• Wed, Apr 9 - 10:00 am ET

You’re Going To Be Just Fine If You Live In Sin Before Marriage

couple

No parent wants to imagine their kid having sex. My oldest son just turned two, and I never want to even think of his boy parts in any other capacity than when he adorably plays with himself in the bath. (And now he is going to officially hate me when he googles me in 15 years. But it’s so cuuuute.)

Now that I’m a parent, it kind of makes sense that parents would want to push an abstinence agenda. It’s just easier to tell your kids never, ever to do the naughty so that you don’t have to worry about talking with them about uncomfortable sex topics in great detail.

I was raised on the far right of the equation. My parents were very religious, and I was given the whole abstinence song and dance with countless purity pledges and chastity rings pushed in my general direction. I was all aboard the abstinence train, until I got close to the station.

I was an old virgin. I planned to wait until marriage (even though I dated quite a bit and was far from “pure”), but I cashed in the ole V Card at 24 once my now-husband and I started living together. Close, but no cigar.

I’m not trying to earn brownie points for holding out on the P-in-the-V. I actually believe early sex education would have been much more helpful to me. I think that my no-sex religious brainwashing was cumbersome and annoying, but in the end, I’m happy with the way everything worked out. In the end, I had to think for myself to decide when to have sex, even outside of the bounds of marriage.

In this day and age, it seems like most nonreligious people aren’t bothered by premarital sex. But on the off chance that someone throws the “cow and the milk” saying your way, you can now rely on research to back up your so-called “sinful” lifestyle.

Contrary to popular belief, living together before marriage is not a guarantee of divorce:

Based on 1995, 2002, and 2006 survey data encompassing 7,000 couples compiled by the US government: “Cohabitation does not cause divorce.” What she did find, the Christian Science Monitor reports, is that the age when a couple starts living together, married or not, is the biggest indicator of whether they’ll make it.

The researcher in the study argues that if you live together before age 23, you’re more likely to break up. If you give away the milk for free after age 23, someone will still buy the cow. Thank you, rational science.

(Image: mast3r/Shutterstock)

Share This Post:
  • CMJ

    When I was younger my mom told me she would rather have me live in sin than get married to anyone too soon.

    • Bethany Ramos

      That sounds like a much more balanced message than what I heard!

    • momjones

      For the record, I never used the phrase, “living in sin” :)

    • CMJ

      I think there were more “choice words” in there.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Your mom is so much cooler than my mom. Thank God she doesn’t know how to comment on articles. Plus she would call me daily and ask me, “Now how do I do this again?” :)

    • Obladi Oblada

      When I got my first place, my answering machine (no cell phones then) said, “Thank you for calling the sin wagon. Please leave a message as I am probably extremely busy leading a life of sin and debauchery.”
      Did NOT go over well with the family.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahahhaha

    • Robotic Socks

      Or people calling you for job interviews?

    • Obladi Oblada

      Didn’t you read the part about being extremely busy?

    • K.

      The message MY parents gave was, “We don’t care who you marry. We care about who you have children with.”

      I think that was a good way to look at things :)

    • Kelly

      I told my oldest the same thing. I’ll repeat it to my youngest when he’s old enough to hear it. It went together very well with the use condoms talks. You can leave a girlfriend, you can’t leave a kid. At least not if you’re a decent human being.

  • Kaitlin Reilly

    I think it’s a good idea to live with someone before you get married or engaged. If you can’t live with some of your best friends in peace, why would you risk it with someone you’ll be legally committed to?

    • Kelly

      That’s true. I had a close friendship ruined because we became roommates. We hated each other by the end of it. My younger sister recently had the same experience with a friend since elementary school. Some people just can’t live together.

    • Kaitlin Reilly

      It’s such a shame when that happens. I’ve been really fortunate, but I know a lot of people who have not.

  • Ursi

    Honestly, I’m against cohabitation prior to marriage but not because of sex.
    I have nothing personally against people who do that, I’m be hard pressed to name a friend of mine who didn’t live with their partner before getting engaged. But even though I spent most of my time at my partner/fiance’s place before we were even engaged I always kept a separate place of residence and a separate account and all that. It definitely hurt us financially but I feel the decision was for the best because I’ve seen plenty of people screwed over by cohabitation when a long term relationship fizzles. Who owns the furniture, who pays the rent, what protection do you have in case of a bad breakup– these are serious issues. And it’s so easy to save money living with your partner I feel like people prefer to gloss these over. You can have a committed relationship without it being legally recognized but divorce is a framework that helps to protect both parties when things go south. After a friend of mine got burned by a cheating girlfriend the day after they signed a lease I decided I would never put myself in that position and if anyone asked for my advice I would tell them the same.

    • Kendra

      I can definitely understand your arguments against it. But, for me, I think most people should live together before getting married. There are so many little quirks and things annoying that people do that you never will completely understand until you live together. For your friends who had relationships that ended poorly after living together, do you think they would have discovered the things that didn’t work for them had they been living separately? A lot of the reasons I see relationships ending after moving in together are because of the stresses that come with living with another person. I don’t think I’m making sense, but what I’m trying to say is, I would prefer to see my friends split up after living together, than to go through a divorce.

    • thefluter

      I get what you’re saying. I think it’s definitely important to talk about those kinds of things before people move in together (although a lot of couples don’t). I moved in with my boyfriend 6 months ago, and I still have my crappy pots and pans boxed up in the basement because I was afraid of what might happen if we broke up.

    • Kay_Sue

      I think it’s a highly personal decision and that everyone should consider it thoroughly from all angles before just going for it. I give that advice not just for people thinking of living with their significant other though. I had a good friend that got absolutely fucked over when his roommate moved out suddenly and he could not afford the lease by himself. Because he hadn’t put his roommate down on paper, he had no legal recourses, and wound up nearly bankrupt, with ruined credit, as a young man who should have been focused on starting a solid foundation. Doesn’t matter who you are considering moving in with–consider all outcomes, including unsavory ones like what would happen if you broke up. No one wants to consider it at that stage, but it’s crucial.

    • Syd

      This also happened to me when I was in the situation that I posted above. I didn’t get screwed over quite that bad, but somehow my name was never added to the lease, and I had a REALLY hard time even filing a restraining order because I was technically dwelling in his apartment that he abandoned. I was young and too naive to secure myself before moving in. I wasn’t on the lease strictly because of an error by the crappy leasing agency. Now, years later, i’m in the process of purchasing my first home and STILL having that come back to haunt me. This is less of a case of “should you or shouldn’t you” as it is “make sure you ALWAYS watch out for yourself first”.

    • Kay_Sue

      I completely agree. It can go horribly wrong in so many ways, whether it is moving in with a lover or just a friend or a classmate or anyone, really. You have to look out for your own interests.

    • Jessica

      I hear you on that. My mom got put in a very similar situation while she was living with my dad (not married, but seriously dating-becoming engaged.) It was the most ridiculous situation involving a backordered tv, but he threw her out & they eventually got back together, but from that moment on she kept an apartment (& a roommate to help with rent) in case something similar happened. Lo & behold it did, when she found out she was pregnant (after they were engaged & had been discussing family plans) he dropped her off at her apartment after a weekend away without discussion. That was a lesson deeply engrained in me.

    • Syd

      This makes sense to me, but I don’t necessarily agree that you shouldn’t live together before marriage (I moved in with my current fiance right after we got engaged). In my last year of college, I moved in with a boyfriend because I lived in a city and rent was astronomical. I figured that since we were together every day anyway, it made more sense to split the rent of a studio apartment and avoid pissing off roommates. I had known him for ten years and figured that meant things would be fine. Cut to six months later, and I almost didn’t graduate college because he was such a maniac. His lies, drug usage, and some mild abuse all resulted in a lot of drama, a lot of distress, and a LOT of falling behind in school when I had busted my butt for the previous 3.5 years. By the end of it, he had moved all of the furniture out and I was sleeping on a wooden floor and filing a restraining order. It was truly the worst situation I’ve ever been in and it was lonely and terrifying. That being said, who knows how long I would have been in that relationship had we not lived together? He was Prince Charming when we didn’t share bills and bedrooms. He was also a master manipulator. I shutter to think what might have happened had I not realized how messed up he was then and wound up married to him-and I really think I might have without living together first.

    • E Lew

      Only after dating for years did my bf and I officially move in together, and it turned out to be a saving grace for me, because about 8 months later I unexpected lost my job, and his help with rent and bills has been a godsend.

      I DO think it’s important to learn to be an independent human being before moving in with someone else, which is why this is also the only bf I’ve ever moved in with. (I’m quite confident he’s “the one”)

      But along the same lines, having worked at a car dealership for two years, I will NEVER co-sign on a loan for someone that I’m not married to (or that isn’t family). The repercussions can be so much worse that just a broken lease. Seriously guys, don’t do it. I saw so many people in the trickiest situations because they did that.

  • Kendra

    Well, shit. Here I was thinking I was on the right path since I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 15 and we moved in together when I was 19, and we’re married and have a kid now and all. But now I’m learning that since we moved in together before we were 23, we’re fucked. Better call him up and give him the bad news. Turns out these last 11 years were a complete waste. Sorry bout your luck dude.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Lol – too bad, science says so!

    • Kendra

      I know. Damn that science!!!

    • Alene

      Shit. Me too! Dumb science. Welp, guess I better go start packing!

    • http://batman-news.com Bunny Lou

      Well technically speaking your chances of divorce as still less than 40% because this is your first marriage… But age is one of the biggest predictors of whether or not a marriage lasts.

      Congrats on your 11 years together!

  • Obladi Oblada

    I was raised much like you were @bethanyramos:disqus. We didn’t do the whole purity ring, chastity belt, purity pledge thing but it was definitely expected that we would wait for marriage because of our faith. Where I’m from, most girls are married soon after high school and are having babies almost immediately. Not I, said the fly. I kissed more than a few boys (and a couple of girls), drank A LOT, did some things that I hope my kids never find out about and wouldn’t change a thing.
    I met my husband in college. He finally talked me into marrying him after five years together and living together for three. We’ve been (mostly) happily married for 12 years now.
    For the record, my faith is, and always has been, very important to me. It’s a very personal thing that I don’t advertise and don’t hide. It just is.

    • Bethany Ramos

      We sound VERY similar. ;)

  • K.

    I think all of these studies are sort of dumb. I mean, it’s stupid to expect that kids raised today, in today’s culture, would have the same views on marriage as myself or my parents, or that socioeconomic status doesn’t play a role as to the success of a marriage.

    Bethany, I grew up almost the opposite as you in the sense that started when I was 15 (and that’s waaaaayyy to young, now that I’m an adult!)–BUT my first experiences were with a guy that I dated for over 2 years in HS, who treated me with love and respect and always made me feel secure and safe. I didn’t marry him (thank God!) and there have been plenty in between him and my husband, but all of them were wonderful guys. I’d want the same for my own child. It’s not the age that matters, per se, it’s the ability to recognize what are appropriate expectations to have if you are going to be sexually active with someone else. Some kids have that at young ages; some might need to be a little older, but one of the things that I think is a benefit of sex ed is that it teaches kids that sex is a responsibility to themselves and to someone else–they should expect that of themselves and they should demand that their partner feels the same way.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I really do agree with you. See, the funny thing is that me and many people that I know were “pure,” but there were a lot of other unsavory sexual type things going on. Now that I’m an adult, I’m not so impressed with abstinence, but I do see the value in some waiting or putting more thought into sexual choices.

  • keelhaulrose

    I fully intend to tell my daughters to live (and sleep) with their SOs before marriage. There’s a lot of things I learned about my fiance (now husband) by moving in with him, even though we had all but lived together before. Things are different when you don’t have your own place to go cool off or escape to, and when your only options are to share the bed or take the couch for a night.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    Woohoo my wife and I moved in together when I was 23 and a half!

    My parents shacked up for years before getting married. They are technically still married to this day! ha. They split up when I was 20 so I don’t think the living together first was the problem. So it was never really a question for me because there obviously was never any judgy crap about premarital sex from my parents. “I will take you to get birth control, your dad doesn’t have to know” was the sex talk I got from my mom.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    My mother has never once expressed disappointment in me for having sex before marriage, and planning to live with my boyfriend. We’re both firmly in the ”try before you buy” camp.

  • Lilly

    I guess I break the mold — met my husband at 19, moved in together when I was 21, married at 30 and we are still very much together at 36.

    • Name

      Wow, we have almost the same history! I met my husband at 19, we moved in together at 21 (maybe we’re an exception since he was 23 at the time?), married at 31 and going strong as I approach 35.
      We have several friends who met, married, and divorced their partners within the time that we were “living in sin”.

  • Valerie

    My parents were not pleased when I moved in with my now husband at 22 years old. We were engaged within months but they were still unhappy. They made me lie to my relatives and pretend I was still living at home so I wouldn’t upset everyone. Yahoo for super strict Italian Catholic families!

    • Tina

      My parents are pretty catholic and also weren’t pleased but didn’t make me lie to my relatives and family friends, however I almost wish I had. At thanksgiving dinner, between bites of turkey and stuffing, my parents’ uber catholic friends I’ve known my entire life told me that I was downright ruining my life by moving in with my boyfriend, I would definitely regret it and I was destined to get divorced if my relationship even made it as far as marriage. I think I remember the phrase “god does not bless couples living in sin” also being said a few times. Just terribly awkward…

    • Valerie

      Oh Jesus. Lol. Yeah, my dad’s mother probably would have said something akin to that. I even kept my mail going to my parent’s house- we only lived 15 minutes away so I just picked it up when I visited. :-) At my age now, I would never stand for it but at 22, I was still pretty well under my parent’s thumb so whatever.

    • Tina

      Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I was 22 as well and back then I was actually SO scared to tell my parents at first. Now looking back I have no idea why, even if they had taken it worse than they did in reality. It was a personal choice that only my boyfriend and I needed to feel was right.

    • Valerie

      Gotta love the confidence we gain with age. :-) I stand up for myself so much better now than I did then!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I had this same issue. Uber Catholic parents; we were planning a wedding and I got knocked up 4 months before it. (I was almost 23). My Dad freaking cried because I had sinned. Jesus tapdancing Christ, we’d been together 4 years! What did he expect!? And I continued to pay rent to my college roommates even though I basically lived with my fiance just so I could keep up appearances because I didn’t want to deal with my parents. And Mom made me lie about my due date to relatives so at least “they can’t do the math in their heads.” If this happened now at 33, I’d have the balls to be like, “NO. That shit’s crazy.” I can’t believe I didn’t then.

    • Kay_Sue

      My grandmother (not Catholic–we are Independent Baptists, dang it) was the worst about it. There were times when I wished I had lied also.

    • Tina

      My grandmother on my mom’s side actually surprised me with how incredibly well she took it compared to some of my other religious relatives who just shamed me for it. I love her to death but I expected an awful reaction from her considering she lives in Poland in a small town, goes to church a couple times a week, and her and my grandfather are SUPER old school. Yet when she found out that Colsen and I were living together, she simply said “Oh I see. That’s very popular for young people to do these days!” and asked for our new address. Next thing you know we get a pair of authentic Polish sheepskin slippers for Colsen in the mail with a little friendly note saying congrats on the new condo and that they’d love to meet him if we ever travel to Poland together. Go figure.

    • Kay_Sue

      That is pretty awesome. It’s neat how they surprise you sometimes.

  • Abby

    I was raised pretty similarly–premarital sex was a Big No-no, and “living with your significant other” was grounds to get you slapped on every prayer list from here to Jupiter and back. My naive 13-year-old self, figuring that she’d get married within ten years to some nebulously rich and beautiful youth pastor type (nebulously rich youth pastors, ha), eagerly promised to do neither the premarital sex nor the cohabitation because both seemed easy enough.

    And then ten years came and went without any nebulously rich and beautiful youth pastor types.

    And then I met a man I couldn’t imagine living without.

    And then it was 2008 and the economy tanked and we were living together because neither of us could afford to do otherwise.

    I don’t see us divorcing any time soon (or ever; we like to tell each other, “you’re stuck with me”), but it was interesting. When I was struggling with infertility, a well-meaning (I think?) member of my former church suggested that it was a consequence of “living in sin” before we were married. She suggested that I’d probably prayed at some point not to get pregnant and God was just answering that prayer. And I swear, never in my life have I wished so much that you could punch people through the internet.

    • Tina

      Wow that’s terrible. I can’t believe she would actually think and believe that let alone SAY it to you. I’m so sorry to hear that you were basically “kicked while you were down” by this woman (with a crazy religious notion to begin with) when you were struggling with infertility. So insensitive and completely uncalled for.

    • Abby

      The weird part was that I don’t think she was TRYING to be insensitive. I think her goal (because of her own warped viewpoint) was to get me to– I don’t know, repent and come back to God and then everything would be all better? Either way, it had the opposite effect, and I’m just completely wary of anything church-related since.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Ugh, that is so fucked up. I’m sorry. :(

    • Abby

      Thankfully, she’s no longer in my life, but it was just… not fun to hear at the time and brought back a lot of doubts that I’d thought long gone :

    • Kay_Sue

      Oh my. That’s awful. You’ve renewed my passion for discovering the means to actually be able to slap people through the internet. I’ll have to add a retroactive feature for you, because that is seriously one of the most terrible and insensitive things I’ve ever read.

      You make a good point about how easy it is to make those promises at a young age. I did too, and I had no idea what it really meant. There was never an alternative presented, and so, I made a promise. When I did break it, it really compounded my own sense of worthlessness, because I’d made a promise I couldn’t keep. Looking back now, I honestly think that was really unfair of the adults around me, to expect me to understand that commitment at that age.

    • Abby

      That’s probably the worst part of those sorts of commitments. You can’t know what that sort of thing means when you’re 12, 13 years old; and while I’m sure in some circles that sort of commitment really does last only ~5-6 years before the kids get themselves hitched, it’s just not reasonable in the modern world. And it’s not worth it for the guilt it brings along with it :

    • Kay_Sue

      Totally agree 110%.

    • Obladi Oblada

      …and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I no longer attend church regularly. I know there are good people that do but there are plenty of bad ones too. Those are the ones that ‘make the headlines’. Really chaps my hide. It’s really in their best interest that I do not attend. I could not hold my tongue that well.

      Praise. The. Lord.

    • Abby

      It’s a truly aggravating thing, when you hit that point that you can’t just gloss over the bad ones any more and want more than just to see them brushed aside. In so many areas, this one included, I’d love to see people like this called out on their behavior and nastiness, but it just doesn’t happen.

    • whiteroses

      Wow, you and me both.

      I got married when I was 28. My son was born a month (almost down to the minute) after my wedding day. I’d lived with my fiancé of two and a half years off and on for a long while. My mother actually had people walk up to her in church and apologize to her that she was having a grandchild. These are the same people who called my son “bastard”, both behind my back and to my face. In the same breath, they’d talk about how every life is precious and how God has a perfect plan. I’d finally had enough, looked at someone and said, “So which is it? My son’s a mistake or God has a perfect plan?”

      I have never, not once, regretted having my son when I did. Part of me wishes that we’d been more financially stable, but he is our amazing, beautiful boy and neither my husband nor I would change that.

      I love God. I always have. But a lot of the people I met at church make me have no desire to go back. I’d rather go hiking and sing His praises in the wilderness. If God is everywhere and loves everyone (and I believe He does), you can’t convince me that He hates me for my choices. And if God has a plan for every life that enters this world (and I believe He does), you can’t convince me that He didn’t intend for my son to enter the world at exactly the time he did.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Preach! I totally agree.

    • Guest

      I thought you might enjoy this.

  • Ptownsteveschick

    I come from the complete opposite side of the fence, my parents were teenage sweethearts, had been together 10 years when I was born, living together for 3, but not married until I was 9 months old. From the time I was a kid, my mom told me never to marry anyone I didn’t live with first.
    My secret is, I’m not actually married to my “husband” we got engaged 2 months after we met, moved in together after about a year, and have now been together 5 years. We aren’t married for the most un romantic reasons ever, I was waiting to age out of my parent’s health insurance, and I had to file bankruptcy. But we are committed and married in our hearts. I am not ashamed of not being officially married, but I just call him my husband to simply things for nosy people. When our (planned) daughter was born, we got some flack about getting married from a few people, but honestly, most people didn’t care. And I think it let us work through the hard times that come with having an infant, because a part of me knew if it didn’t work out, there wasn’t going to be an expensive, messy divorce necessary if we wanted to go our separate ways.
    We are planning a second baby, and probably on getting married next year, but it is more of an after thought than anything else. I guess a part of me always feels like if so many people think that “making a committment” is good enough for all the same sex couples who aren’t allowed to get married in the US, than it is good enough for me right now.

    • whiteroses

      I’d argue that having a kid is a greater commitment than marriage. If you’re married, you can get divorced and never have to see each other again. If you have a kid, you’re stuck with someone for either life or until the kid is 18.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I actually agree, which is why it isn’t a big deal to me to get real married. We totally had to think long and hard about having a baby. But I know at least 4 women my age who got married, had a baby and were divorced within 2 years.

  • Kay_Sue

    Wait, wait, wait wait. They tell you about before 23 and after 23….what about at 23? Inquiring minds need to know whether their marriage is cursed or not (I.e., I do). If it helps, I was 23 years and 8 months when moved in together…

    I am glad that this did this study, because I am tired of people trotting the old, “People who cohabit before marriage have a higher rate of divorce” out, without considering any other factors that could possibly be correlated (like the fact that, if you cohabit, you may, in fact, have less spiritual issues with divorce–that’s a big one, in my opinion).

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Yeah, good thinking on the reasoning aspect.

  • Kelly

    I definitely wasn’t a virgin when I married my husband. Neither was he. Plus we were all of 19 years old. 14 years later we’re still going strong.

    I came from one of those families where boys can have sex but girls who have sex are dirty, disgusting whores and no one will ever want them. I’ve been told by family members that my husband is secretly disappointed with me and feels cheated because I didn’t have my “purity” to offer him. He says that’s a crock of shit and he’s never had any interest in making me bleed. He also points out that I taught him some cool sex stuff when we started dating and he’d much rather have that knowledge that some old bloody sheets stuffed in a closet as a trophy.

  • SA

    Yeah, I was told that if I “lived in sin” I wouldn’t get my college education paid for. WTH? So guess what I did. I completely omitted the fact that my boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in together. Since we lived together for six years before getting married you can imagine that created some distance with the family as I just was not as open about my life. I don’t think anyone was unaware though.

    We moved in at 19, married at 25, kid at 31 and now 33.5 and still going strong.

    I think there are many factors. 1) People under 19 generally do not stay together, hence breaking up if moving in together as well 2) People who do not live together a lot of times have a religious reason for doing so, therefore are against divorce even if they have a crappy marriage 3) Living together has probably brought the divorce rate down as it gives people time to figure out if they really want to be married or not.

  • Rachel Sea

    That study totally confirms my biases. I think safe conscientious cohabitation and sex before marriage is a great idea, because it pushes you to learn a lot about yourself and your partner, but people shouldn’t marry before they turn 25 (generally speaking, some people are, of course, ready earlier or later), and they should live together for 2 years before the wedding, so that date-face has totally worn off before they do anything legally binding.

  • val97

    Moved in with a boyfriend at 19, we broke up. Moved in with another boyfriend at 21. We had a kid together but broke up a couple years later. Moved in with another boyfriend at 27. We got married and are still together.
    Science is correct.

    • BrandyRAdams

      what Dennis implied I am stunned that some people able to get paid $5508 in one month on the internet . this website

      J­­o­b­s­5­0­0­0­.­ℂ­o­m

  • JJ

    See I never understand the no sex before marriage crew. Sex and intimacy is such a big thing in a relationship how can you be with someone and dedicate yourself to life long marriage with them but not connect with them on a physical sexual attraction level. It doesn’t even have to be sex necessarily but even kissing or feeling the passion between each others kisses or hugs. Some people try to argue that an emotional connection is what mattes most but personally I think sexual attraction should play a role too.The two go hand in hand. If you suck at sex or kissing then practice and you will get better (well hopefully at least). But to have a relationship where the physical means nothing I just don’t see the appeal myself.

    I would rather my kids live with someone they love and be sexual with them before they commit to a life of marriage and kids. Because really if you can’t even get along for good sex (or at least attempt good sex) and feel attracted to each other now how are you going to stay together as a couple for years?

  • Melissanichole Hermes

    You wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive would you?

  • Vista

    The wording in this article is inaccurate. No, living together before marriage does not cause divorce. But what studies have proven is that the type of people who are okay with living together before they are married are also the kind of people who are more likely to see divorce as an option when things get tough. So, inadvertently, people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce, simply by virtue of the type of people they are. The divorce isn’t caused by the cohabitation, but they are correlated. Furthermore, it’s ignorant to assume that you need to live with someone before marrying them. If you seriously believe that this is the person you want to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH, then the fact that they’re messy in the kitchen or something should not be a deal breaker. And you should know them well enough to be considering marriage anyway. I know I sound old-fashioned, but can’t anyone just be patient and wait for anything anymore? What’s the rush?

    • Renee J

      People are waiting to get married and have kids now. They used to do that right out of high school. Now, people get married on average in their late twenties. And many people wait until their thirties to start having kids.

  • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

    When I moved in with my husband several years before the wedding my Catholic parents were surprisingly cool with the whole thing. They said, “It is just the way things are done now. It is a sin, but we are all sinners. You apologize to God and pray for forgiveness and it is all OK.” I inwardly chuckled, thinking, “If that is the way you need to rationalize it to yourself.” Unfortunately this is also what they use to defend the church for their homophobia. “Well being gay is not a sin, it is only the sex that is sinful, but we all sin so just go to confession and you are OK” I guess they pretty much think sex is sinful and dirty anyway unless you are procreating so they don’t really see a problem with the church telling people every time they make love they are committing a sin. At least they agree that it is not a choice. Baby steps.

  • http://www.ardysslife.com/levive.aspx?ID=momofsix2012 Ardyss LakeCounty

    well slipping and sliding before married is always a risk because even if you have a baby it doesn’t guarantee marriage and since the cow is free he may never propose, and you might die one day and in sin and go to hell for slip and slide to slide your way for eternity burning.

  • http://www.ardysslife.com/levive.aspx?ID=momofsix2012 Ardyss LakeCounty

    How MANY ARE YOU GOING TO TRY BEFORE YOU BUY AND THEN IN THE END BE LOOSEY GOOSEY WITH NO FIT!