• Wed, Apr 23 - 1:00 pm ET

10 Ways To Know If Your Facebook Friend Is Knocked Up

Facebook Pregnancy AnnouncementYou may know someone who is pregnant. How do you know? This can be tricky to know for sure. Offline it can be confusing because sometimes you may ask an acquantince  you haven’t seen in a while “Oh, are you going to have a baby?” and they may punch you in the throat because they are only having a two beer and cheeseburger lunch baby or else they got a cute new empire waist baby doll top on clearance at Ross Dress For Less. Online can be confusing too, especially when navigating social media but here are some signs someone you know may be having a baby and discussing it on Facebook.

1: You say your mom was diagnosed with cancer and they reply THAT IS JUST LIKE ME I ALSO DON’T FEEL GOOD BECAUSE I AM HAVING A BABY. 

(Image:  Phil Jones/shutterstock)

(Image: Phil Jones/shutterstock)

2: They post status updates like “Going to the doctor to have a six week checkup wish me luck I have to pee in a cup!” 

Unless they are a dude or taking a drug test chances are they may be having a baby.

3: They start liking stupid shit on Facebook 

Facebook-Like-Button

 

Before your pal used to like stuff like Breaking Bad or Gwar or an article about how leg warmers are making a comeback and now they keep liking stuff which is only pages from the Pottery Barn Baby and Kids website.

4: They start joining groups on Facebook 

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5: When you update your status about how you ate a mess of sushi or drank Jagër bombs they just reply “LUCKY”.

(Image:  Palle Christensen/shutterstock)

(Image: Palle Christensen/shutterstock)

6: They start asking for shit on Facebook 

(Image: PathDoc/shutterstock)

(Image: PathDoc/shutterstock)

They post things like DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY CAR SEATS OR BOTTLE NIPPLES OR MATERNITY JEANS SIZE 10 THEY NO LONGER USE CAN I HAVE THEM CAN I HAVE YOUR OLD DIAPER GENIE CAN I HAVE IT DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANYONE SELLING ANY USED BABY CLOTHING FOR A BOY THAT ISN’T WORN AND CAME FROM NEIMAN MARCUS?

 7: They start posting shit like this 

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 8: They Post Vaguebook status updates 

They vague book all over the place and it’s always shit like “Feeling pukey” or ” bloated”

9: They post a lot of photos of Pinterest baby shower ideas so people don’t disappoint them 

(Image: pinterest)

(Image: pinterest)

If you are close to someone on Facebook and helping plan their shower you better take some damn good notes because if you aren’t floating some rubber duckies in lemonade their will be one very disappointed mommy-to-be.

10: They start asking for opinions on baby names 

(Image: Heather LaVelle/shutterstock)

(Image: Heather LaVelle/shutterstock)

Pro-tip: if you reply to these sort of questions, just say it is the most adorable name you have ever heard because any other answer is the wrong answer.

(Image:  lightwavemedia/shutterstock)

Share This Post:
  • Bethany Ramos

    #1 and #5 are for real the best things ever. Soooo funny. I just thought people would say: I HAVE BABBY IN 9 MONTHS.

    • Megan Zander

      Nooooo, because they have to do their ” big announcement post”, complete with ultrasound picture, baby shoes, a bump shot and for some reason, a chalkboard.

    • Valerie

      What about the bunch of gendered balloons floating out of a giant box?? #HDY

    • Megan Zander

      Damn, knew I missed something

    • Syd

      Don’t forget the always popular jar of spaghetti sauce…

  • Valerie

    Posting a pic of rubber duckies navigating a bowl of piss is a surefire way to know.

    • Megan Zander

      #mouthpuke

    • Valerie

      #sorryz

    • Megan Zander

      It’s ok, everything makes me feel pukey lately…..

    • Valerie

      :-O

      MEGAN, are you trying to tell us something?!??!

    • Megan Zander

      Hahahahahahahaha. Just messing around. Zander baby factory is officially closed as of last week.

    • Sarah

      lol I am so confused by that one! Why isn’t the drink blue..?

  • Alex Lee

    EVE, DO YOU HAVE NURSING BRAS? I AM HAVING CROTCHFRUIT IN 7 MOZ.

    • Valerie

      Crotchfruit? Can’t we name it something nicer? Like Dingleberry?

    • Alex Lee

      “Crotchfruit of-the-Sky Paltrow”

    • Véronique Houde

      You’re in luck! A well-worn, slightly greyed sporty model is available for the modest price of 99.94$ (Eve is very emotional about getting rid of said bra)

    • middleofnowheremom

      I’m still in love with the term crotchfruit. I even used it last week :-)

  • Megan Zander

    Yup to all this, but more importantly, ARE leg making a comeback? Because if so I have a box to dig out of the attic and a huge “told you so” to scream gleefully when my hubs gets home.

    • Ursi

      I wear them, but my everyday style is “disco thrift store” so I’m not sure if you should take my fashion advice…

  • Elisabeth TheQueen Smith

    stupid me doing it the cavewoman way and just writing ‘I’m pregnant’

    • Rachel Sea

      But if that’s all you write how will people be able to tell that you are pregnant, and not just posting a secret meme?

  • TheRealKelly

    I just posted the worthless piece of shit mom picture on my facebook without comment. I really hope people repost it.

    • Butt Trophy Recipient

      Hm… if I do that… people might report me…

    • http://batman-news.com Bunny Lou

      PLEASE KEEP US POSTED ON THAT. I want to see just how many people repost.

    • Greta Young

      I was just about to do the same… that one made me spit out some coffee all over my desk… :-)

  • Kendra

    #11. Stalk Pinterest. Expect to see abundant amount of pins such as :
    Potty Training in 3 days!!
    100 ideas for toddler activity play
    EVERYTHING a new mom needs to know!
    10,000 pins of newborn baby photo shoots
    I have known people were pregnant far before they announced on FB just from a little simple observation in their pinning activity.

    • geckomommy

      This is why I was psyched when they created the “private board” feature right around the time I found out I was pregnant. I still use my private baby board so as not to annoy my friends with all my baby junk.

    • SA

      haha! I’m surprised people still haven’t figured that one out. That is what I use for all my weird kid things and birthday parties. I actually had to call my BFF to ask if she was trying to get pregnant because of her ‘fertility’ pins. We hadn’t talked in some time and it was very interesting to catch up!

    • Kendra

      I’ve noticed a lot of people think they can trick you by calling it a “someday :)” board. Then, conveniently about two months later, the FB announcement comes out.

    • SA

      It is funny….I’ve seen the “someday” boards and just picture the heart attack their boyfriend of 2 months would have if he happened upon Pintrest! :)

    • Kendra

      If you really want to know, my husband’s best friend has been dating this girl like, 7 months or something. She has 3 baby boards with over 500 pins. A wedding board with approx. 200 pins and a “maturnity” board with 50 pins.

    • SA

      HA! Maturnity….sounds like he’s found a keeper!

    • noodlestein

      “Maturnity” for the turn it’s going to give him when he finds all these pins!

    • JLH1986

      I have a someday board…that I’ve had for like 2 years. Long before we got married (I didn’t think we were going to get married for a long time I thought we’d just live in sin)

    • Sarah

      Why is everyone obsessed with potty training their infants? My kid is almost 2 and I’m all, take your sweet ass time. You want a 2 liter of water before bed? Go for it! Have to poop at the park? Do it in your pants! I mean really, diapers are the shit and everyone learns to use the toilet eventually. Plus, I’m lazy.

    • Kendra

      The only reason I want to start potty training my daughter is because I don’t want to have to buy double the diapers once we do have baby #2. Otherwise, I too find diapers to be easier than the idea of having to know where all the toilets are.

    • Sarah

      That makes sense. I do cloth diapers so I have no monetary incentive to potty train, otherwise I’d be right there with you. My cheapness would probably win over my laziness.

    • WantonWhimsy

      Seriously! maybe because I also cloth diapered so the money was already spent, but I had a lot of adjusting to do once the boy was potty trained. Like suddenly going someplace that doesn’t have a bathroom (or an open bathroom) is something you have to think about. Due to my poor planning skills on ensuring that, he is now a committed tree pee-er…. the only tree in our yard is in the front :(
      (yes, he will choose the tree over the toilet every time no matter how I plead)

    • Sarah

      I can’t really blame boys for their fascination with peeing on trees, I wish I could do it too! I’ve been known to get drunk and just pop a squat in parking garages but I don’t think that’s the same thing.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      I swear to god, my kid not being toilet trained was a godsend this winter when we stuck her in her snowsuit for outdoor activities (like, twice; I hate winter). Next winter will suck balls. :/ (She’s two and a half, I’m going to have to get this ball rolling soon. Damnit)

    • Rachel Sea

      I’d be down with mostly using the toilet instead of diapers if I were a SAHM. Wiping poop off a smaller area of the kid, and getting to do less laundry is appealing – but not to the point of actually going diaperless, because I wouldn’t want to be on the news as that lady who let her kid poop in a store’s fake ficus because they wouldn’t offer up the keys to the employees-only restroom.

    • Sarah

      lolol WELL idk, that seems reasonable enough to me!

    • Megan Zander

      True fact- when I was newly pregnant but hadn’t told anyone, the judge I worked for busted me looking at cribs online ( those insanely expensive round ones that celebs have which I quickly got over) and we were in front of a packed courtroom and being recorded, so the transcript is just a series of her squealing and me going ” shhhhhhh!”

    • Larkin

      This is why I have a secret pin board for baby stuff. It’s fabulous, and keeps everyone the DL. :-D

    • Larkin

      *everything on the DL. Dammit.

  • SA

    You left out #11 They stop posting half-nekked drunken pictures of themselves and instead post things like “I can’t believe people my age still go out drinking! So blessed to have other things to fill my life”

    • Kendra

      Or those E-Cards that say “All the people my age are partying and I’m just over here loving being a mom!”

    • SA

      YES! The people that post those are totally have newborns. By the time their kids hit one the wine glass posts start appearing again.

    • Kendra

      I just can’t figure out why people are consistently needing to compare their life timeline with the people they went to high school with. I don’t know about you, but I’m not really looking up to a lot of these people as proper life models…

    • Rachel Sea

      Sometimes I feel like I must be the only person in the world who hasn’t kept tabs on everyone from high school.

    • Guest

      I know the feeling, people I know are constantly talking about how this person or that person from high school is getting married or having children. I have no clue what the people I went to high school with are doing. I didn’t talk to them then, why would I talk to them now?

    • Sarah

      Hahaha more accurately- “I’m just over here pumping 32 oz of breastmilk so I can get drunk at home and fall asleep on the couch”

    • JJ

      Whenever I see those I think is the person posting this because they genuinely are loving being a new parent or are they posting this because they feel they have to convey a certain image to people now that there a parent. Like somehow its not okay to admit on facebook that one loves their baby and new life but sometimes they are stressed out and miss old life without child responsibility. Even if someone is loving being a mom why do they have to hold it over their friends heads like they are so insignificant now, “oh your partying it up and going out well I am actually being responsible for a child which is soo much more important then what you guys are doing.”

    • Valerie

      #blessed

    • JJ

      Or they post responses to people going on trips or vacations or posting vacation photo’s with, “I used to love that stuff by now I have babies so I get all the joy in life I need by being home with them everyday. Wouldn’t trade my world for one filled with thousand of vacations”. Yeah because being covered in spit up, surrounded by tons of toys and waking up at 5 am is the same as a vacation. You can have kids and love them but still admit you would like a vacation south on the beach for a week with nothing but a drink in hand and a good book in the other. It’s okay facebook parents to admit you want to do things outside of your little ones really.

    • Valerie

      Not if you want to be a proper #mommartyr!

    • SA

      No fun ever. #momlife

    • Andrea

      Wait this is a choice? Where do I go to trade puked on t-shirts for vacations??? This is a thing???? WHY HAS THIS THING BEEN KEPT FROM ME??????????

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      The half naked thing doesn’t seem to stop for my friends. Almost all of my friends with babies did half naked pregnancy shoots. I say good for them but maybe keep it in your private photo albums. (They seem to post dozens and dozens rather than one.)

  • Abby

    I like when the vaguebook stuff like “ugh, feeling so sick and bloated” starts showing up before they announce… and when everyone pounces on it to say “PREGGERS!” Mostly because I can’t decide which makes me laugh more, the vaguebooking or the bumpwatch.

    • JLH1986

      I just said I couldn’t go out on St. Paddy’s Day (work/school obligations) and I was apparently knocked up. So people will PREGGERS! anyone for any reason I think.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      I had a friend (who didn’t even attend my wedding after asking if she was invited, #notbitter) message me on FB randomly to ask, “so, are you pregnant yet!?!?” The fucking kicker is that I was, but I wasn’t sharing it yet. :P

      Also, I had people hijack my status updates sometimes on FB to tell me I should be knocked up. Fuck out of my uterus people; if you don’t see me in real life, what the fuck does it matter? The majority of my friends feed found out when I posted the “she has arrived” note; most of them didn’t even know I was knocked up. Hah.

    • JLH1986

      THIS. I’ve been married long enough and I get asked all the time. We are struggling to conceive and so no one knows we are trying because if they are like this when they don’t know? yeesh. I’ve said before on here, if people keep asking about the contents of my womb I’m just going to tell them the last thing I ate or my last bowel movement since apparently nothing is off limits.

    • Darras

      Ugh.. I had this issue and we had only been married four years before trying. I got so annoyed about it that I told a friend if he even mentioned pregnancy one more time I would slap him in the face with a bloody tampon. The threat seemed to have done the trick as he was too scared to even mention babies when I was quite heavily pregnant! I am curious though as to where he thought I was going to find a bloody tampon in that state.

    • JLH1986

      We have been married 9 months. But we are “old” and “can’t make babies forever”. Ugh.

    • JPen

      Same here, married for 9 months and Dear god, if I hear the “dont wait too long, it gets harder as you get older” one more time I’m gonna lose it! So yes, as litterboxjen so perfectly put it…fuck out of my uterus people!!!

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      I’ve told it before and I’ll tell it again: My MIL asked if my first was conceived while we were on vacation in Costa Rica (no, I got my period right when we got back / you can still have your period and be pregnant! / I wasn’t pregnant ffs — so glad I went to the full 40 weeks as it helped prove my case);

      then when I was pregnant in the summer (which I miscarried), asked if the baby was conceived while we were at their family reunion — whereby our toddler was sleeping in the same room as us and my MIL/FIL were sleeping down the hall of a house that didn’t have full walls… ffs woman.

      I’m fortunate that this time around, no questions about conception location were asked. :P

    • JLH1986

      Ha ha. I would just tell people random places like “Oh your kitchen table last Christmas”

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I have a friend who has been married about a year and just bought a house. We now have a running joke because she literally can’t post anything about any kind of sickness, tiredness, irritability, food she has eaten etc without people screaming YOU MUST BE PREGNANT! So I PM her and say things like “I noticed you went to work today, is it because you are trying to save vacation time because you are pregnant!”

  • Plonk

    You forgot when their face is suddenly replaced by a picture of an ultrasound, especially one where you can’t make out anything even if you stare for hours. In their place I think I’d just steal a good one from Google and call it a day. It’s not like anyone would notice.

    • AP

      The number of ultrasounds I’ve seen on Facebook that contain the Mom’s full name, DOB, hospital, insurance info, and medical records number is astounding. Protect your private info, ladies!

    • SA

      I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I felt oddly self-conscious over showing off a picture of the inside of my uterus. Don’t know why but ultra-sound pics (of other people) SO creep me out.

    • Larkin

      Yeah, I don’t get this. I have no desire to post my ultrasound photos on Facebook. Does anyone actually enjoy looking at those except for the parents-to-be and, possibly, grandparents-to-be?

      Funny side note… I emailed a copy of my 8 week ultrasound to my mom. She replied with, “Oh my gosh, he/she is BEAUTIFUL!!!” And I just laughed. Don’t pander to me, Mom, I know it looks like an alien blob.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    I think if they post #7 they are a Mommyish reader and therefore an awesome mom. #blessed

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Awww haha #blessed

  • Bridget

    When they randomly start posting weekly pictures of fruit, based on the Baby Center updates: your baby is the size of a mango!

  • Holla

    eww who wants rubber duckies floating around in a bowl of piss on their baby shower???

  • Karen

    A facebook friend just posted a picture that said “Labor is the only blind date where you will meet the love of your life” and wrote above it “Can’t wait to experience such a beautiful thing.”

    I really want to jump on all the positive “love of your life!” comments and say the beautiful thing she’ll experience during labor is an epidural. She just announced her pregnancy yesterday and I have a feeling I’m in for another 7 months or so of these kinds of posts.

    • Bexley

      Anyone who thinks labour is a beautiful thing clearly hasn’t done it. For most people it’s gruesome all the way

  • MarianD

    And then you get my best friend who has kept so quiet on social media about her pregnancy that when someone jokingly asked if she was over facebook the other day people leaped to her defense. Shes at 25 weeks and normally an oversharer.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I’d rather people were honest with me if I ever get pregnant.
    I was chatting to my good friend and she was laughing saying everyone’s saying soon it’ll be the day you meet your angel, or soon it’ll be the best day of your life. she just laughed and said soon it’ll be the day where i shit out a living person, why can’t they put that on a card?

    I’m totally setting up a “Congratulations on shooting a child from your Hoo-Ha” card company

    • G.S.

      Can it be a pop-up card? And can I come work for you?

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      Totally lol and we’ll offer a placenta print one for those who want to freak out relatives.
      And a scratch n’sniff for those who want to celebrate baby’s first poop.

    • G.S.

      Anything for the umbilical stump falling off?

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      I’m thinking stick it to the front and have a written recipe on the inside for Stump Stew.

      Just a little somethin’ I’ve been cookin’ up. =P

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