• Fri, Apr 11 - 2:14 pm ET

STFU Parents: The 9 Types Of Outraged Parents You’ll Find On The Disney Store’s Facebook Page

After a flurry of press, you may have read the very important news that some parents are flipping out over the shortage of “Frozen” merchandise on the Disney Store Facebook page. As a person with specialized skills in observing crazy parents on Facebook, I spent some time sifting through the madness to reveal the depths of the months-long outrage. Aside from parents being up in arms over the dearth of “Frozen” products available on the market — and the fact that it took Disney a not-so-magical spell to impose a ‘two “Frozen” items per buyer’ limit to avoid further scamming on eBay or Amazon — an army of parents has marched in and taken over the majority of the comment threads for several weeks now. At this point, you’re either on the Disney Store Facebook page to gush over your love of all things Disney, or you’re a homicidal parent who’s been frostbitten in the ass by the movie “Frozen.”

 

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I’m not going to lie: I’ve thought on more than one occasion about how nice it is NOT having a kid in The “Frozen” Era (as it will be remembered in textbooks 50 years from now). I can only imagine how intense life has been for the parents of “Frozen”-enamored kids, because despite my best efforts to avoid any and all things “Frozen,” even I know the song, have a vague awareness of the characters, and get the unwavering sense that this Disney movie is THE Disney movie that could turn a nation — nay, a world — of innocent children into princess-obsessed ice sculptures or whatever. So my sympathy for parents runs deep, as I understand that in 2014, when a movie is as big as “Frozen,” kids are essentially committing treason if they don’t wholly dedicate themselves to fandom.

Still, I’m relatively certain my parents would’ve rolled their eyes if I’d asked them to exert anything beyond marginal effort to help me acquire a desired toy. I had a Cabbage Patch Doll and a Care Bear, and my parents indulged my interests in My Little Pony and Fraggle Rock, but that just meant I had a couple of ponies and a Fraggle Rock comic book. I didn’t have every single piece of merchandise each toy line offered, and I didn’t have a clue when those items were released (orunleashed) to the public in stores. I just knew that if I got a piece of the action, I was happy. If not, I didn’t know the difference.

Nowadays, kids anticipate owning the Elsa dress, the Elsa wig, the dolls, the towel, the cell phone case, and whatever else the Disney Store’s factory workers are churning out for an unknown number of hours each day. (Kidding!) And that’s all well and good, but because Disney didn’t anticipate “Frozen” being the humungazoid hit it’s become, new shipments of merchandise are being released in small batches and at odd hours of the day. This blatant act of Disney defiance is driving some parents batshit crazy, especially because they thought that after Disney released the “Frozen” DVD, the floodgates would open and all manner of branded “Frozen” products (flip flops! toothbrushes! martini shakers!) would be available for infinite purchase. But alas, they were wrong. And now those Disney executives — er, social media managers — on the Facebook page are gonna be sorry! Or something.

I snapped a bunch of screenshots to help showcase just how absurd this “fight” really is. Sure, it sucks that some kids are missing out, but considering all of the toys on the market these days, something tells me they can wait a bit longer. Besides, these children are just getting an education in what it’s like trying to buy Beyoncé tickets. It’ll serve them well in the future.

Here are 9 of the types of parents you’ll “meet” on the Disney Store Facebook page until “Frozen’s” merchand-ice chesthas completely thawed out. (Sorry, I went there.) Also, I’d like to add that the parents on the “Frozen” page don’t hold a candle to the crazies who freaked out when the Nick Jr. show “Moose & Zee” got canceled. If you want to know what crazy looks like, just read about that.

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  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s a doll, people. It’s a fucking doll. The world is not going to end if your child doesn’t get one.

    Sit down, smoke a joint (or pop a beer, whatevs), relax, and remember: There will be more dolls.

    • brebay

      Woot! Kitty’s back!

    • Rodiansinger

      The party don’t start till Kitty walks in!

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      I wasn’t aware I’d gone anywhere…?

    • brebay

      haven’t seen your posts in awhile, but my job is hurry-up and wait so I’m on a lot for awhile and then not so much, so I may have just missed you.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Possible. I sometimes get absorbed in Other Things*, and my regular stops just have to wait.

      *cough*World of Warcraft*cough*

    • Véronique Houde

      Just don’t give the joint to your child in hopes to avoid an Elsa tantrum… ;)

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Shit no, bogart that fucker!

  • Rodiansinger

    Am I the only person in the world who didn’t care for this movie? I saw it once in the theatre and that was it. “Let it go” rocks and that’s the only thing I still enjoy from the movie. It’s supposed to be based on “The Snow Queen” by Hans Christian Anderson yet barely resembles it except for a general wintery theme. There were no princesses, no romance and the two main characters were children. They didn’t even keep any of the names the same. Add to that the pointless extra antagonist, the rushed origin story of the character who was supposed to be the villain in the original story and all the extraneous characters that served no purpose whatsoever (not to mention Elsa’s fugly dress) and I just don’t understand why everyone is going so gaga over it.
    The Snow Queen is one of the loveliest pieces of literature out there. It’s dark, it’s beautiful, it’s based around the message of friendship and it flips the hero/damsel stereotype around back in a time long before anyone ever thought of doing that. It’s like the Disney corporation was handed pure awesomeness on a platter that was screaming “make me epic” and they took it and digested it for a while and then popped out a sparkly uninspired turd.
    Except for “Let it go”, that song is the shiz!

    • koolchicken

      I orally agree with you. I LOVE the “real” Snow Queen. My mother is Danish so she wanted me to grow up hearing stories that were tied to my heritage, so this is one of my favorites.

      I personally prefer to view this movie as a separate work. If only because the only thing they have in common is the servants begin named Gerda and Kai and you’d only know that if you use the subtitles or read the credits. And that’s a shame since the real version is such an amazing story. But I’m guessing Disney didn’t want to get into the religious aspects.

    • Rodiansinger

      Yeah, I can see why they wanted to circumvent that bit about the devil’s mirror causing all the trouble. Disney has already been accused of having a satanic agenda. And I didn’t know they used the original names like you said you’d only know that if you had subtitles. I was however especially insulted by the half-cocked reference to Hans Christian Anderson that they jiggered into the story.
      The thing is, it’s so different from the original story that I sat through the entire movie refusing to believe that it had anything to do with “The Snow Queen” (despite the numerous small references) and still hating it. And then we got to the end credits and it said “based on ‘The Snow Queen’ by Hans Christian Anderson” and I just thought bullsh*t. There goes that fleeting hope that it was just a bad original Disney story.

    • koolchicken

      Yeah, the devil mirror is kind of the whole point. But they could have gone in and made it a curse or something. Like it bounced off something and hit Kai? They didn’t have to do it the way they did. It really wasn’t based on the original story at all. In fact if they made this movie and never mentioned the Snow Queen I don’t know if anyone would have ever made the connection. I feel like they did kind of a dumb thing by calling it a remake, it’s barely loosely inspired. I did really like this film, but I think I’d like it even more if I weren’t making the constant comparisons.

      I think there are lots of people who probably aren’t familiar enough with the real story to know all the details though. They’ll watch this movie and thinks it’s exactly the same just with singing because they don’t know any better.

  • neighbor57

    Wouldn’t I just love to hear third-world mothers’ opinions on this problem these moms suffer! No Elsa doll? I totally understand — I just sat down on my bare mud floor and sobbed into my tattered dress when I found out I couldn’t find an Elsa doll for my sweetums. My darlings had to get their own crust of bread ready for dinner because I was so worn out from going store to store trying to find that Elsa doll. At least I did manage to pick up some old fries and a half-eaten hot dog from the mall trash, so the day wasn’t a total waste.

  • Lyn

    Wow, Disney seems to have “crushed” “broken” and “ruined the magic” for a ton of kids. I so agree with the gold star post – if you don’t have the item hidden in the closet for the next holiday/birthday already, don’t promise it. Don’t even talk about. Shut your head on the subject. Also I never got presents at Easter, just eggs and those little pipecleaner chicks. It’s weird to me that Easter is now a gifting occasion.

    • shorty_RN

      Yea wtf is up with Easter gifts??? All I ever got were jelly beans and peeps.

  • Keighleigh Lorenz

    Imagine if we had access to the internet like this in the 80′s, we’d be hearing this nonsense about Cabbage Patch dolls. OH NOES! Think of the spoiled children!

    • Katherine Handcock

      My mom still talks about the Christmas of the Care Bears, which both my sister and I wanted, and naturally she couldn’t find anywhere. She found a kit to make a Care Bear shaped pillow for both of us; we were pretty little, so apparently it was obvious that we were a bit disappointed, but we were still happy to have something Care Bear-ish and she got us each a real one when they came back in stock. But she’ll vouch that she was hearing these same kinds of things from her fellow moms in the stores. “What do you mean you don’t know when you’re getting more. THIS IS THE ONLY THING MY BABY WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS!”

      And it’s worth noting that I have no memory of the missing Care Bear. I remember the Care Bear-shaped pillow, because I slept with it, and I remember being superexcited when I got a Care Bear later, but I have no memory of being disappointed or it not arriving when I expected. It’s harder to ruin a kid’s life than these people think.

    • Véronique Houde

      I think that the difference back then is that we saw all of the commercials for the toys – whereas now, if a kid REALLY WANTS a toy it’s either because they say it in the toystore or you talked to them about it. So at least there are ways to avoid mayhem ;) such as never bringing your child into the toy aisle at the store lol

    • koolchicken

      YES, this! Who watches commercials these days? It’s clear these kids knew these toys existed because they were in the Disney store prior to everything selling out. I know that was me. I saw a wall (and I mean an ENTIRE WALL) of Frozen crap and I came back in the next week and it was literally gone. How, how?

      So I think a lot of the hysterics are down to parents bringing their kids onto the store to suss out what they want for Christmas/birthdays. And then coming back the next day without them to pick it up and everything was gone. I mean that borders on cruel. To think you’re going to give your kid this awesome present they really want and have every last one sold out in hours when the movie sold out at the box office.

      I think they should have put the 2 item per customer limits in place much sooner. But we can’t go back and change things now. Perhaps in the future they’ll just start doing it with every new release to avoid the mayhem. At least that’s what I hope they’ll do.

    • Iwill Findu

      See this is why I start my Christmas shopping in September. Sure it’s never going to be the newest hot whatever, but I never have to deal with people throwing elbows, or having melt downs well I’m trying to shop and I can be out of the stores by early December and so deal with very little Christmas music because it drives me nuts. Keep the stash hidden and it’s no problem, if your kids find the stash well I’m not giving you everything right now and there will be nothing added so no surprise Christmas morning. You ruined your own Christmas not my fault.
      Had my nephew try that one year “you can give it to me now Auntie, and get me something else for Christmas” I’m mean I looked at him said “no you’ll put that back right now or you’ll get nothing from Auntie for Christmas. Because Auntie doesn’t buy gifts for greedy people, that ruin their surprises all by themselves”

    • RCIAG

      Spend a day watching Cartoon Network, Nick, & Disney & you can tell what’s going to be the big toy by the commercials. The big Christmas toys usually start being hyped in August & September so if you keep your eyes open you can go buy whatever is reeeally being advertised during the big shows on those networks (that isn’t Adult Swim) & you can get way ahead of the “hot” toy for the season.

  • Amy Rorke

    Doesn’t anyone know how to sew anymore? Or sheesh, there’s SO MANY companies out there that will put a picture on a t-shirt. Wish I’d known about this sooner… a few rolls of blue taffeta and I’d be a gazzilionaire.

    • AP

      They make iron on printer sheets. Literally, find a picture on the internet, print it out, iron onto T-shirt. Boom! Frozen shirt. Four year olds can’t tell the difference, and they’ll outgrow it before they figure it out.

    • OnionButt

      This so hard! A few years ago I decided I wanted the cover art from Guns n Roses’ Appetite for Destruction on a tshirt or tank. I saw such a thing available at some store in the mall but it was like $30 and it was the boy/man style t-shirt which I don’t like. So I bought some plain shirts and tanks for cheap, bought some iron on transfer paper, printed out that artwork, broke out my never used iron, ironed on that bad boy. Made myself a bunch of other shirts too. I actually had a lot of fun coming up with my custom t-shirt/tank top designs.

      So yeah, definitely an easy way to go. It does take a bit of effort but it will be less expensive in the long run AND the kid can have a more “custom” item rather than having one that is EXACTLY the same as every other kids.

  • Joye77

    I think I love Lauren. The voice of reason in an ocean of crazies.

  • scooby23

    You know, while all these 2-year-olds, I mean, parents, scream and pound their fists on the floor because Disney can’t keep pup with their petty little demands, who wants to bet their kids have stopped caring about the Frozen costume/doll/wig/lingerie set a LONG, LONG time ago?

  • Jessie

    I didn’t want to believe this was real, but then I went to the Disney Store FB page and now I want to kill myself…

    • Jessie

      THERE IS LITERALLY SOMEONE BITCHING ABOUT FROZEN MERCH ON EVERY POST OH MY GODS I AM DYING SEND HELP.

  • shorty_RN

    Sounds like these parents need better hobbies, such as teaching their children patience and the value of not always getting what you want.

  • Sarah

    This is absolutely insane. Why not just tell your kids no or to be patient. “tsk tsk” my ass. Some mamas need to check themselves.
    On the other hand, I figure this is the equivalent of the Beanie Babies craze when I was a kid. Good thing I was never into them.

  • aliceblue

    OMG are these people insane?? And way to go Lauren!! I too was “toy for Easter, WTF?? Maybe a stuffed bunny or chick but otherwise candy; and just enough to fit in the basket, not enough for a small nation.
    Of course my views may be shaped by how I was abused as a child. My mother intentionally did not buy Disney versions of fairy tales. I was probably 10 or so before I ever knew about the Disney versions of Cinderella (this is pre-VCRs when you only saw movies in the theaters so admittedly it was MUCH easier). Little Mermaid and Beauty & Beast didn’t have Disney versions. Given these deprivations I think I’ve coped quite well.
    Regarding #7, I’m pretty sure that the store clerk was having great fun at this crazy woman’s expense and was the talk of the store for that week. ;)

    • ScienceGeek

      Confession: my parents do presents for easter because they don’t like the idea of buying lots of chocolate, so they spend the money they would on eggs on PJs (IDK why they chose PJs). We might get the baby a little gift this easter, but since he’s 10 months old, so he won’t even notice, let alone give a crap.

  • Karissa Kane

    Wow. When I was a kid I didn’t get each and every single doll/dress/etc that I wanted and I survived just fine. It didn’t devastate me that Santa didn’t deliver all items on my wish list. So many parents are weak willed these days and the end result is spoiled brats. There’s a certain way to go about these sorts of things and it’s not wailing about how your kid’s life is ruined due to one doll they’ll probably have forgotten once the next big Disney movie is out

  • Dgently

    Disney uses Chinese labor..including child labor..including forced child labor…to create its theme krap. So shame on everyone who’s buying this stuff, and shame on STFU for giving a gold star to the woman who is defending the company.

    • RCIAG

      Listen, I know Disney does horrible things production-wise, try & find a movie-related toy company that doesn’t plus Disney aint’ goin’ away any time soon but I digress.

      She’s not really so much defending the company as she’s trying to put things into perspective for the crazy moms/parents that can’t manage to buy the overrated crap that’s being shoved down their throats for their Speshul Znowflaykes for whatever holiday or occasion.

  • katie

    FROZENGATE

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I JUST watched Frozen for the first time last night and O my god it is AMAZING!
    Planning on making the little one a FROZEN Olaf cake for her birthday. =)

  • Kaeli

    There are apparently moms who haven’t heard of pinterest and etsy. Or more likely, moms who enjoy bitching and whining about a easily solved problem.

  • notorious

    That last lady was so right. How do your kids know about all this crap unless you told them? My daughter is obsessed with Frozen, but she doesn’t know what specific merchandise is available. You know what else? This is a movie about snow and ice. You can go on Amazon and buy an LED snowflake, tell them it’s for Frozen, hang it in their window or in their room, and they will be happy as hell. Kids are so easy to please. Adults should take notes.

  • Karen Milton

    Like Lauren, I was also not aware that Easter is now a gift-giving holiday. I don’t remember that being the case when I was a kid, but what do I know. Guess my kids are missing out – we don’t celebrate Easter at all. Sorry, dudes.

    I’m also pretty sure that a lot of people don’t know what the word “need” means.

    • OnionButt

      When I was in college I was all sorts of excited because my dad sent me an “easter basket” with candy and some small items (nail polish and other little things). I think it was more of a care package that just coincided with Easter. Still I was totally stoked to get all the candy and some non-candy stuff.

      I used to get great hauls, candy-wise, in my Easter basket when I was still at home (I got one all the way through high school – I’m a candy/chocolate lovin’ fool, mmmm Peeps) but I didn’t usually get anything non-edible. Maybe when I was real little I’d get a stuffed animal on occasion or some little trinket. But growing up I never thought of Easter as a gift-grab – it was ALL about the candy and chocolate. Basically Easter to me as a kid was the Halloween of Spring but where the candy came to YOU (though it was fun to search for the hidden basket) instead of having to go door to door to obtain said candy.

  • mom4474

    Last time I was at Disneyland, we were walking around heading to our next ride, when I saw a HUGE line of people waiting for something. Many of the kids in line were little girls dressed as princesses. I found out that the people in line were waiting for some sort of character meet and greet with the characters from Frozen. The wait….was over 3 hours. Three hours. To talk to people in costumes. It wasn’t even a ride! At that moment, more than ever before, I was indescribably glad to have boys.

  • ENorth

    Lauren.

  • OnionButt

    Back in the day (we’re talkin’ ancient times – like 30 years ago when I was 7), I was OBSESSED with My Little Pony. With my own money (from allowances, birthday, and Christmas) I eventually amassed what was essentially a ranch o’ My Little Ponies.

    However, I only bought what was AVAILABLE at the local store (K-Mart I believe is where I got most of them) and that’s all I knew about. If it was in the store I knew I could buy it – if it wasn’t at that store, then it either didn’t exist or I just was unaware of it. No trauma.

    It’s possible there were dolls or merchandise made that was not reaching my store or sold out. But I was blissfully unaware. My parents weren’t looking it up and telling me about stuff only to find out it wasn’t in stock.

    What’s crazy about how some of these parents are acting is that they are forgetting that the majority of these “desperately needed” items will be discarded and forgotten within a couple of months (or less) after the kids get them because they moved onto the next “it” item or trend.

    I also find it ironic that many of these parents are likely the type to have given their kids those super unique names to distinguish their child as oh so special, yet they’re desperate to make sure their kid has the same costume and toys as EVERY OTHER CHILD.

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  • chromesthesia

    Ooo if it is this popular maybe I can get an Elsa doll and an Anna one for my birthdya :D

  • NanaDiana

    The line to meet Elsa and Anna at Epcot was as long as SEVEN HOURS, I heard. When we went to Disney recently it was as long as 4 hours still (end of March). My girls (ages 2 and 4) had never seen the movie and I was intentional about that beforehand. When people would say “Have you seen Elsa and Anna?” I would tell them to stop with the four letter words – we weren’t going there, literally or figuratively, thankyouverymuch! Guess what? We somehow survived without the hype, had fun even!

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  • MoMo

    I guess the economy is doing so much better. Thanks Disney for fixing the recession!

    All the comments are making my stomach turn. Frozen wasn’t even that good.

    *waits for stones to be thrown*

  • Matt

    Anyone else do a double take at “just wants to be a princess!”? “Well Sally, if law school doesn’t work out, you can always fall back on being a princess”

  • Dallas

    Again I’m wondering about “now” for these folks. Do they remember the “Frozen” Disney merchandise conspiracy? Are the a bit interested in it now? Do they know they can go to Amazon and buy any number of “Frozen” toys for under 20 bucks? Do they care anymore? Or do they just pretend they weren’t all caught up in that frenzy?

  • Cat

    Why do people say Frozen is a megahit? I watched it and it was nothing new. Seriously. And I can understand why some people say the “Let It Go” song is the best because… dang it, it’s the only one out of the songs that has a memorable melody and emotion behind it. The rest are… meh. But ONE song does not make a great movie. The characters aren’t even that great… sheesh. If you want your kid to wear a damn Elsa dress then MAKE one. My mother made dresses for me when I was small. (And I agree with that Gold Star – what the hell is an Easter present? I only ever got chocolate on that day)