Are You There, Moms? It’s Me, Idiot What Do You Secretly Judge Other Parents For?

mom adviceAre You There, Moms? It’s Me, Idiot is an ongoing series dedicated to helping one very well-intentioned and dumb future-parent learn about the world of childrearing. Click here to see past columns.

Happy Friday! Did everyone have a good week? My week was lovely, thank you, even though I do not lead the rewarding life of a parent. This week, I’m here to inadvertently stir some shit. I apologize. Let’s get through this together.

There’s no shortage of judgmental parents out there, and something that I love about all you people is that there’s not a sanctimommy to be found in your ranks. But…we can all agree there’s parenting things we judge, right? Sure, it has to be really bad, like teaching your kids not to respect people or people who are being judgmental themselves, but we all have negative opinions, even if we claim to be non-judgmental.

Basically, I strive to be as non-judgmental as possible, and try to see arguments from all sides before coming to any conclusion. But at the end of the day, there’s still things I really can’t get behind. Can you all make me feel a little more normal by owning up to your judgments, too?

For me, it’s anti-vaxxers. There’s very little that I have an opinion about when it comes to parenting, but I can’t begin to get my head around the argument against vaccination. When it comes to most parenting conflicts, my policy is that if you’re not hurting your child or anyone else, I don’t care in the slightest. Choosing not to vaccinate doesn’t meet that criteria, and my judgmental side eye is upon you.

To be fair, I’m opening myself up for judgment here, and that seems like an okay trade off. I certainly get judged for a lot of my lifestyle including the fact that I live with my boyfriend, either dated too much or not enough, the way I make my living, my politics, and everything else I ever do. I’d never assume that I’m judgment-proof.

So let me have it. What are you secretly judgmental of when it comes to parenting? Gun stuff? Attachment parenting? A childless 20-something demanding that people parent her over the internet in a weekly column dedicated to her idiocy? We’re all judging something, and of course, there’s no shortage of things that other parents judge you for. So let’s come clean about our own judgments and what gets us put in the spotlight, too.

Photo: Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret

You can reach this post's author, Julia Sonenshein, on twitter.
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    • Elizabeth

      Okay I don’t have kids so I’m not totally qualified, but my generation of cousins has been having kids, and I am definitely judging some of them.

      Other than the really big things (looking at you, anti-vax — and I have a cousin who’s not vaccinating!), i take a lot of issue with super strong reinforcement of gender roles. Like, it’s a baby. He doesn’t like trucks because he’s a boy. He likes trucks because they’re brightly colored and you bought him about a hundred of them. I also get really angry when I hear anything along the lines of “oh, you can’t do that, that’s for girls” — which I heard at a boys second birthday party when he wanted to wear pink fairy wings. GRRR.

      I also get annoyed when people who are in no way qualified to homeschool decide to homeschool. I don’t dislike homeschooling in general, and it works well for some families, but my cousin is homeschooling her three children by herself and has no idea what she’s doing. She was telling me how she thought school was just a big conspiracy and “you only need to teach your kids for an hour or two a day!” Uhh…… Lord help them if they ever want to go it a public school or (god forbid!) college!

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        The gender roles! Nobody has said that yet.
        God forbid your two year old wear pink fairy wings because he might “catch the gay”. *smh*

      • Jallun-Keatres

        lol one time at daycare or something I wanted a blue diaper but was denied because “it’s for boys.” I was pissed!

      • K.

        Oh lord. I’m a feminist, so you know, we’re starting left-of-center right there, but for shit’s sake–they’re just colors. I got people raising their eyebrows because we cloth-diaper and my son as a few that are pink, purple, and peach …It’s like, do they know he’s going to shit in these?

        And God forbid a male child be inspired by Dora or Dorothy or Merida or Elsa or any other female protagonist in the media. If my kid thinks Olivia is awesome, he can wear the fucking t-shirt, and I don’t care if it only comes in purple ((eyeroll)).

      • airbones

        The cloth diaper thing. I can’t stand it. I’m in some b/s/t groups and I see women posting all the time “I need to sell because SO thinks this one is too girly for our boy”.

      • whiteroses

        Exactly. My son has a ton of blocks and balls, in all different colors. I fully intend to make sure that he is a feminist in the vein of Alan Alda.

      • itpainsme2say

        High five to all the cousin judgers. Thank goodness mine lives three states away, too bad she has access to Facebook.

      • Natasha B

        Ohhh I forgot about this. This sooooo much. I don’t tolerate that ‘only girls can….only boys can’ BS.

      • Elisa Probert

        The whole “this is for boys, this is for girls” thing…UGHH!!!!

        My husband’s favorite color is purple. Preferably a deep, rich shade that is unabashedly PURPLE. (Never lavender, that is “purple’s bastard cousin” and “pink with a little blue mixed in”) When he was about 7, his mother made him a robe for Christmas. He’d been asking for a purple one, and when it was navy blue instead, he cried and never wore it.

        I’m making him some purple socks. Takes a while, he has freakin’ huge feet and it takes 3/4 of a skein of yarn per sock. I can get three socks out of a skein for me…well, better get back to knitting.

      • aCongaLine

        Ah I’m with you on the super strong reinforcement of gender roles. My nephew is 18 months, and my SIL has decided that nephew is going to be a super hip, trendy, cool, gay man when he grows up. Everything she does is with the explanation “well, he’s going to be gay, so, that’s cool.” The last time they visited, she asked if she could borrow a sweater for him (I have one slightly older and one slightly younger, both girls.) I went to my older daughter’s sweater drawer, and pulled out a Thomas the Tank Engine sweatshirt (because she has a thing for Thomas, and sometimes that’s all she wants to wear. She also has a thing for pink. We’re equal opportunity.) SIL turned it down, and took out my daughter’s frilly pink sweater with knitted flowers and lace, proclaiming that “This is the perfect sweater! Nephew is going to be gay, so he’ll love it!”

        Um. Whether or not your kid is gay is not an issue- he’ll be loved and appreciated and valued no matter who he grows up to be. The fact that she is forcing stereotypical “gay”attributes on to a TODDLER is the problem that I have with it. I let her pick out the sweater, because I didn’t want to cause a scene, but, seriously. What if he’s not gay? Will he grow up thinking there’s something wrong with him?

        My BIL summed up my thoughts on it when he saw his son dressed up in my daughters frilly sweater- “The fuck is that?”

        headdesk. I’m worried about him. Not worried about his sexuality, or sexual preference… but I’m worried about what will happen to him if his mother keeps insisting he’s gay, as he grows up. It rubs me the wrong way.

      • whiteroses

        Wow. Is there a particular reason why she’s trying to force sexual orientation on a toddler? God forbid he likes girls- because as you said, if he did and his mom desperately wants him to be gay, he may think something’s wrong with him. Let him be who he is, for cripes’ sake.

        No offense- but your SIL sounds nuttier than squirrel poop.

      • aCongaLine

        She wants him to be gay so that she can be a cool hip parent who is totally accepting of her gay son. she’s insane. he’s also their one and only, so he’s her only shot at this particular fantasy. it creeps me out. squirrel poop doesn’t even begin to describe- bat shit crazy delusional. dont get me wrong, I’m no homophobe, but sexualizing a 15 month old in any direction is not normal.

      • whiteroses

        Exactly. A 15 month old doesn’t know what heterosexuality or homosexuality even IS, much less how to go about it. To be honest, I’m more focused at this point in my life on teaching my 21 month old son how to speak full sentences. Who he may or may not have sex with someday isn’t really in my wheelhouse at this moment.

        I wish your nephew the best of luck, because it sounds like he’ll need it.

      • aCongaLine

        Thanks. I’m hoping to be the non-pushy adult in his life… no matter who he grows up to be. SIL worries me.

      • SunnyD847

        Maybe because if he’s gay he’ll never leave her for another woman?

    • Ursi

      I’m not a parent so I try really hard not to judge parents, really I do, because it’s not my place to do that.

      That being said, if you had a pet and then when a kid came along you got rid of the pet because you just didn’t feel like taking care of both, then yes I am judging the hell out of you.

      • Diane Harrison

        It isn’t always that simple. In our case, we moved when we had our first and the ONLY place we could find didn’t allow pets. So….either being homeless with a newborn or a nice house with a rehomed cat. It wasn’t an actual decision. In the case of my friend, her dog acted very aggressively toward the baby…so doggie had to go bye bye. Again, no decision. As you stated, you aren’t a parent, so you haven’t yet discovered the love and protectiveness of your child is a thousand times beyond that of a pet.

      • Ursi

        A dog being aggressive towards a child is a legitimate reason to rehome the dog. I don’t know your situation either so I can’t speak to it. I’m talking about people who don’t want to deal with an attention-hungry pet now that there’s a baby in the house and the animal gets brushed aside.

        And I think “a thousand times beyond” is a bit of an exaggeration. I’m sure it’s a different and deeper kind of love but I there’s very little I wouldn’t do to keep my pets safe, happy, and protected. They’re the only children I will ever have.

      • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

        I wouldn’t say it’s a thousand… It’s stronger, certainly, but it ultimately comes from the same place in your heart: unconditional caregiving of something you love.
        And honestly, some people just love their pets more than other people do. There’s a big difference between a person who enjoyed having a cat they really liked versus someone who, say, deeply loved their cat and provided extended geriatric/diabetic care to make them comfortable (ME!)
        I have a baby. He’s my precious little pumpkin. And I deeply loved my Smokey. I hate when people devalue loving a pet.

      • whiteroses

        I agree. My husband and I don’t have the time, money or ability to train a pet, so we don’t own one. But love isn’t easily defined- either between people or for people and a pet. Unless you’ve walked in that person’s shoes, you can’t really say that they’d “never understand love until (fill in the blank)”.

      • Jill

        My pet peeve is when people tell you that you have no clue because you aren’t a parent and can’t understand the love you would have for a child. Obviously pets (& spouses, friends, family) become meaningless once you’ve experienced this real TRUE love.

      • firsttimemom

        It’s not that pets become meaningless, but rather they become another chore or thing to take care of in a time of extreme exhaustion. A newborn is tough work, mostly because you get no sleep. They feed every 2-3 hours, and obviously require other types of care each time they are awake after eating. I went for more than 2 months, without sleeping for longer than a stretch of 1.5 hours. It was terrible. Lack of sleep can make you crazy, literally. Women with babies who do not sleep well are more prone to postpartum depression.

        We kept and still loved our dog through it all, but I was definitely annoyed at him when my baby was young. I just didn’t have the energy to give him the type of attention I did before she was born. What I think what most are trying to communicate with you when they say you have no clue, isn’t that your life is meaningless, or that you are dumb. Rather, they are begging for your empathy. They probably also once also thought that the way they felt about their pets would never change once they had kids. They probably feel terrible about it, but have entered a new stage of life where a child has sucked up most of their energy. Don’t get offended. Just realize that you don’t know how you will feel about your pets, either, until you have a child of your own.

      • Kresaera

        I know how I felt and there was very very very little that would have made me get rid of my dog when my daughter was born. Aggression being about the ONLY thing. We took the time to train the dog to behave around the baby and everything worked out just fine. A dog (or any pet) isn’t something you get just unti something better comes along, it’s a life-long commitment. It is a living, breathing, feeling thing and I’m sorry, but I love my dog damn near as much as I love my kids. The difference is marginal.

      • firsttimemom

        I totally agree, I would have never given my dog away. I just feel as if some childless people don’t get how responsibilities change after baby arrives. Dogs become work, in my opinion.

      • Guets

        They understand that babies are work, as are dogs. My problem is when people have a baby as if it won’t be more work. You know that going in. So, if your limit is at giving care to one living thing that depends on you, decide which one you want more before you have both.

      • Guest

        Your last line. You’re added to my judging list.

      • aCongaLine

        Your situation was out of necessity, rather than you didn’t feel like caring for the cat anymore… I’d say that’s noble. No judgement here.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        God judging is so much fun though I would never begrudge the childless and child free by choice the utter joy of judging

      • SusannahJoy

        You judge gods? Watch out for lightning!

      • JillBo

        This is one of my big things. However i don’t do this secretly.

      • SusannahJoy

        Yes, this. Obviously there are times when a person doesn’t have a choice, but I know people who have gotten rid of a dog or cat before the baby came because duh, you can’t have pets around babies. Or even worse, once whose dog went from being strictly indoor only to strictly outdoor only, immediately. And since they didn’t bother to introduce outside time slowly, or bother to put up a fence or anything, they were let with just chaining the dog up outside, and then had to get rid of him because he whined too much. So they took him to the pound. The pound that has an 87% kill rate.

    • Shannon

      I judge people who use car seats egregiously wrong.

    • Jennifer Freeman

      Oh wow. This thread has made me realize I can be kind of judgy! My biggest pet peeve is people who are overly supportive of EVERYTHING their kids do. Example: friend of ours has a 12 year old sson. Mom watched him intentionally throw a ball at the head of another friend’s 2 year old, and them told him how funny it was. Maybe a bad example, but basically every choice the kid makes is the best thing ever according to mom. This is second only to parents who are trying to turn their children into clones of them. 8 year old at a political protest holding a sign? Pretty sure your kid doesn’t really give a shit about campaign reform. Let the kid develop his or her own personality! Thank goodness I’m a perfect parent so I can totally complain about these things that in no way affect my life. :)

    • joseph4gi

      If you do not wish to be judged for your “parental decisions,” there’s an easy solution. Don’t post them on the web. On a parenting forum/webpage. Where being judged for your parental decisions is likely to happen. In other words, if you can’t stand the heat, stay off the net.

      • Kendra

        If only it was that simple!! I have been judged far more in face-to-face scenarios than I ever have been online (simply because I don’t post about parenting things online). My favorite was all of the judgmental stares I got when I was pregnant, because I look young. And a few weeks ago, I was in a restaurant eating with my daughter. She started crying over a simple misunderstanding which I resolved very quickly. The elderly couple next to us began talking about how it’s shame kids are turning into such wild, tantrum throwing, rambunctious, violent people, and it’s all because people are trying to raise their kids alone and parents don’t stay together. (Side note: I am married, my husband was just not with us for this trip).

      • Guets

        I would have responded about how upset I was that people don’t put their elderly parents in homes sooner and they’re everywhere you go talking out of their asses.

      • SNOWSCAS81

        Lol. Or how about how every time you go to the pharmacy there is an old person holding up the line because they don’t know how to use their debit card. Or they want to pay with loose change. Last week at Walgreens, an old Iady paid for her stuff with all quarters. Her total was $10. Oy vey.

      • Guets

        My favorite is when they write checks…and they have to verify the amount three times, write out in perfect cursive every detail, and then go back and fill out the register portion too while still standing there. GTFO.

    • candyvines

      I’m judging myself pretty hard for wasting my life on Mommyish today. Between this, the circ debate, and the haircut thread I have accomplished exactly zero things.

      Today I realized that while I don’t judge people that circumcise their children, I do judge the women that say they’ll leave the decision to their husband. Seems like a bit of a cop out. I mean yeah, he has a penis, but he’s only ever experienced the one format. I think a little more research is in order.

    • M.

      People who give soda to babies or toddlers. It just makes me cringe…they have their whole lives to guzzle soda, why start them when they’re two??? Also moms who hover literally a foot away from their kid at all times at the park…the type that tries to steer the kid away from whatever they want to do to what they THINK the kid should do. Drives me nuts when I see a kid with absolutely no freedom whatsoever in the (fenced-in toddler section) park. Just let your kid play already!!!

    • SarahJane86

      Secretly? And I truly hate myself for this, and I try and try but even if my mouth is saying the supportive stuff, my subconscious is all “Judging you! I’m judging you!” Bottlefeedingbeforeone. I can’t help it! I try! And the rational part of my brain gets all the arguments, but the emotional part of my brain is obnoxious about it!

      Also, bad sleep and car seat habits. It makes me so mad. It’s not hard, there’s even illustrations in the pamphlets and you could literally kill your kid. I keep secret about that because I don’t like my throat ripped out.

      Everything else I judge on, I’m not particularly secret about it, and most of it extends beyond parenting, like vaccinations.

      • Kendra

        I’m confused. I thought most people were judgmental if the baby still had a bottle after one year.

      • K.

        Wait, you mean people who don’t breastfeed before one?

        Oh, that’s going to be a shitstorm, if that’s what you mean!

      • Kendra

        I think that must be it. I know there is the whole “breastfeed for one year” recommendation, but if you aren’t even allowed to introduce a bottle of pumped milk, I guess you are going to judge all working mothers then. That’s kind of unfair IMO (This is not to say that judging moms who choose formula is OK).

    • Ana

      Parents who let their kids eat junk food all the time and then say “But she’ll only eat french fries and pizza!” Yeah, that is because you give in and don’t make her try other things.

      • K.

        Like, what the fuck is THAT?

        a) children under like, 12 (if that) do not buy and cook their own food.

        b) No child is physically incapable of ingesting anything but pizza. Trust me, they will find the ability to consume other things before starvation sets in.

      • Guets

        Yes this! I hate the ones who say their kid won’t eat anything but garbage- that is because you keep making it for him. If you only put decent food in front of him he’ll eventually eat it. There is this one Pedialyte or something kid beverage commercial where the kid pushes away his healthy breakfast and the mom shakes her head and then gives him a donut while looking exasperated. Then she gets him this drink because thats the same as eating healthy, obvi, and he goes to bed and the blanket doesn’t go past his feet because he grew so much. My husband rages every time it comes on tv.

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Gah. I hate the pedialyte/pediasure (or however it’s spelled/whatever it’s called) commercials for the kids breakfast drinks. I get needing to add things like that for specific reasons. (I knew a girl who, although she was very thin, was told to go on slim fast for the calories it had in it; not quite the same as being a child, but you get the idea). Suggesting that just giving your child a breakfast drink is ALL they need for their morning meal is not really a good thing.

      • shorty_RN

        Those things are like a chocolate shake with some multivitamins blended in. Barf.

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Pretty much.

      • Ana

        Yeah, they act like they have no control over it. I have a cousin who only ate mac-n-cheese, pizza and french fries. And she was like 10. Her mom would just throw up her hands like “what can you do?” One time we went to a restaurant that didn’t have a kid’s menu and my cousin totally lost it. My sister and I were about the same age as the girl and even we were judging her parenting.

      • shorty_RN

        I plan on instituting the “eat it or starve” concept if my son gets picky. Don’t want what I’m serving? Tough. No chicken nuggets will be made.

      • MerlePerle

        My pediatrician always tells me that no kid will starve themselves to death. Once they are really hungry, even broccoli looks good!

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I say the exact same thing alllll the time

    • shorty_RN

      Anti-vaxxers. But I don’t exactly keep it a secret, lol.

    • the_ether

      People who teach their kids about stranger danger and not general self-awareness and protection even from people they know. Also ones who get mad if you speak to their kid in public. He’s a small human, dude, and he had something interesting to say about my Slytherin bag. Heck yeah I’ll start a conversation with him.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        OMG that is the worst. As long as a parent is standing by I see NOTHING wrong with kids talking to adults in public or adults being nice to kids and all that. They are basically teaching their kids how to be totally distrustful weirdos

      • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

        Yes! I had a conversation last week with someone who was talking to my kid, and they said, “oh sorry you’re probably not supposed to talk to strangers!” and I was like, “of course she can talk to strangers!”. My kid knows not to accept food from randoms (which happens way too often…like seriously, I’m not paranoid at all, I’m really not, but you really think I’m going to let you give my kid some gross cookie you just pulled from the bottom of your bag?) but otherwise yes we talk to “strangers”.

    • Kendra

      I openly judge the individuals (can often be grandparents) who think that “sneaking” foods or drinks to the kids or breaking some other important parental rule is “cute”.

      • itpainsme2say

        Omg yes the boundary over stepers

      • shorty_RN

        THIS. My mother gets some sort of sick joy out of telling me she is going to sneak my 5-month old some ice cream. She would do it, to.

      • brebay

        I judge parents who think that a treat an grandma’s will make their kid obese, toothless, and dumb. Also parents who food police their daughters and then blame Vogue for eating disorders.

      • Justme

        I don’t think it’s that they are actively concerned about the health of their child, but more importantly that the grandparents have zero respect for any rules or boundaries that the parents feel is super important.

        For example, words from my mother-in-law to my daughter, “if your mommy and daddy ever tell you no to something, you just come ask Grandma and I’ll get it for you.” Boundaries crossed.

      • brebay

        Joke missed.

      • Justme

        Or perhaps it was a weak joke?

    • K.

      I will likely get flamed for this, but if you have one of those “Baby on Board!” hazard signs on your car, I will think you’re a douchebag.

      “Everyone should be a safe driver, for everyone; not just because you spawned and are transporting it.”

      That’s what will run through my head, even though I’m well aware people have them just for fun.

      • Kendra

        Actually, I used to say the same thing, but I was recently informed those are for paramedics, so that they are immediately aware there is a baby in the vehicle…or that there should be anyway.

      • elle.m.jay

        That’s what I thought they were for too! I had no idea they made people mad.

      • Zoe Lansing

        That’s actually an urban legend : http://www.snopes.com/horrors/parental/babysign.asp

      • A-M

        Surely the presence of a baby seat of some kind will alert paramedics there may be a baby on board? Much larger clue, and an actual legal requirement.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I hate those people too

      • Lackadaisical

        “It’s a good job you had a baby on board sticker displayed. I was about to ram into your car at speed, killing us both in a flamy fireball of death, as you do. I hadn’t spotted the car seat from my car and I object to harming cute little babies but hold all other life as cheap and meaningless. Wait a moment … is that …did you … good grief, you drove your car without your child on board and did not remove the sticker for the duration of your child free journey! That, my friend, is dispicable and so I feel honour bound to kill us both with the power of my reckless driving”

      • Allyson_et_al

        There’s a great scene in The Simpsons where Marge gets one of those signs and says, “Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car.”

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I’m the Judgiest Judger In Judgetown!

      I judge:

      ANTI-VAXXERS.

      People who let their kids act like assholes and excuse their behavior: “Oh, he’s just shy/tired/overstimulated/hungry..” No Lady, your kid is an asshole.

      People who let their kids act like assholes and don’t discipline them on it.

      People who think their kid acting like an asshole is cute.

      People who clean up after the kids when their kids are old enough to do it. No, your 13-year-old CAN carry a glass to the dishwasher.

      Parents with rude kids who say OH YOU ARE SO SASSY. No, your kid is not “sassy” they are an asshole.

      Parents who let their kids text in restaurants. NO. I can see a toddler with an iPad, but ages 6 and up with a damn cell phone or Gameboy? NO.

      Parents who let their preteen girls have insane fixations on boy bands or actors or whatever. NO, you do NOT plaster your kids room with One Direction posters when they are seven.

      (I have more, I could do this all night, I basically hate everyone, except you guys)

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        #evethinkskidsareassholes

      • Jezebeelzebub

        OMG I HATE EVERYONE TOO! But not you guys. You guys are cool.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        SERIOUSLY

      • Kay_Sue

        Along the lines of the “sassy” idea…I once had a conversation with someone on FB who posted a graphic which basically said, “Toddlers get punished for having bad days and bad attitudes, but adults are allowed to have bad days without a consequence.”

        To which, I had to point out, if I go into work and throw a tantrum on my boss’s floor because they don’t have the juice I want, or because they gave me the juice I wanted and I decided I didn’t want it, I’d be fired. That’s a consequence, or at least it was the last time I checked.

        It’s that same attitude…like they’ve lost focus on creating a functional, respectful adult at the end of raising the child…that brings on the “sassy” comments, I think. Drives me batty too.

      • EmmaFromÉire

        I went to a friends house after school one afternoon. We were about sixteen, pushing seventeen, and when we finished eating dinner with her parents, we both stood up. I put my plate in the dishwasher and she left it for her parents to clean up. NOPE.

      • Justme

        I find that the “you are so sassy” parents are also in the “my little princess” camp which is equally as obnoxious. I’m not talking Disney princesses, but the mindset that you are some sort of princess that deserves people to kiss your feet and wipe your ass for the next thirty years.

    • Allyson_et_al

      Ok, obviously anti-vaxxers.

      Also, moms who don’t have jobs but have full-time childcare. I totally understand needing some time off from your kids, but if you don’t work outside the home, why the hell do you need a full-time nanny? I’ve known a few moms with this set-up, and I find it baffling.

      The judgy-est I ever got, though, was of a mom I knew who had a live-in baby nurse for an entire month after her baby was born, and bragged about how she hadn’t gotten up ONCE during the night to take care of the baby. A direct quote: “I’ll bond with him when the nurse leaves.” People like that make me wonder why they bother to have kids at all.

      • rhykababy

        I agree with the in-home nanny care while unemployed thing. I have a full-time nanny/housemaid because although I stay at home, I work full time on two online jobs. I have no time to do household chores esp. laundry and ironing. But almost all childcare is on me because I breastfeed and my kids are always by my side and we play together, sleep together, etc. I especially hate moms who stay at home and have a full-time nanny as well but complain about money all the time. I mean, why don’t you go to work if you’ve got so many financial issues? And yet you can afford a stay-home housemaid? I don’t get it.

    • Ana

      People who buy onesies with sassy and/or sexualized slogans. Like “I’m a boob man” or “Mommy drinks because I cry” or “I was the fastest swimmer”.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        Oh god yes

      • Julia Sonenshein

        Fuck that noise times a thousand.

      • the_ether

        How sassy are we talking here? Because I bought my still-gestating spawn a video game themed onesie with ‘Space Invader’ written on it.

    • CW

      Parents who allow their children to wear age-inappropriate outfits. Parents who allow their children to consume age-inappropriate media. Parents who feed fat kids junk food. Parents who teach their kids to bash those with different religious beliefs (I get that you think your faith or lack thereof is THE ONE RIGHT WAY but seriously, we live in a pluralistic society and everyone deserves civility).

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I agree on some of these but I’m fat and want you to feed me all the junk foods! Ok? Ok!

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        I’ll give you all the junk foods, Eve!

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I’m gonna start calling you mommy it’s gonna be sooooo damn creepy

      • http://nessyhart.wordpress.com/ pixie

        Always the creepiest!

      • Fireinthefudgehole

        Aren’t parents who feed their skinny kids junk food just as bad? Most fat kids were skinny at one point, ya know?

      • CW

        Different kids have different metabolisms. The skinny kid can have a higher caloric intake because he/she burns it off faster. Obviously they should base their diet primarily around healthy foods, but a high metabolism means that they could follow the 90/10 rule, whereas a kid with a sluggish metabolism might have to follow a 99/1 rule.

    • AP

      I teach youth swim lessons (ages 3-9 or so) until 8 pm on school nights. I judge most of the parents who sign their kids up for that session-they shouldn’t be out and active that late on a school night!

    • elle.m.jay

      I hardcore judge parents who give their young children soda or fast food. Silently, though. One of my FB friends was bragging (for some reason) about how cute her 2 year old was being by begging for soda for breakfast, and I got all twitchy and ALMOST let loose a string of judgment in a comment, but was able to hold it together. Aaahhh… venting about it here has helped.

    • Grace

      People who refuse to let their kids nap. I care for two siblings (ages one and two) and mom doesn’t allow them to nap at her house and then they spend their afternoons raging and tantruming. She says its so they sleep better at night…and then doesn’t understand why the older toddler doesn’t sleep at night. Idiot. You’d better believe they nap at my house. And our afternoons are peaceful. (She knows they nap at my house, that’s non-negotiable).

    • AP

      Parents who refuse to follow basic rules, because it’s inconvenient. For example, the mom I asked to use the front customer entrance at work a few weeks ago, and not the back door next to the dumpster, who shot back, “Well with three kids, walking to the front door is too hard.”

      Or the handful of ones who dump their kids in the middle of swim lessons, without registering, and say they’re too busy to register or remember the kid’s level or teacher’s name (or hair color, height, gender…anything helps!) I mean, if you a) didn’t pay and b) don’t know what class your three-year-old goes in, then c) why did you put your kid in the pool? (I seriously had an argument with a mom a few weeks ago who pointed to me and told her preschooler that he was in my class. He was not, and the kid needed to be semi-rescued from the water by staff twice while she argued with the staff that she was right and we were wrong. PS: She was wrong.)

      • Mette

        I hear you on the not following basic rule one! I know Americans don’t shower before going into the pool, but where I’m from it’s practically a death sin if you don’t do it. So it annoys me a lot, when at baby swim class people (usually moms) don’t shower before going into the pool, because it’s inconvenient, they’re late or the baby doesn’t like it. Well, then stay the fuck away!

    • firsttimemom

      I judge Moms who ask me to keep their kids, in addition to my own kids. Their kids are usually complete assholes, too. I’m not talking about short errands or emergencies, but parties to which my husband and I are also invited.

      Dear rude and too cheap to hire babysitter Moms,

      When I tell you I can’t find a sitter either, it does NOT mean I am willing to add your crazy spawns to my nightly routine, just because I have to stay home. I do not want more mouths to feed, more bodies to wash, and more kids to put down to bed in space they are unfamiliar with and one in which they likely won’t sleep well, or at all. Pay someone to watch your kids!!!

    • firsttimemom

      I also judge sanctimonious pet owners who troll Mom blogs.

    • Snarktopus

      Anti-vaxxers and AP parents who are sanctimonious jackasses who refuse to believe that someone could legitimately WANT to breastfeed but not be able to. And people who claim that having a C-Section means you’re not a REAL MOM. Like, what the fuck does that even mean, not a real mom? Did I become some sort of a robot after my C-Section? And if so, AWESOME.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      I will judge the living shit out of anyone I think is judging me, unless I already know what I’m doing is kind of fucked up. Then I don’t mind being judged, as I am currently judging myself and since I started it, I don’t mind if someone joins in. But if I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got and someone doesn’t like it, they can go directly to hell.
      Also, parents who buy that Kidz Bop shit. Fuck THAT.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        fuck that shit hard

    • Elisa Probert

      I judge everyone, all the time. Usually more on their pet care than their child care. LOL (like, say, wanting to breed a little mutt dog just because she’s cute, even though that same dog still has siblings that are strays because no one wants them)

      I’m nicer and less judgemental when I don’t have a migraine brewing. Unfortunately it does seem that I’ve had one more often than not, and the prescriptions do shit for them. I’m actually judging myself for contemplating alternative medicines…

    • SusannahJoy

      People who give soda to their infants and toddlers. Sadly, I know several people who do that. And nothing made me sadder than when someone would order a freaking Roy Rogers (coke with grenadine) for their little kid. Lets see, caffeine? check. Sugar? Check, but lets go ahead and give him extra sugar too. Oh, and free refills? Awesome! It’s not ok to give your kid 2500 calories in soda with a single meal. Its just not.

    • elaine

      Going to stop lurking and troll for a bit…

      Why do you judge/hate anti-vaxxers so much? I am judging you guys for judging me so harshly. I know that the so called “childhood” diseases are serious business, since we are just getting over whooping cough that we caught in January (from a fully vaccinated sister in law). I know that autism is not the end of the world or worse than death, as my dad and brother are both on the spectrum. I know that you don’t want my family to spread vaccine-preventable diseases to vulnerable populations, which
      is part of why we homeschool and don’t do playgroups.

      BUT my dad has worked with disabled kids and adults for the
      past 27 years and I can’t even count how many were harmed directly by
      vaccinations. As in, their care was paid for by the settlements their parents received.
      While I am aware that diseases that are preventable through vaccinations (such
      as polio) can have life-threatening consequences, the CDC notes that these are
      rare (http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd-vac/polio/in-short-both.htm).
      I choose not to vaccinate because to me, the potential risks of a possible
      disease are smaller than the potential risks of a vaccine. And I say this as
      someone who has just endured whooping cough and just about every unpleasant side
      effect associated with that disease aside from dying (yet).

      I have been the friend who was dropped because of my
      unacceptable stance on vaccinations. I will not foist my unvaccinated children
      on you, and I will do all that I can to prevent the spread of disease aside
      from vaccinations. I understand that we fundamentally disagree on this issue,
      but can you accept that my reasons for my stance have some validity?

      • MerlePerle

        First of all, even mentioning autism in a discussion about vaccination makes me think you never did much research. Also, the reason why your kids are unlikely to catch those diseases is because millions of parents take the risk of vaccinating their kids. You’re benefitting from the herd immunity and refuse to do your part.

      • elaine

        I mentioned autism not because I believe vaccines cause it (I believe they don’t), but because a lot of comments seem to indicate that anti-vaxxers are all “Vaccines equal autism which is worse than anything else”. Since that is not the case I wanted to offer alternative reasons. Sorry for not being clear on that. I realize that we will not agree on the importance of herd immunity. Thanks for your time.

      • candyvines

        So called “childhood” diseases? You and your children just spent 1/3 of the year with whooping cough. Your SIL didn’t invent it, she probably picked it up from someone not vaccinated. Being vaccinated doesn’t offer every person 100% protection, that’s why herd immunity is so important. Home schooling and avoiding play groups do little to prevent the spread of disease if you do not know you have it yet. Please don’t ever leave your house. I’m ok with you judging me for judging you. You are being incredibly irresponsible with the health of your children and everyone they encounter, and you are patting yourself on the back for it. Good job.

      • elaine

        As far as we know she picked it up from a vaccinated friend at school who got it from a younger sibling who was in a fully vaccinated class. That is as far as we traced it although it is possible one of those people picked it up from someone who was asymptomatic. Aside from family we only associate with other anti-vaxxers; I order things online or have my husband, who never gets sick with anything and is fully vaccinated, buy them at the store. I really am not patting my self on the back, just stating we do all of the things, short of living in an anti-vax community, that I have seen suggested. I disagree with you but thanks for your time.

      • TngldBlue

        I cannot accept your reasons because they have no validity. Science proves you wrong, period. The risk from vaccines is not higher than the risk of the disease itself-that makes absolutely no sense. Let’s look at whopping cough. There is a 1 in 1,500 chance of death from whopping cough vs 0 chance of death from the DTap. Whopping cough has a 4-21 day incubation period. No matter how careful you are, unless you never leave your house the risk you posed to infants and others unable to vaccinate is infuriating. I cannot respect or associate with people that are so reckless with the lives of everyone in their community based on ideas that have been completely and totally proven to be wrong.

      • elaine

        I am not asserting that my reasons would be enough for most people. I am stating that for me, based on all of the people who I have personally met who are unable to function because of a vaccination, the risk of vaccination is not one that I am willing to take, for most vaccinations. I am not disagreeing with the efficacy of most vaccinations, although there are serious problems with the effectiveness of some, DTap being one. I have been vaccinated against a few things, including DTap, and my children will be vaccinated against some as well. But for DTap in particular, from what I have seen, I am unwilling to take the risk which does exist, based on my personal experience. We knew whooping cough was coming after my sister was diagnosed and were prescribed antibiotics and quarantined ourselves for two months. We disagree about the level of risk my unvaccinated family poses to society, but thanks for answering.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        “Going to stop lurking and troll for a bit…”

        welcome and thank you! and if you ever wanna submit your own feature about why you don’t believe in vaccines, feel free to email me.

        I may not agree with you, but I want everyone to have a voice, and glad you stopped lurking.

      • elaine

        Thanks! I enjoy Mommyish and spend way more time on here than I should, but will probably just lurk again after this.I don’t think I have the emotional fortitude for the vitriol a feature like that would produce.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        ahhhh I think you would have a lot of support actually. Besides, I am excellent at yelling at people if things get ugly :)

    • MerlePerle

      My SIL manages to combine two of my pet peeves: not pulling through and spanking! Their kids are sometimes spanked (don’t even get me started!) but more often than not she will only threaten them with it. Why don’t you find a consequence you can actually follow through with?

    • Diana

      People who allow their kids to seriously disrespect them . I don’t mean a little backchat I mean when their kids swear at them or hit them of otherwise degrade them. The idea that you can just ignore that kind of thing in a school aged kid worries me.

    • Diana

      A friend of mine neglected to tell her 5 year old about the tooth fairy and instead told her that her teeth were falling out because she didn’t brush enough and that they would never grow back. I judged the hell outa that.

    • Frannie

      I have a very lovely friend who is a wonderful person and a great mom, but I secretly judge her for giving her toddlers soda. My parents didn’t let me have it growing up, and it’s one of the few decisions they made for me that I actually agree with and won’t give to my kids. If I ever do, it won’t be until they are at least in the double digits.

    • keetakat

      First timer, here…

      Secretly (or maybe even not so secretly), I judge a specific couple of parents for continually exposing their adopted children to their neglectful, mentally disturbed mother that enabled their father’s heroin addiction to death — literally. They adopted the children and because they are older, they continually bring this “woman” (who intentionally ignores and devalues the little girl while fawning over the little boy as though he were…well, his father) into their home because she’s convenient. She can babysit (because she has no life) whenever they need her. Then she leaves. Abandons them again and again. My “judgmometer” peaks when the adopted mother says things like, “My 5 year old daughter has horrible anger issues and she needs psychiatric help to overcome her anger so she doesn’t turn into a psychopath.”. Really? The only thing she needs help with is learning how to cope with the fucked up adults in her life.

      Sorry about the swearing.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        First time here? swearing? You will FIT RIGHT IN

      • keetakat

        Oh thank goodness

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      I judge other parents who inform me, after discovering that the two adorable little blonde girls I have with me are actually NOT my daughters, but my wonderful stepkids- “O it’ll be better when you have your own kids, it’s indescribable, you just don’t know real love until you have your OWN BABY, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD” whilst bouncing their baby in my face.

      Seriously, how fucking rude, not just to me, but to say it in front of my munchkins?

      I will diaper slap you.

      • competitivenonfiction

        Holy shit! I can’t believe people say crap like this. I’ve heard that people will come up to foster parents and tell them how they’re doing such a good thing and saving the children etc etc. right in front of the child. Holy fuck, what is wrong with people?

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        Believe me, that’s mild compared to what I’ve heard.
        I was at a parent teacher meeting for the youngest girl, and it was one of those “bring the kid, we discuss grades together” which I think is great, much more supportive.
        Her mother couldn’t go cos her new baby was sick and her dad couldn’t go as he was vomiting profusely so I volunteered to go.
        I had one parent say to me- “What are you doing here, you’re not her mother, you’re a wanna-be!”

        In front of the 8 year old.

        I resisted the urge to kick their arse, and just said neither of her parents can make it so I’m here for her instead.
        Other mommy then said- “That’s not right, you’re nothing to (child’s name)”

        8 year old then piped up saying- (my name) Is my STEPMAMMY, leave her alone!

        LOL the teacher ended up dragging her to one side and telling her to shut up.

        The other thing that annoyed me about the “when you have your own baby” comment is- what if we are trying? What if we’ve JUST found out I cannot have kids? What if I’ve suffered a miscarriage?

        So ignorant!

      • Kitsune

        People are even bigger jerks about it when there’s an obvious racial difference. My stepmother is Cambodian and I’m white so we always have to explain our connection. Same thing with my sister, technically half sister. I would love for once to be able to refer to her as my mother and my sister as my sister without explanation, since that’s who they are. People can be ridiculously rude and insensitive.

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        That’s so horrible!
        You’d think today with so many wonderfully diverse families that people would have more cop-on!
        Believe it or not I used to get asked was my brother actually my boyfriend!
        My mam is half Indonesian, so is very tanned. My brother inherited ALL of her dark Asian features, very sallow skin, slight turn in the eye, jet black hair, and the flat nose that everyone is her Asian part of the family have.

        I however, look 100% Irish, got my dad’s blue eyes, brown hair, pale and freckly lol, and whenever I am out with him, I’ve actually had one or two people ask was he my boyfriend (doesn’t help I am short and stumpy and he’s pushing 6 foot 3 at age 20 already!)

        Disturbing!

      • Upsilon

        omg what is wrong with people and why do they say these things out loud?! I dont know that I would be capable of responding politely.

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        the urge to slap is sometimes overwhelming

    • Coffee Bean

      People who compare strollers to wheelchairs. “If I can’t bring my stroller in the restaurant/office/museum/event, wheelchairs should be banned, too.”

      • Coffee Bean

        I know they can be convenient, especially if the parent is juggling multiple kids or doing a lot of walking (and the little ones are on the big end of being worn in a sling or something but on the small end of keeping up with all the walking), but unless the child has a disability, a wheelchair is not the same thing as a stroller and should not be compared.

    • Ann

      I was honestly judged by my SIL because I push education on the kids! I have forever told my children that college is mandatory in my home and as my niece approached that age I told her that she should figure out what she wants to do in college and I was told by my SIL that not everyone needs to go to college that her brother did well in the military, she never went to college and she’s ok, blah, blah, blah. Now fast forward a year and guess who went back to school for nursing? My judgy SIL! I guess she was too old for the service! What an A$$hole!

    • competitivenonfiction

      I work really hard to not judge other parents, and my husband and I have a deal where we only judge other parents to one another and we try to keep it to a minimum. It can be hard for me to hold my tongue about the anti-vaxers, or spanking, but I try really hard.

      Two things really piss me off though:

      Watching uninvolved fathers who basically leave their wives or partners to be single-parents with another adult taking up space in her house. I went camping with a couple and the dad slept in, got angry with his wife for not putting the baby to bed when he easily could have done it himself, and was generally a lazy asshole who complained about having to do anything at all for his child.

      And watching mothers judge other moms when they clearly do not have all the information available. Do you really know whether a mom-friend chooses to work or stay at home? Anyone who has ever uttered the phrase (or some variant of) “why would you have kids if you won’t raise them yourself,” is automatically on my shit list. The rage I feel with the implication that I’m not the one raising my daughter or that my mother didn’t raise me, or her mother didn’t raise her (there was only one woman in my family history rich enough to be a stay at home mom, the rest were firmly middle-class). Ugh RAGE!

      • guest

        Your post reminded me if a couple I know who recently had a baby and the dad said that he wears earplugs at night while his wife gets up with the baby. I judge so hard. I always share the middle of the night love with my husband, it’s his kid too. Come to think of it, my FIL did this too, even though he was a stay at home dad and my MIL worked full time. In my house nobody gets a free pass from the grueling round the clock infant care unless they are sick or on the verge of a psychotic break from lack of sleep. Even those of us who stay home with the kids need sleep.

      • competitivenonfiction

        Totally.

      • pontificatrix

        Really? I do all the nighttime baby care in our house but that is honestly my choice, cosleeping works for us so it’s mostly just rolling over and offering a boob without hardly waking up. It didn’t seem logical to me to make him wake up to spend 100x the effort/time I would have had to expend to achieve the same thing; I’d rather have him well-slept and happy to help at other times of the day.

      • SA

        ha! My husband wears earplugs. Not in the middle of the night, but when we get up for the morning he puts them in. He has a lot of sleep issues and I am naturally an early riser so it doesn’t bug me. I just go tap on his shoulder if I need him. Sometimes I judge him a little too! :) We really do have a good system worked out though, I would complain if I wanted it to change.

      • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

        YES – any dude who uses the term ‘babysitting’ to refer to taking care of his own children – I AM JUDGING YOU.

      • competitivenonfiction

        Totally – I cannot tell you how much it offends my husband when people refer to him caring for his daughter as babysitting. It’s almost always men of a certain age, but it’s still incredibly demeaning to him.

    • scooby23

      Parents/people in general who buy into all these stupid conspiracy theories. Oh, how heartbreaking it is to see on another comment section “VACCINES CAUSE DEATH AND AUTISM AND NUCLEAR WAR BLAH BLAH BLAH THE GOVERNMENT IS OUT TO GET USSSSS BLAH BLAH BLAH OBAMA IS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN WHO WILL BE THE DEATH OF US BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!111!” Especially heartbreaking when the person is a parent.

      And I may get some flack for this, but I also secretly judge people who use natural medicine as their primary medication and sneer at people who use regular medicine. And it really makes my blood boil when those people use it on their children. I get it, natural stuff may HELP illness, but PLEASE don’t tell me yoga and elephant tears cure cancer. Honestly, if someone I knew was trying to go all witch-doctor when their child has a serious illness, I’d be very tempted to call CPS.

    • C.J.

      For the most part I support everyone’s right to raise their children the way they want. I don’t care if people breastfeed, co-sleep, circumcise, baby wear, you get the point. I do have a problem with people who try to make others feel bad because they didn’t make the same choices. I do have a problem with people who don’t correct their kids and think their bad behaviour should just be accepted by everyone else. Most importantly, at least to me, is the anti-vaxers. I definitely judge people that put the most vulnerable people at risk. I don’t understand how someone can be ok with risking terrible diseases for their own children. I don’t understand how anyone can be ok with being responsible for someone’s death because they read un-true crap off the internet.

    • pontificatrix

      Honestly, I think there is one thing I do judge other parents for and that is circumcision. In particular, I judge my in-laws. I just get so angry when I think about how their horrible decision has had unfixable ramifications for our intimate relationship. Like, how dare they?

    • good topic for a rant! lol

      - anti-vaxxers
      - people who get “the look” when they find out we have a pitbull, but then get all excited to find out we have horses & ask stupid things like “oh wow! has the baby been on a horse yet??” um, she’s not even a year old…no.
      - people who are forceful with their outdated, sometimes dangerous, baby “advice” (“oh, just put a big glob or orajel on the baby’s gums! fixed mine right up! it’s non-toxic!”, “your baby’s hands are cool, they need more blankets!”, “it’s only 70 out today, why isn’t the baby swaddled?”, “babies don’t need sunscreen, just put a hat on them”, etc)
      - people who let their kids wreak havoc at restaurants. running, throwing food, mashing food into upholstery, standing on the seats & bothering the table behind them (no, i’m sorry, it’s NOT CUTE…chances are good that if i’m out at a restaurant i’m either with my husband and baby & we want to enjoy OUR child, not yours OR i’m there on a date with my husband and i’m not really wanting to quasi-babysit your kid while YOU get to eat in relative peace :P), etc.
      - people who will blindly believe their kids. all kids lie at some point. get over it. (this comes from YEARS of having to deal with a particular family at a daycare. EVERY CHILD they had had a file an inch thick of documented issues, but EVERY TIME we had to drag their parents in, it was “my child would NEVER! this is the first time we’ve ever heard of any issue!” and we’d have to drag out the file and start reading it in monotone until they slunk out the door.)

    • Jane

      - People who often complain about being poor and have an online fundraiser a for their family but buy a Wii and a new TV or just complain about living paycheck to paycheck but buy extravagant things. (I’ll admit this one is a bit of jealousy because I can’t drop $100 on a DVD box set or other stupid cool things.)

      - People who are extremely judgy about what other people buy on food stamps.

      - Mothers who absolutely demand to the point of sounding crazy that their snowflake is gifted even when their schoolwork and test scores show that they’re not. Continuing to make excuses for why snowflake didn’t pass the test(it was the wrong kind of test). Or why snowflake should be given an exception into the gifted program because he/she is special needs.

    • Bethany Jones

      When you see hugely overweight families in the supermarket with a trolley full of coke, crisps, chocolate and processed food. Feeding your kids crap and letting them get obese is the same as starving them and letting them become skinny rakes. It’s child abuse. If you can’t feed your children good, healthy nutritious food, you shouldn’t be a parent.

    • SA

      I judge parents that complain about situations they can change. Someone I know complains about how they have to go through 3 dinners every night until their toddler is happy with the selection. People that complain that their kids won’t eat veggies, but feed them large snacks before dinner, people that complain their kids won’t listen or behave, but set no boundaries or even attempt to discipline. It isn’t what is going on that bugs me, but the fact that they want to complain but do nothing to fix the situation.

      The other thing I judge is letting kids run around a restaurant. I judge as a mother, as a patron, and as a former restaurant employee.

    • ted3553

      I will judge you when your child is now a teen and acting out and you tell me that you talk to them but they just…. won’t…… listen. No shit-they’re teens and perhaps if you reinforced that discussion with consequences, they would be more apt to listen. I will judge you when little precious got caught doing something they’re not supposed to for the third time and you told them not to do it again and left it at that and can’t figure out why they keep doing it and then you’re disappointed that they’re not becoming productive members of society.

    • Moony

      I judge parents who, in restaurants, on airplanes, in shopping centers or in any public place, allow their children to kick, scream, whine, whinge, run around, knock things over and generally disturb everyone else around them, with absolutely no interference.

      I judge parents who take everything as a personal attack. If someone is thrilled to be breastfeeding, then let them be thrilled! Don’t view it as an insult to your own choice of formula! Likewise, if someone has chosen to opt out of circumcision, don’t act like they’re judging YOU for having your son circumcised.

      I judge parents who have taken it upon themselves to be the “gender police”. If little Timmy wants to wear a pink frilly Barbie dress then he’s going to wear a pink frilly Barbie dress and you have no right or reason to discourage that!

      I judge parents who think that it’s great to use boy names on girls, but ridiculous to use girl names on boys or even girly-boy names on boys. Why? Just, why?

      I judge parents who think that their child is amazing and make it known that they think everyone else’s child is mediocre at best.

      I judge parents who think that potential autism is worse than death. -_-

      (I could go on forever…)

    • nonamommy

      I judge parents who keep popping out babies but depend on their own parents (the grandparents) to shoulder the financial burden. My brother in law is the eldest while my husband is second, but my husband and I are in a more comfortable financial situation. I understand we all have different statuses in life including work and income, and I have nothing against that. My BIL has a full time supervisory job which I assume pays well (hello, supervisor???) but my parents in law pay the rent and frequently my BIL asks them for money especially for the kids’ milk (he has 3 kids now), when one of his kids gets sick/hospitalized, and whenever his wife gives birth. I mean, come on, if you have so many financial issues, why keep on making babies??? The last time his wife gave birth, they were freaking out because they didn’t have “enough” money and kept prodding my parents in law for financial support so they can pay the hospital bills. So my FIL asked us to help out but my BIL keeps rejecting our financial help because his freaking ego is hurt. But why ask for money from your parents anyway??? And turning down my husband’s help because you’re the older child and you feel insulted? I mean, really? You happily ask money from your parents like every day (and they pay the rent already!) but financial assistance from my husband hurts his pride? It’s ridiculous. I hope they never make another baby. 3 is already enough, and now he’s even asking my parents in law to support the education of their eldest! O.o

    • Alice

      I’m so late but I have to get this off my pedantic chest.
      People who let their kid draw on tablecloths. Think this is a weird or not real thing? Think again. I have worked in 3 different restaurants, all of which used either cloth or those shiny paper-type table cloths. And in all three we’ve had one or two regular families who let their kids draw on the table cloths. I’m all for bringing some crayons to keep the younger ones occupied, but make sure they stick to their colouring books! “But if it’s only a paper cloth why does it matter?” Because they are durable paper cloths and they usually last at least a few days if you don’t draw all over them. And as for the parents who let their kids draw on actual cloth table cloths with non-washable pens, I want to write ‘I am a pooface’ on their foreheads in permanent marker.
      Seems fair.

      • Alice

        And I’m not talking about a little bit where the kid went over the edge of their page. No attempt of colouring in a page was made. It’s all tablecloth. Every week. The parents either aren’t watching or think it’s cute. I’ve ranted long enough! Despite their reputations, most families with young kids were always fine and well behaved as long as you don’t have unrealistic expectations.

    • Mb

      I judge parents that stick their babies and toddlers in front of the TV. I have a friend who has been talking about her 18 month sons favorite shows for over a year, It is hard for me to understand.