Is there really a kid in existence who is happy with the idea of breathing life into a giant bunny? I don’t think so. The Easter Bunny tradition needs some work. Can we just agree that henceforth he should be a real-sized bunny who happily hops around your yard leaving jellybeans in his wake, not a giant monstrosity with a fixed smile who will haunt your kids’ dreams for life?
I don’t have a single photo with the Easter Bunny. The idea was pitched once; we went to our local mall, I took one look at the velvety-cloaked horror-pet and begged to get a churro instead of waiting in line to sit on its lap.
I think I’d rather have a troop of dancing clowns follow me around all day than subject one of my children to this horror-show of a mall tradition.
1. Half Human, Half Bunny, All Horror
I just shit myself. This poor kid.
2. Just Sneaking Up On You In The Woods, Relax!
When I was a child, I had a recurring nightmare that a gang of clowns was pirouetting up a hill and I was frozen still – unable to run. This is worse.
3. The Easter Bunny Of Disappointment
Want to give your kid the worst Easter, ever? Put some sweatpants on your head, shove some radishes up your nose and call it a day.
4. These Kids Will Never Sleep Again
5. Creepy Auntie Easter Bunny
That time the aunt you hated fashioned an Easter Bunny costume out of a bathmat and some hand towels.
6. The Mustachioed, Waxed Brow Easter Bunny
Something about this Easter Bunny’s mouth is unsettling.
7. There’s Nothing Festive About Vacant Eye-Holes
Why would you bring your daughter here? Who hurt you?
8. Easter Bunny At Bus Stop With Child
Somebody call the police.
9. You Can Never Escape The Easter Bunny, Don’t Even F*&king Try
Seriously though – what’s happening here?
10. Oh, Look! The Devil Himself Is An Easter Bunny
Someone get that child off its lap, immediately.
11. Even Big, Fluffy Bunnies Are Horrifying
This one’s kinda cute. Doesn’t matter. Don’t do this to your children.
That little girl just dropped dead of horror and the other kids are too terrified to run.