20 Of The Funniest Tweets From #RuinAChildrensBook

It’s possible that I am just easily entertained today because I had a fantastic night’s sleep – but the #RuinAChildrensBook Twitter feed made my morning. Is there anything more enjoyable than taking something that is meant to bring joy to young kids and totally manipulating it to appease your sick sense of humor? There probably is, but I can’t think of it right now because I am too busy laughing at these.

How glad are you that I spent my morning picking out the really funny ones so you didn’t have to take a trip down the rabbit hole that is a trending Twitter hashtag stream to read these? I increased your productivity by at least 30 percent today. You’re welcome.


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I actually loved his hat, but this is still clever.

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Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 9.06.12 AMBjizsm7CMAADwxHThis is so wrong that it’s right.

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The first rule of babysitter’s fight club is… Oh man this would have been such a better book.

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So wrong. But funny.

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Thanks, Twitter. Can’t wait to see what we destroy tomorrow.


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  • Bethany Ramos

    Why are these soooooo funny? Your productivity made my day.

  • pixie

    Bahahaha. These are fantastic.

  • Robotic Socks

    Where the Wild Things Are…

    Do not end a sentence with a preposition.

    • Robotic Socks

      Snow White and the Seven Achondroplasiatics

    • Robotic Socks

      This is hard when you don’t know too many children’s books :(

    • Robotic Socks

      Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?

      I see the barrel of a rifle pointing at me

    • Robotic Socks

      The Little Whore House

    • Lee

      Little Hoes on the Prairie

    • Lee

      Little Red Riding Crop Hood

    • Lee

      Harry the Very Dirty Horndog

  • pixie

    Alice’s Adventures in Rehab (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)
    The Creepy Old Man of Oz (The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)

    Captain G-String (Captain Underpants)
    A Series of Delightful Events (A Series of Unfortunate Events)
    Um….that’s all I got.

  • keelhaulrose

    Curious George visits the Meth Lab

    • Robotic Socks

      Bi-curious George

    • brebay

      You could have been rich.

    • Valerie

      I’m beside myself. That is fucking perfect.

  • Blahblah

    Man, I always said The Hungry Little Caterpillar was a horrible message. EAT UNTIL YOU FEEL PRETTY!

    Also: Clifford The Big Red Mutated Science Experiment.

  • Kheldarson

    Snow White and Rose Red: Knives for Hire.

    Matilda: Psychiatric Tales

    (I’m going to hell for this one but taking you all with me) Pat the Pussy

    And, of course, if you want a already existing story that ruins childhood tales: American McGee’s Alice.

  • G.S.

    The Kama Pooh-tra

  • Blahblah

    Curious George And Rabies.

  • Alanna Jorgensen

    The Secret Lady Garden and Cocks in Socks (Fox in Sox). Oh, and Rush Limbaugh pretty much ruined children’s books forever:

  • Michelle Pittman

    oh someone has GOT to come up with the “I’ll Love You Forever” book and “Goodnight Moon”

    • brebay

      “I’ll Love You Till Puberty at Which Point You Will Become a Reflection of My Own Failures and Neuroses”

    • pixie

      Goodnight Peeping Tom

    • neighbor57

      “I’ll Love You Forever as I Force You into an Oedipus Complex”

  • EmmaFromÉire

    Four friends and babysittin- what could be more fun? Literally anything. That’s what.

  • brebay

    There’s something LGBTQ at the Lemonade Stand

  • Jacob

    Yeah, I’m Internet famous now! Thanks!

    -Hipster Brewfus

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Loved yours!

  • Lackadaisical

    Danny the Fairly Mediocre of the World

    George’s Marvellous Opium

    The Logging Crew in the Willows

    The Secret Garden Was Concreted Over Years Ago By Uncle After he Put the Annoying Cousin Colin Up for Adoption

    The Omnibus Children (a post Dr Beeching revision)

    The Fairly Good Stage Illusionist of Oz

    Charlie and the Brussels Sprout Packing Plant