Stop Panicking Parents I Have Your Disney Frozen Merchandise Right Here!

All you parents need to calm the freak down – worrying that your precious little Elsa-Frozen snowflakes won’t have a Frozen toy in their Easter basket. First of all, since when did Easter become Christmas or a birthday? Go buy them a damn chocolate bunny and tell them it is special limited edition magical Frozen bunny that belonged to those creepyass troll rock things that NO ONE wants to discuss. How can every parent glom over the fact that these troll people look like dried up feces rocks and sang a bad song and were overall lame despite their magical powers?

Your kid doesn’t get a Frozen doll. Too bad boo hoo, now they will grow up and hate you. That’s what you get parents, that is what you get! But I have a solution for you, oh boy do I ever, because I’m an amazingly smart person and I will share my wisdom with you so your dumb kid will stop whining about their dumb lack of Disney branded bullshit you will end up donating by next Easter anyway.

1: A Magical Frozen Ice Castle! 

 

(Image: wordpress)

(Image: wordpress)

Go get all your blue and light blue and white Legos – pro tip: if you are missing any they are either under your washing machine or at the bottom of your kid’s toy bin. Tell them these are magical blue FROZEN Legos and they need to build Elsa and that stupid moose a house.

2: An Elsa Doll!

(Image: Onesavvymom)

(Image: Onesavvymom)

Here is her face, just have your dumb kid color this pic and print it out and cut it out and use some scotch tape to tape it on the face of a Barbie. Voila! They even have the same hair. You can make a fancy Elsa snow dress out of tinfoil and some blue twisty ties from your bread bag. FANCY!

3: An Olaf Plush

(Image: shutterstock)

(Image: shutterstock)

You may see a nail-polish removal device, I see a world of Olaf inspired possibility! Go get some goggly eyes, you know you want goggly eyes, and go to town. If you really love your kids, you can even attach cotton balls all over your body and make them have a truly magical Easter morning to remember:
cotton-balls

4: A Sven Figure

(Image: Amazon)

(Image: Amazon)

Get one of your kid’s plastic horses and hot glue some pretzels on its skull to make a Sven. Parents are ALL READY doing this but with food!

(Image: sugar swings blogspot)

(Image: sugar swings blogspot)

If your kid is young enough I can promise you they don’t know the damn difference between a moosie and a horsie, so just add some damn pretzels to its head because everyone knows that pretzels=antlers. This is pretty much the first rule of parenting.

5: An Anna Doll 

HAHA you don’t even have to do this shit because everyone knows that no kid wants Anna. Every mom wants her kid to want Anna because of her sweet disposition and the fact she doesn’t wear a slutastic Dancing With The Stars Bob Mackie-esque gown like Elsa, but no kid wants her. She is no one’s favorite, and if she is just take a chemical hair straightener to your Merida doll and add some google eyes and a piece of red felt to make a cape and VOILA, Anna.

(Image; tumblr)

(Image; tumblr)

There you go. I hope you are happy now. Not only did I save your Easter but I made it so your kid won’t grow up and require a gazillion dollars in therapy because they weren’t able to have Disney merchandise for the holiday. Now you can let it go…
(Image: Tumblr)

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    • B

      Apparently none of these dips check ebay.
      I typed in ‘elsa doll’ & got literally thousands of results.
      I agree though, Easter is not Christmas. And unless your child’s birthday is actually on Easter, its not a birthday either. My bugs will be getting some candy & a few dollar store toys. The. End.

    • Alicia Kiner

      HAHA. This is great. Here’s another idea for Easter… Do an egg hunt. Your kid(s)’s own egg hunt, where they get all the eggs and whatever you decide to put inside.

      Your kid doesn’t HAVE to have every little toy their heart desires. And guess what? I bet they’ll have some in stock so you can get her one for Christmas. And then you’ll really be a hero. Your kid isn’t going to give a damn if you spend $1 or $100 thousand on a toy. They don’t get the concept. Be a parent, and tell them no! It’s just not possible right now. It won’t be the end of the world.

      ETA: Oh and my daughter actually wants both dolls. She loves their sister bond, and wishes she had a sister just like Elsa. Sadly, she’s stuck with just a brother. ;)

    • Jessie
      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        (zomg purple wedding zomg)

      • Jessie

        (I know right zomg)

      • Robotic Socks

        huh? yomg?

      • Valerie

        Did you not watch GoT yet this week?!

      • Robotic Socks

        :( cable is on the fritz… I’m about to cancel and try DTV

      • Valerie

        Ugh, that sucks!! :-(

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        I have been waiting for those events to happen for A LONG ASS TIME!

      • Valerie

        I have not read the books yet but I had a friend tell me a year ago about all of this and it was far better than I ever could have imagined!

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        I know. I was really curious as to how they’d do it, and I’m quite impressed.

      • Robotic Socks

        Demnit! I have to leave to avoid spoilers now!

        HODOR!

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Hodor. Hodor, Hodor!

      • Valerie

        I would never! I spoke in code!

        ETA: HODOR!

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        It was the BEST ever I wanted to high five my tv

      • Jessie

        I DID high five my TV. I don’t even care how dumb I looked, I was so happy.

    • Kathleen Sullivan

      Haha love this post! Luckily, my daughter recently told me that the song “Let it Go” makes her too sad, so she has zero interest in Frozen now. One of my happiest days so far this year.

      • Valerie

        Yeah, my 6-year daughter liked Frozen a lot but she is by no means obsessed. She liked it about as much as every other Disney movie she’s ever seen. The only Frozen merch she has requested is a Frozen book. #blessherheart

      • whiteroses

        My son loves the song- but, ironically, only the one that’s in 26 different languages. The English one, he’s got no use for.
        Thank God for small favors.

    • Alex Lee

      If I had a dime every time I was asked if I wanted to build a snowman…

      Blame it on last night’s snowstorm (yes, April 16 and we got snow), but I’m considering building little cake Olafs. Just so she’ll STOP SINGING THAT SONG.

      • Valerie

        Ugh, us too. I wore flip flops on Sunday and winter boots today. Eff this shit.

      • TngldBlue

        So damn hard. I usually am not a weather complainer but this? F-you mother nature.

      • Valerie

        Absolutely. This sucks.

      • Peggy

        Same here. Go home mother nature-you’re fucking drunk.

    • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

      Hahaha. This is awesome.
      Confession: yesterday I went to the nearest Disney Store (and yes, they’re all sold out of Frozen) and bought a Merida doll and a Maleficent doll because they were $11 when you bought two or more. The cashier lady was telling me that she had a customer earlier that said he bought an Anna and and Elsa doll for $60 each on ebay. I told her he got them for cheap on ebay. I think if I decide I want those two, I’ll just wait it out.

    • SarahJane86

      I’m a sort of crazy Frozen parent.

      Our family has just moved from Australia to America, a large portion of my daughter’s toys have been given away or are in transit. Her birthday is in 20 days and she wants an Elsa doll.

      No big deal, usually, but we’ve already told her we can’t have the princess party with all her friends she wanted, because she has no friends yet, she is mourning our pets, who are still living with her grandmother, and just this week switched from saying she never, ever wants to go back to “Stray-ya” to demanding to go back because she misses her pets so much.

      She’s also a 32 weeker, so her birthday is a big deal to us, too. And I can’t get a stupid $15 Elsa doll because the second Target puts them on the shelves, they’re gone.

      And I’ve tried, and tried and TRIED to explain. And normally she handles disappointment really well. But I’m so sad about this Elsa doll, because I really feel like it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back for her.

      • TngldBlue

        Awww poor thing-I can understand in this situation feeling like all you want to do is get something that will make her happy. Hopefully once the Easter rush is over you’ll have better luck.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        You are a mom trying to get your kid one doll and your kid is basically the only kid who deserves one. I will keep my eye out for YOU, but only you

      • whiteroses

        Exactly. Australia to America is a hard move for an adult- never mind a little kid who misses her old life. I think, in this case, it’s fair to get her whatever she reasonably wants for her birthday. And a doll is reasonable, imho.

      • Tinyfaeri

        I’d be willing to bet you’re not the parent anyone’s making fun of. Unless you’re posting angry messages on the Disney Facebook page daily, then you might be. But somehow, I doubt it. There are some on Amazon, but I don’t know about the pricing – I wish you the best of luck finding the doll!

      • Valerie

        If my Disney store hadn’t been wiped when I browsed last weekend I would absolutely run out on my lunch and grab you one. Poor sweetie. :-(

      • Kendra

        Someone posted that they had some Elsa dolls on Amazon.com yesterday. They weren’t the Disney version, but they are still pretty! I would check there.

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Aw, but see, at least you’re trying to explain it to her instead of making the employees at the Disney Store’s lives a living hell like some people. And Amazon might still have them. They’re not officially Disney, but like Kendra said, they’re still pretty.

      • Lori B.

        It’s for her birthday, not Easter, which makes a huge difference in my book.

      • whiteroses

        Ditto. When did Easter become Christmas Jr.?

      • Emily

        If I had a bit more skill sewing, I’d totally go buy the stuff to make an Elsa doll and make it for her.

      • Arlene S.

        Emily, I did a search on JC Penney’s online and they have the dolls!!!! I hope that you are reading this! Go ahead and find them online, type in keyword Frozen! Good luck!!!!!!!

    • Arlene S.

      Eve, you crack me up! I’m kind of lucky in that I got stuff like the Elsa dress and the books early in November before it became this craze. While my daughter loves Frozen, she’s not completely obsessed with it. Ill tell you this though, the worst thing is having to meet them! I live in Orlando and took my daughter twice. The first time was 1 1/2 hrs, the second time she wanted to go dressed as Elsa, so my hubby and I planned to get there as Epcot opened. Don’t you know that it was already a 3 1/2 wait??? Luckily, because we’ve been there so many times, one of us would stay and wait and the other would take the kids walking, shopping, etc. Why did we wait that time? Because I was NOT going to do that again! The only nice thing was that on that day, they restocked both Anna and Elsa costumes, so we bought the Anna costume and a combo Anna/Elsa doll. And that’s about it.

    • Valerie

      You could also travel to NY and build motherfucking Olaf in my yard today. You could probably even bring a few props to gussy it up and put that shit on Pinterest.

    • Robotic Socks

      I can’t wait for the slutty Elsa costumes this coming Halloween.

      • Valerie

        Yeah. For women, there will be ice-blue bustiers with teeny lace icicles hanging off the nips and see-thru thongs with a snow-flake pattern embroided on the ass.

      • Robotic Socks

        Pic? (of you in those things you just wrote)

      • Valerie

        Wait for Halloween.

      • Robotic Socks
      • Valerie

        Only 197 days!? I better step up my workout routine!

    • LadyClodia

      My 5 year old talks about Frozen a lot even though we’ve only ever seen it once, so the kids at preschool must talk about it all of the time, I guess. He doesn’t want to watch it again because of Hans (his name is Hans too.) There’s something about that movie, though, I swear. My toddler has only heard “Let it go” maybe four times, but the other day I caught him randomly singing it which was adorable and hilarious.

      Also I will admit that I go a tiny bit overboard with presents on Easter. Both of their birthdays get caught up with the fall/winter holidays, though, so this is the other present occasion in the year.

      • Jallun-Keatres

        I love the name Hans and was so pissed that it got ruined by this movie. lol

        The story of why is because I played Dragon City on Facebook and I got the vulcano dragon and thought it was sooo cute and its little blurb mentioned something about an alpine dragon and the first German (alps, get it?) name that came to mind was Hans so my cute little vulcano dragon’s name is Hans and I love him.

      • LadyClodia

        My husband is Dutch, and we have quite a few books that are positive that have characters named Hans in them, so at least there’s that. But yeah, I think my son was just super excited about there being a Hans in a Disney movie and I think it’s worse because Hans seems really nice at first, so it was an even bigger disappointment for him.
        And Hans is a fantastic name for a dragon! :)

      • Jallun-Keatres

        Here he is!

    • G.E. Phillips

      Cotton balls are the most horrific thing in the known universe. That is all.

    • Emily A.

      Jesus is not coming back if he doesn’t get an Elsa doll.

    • http://www.thislemonyogurt.com/ Amanda

      Poor Anna. She’s like the Luigi of Disney princesses.

      Little sister happily plays Anna to big sister’s Elsa when they play/sing/act out Frozen. But the SECOND big sister heads out the door to school, little sister becomes Elsa and I have to play Anna.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        This made me lolcry ” She’s like the Luigi of Disney princesses.”

      • Zoe Lansing

        I don’t get why Elsa is so much more poular than Anna. IMO, Anna is way cooler! Of course, being ginger, I’m a bit biased towards red-headed heroines.

      • SarahJesness

        Elsa’s got bitchin’ ice powers. Give Anna some fire powers and then she can compete.

      • practicallyperfectineveryway

        That movie would be so much better if Anna had fire powers. She could have made winter go away and save us like 45 minutes of her wandering around in the snow up a mountain. The end could have gone differently too because instead of “an act of true love” she could have healed herself with a BITCHIN FIREBALL.

    • AugustW

      My three year old daughter is getting a Matt Smith (of Doctor Who fame) plush doll for Easter. Just saying. It does come with a light up sonic screwdriver and he says “hello…I’m The Doctor” when you hug him. Which is almost enough to make *me* want to keep him. But I’m a Good Mom.

      • Jessica

        My two year old loves watching “Who” with me. She does get a little concerned with some of the scarier aliens, but maybe if she had her own sonic screwdriver it would be better. & maybe I should have my own too, just in case…

    • Lindsay

      My class built Elsa’s castle and throne (in blue and white) as well as Kristoff’s sled with duplos today. They’re totally ahead of the curve.

    • SA

      Elsa-special snowflakes…hahaha! I want to name my next cat that.

      I wanted to PPV Frozen for Easter to show the kid, but I am really scared of the obsession. She’s only 19 months though and still disappointed when anything that comes on the TV isn’t Elmo, so I may be in the clear!

    • jordanreid

      See, my son wants an Elsa toy desperately, and I was all “Sure, for your birthday!” [in six months, at which point Elsa will be forgotten or present on the shelves at Toys 'R' Us]. Easter hadn’t even OCCURRED to me as a holiday for which one might conceivably purchase an Elsa toy (don’t you get…Cadbury things? And aren’t you pretty excited about that? Am I just super out of touch?).

      But now I’ve read this post. And now I feel like I have to get the damn Elsa toy for Easter. Which I know was exactly not your point; I’m just saying: marketing is quite the mysterious wonder.

    • Jessica

      Printable color sheets were my secret weapon when I nannied. Anything the kids were into we’re available somewhere online as printables.

    • scooby23

      What? No more computer paint artwork? *sadface* I guess I’ll just have to carry on the tradition myself….

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      So we watched Frozen for the first time on the weekend so now I can finally be in on these jokes!

      My kid likes Anna best because, “she has red hair like my mama”. <3

      Of course, my kid already knew "Let it go" because we had a rough winter here….sometimes on the weekends, there was nothing else to do that didn't cost a zillion dollars, so we'd walk to the closest mall and hang out at the Disney store for an hour. They show videos and have colouring pages and they don't bug you if you hang out there for an hour (even though we literally never bought a thing). The kid loved it and had no idea we were just being cheap-asses.

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      “that stupid moose” oh my god I’ve been laughing REALLY LOUD for a LONG TIME over this