  • Nori

    went to the bank today, lady who served me V-I-K-T-O-R-I-Y-A……..victoria?

  • Blueathena623

    There is a Bela and Paizly (sisters) in my library group. Nice girls and nice mom, but its sad how much the mom wants to be recognized as being creative. When there are times when the kids’ names are being written down (like on projects) she always takes the initiative to remind us of the spelling, even though we know them because hello, library group every week. “Oh, that one is Bela’s. Only one L, so B. E. L. A. Just the one L.” I keep meaning to throw her a bone and ask why she spelled her kids’ names that way, because she is obviously dying to tell us.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      I find this kind of amusing because Bela is technically (or at least the only version I’m familiar with) a male Hungarian name pronounced more like “bay-la”, instead of a girl’s name pronounced “Bella”. I only know this because of the composer Bela Bartok, my music nerdiness is showing.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      I actually thought of Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf opens the door to the mines of Moria.

      Sounded like BEL-AH to me lol!!

      I know it’s actually something more like Mellon or whatever lol.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      lol nice.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    I just remembered that one of the blogs I follow the mom’s name is Stephoney. I can’t stop pronouncing it Phoney Baloney Stuh Phony!

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  • practicallyperfectineveryway

    I’m gonna print this list out and someday when I’m pregnant I’ll show it to my guy. After he vetoes them, all the Harry Potter names I want to give our children will seem much more attractive.

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