Dealing with infertility is its own special hell. It took us five years to conceive our first child and those were five of the loneliest years of my life. Infertility can be really depressing and isolating. That’s why I am totally behind the “no baby” shower idea that I read about today.
The “no baby” shower is a party you throw for your friend who is going through the hell of infertility. A writer in XO Jane talks about it today – and I think it’s a great idea. Since the trend doesn’t really exist yet – you can basically make it whatever you want:
This is why I’m finally making my dream a reality and planning a “No Baby Shower” for all of those in the trying to conceive trenches. They deserve a party and a goodie bag of treats just as much as anyone else. True, their goodie bags will be filled with ovulation prediction kits, maxi pads and chocolate — but still. It is my hope that all of those who attend will not only have fun but make connections with others who can empathize and support them.
Clearly, this isn’t an event that requires a registry and invitations – and you need to be really careful about the temperament of the recipient. I would have loved something like this when I was struggling with infertility. Every positive pregnancy test one of my friends reported, every baby shower I had to attend, every announcement on Facebook almost felt like a personal attack. Not to mention the fact that pregnancy tests and ovulation prediction sticks are really expensive! Goody bags full of this stuff would be a major score for the woman struggling to conceive.
It’s not about the party or the stuff. It’s about the acknowledgment of what someone is going through. It’s hard to respond to someone else’s pain – and the pain of infertility is no different. You never know if you are saying the right thing or doing the right thing for a friend that is taxed with this situation. Because it’s so difficult, we usually respond by doing nothing. I think a day of champagne, streamers, pregnancy tests and laughter is a damn good way to bring our “dark secret” of infertility out of the closet. So many women struggle with it and it’s still so hard to talk about.
Every woman is different and some may think it’s a horrible idea. But having been through a period of infertility myself – I think this is great. Also – there should be cake. Cake makes everyone happy.