Is there really a kid in existence who is happy with the idea of breathing life into a giant bunny? I don’t think so. The Easter Bunny tradition needs some work. Can we just agree that henceforth he should be a real-sized bunny who happily hops around your yard leaving jellybeans in his wake, not a giant monstrosity with a fixed smile who will haunt your kids’ dreams for life?

I don’t have a single photo with the Easter Bunny. The idea was pitched once; we went to our local mall, I took one look at the velvety-cloaked horror-pet and begged to get a churro instead of waiting in line to sit on its lap.

I think I’d rather have a troop of dancing clowns follow me around all day than subject one of my children to this horror-show of a mall tradition.

1. Half Human, Half Bunny, All Horror

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I just shit myself. This poor kid.

2. Just Sneaking Up On You In The Woods, Relax!

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Pinterest/ Elaine Madrid

When I was a child, I had a recurring nightmare that a gang of clowns was pirouetting up a hill and I was frozen still – unable to run. This is worse.

3. The Easter Bunny Of Disappointment

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Themetapicture

Want to give your kid the worst Easter, ever? Put some sweatpants on your head, shove some radishes up your nose and call it a day.

4. These Kids Will Never Sleep Again

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Hold me.

5. Creepy Auntie Easter Bunny

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teamjimmyjoe

That time the aunt you hated fashioned an Easter Bunny costume out of a bathmat and some hand towels.

6. The Mustachioed, Waxed Brow Easter Bunny

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popthomology.com

Something about this Easter Bunny’s mouth is unsettling.

7. There’s Nothing Festive About Vacant Eye-Holes

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popthomology.com

Why would you bring your daughter here? Who hurt you?

8. Easter Bunny At Bus Stop With Child

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popthomology.com

Somebody call the police.

9. You Can Never Escape The Easter Bunny, Don’t Even F*&king Try 

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PInterest

Seriously though – what’s happening here?

10. Oh, Look! The Devil Himself Is An Easter Bunny

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popthamology.com

Someone get that child off its lap, immediately.

11. Even Big, Fluffy Bunnies Are Horrifying

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skinnymom.com

This one’s kinda cute. Doesn’t matter. Don’t do this to your children.

12. What?

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Pinterest/ parentingfailblog

That little girl just dropped dead of horror and the other kids are too terrified to run.