Fed Up Dad Files A Restraining Order Against Nine-Year-Old Bully Tormenting His Kid

Father Files Restraining Order Against Bully Well, here’s one way to take care of a bullying situation at your kid’s elementary school – file a restraining order against the alleged bully of your kid, which is exactly what Stephen Feuder has done in Sacramento. Feuder claims the school wasn’t taking enough action when his nine-year-old son complained about being bullied, pushed around, and punched in the face at Rolling Hills Elementary School, so he went down to the Sheriff’s Department and filed a restraining order against alleged nine-year-old perpetrator. Is this what we’ve come to, parents?

Growing up, I had my fair share of bullied. I was extremely tall for my age with a face full of metal braces and I think I was still playing with dolls at age twelve or thirteen. I wasn’t exactly a cool kid. My parents never had to come down to the school and complain about me being bullied, but I was taught that to deal with a bully you either ignore them until they get bored and go away, tell a teacher, or if they hit me that I should punch them right in the throat. It scares me that bullying has gotten so bad that instead of any of these tactics working we actually have to file restraining order, but I guess a parents gotta do what a parents gotta do. The issue here is that the restraining order may not even be valid because according to CBS Local, the restraining order may end up being null and void. It has to be served within five days, but the school district won’t release the boy’s name or address to Feuder.

I don’t know if this is the best way to deal with a bully, but what I do hope is other parents who read about this case and suspect their own kid may be bullying someone get a little bit paranoid over this and address bullying with their own kid. We need parents to start being a little bit more aware of how their own precious little snowflakes are treating other kids, and maybe this case will make them scared their own kid will get such dramatic action taken against them.

(Image: Cbs Local)

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  • wonderstruck

    When I was in high school my mom ended up taking me to the police station over a bully – it was some ridiculous mean girl shit, my best friend from high school still says it belonged in a movie and that she would think I was way exaggerating if she hadn’t been there to see it herself. The last straw was when she actually tried to run me over with her car while I was walking home from school! The girl had detentions, suspensions, all sorts of crap, and it did nothing to slow her down. Neither did me ignoring her, and hitting back would’ve been a pretty awful idea since she always had her awful little group following her around, and I would have been seriously outnumbered.

    We didn’t file a restraining order (seems like that would be difficult when you’re at the same school), but the police went to her house and threatened her with charges, and she never bothered me again. It was totally worth it.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      GOOD, what a creepy kid, I am so sorry you dealt with that!

    • Bunny Lou

      I once got the shit beat out of me during the school hours by a girl who had been threatening me for weeks, because it was only threats the school couldn’t do anything.

      Once she actually beat me up the school expelled her, but if they hadn’t she would have gotten a lovely restraining order.

  • Andrea

    Doesn’t the school have a directory?

    • Valerie

      You mean for students? Ours does not. Our info is only available to teachers and administrators- not other students and their parents.

    • Andrea

      Interesting. Our PTA puts out a directory every year. You have to “opt in” of course, but 99% of parents do.

    • Valerie

      Yeah, I’m not sure why. But I do know if you go to an individual teacher you can get addresses to send birthday invites or whatever. But if I remember correctly, we had to consent to that with our daughter’s teacher at the beginning of the year.

    • JLH1986

      He is a minor child. The information would not be made public. Though I assume the parents could get the name of the kid bullying him if not the address from their son.

    • Andrea

      I said below: our PTA puts out a directory every year. You have to “opt in”, but almost everyone does.

  • Frannie

    I wish my parents cared enough to do this when I was a kid. My sister was seriously bullied to the point of almost committing suicide. At 10 years old, I literally had to talk her down from jumping off the porch on several occasions. My mom gave us some bullshit line about how the bullies “probably just wanted to be friends but didn’t know how to ask.” Please. Nobody drives a person to the brink of suicide because they want to be friends. Her teachers ignored the bullying, the guidance counselors ignored it, and every adult she reached out to for help ignored it. Our parents turned a blind eye and left my sister to fend for herself, with only me, her little sister, to stick up for her. I know this solution is extreme, but if all else fails, it’s still YOUR JOB to protect your child, and if this is the only way to do it, then I say go for it. I would use it as a last resort, but I absolutely would do it myself if it were my child being bullied.

  • pixie

    Well if it was a last resort, I can see it happening.

    Also, I wish the internet came with a sort-of restraining order, or a “kindly fuck off and don’t reply to me again with that unnecessary insult filled stuff” button that gives people an electric shock when they’re being unnecessarily douche-y. I don’t mind intelligent debates between two different mind sets. I DO mind being called uneducated, unintelligent, trailer trash, a moron, and various other things by someone who’s first resort is to attack someone’s intelligence and insist they must be of a low socio-economic status because of an opinion they hold all the while failing at basic grammar and spelling. And I’m still pissed that Disqus changed their down vote system. :(

    • CMJ

      Seriously, disqus is on my shitlist for that.

    • pixie

      I would LOVE to see the number of down votes the person calling us all morons on the dog story is getting right now. (and on the circumcision story, and on the purity ball story, and on anti-vax stories…)

      Really, I enjoy intelligent discussion and disagreements. It can be done. Two people can have different opinions on topics like gun control or different breeds of dogs, but both can respect each others opinions and possibly understand them, without agreeing.

    • CMJ

      That’s how I felt about the circumcision article. There have been quite a few people recently that make incendiary comments and when people react negatively, start calling people stupid, horrible, etc. I don’t care what anyone says, I can tell tones through writing and there have been some pretty negative, demeaning tones lately. I do not like these people.

    • pixie

      Yeah. I just don’t get it. When I learn someone is all about guns and stand your ground and whatnot, I don’t automatically think “oh well this person must be a moronic piece of white trailer trash who is dumb and uneducated”, I just think well, I have a different opinion, but that’s cool. Why the need to immediately attack and insult? *smh*

      And to be called a moron and uneducated by someone with a poor grasp of spelling and grammar is just hilarious. Frustrating, but hilarious. Right, and what I’ve noticed is with a lot of these people, you ask a question (like “do you own dogs? If so, what breed?”) and instead of an answer, you get more insults about how you’re a white trash moron and some anecdote about a horrible incident (“my friend was mauled by a pit bull and got a divorce and then committed suicide you uneducated white trash moron!”). Um great, that’s unfortunate to hear…but doesn’t answer my question.

    • rrlo

      That person calling you a moron was a total psychopath. You are the opposite of a moron. You are one of my favourite Internet person. I hope that guy/gal didn’t bother you too much.

    • pixie

      Aw, thanks! :D
      To be honest, it bothered me a little bit, but it was also very amusing to see someone trying to insult all of us so venomously and calling us morons and what not when they had such poor grammar and spelling. And I’m usually one of the first people to be considerate that English may not be someone’s first language.

      I also love everyone who is trolling the troll right now. And I love those of you not trolling the troll who are (mostly) sane people. :)

    • C.J.

      I read this comment then had to go check out the dog story. Wow, just wow!!

    • pixie

      I know, right?!

    • C.J.

      That was crazy, I can’t believe the vile comments!! That was uncalled for. I’m all for different opinions but lately there seems to be a total lack of respect.

    • pixie

      Definitely. Though I feel like it’s mostly non-regulars and I don’t think I’ve seen any of the particularly nasty commenters on any other posts than the ones they get really nasty on, which is nice.

  • Bic

    It’s sad the school wasn’t more effective in dealing with this, but I don’t see why kids should have to put up this sort of shit just because they are kids. If this happened to me in a workplace or by a neighbour sure I’d ignore it initially, but after a bit I’d get HR involved after name calling in work and the police involved in either area if there was even a hint of violence.

    • Frannie

      This is how I feel about spanking, too. If someone came up to me and slapped me in Starbucks, I would file assault charges. Somehow it’s okay to do it to a baby though? Um, ok.

    • Bic

      Exactly and if a family member slapped me I’d be pressing charges at warp speed!

    • Tk

      This is exactly why it is now illegal in new Zealand. I have a 12 week old, and could never imagine hitting her.

  • Jessifer

    My aunt tried to get a restraining order against another child who was bullying my cousin. My cousin is autistic and was constantly being taunted by this boy while walking home from school. Due to his condition, my cousin did not have the coping mechanisms so be able to deal with the bullying situation and my aunt was concerned the situation would escalate. Sometimes my cousin could lash out violently if push came to shove, so she was worried that he might hurt the other boy, not realizing the consequences. The school did not want to get involved because it was happening off school property. She tried talking to the parents but they were total jerks about it. So out of desperation she called the police to file a restraining order against the boy. They could not file it because per their criteria, my cousin had to be in fear for his life, which was not the case. However, the police did agree to go to the boy’s house and have a talk with the parents, which seemed to have helped the situation a little.

  • K.

    It sounds like a statement, rather than something he genuinely believed would work.

    He should have taken legal action against the SCHOOL for not preventing the assaults while his kid was on school property.

    I don’t think that you can take a restraining order out on a 9-year-old, but he might be able to threaten legal action against the kid’s parents, especially if his kid suffered injuries that required medical care.

    • Lindsey

      And he probably will. But how will that stop his kid from getting hurt in the meantime?

    • K.

      If the issue is guaranteeing his child won’t be bullied in the immediate context, then the only solution is to remove his child from school. Obviously that is not a workable solution, but if the school is unwilling to address the issue and the parents are unwilling to address the issue, he doesn’t have many options to stop the bullying right away. My suggestion is that he threaten legal action against the school because their mandate to provide a safe and conducive learning environment is clear and the fact that a child is being assaulted repeatedly while at school demonstrates negligence on behalf of the school staff. Bullying is also more often a symptom of a broader and more systemic school culture that comes from the top down, rather than an isolated problem of one bad apple, as it is often portrayed, so
      addressing the school may also force them to adopt better bullying prevention strategies and embrace a more tolerant attitude overall to stop current bullying and prevent the problem in the future.

      I’m not sure what the restraining order requirements are for these types of situations, but I bet that they’re much murkier than dealing with the school, especially when the bully is a minor (because kids don’t necessarily control where they are at any given time—their parents do) and the incidents are occurring at school (because the bully may be a jerk, but he has a right to an education just like the victim, so filing a restraining order that effectively could prevent the bully from going to school because he’d be in proximity of the victim seems like a losing proposition).

      In other words, I don’t think that “making a statement” to demonstrate parental frustration and anger—which is totally justifiable in this case, but nevertheless—is the best use of this parent’s time or resources.

  • Robotic Socks

    I found that the best way to deal with bullies is to downvote them.

    • CMJ

      BUT NOW YOU CAN’T SEE IT. Everyone, I think this has made the most upset I have been in a long time. IHTM: I can’t see downvotes on disqus anymore and it ruined my life.

    • Robotic Socks

      I’m downvoting you b/c you never upvote! >:(

    • Valerie

      Really? She upvotes me sometimes.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Yeah seriously what the hell is that about? I want to know if other people hate what I said or if other people agree with me that such-and-such comment was completely ridiculous. I don’t get why they changed it.

    • CMJ

      because now everyone is a special snowflake who can’t handle downvotes? I NEED THEM BACK IN MY LIFE

      I get such a sick pleasure in downvotes. I might actually have a problem.

    • Robotic Socks

      So in addition to your SpaceyGifaholism, this too?

    • CMJ
  • Guest

    Good for him. If nothing happens, I would at the very least think the school would start to cover their butts for not doing more especially with the media coverage. If someone I worked with harassed me and HR did nothing I’d go to the cops too.
    Honestly, if he wanted to get the kid’s info (and freak the kid out quite frankly) you could have your kid point them out and follow them home. Boom address.

  • Zettai

    It looks like at this point the dad’s options were to get a restraining order or punch a 9 year old in the face. It sucks that the school does such a bad job of enforcing rules that it came to that at all.

    • AP

      Based on a lot of the experiences I’ve seen and heard with bullies, this is exactly what the schools do. They don’t want the incident of having a bully on their record, and they don’t want to deal with the parents of the bully, so they do everything they can to blame the victim and stall enforcing the rule.

      It basically comes down to, “You have to send Timmy to school or we’ll report him as truant (even though once he’s here he’ll get beaten to a pulp by Joey and we can’t fix that.)”

      IMHO, parents whose kids are truly being bullied (a pattern of harassment or assault) should involve the police sooner than they usually do.

    • ScienceGeek

      My husband was regularly beaten by one group of boys, and had to call
      the police a number of times. Unfortunately, the bullies were from
      homes where, by the sounds of it, cops were fairly common visitors, so
      nothing changed.
      Worse, my husband’s school did nothing, even when he was beaten unconscious on their property. Eventually, he went to another school, and less than two months later, the three boys who’d beaten him the worst were finally expelled. Turns out they beat the assistant principal so badly he was hospitalised for a week.
      I know I should feel bad for that guy, but he was the one who kept telling my husband he should learn karate if he wanted to stop being bullied, so my sympathy is somewhat limited.

  • Ann

    When my daughter was in elementary school she was sexually assaulted by the teenage boy down the block, (that was dealt with separately), she did go to school with his younger sister who was a year older then her. The crazy mother took pictures of my kids out side playing to prove to the court “they obviously weren’t afraid to go outside”, and the sister would harass the $hit out of my daughter at school, during lunch, and on the walk home from school (I had to work I couldn’t pick her up, she walked with my older son) daily from the time the police showed up on their doorstep, so I called the DA’s office and they advised me to get a restraining order against the family and when it was issued the sister wasn’t allowed to go to school because she would knowingly be with-in 500 yards of my daughter. They did move before the case was resolved, which was a great thing for us!
    I think what this man is doing is wonderful, it shows his child that he will stand up for him as a father and that there are ways of handling situations with out violence. Bravo!

  • SA

    I would do it in a heartbeat. Obviously, I would try and work it out a different way first, but if my kid is being physically assaulted I will protect them however that needs to happen. This isn’t a kids will be kids thing, no one needs to put up with being punched in the face.

  • Kelly

    I wish my parents had done this for me. I was bullied by a girl who was five years older than me and literally twice my size. She not only attacked me at school and on the bus but she vandalized my house several times and assaulted me on the street.

    It irritates the fuck out of me that so many people say, “Oh sometimes I got bullied, people called me a poopy face.” It’s a fuckton of a lot more than that for some of us. I had fingers broken. I had literal shit rubbed into my hair. I had road rash from having my face ground into the pavement.

    The cops should get involved when bullying is assault. If someone did that to me as an adult, they’d be prosecuted. It’s bullshit that children don’t have the same protection.

    • SarahJesness

      Agreed. I hate it when people say we should tolerate bullying because it teaches the victims to deal with hardship. But what does it teach the bullies? That kind of behavior gets called “harassment” and “assault” in the adult world. It’s not going to be tolerated by employers or pretty much anyone else who has authority over you outside of school.

  • Moony

    “Kids need to toughen up!”
    “You can’t wrap them in cotton forever!”
    “Boys need to stop being pansies and start being MEN!”
    “They’re never going to get anywhere in life if they don’t learn to defend themselves!”
    - The above comments are what I see a lot of on these types of forums and discussions, and I’m sick and tired of it!

    At twenty years old, if someone physically assaulted me not one but multiple times, then they could (and would, if I had anything to say about it) be prosecuted by the full extent of the law. And yet, little 5+ year olds are just expected to deal with that? WTF?!

    I don’t care if a boy likes “girly” things. I don’t care if a girl isn’t interested in fashion or boys. I don’t care if a kid is unsociable or unpopular. There is NO EXCUSE for verbal or physical abuse and it needs to stop now!

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