Gifting Your Virginity To Daddy Until Your Wedding Day Is Just Plain Weird

41+hz8ng6kL._SY395___1395420043_142.196.167.223Whoever thought of the idea of a girl “pledging” her virginity to her father until her wedding day is just plain weird. “Purity Balls” are here – and daughters all over the land are pledging to remain virgins at the oddest named father-daughter dance of all time.

According to ABC, purity balls are now really a thing – occurring in 48 states and 17 countries. The station attended the 14th annual Father Daughter Purity Ball, where 60 fathers and daughters signed a purity covenant that looks like this:

Purity Covering and Covenant

________________’s father, choose before
God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of
purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and Father. I will be a man
of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and
my family as the High Priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to
influence generations to come.

The girls dress in white ball gowns that look eerily similar to wedding dresses, which I guess is appropriate since one of the fathers explained that after the girl dons her purity ring she is “married to the Lord” and her father is her “boyfriend.” Wedding dresses, purity rings, pledges to be daddy’s girlfriend until Mr. Right comes along – I’m trying to imagine how my 12-year-old self would have reacted to this.

The goal is for the wedding kiss to be the “first kiss ever” which I will never understand or be able to wrap my head around. I sure hope these girls get married, because it would really suck if they didn’t. Why any parent wouldn’t want their child to know if they were physically compatible with the person they are pledging to spend the rest of their life with is beyond me. I’m not “married to the Lord” though, so what do I know.

I’d like to say “to each her own,” but it’s hard because I feel like girls raised under this expectation of “purity” are being stifled in so many ways. The idea that a woman’s virginity should be gifted from her father to her future husband on her wedding day like some creepy dowry is beyond comprehension. Every bone is my feminist body is rebelling against the idea of a 12-year-old dressing in a wedding gown and pledging to be faithful to her Lord and Daddy until her wedding day. Also, “Purity Balls” is pretty much the worst name for an event in the history of time.

(photo: Amazon)

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    • CW

      You don’t have to actually sleep with a guy to know whether or not there is chemistry between the two of you. I waited until I was in a very serious relationship headed for the altar (we should’ve waited longer but I wasn’t as devout a Christian back then as I am now) but I knew from the night that I met my now-DH that I was physically attracted to him (I just didn’t act on those urges).

    • Jezebeelzebub

      Yeeeah… I’m uncomfortable with the idea that a hymen is such a commodity. What I want for my daughter is for her to own her sexuality and either have sex or not have sex according to *her* whim. I want her to be safe and responsible. I do not want her to use her sexuality for any particular purpose- not to gain acceptance, not as leverage to get some boy to like her, not as part of any sort of barter system… I want her to know that who she has sex with gets to be her choice, and she doesn’t have to explain her choices to anyone. I want her to know that “because I felt like it” is a valid reason to have sex with someone- maybe the ONLY valid reason to have sex with someone. Likewise “because I didn’t wanna” is a valid reason to not have sex with someone. Probably my point of view is gonna be plenty unpopular, but that’s okay. I’m okay with that. I’m used to to it. I understand that I make choices that lots of people don’t agree with- they may vehemently disagree with me. They may think I’m a horrible person. They may call me names and say I have no values and no morals. Also, some people will agree with me and think I have a good point and great ideas. Either way, it’s cool. If I do what I think is best and I don’t stomp around on other people while doing what i want to do, I really don’t think it’s any of my business how people feel about the choices I make. It’s only my business how I feel about the choices I make. I would like for my daughter to be secure enough in herself to go her own way. i want her to understand that people will condemn her for ideas she has or things she does that they find distasteful. I would like her to be able to not give a fuck all day. I want her to please herself as long as pleasing herself doesn’t happen at another human’s expense. It’s not my job to make the world approve of me, and I don’t need validation from people I don’t care about. So… if my daughter wants to stay a virgin until she gets married because that is what makes her happy, then I want her to do that. If she wants to have sex with people, and she’s ready to take on the responsibilities and the heat that comes from being sexually active, then that’s okay too. I want her to wait until she is ready. I don;t want her to think that any one part of her is where her worth lies. She’s a whole person, you know? She’s not just a hymen or a vagina or a uterus or great hair. I just… I dunno. Parenting is hard, yo.

    • Caitlin Burrows

      I think it’s great if the young lady (or young man) wants to wait until marriage. But it should be a personal decision after being well-informed. If they make that pledge, they also need to know that they’re not “damaged” if they slip up.

      My parents never sat me down and said, “It’s really important to us that you wait until marriage.” They enrolled me in a school where they taught sex ed. Not just about heterosexual sex but homosexual sex, too. (Not, you know, technique, but we watched Philadelphia in class, and we had guest speakers come in and tell us what it was like coming out to their parents. On World AIDS Day, a piece of the AIDS Quilt was displayed in our gym.)

      There were condoms by the counselling office. Not in a bowl, like party favors, or anything, but there were two in an envelope along with a leaflet of information.
      And I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful that my parents made sure I was taught everything I needed to know and trusted me to make the right decision.

      I remember being 15 at the time, and yet another news report of a teenage girl giving birth at the prom and abandoning the baby was on the TV. My dad looked at me very seriously and said, “If that ever happens to you, just know that you can always come home.” At the time, I thought that was weird that he said that, but looking back on it, I appreciated him saying that. That’s what those poor girls don’t have or don’t know they have: a family to tell them they love them and that whatever happens they could always come home.

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