• Fri, Mar 21 - 10:00 am ET

10 Of The Creepiest Baby Keepsakes Known To Man

shutterstock_128679134

I have so little to say about the importance of baby keepsakes. If you want a glimpse into my psyche, I still haven’t filled out my first son’s baby book, and he is almost two. At this point, I can confirm that I’m never going to do it, and I hope he enjoys the only thing written in his baby book—guest signatures from my baby shower. Oops.

So, you can probably guess that I’m not the type of person who would buy a gold-plated, diamond-studded rattle for thousands of dollars. The judgy part of me says that I would rather put that money to good use in my kid’s college fund, but then I laugh maniacally and remember that we don’t have one of those yet. I would probably just take the money and spend it on an upgrade on our beach condo for our family trip this summer—something totally impermanent that won’t need dusting on a shelf every year.

If you’re a fan of the baby keepsake, please convince me as to why I’m wrong. I’m open-minded. But as I search for baby keepsakes for all of my friends who are newly pregnant, I’m finding some of the creepiest shit evah. These baby mementos may seem cute to some, but they are probably going to give me nightmares tonight. Sorry, artisans, but…

DO NOT WANT:

1. Disgusting Baby Teeth Pendant.

sweetb-blog.com

sweetb-blog.com

2. Way Too Realistic Miniature Baby Sculpture.

ziggityzoom.com

ziggityzoom.com

3. Way Too Realistic Wooden Baby.

baby3

4. Frightening Fat Baby Hand Casting.

bodyscape.net.nz

bodyscape.net.nz

5. I-Don’t-Know-Why-This-Makes-Me-Uncomfortable Mom and Baby Hand Casting.

baby5

castingqueen.co.uk

6. Way Too Permanent Baby Face Tattoo.

baby6

7. Enough-Already Baby Hair Necklace.

notonthehighstreet.com

notonthehighstreet.com

8. Barfy Baby Hair Message In A Bottle.

etsy.com

etsy.com

9. Unsettling Baby Hair Paperweight Orb.

shpangle.blogspot.com

shpangle.blogspot.com

10. Haunt-My-Dreams Baby Face Wall Art.

etsy.com

etsy.com

(Image: Gladskikh Tatiana/Shutterstock)

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  • SmrtGrl86

    I have a novel idea for a keepsake, ready for it? TAKE A PICTURE!!! Those are some serious horror movie shit. Especially the wooden baby, it looks like a wooden puppet and one of those “real life” baby dolls got it on and spawned that evil little bastard.

    • Bethany Ramos

      YES! #10 really, really bugs me for some reason.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      #10 bugs me because it looks like the baby is being actively delivered through some horrible cabbage-vagina, face first. D:

    • SmrtGrl86

      My aunt had something (I guess you would call it a bust?) like that, only of a woman. That thing made me afraid to fall asleep at her house as a kid. Creeeepy.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      The wooden baby is horrible, it looks like something out of a seriously grim fairy tale! Not to mention the baby hair stuff that looks like some kind of evil hex you’re trying to invoke on your baby.

    • Williwaw

      But so appropriate if your child’s name is actually Chuckie.

  • radicalhw

    This is some of the creepiest shit I have ever seen….and explains why I don’t do Pinterest.

  • Alene

    Those are all… terrifying? Haunting? Deeply disturbing? The word I want escapes me. The only “keepsake” my daughter has is a little wooden block with her name, initials, and birth stats carved into it. Someone bought it for us, but it’s cute and tasteful. Maybe I can whittle a creepy baby to go with it?

    • Snarktopus

      I dunno, I kind of like the tiny baby sculpture….
      My husband’s workplace got us a pair of baby shoes with baby girl’s name and birth date on the bottoms. They’re hella cute and on display in the original box in her room.

  • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

    Gonna need a bigger cup of coffee if this is how my internet day starts out.

    • Bethany Ramos

      hahahhaha this was my face the entire time I was searching for this shit. THE BEST.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      if you gaze too long into Pinterest, then Pinterest also gazes back into you.

    • Williwaw

      Yay, Nietzsche!

    • Valerie

      OMG this is like a 9000-mile baby keepsake stare. I love it.

  • Min0705

    #7. Eww. If you showed me that I don’t think I could even pretend that I liked it.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    One day when you’re an old fart and you die, someone is going to go through your stuff. And the question you need to ask yourself is: do you want anyone finding your teeth and hair necklaces?

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      Also: “Do I want my next of kin to wonder if I am the Blair Witch?”

    • Valerie

      I just snorted out Diet Coke. Ouch.

    • Psych Student

      Well, when you put it that way . . . bwahahahah!!

  • Jennifer Freeman

    I kind of like the tiny baby sculpture, but the rest of this shit is horrible. All the hair things? They are like fucking serial killer trophies.

  • SA

    The teeth necklace is the most ugly, disturbing thing I have ever seen.

  • Plonk

    # 1 is awful ! My mom had kept every single one of my teeth in a pretty little box, I was horrified and had her get rid of it. But this is so much worse ! Just why ?

    • SA

      There are still a couple floating about my parents house. 30 year old baby teeth don’t age well.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Okay, I have to tell everyone something really fucked up that I have been afraid to confess… My dad had some possible mental Illness issues when I was younger and was a total hoarder. This is absolutely true… He froze my favorite fish when it died and kept it in the freezer for years. ACK.

    • Valerie

      OMG. OMG OMG OMG.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I know!!! :(

    • Jennifer Freeman

      My ex-uhsband’s Mom did something similar with the family cat. Both my ex and his brother were living away from home when the cat died so Mom chucked him in the chest freezer so they could all bury him together.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Ahhhhhh!! I kinda feel better. :)

    • Jennifer Freeman

      She also saved EVERYTHING she could get her hands on. She had hundreds and hundreds of used, disposable pie tins that she saved because her Mom used them as ashtrays. Note: Her Mom had been dead for at least 15 years.

    • EX

      My mom is a quasi-hoarder too. Saved all my baby teeth and pretty much everything else. But I’m pretty sure she never froze any pets. That I know of…

    • Tinyfaeri

      To look at it one way, he was saving something that meant something to you. Maybe not the most…elegant way of going about it, and still, maybe, might need some help, but kind of sweet. :)

    • Bethany Ramos

      I will choose to look at it that way – thank you! :)

    • Plonk

      When my mother sold her
      childhood home, my dad wanted us to exhumate our dead cat and … I
      guess put in a box and keep it or something. They say they didn’t do it but I still fear finding my poor kitty’s bones in a drawer the next time I visit.
      It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

    • Garavriel

      I made my parents put mine in the freezer when I was like 5, but they threw it out as soon as I forgot about it.

    • Plonk

      This discussion makes me wonder if you can freeze them instead. That way you can pull them out for, say, your kid’s wedding and they’ll be all new and fresh and shiny. You could even make a business out of it. So many possibilities.

    • shorty_RN

      My mom kept baby teeth too, but forgot where she put most of them. Once in a while, she’ll be cleaning out some cupboard and be like “Oh look! A tooth!” Gross, mom.

  • pixie

    *shudder* these terrify me.
    The only one I would be remotely ok with is #4, and that would only be if the baby hand was giving the middle finger.

  • Valerie

    Ok, I will try to organize my thoughts thru bullet points:
    - Lots of stuff here that I feel like a serial killer would have thought of
    - Is #4 throwing up a baby gang sign?
    - The baby face tattoo looks like the devil baby I posted the other day in the abortion article
    - The last one looks like that horror film where people’s faces were coming out of the walls. Or maybe that was just a nightmare I had once

    • Bethany Ramos

      LOL – I agree 1 million percent.

  • jane

    Unsuspecting sane person: That’s an interesting necklace.
    Owner of #1: yes, I had it made from the teeth of a newborn/its molded from medical waste/I saved all the teeth myself/it’s a one of a kind treasure because it was made by my baby’s mouth

    Unsuspecting sane person: …slowly backs away…

    There is seriously not one thing you could say that would keep that necklace from being creepy as all fuck.

  • Kelly

    i LOVE my daughter’s baby hair. She has the sweetest little curls. I know they will not last forever, she’s already growing out of them. And when her first haircut comes, I will cry. I will save a lock of her sweet little baby hair. And I will put it in an envelope, and stick it in her baby book, and move on with my life. I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of person would want to wear it around their neck, or stare at it on their desk every day. That is deeply, deeply weird.

    • Valerie

      Yes, I kept the “first curl” for each kid in my little keepsake box. I will not be fashioning a pendant out of it or making it into an office supply.

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      At our daughter’s first hair cut, they saved a perfect, single ringlet. After I rescued it from being ground into the floormats of our car, the dog ate it. I guess I’ll just have to settle for fishing it out of the shower drain if I get nostalgic.

    • Momma425

      My daughter was born with NO hair, and when it finally did come in, it was stick straight. Won’t hold a curl unless I make her bathe in aqua net.

      She didn’t get her first haircut until she was 2. There were no “first curls” to save.

  • Alex Lee

    The Wood puzzle baby is passable.

    For a substitute, I submit Breast Milk Pendant

    http://breastmilkpendants.blogspot.com/p/breast-milk-pendants.html

    From the site:

    “The color of your Breast Milk Bead™ will vary depending on your sample
    of milk. Some milk is more yellow than others, other milk is very thin
    and will create a less bright bead, if you will.”

    Great. One more thing to feel inadequate about. Your milk is not bright enough.

    • Bethany Ramos

      AHHHHHHH why didn’t I find this???

  • Kelly
    • Bethany Ramos

      NONONO.

    • shorty_RN

      Eeek!

  • Jennifer Freeman

    Also, #5 looks kind of like the baby hand is giving the Mom thumb a handjob.

  • Lee

    I don’t think that is a tattoo of a baby. I’m pretty sure it is mini-me.

  • Tinyfaeri

    The hand ones aren’t so bad, but a picture would probably suffice for both. The human remains ones are serial killer worthy – if I ever saw anyone wearing a necklace out of teeth or hair my first thought would be to have cops check their dirt floor basement.

  • shorty_RN
    • Bethany Ramos

      NOOO!!

    • Jennifer Freeman

      I KNEW what it was before I clicked on it and I still clicked on it (and I hate myself for it).

    • Williwaw

      I knew Placenta Teddy was back, because Placenta Teddy cannot be killed. All hail Placenta Teddy. Please don’t steal my soul.

  • EX

    My mom is helping out with my newborn and happened to be the one to change her diaper when her umbilical cord stump fell off. She was all “I’ll put it right here on this shelf for you so you don’t lose it.” And I was all, “oh good, then I know where it is so I can throw it out.” Barf. And no, I didn’t ask what she had expected I would do with it. I am not a fan of keeping body parts as keepsakes. Way too serial killer for my taste.

    • Garavriel

      My mom kept mine. We found it in a closet 20 years and three moves later. Utterly horrifying. Luckily she then realized that it was gross and creepy and time to get rid of it.

    • Reash

      My son was in the NICU for 2 weeks, and when his stump fell off I went to ask the nurse what I should do with it. She told me to just throw it in the bin, which I did, while another mother was absolutely horrified that I wasn’t keeping it.

  • Rachel Sea

    I was expecting at least one of these to be an umbilical keepsake. Frankly I’m a little disappointed.

  • mo

    The hand casts, we sometimes did those on patients who died at the children’s hospital I used to work at.

  • Maggie May

    I kept a lock of hair from each first hair cut. That’s it.
    And my oldest daughter’s first lost tooth is somewhere in my fathers’ house. So… It’s kind of memorialized.
    I had NO desire to keep the umbilical cord stump. Those things icked me out, I was so glad when they fell off.

    • Psych Student

      Yeah, a lock of my hair is taped in my baby book. My mom totally handed me a small box with my baby teeth a few years ago. I think she was tired of holding on to them so I could throw them out for her. Thankfully, no umbilical cord stump.

  • Robotic Socks

    3 words:

    Circumcision Foreskin

    • Valerie

      It could make a whimsical broach.

    • Williwaw

      A placenta could probably make an even more whimsical clutch purse. Because, I see a lot of possibilities for major mompetition here.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      I see your purse and raise you a placenta teddy bear:

    • Dixie

      I don’t even…..

    • scooby23

      You could also turn your placenta into a dapper hat for evening wear.

    • Williwaw

      I am now picturing a really ugly cloche.

    • scooby23

      I was thinking more about a oversized top hat with a matching bowtie, but whatever suits your fancy.

    • Valerie

      And that’s 2 words.

  • Williwaw

    The hair in the paperweight isn’t too gross. I still have some hair from my son’s first haircut, but it’s in an envelope and I am not sure what to do with it. I might put a curl in my favorite locket that came from my grandmother. I wouldn’t want it mounted where people could see it because that’s weird.

    The teeth locket and wooden baby are interesting as art pieces but not as stuff I’d want to wear/display.

    We have some of the little plaster hands and they are cute, but they also are probably not interesting to anyone but us.

    #2 looks like something an anti-abortion activist might chuck at you as you go into Planned Parenthood.

  • Shannon

    My Mother-in-Law had all of her kids umbilical cord stumps cast in gold. For some reason my husband has kept it and I now have a little gold blob that sits in my jewellery box.

  • Garavriel

    The hair ones are a little odd but don’t really bother me. However I do have some of the tail hair from my favorite horse and plan on having it made into a bracelet which has actually become pretty popular.

    • pixie

      My friends and I tried to do that ourselves at camp one year. It didn’t work out for us, but the ones that a friend of mine had done by a professional recently look absolutely fantastic!

  • Emily A.

    Jewelry made of hair was all the rage for the Victorians. That makes sense, because they didn’t have the internet as a source of material to freak out their friends.

    http://www.victorianhairjewelry.com/

    • G.S.

      Now, see, that doesn’t bother me so much, since it looks like something you could do with embroidery/silk thread, and nobody would really know it was hair unless you told them, and the designs are visually appealing. Personally, if I had money to throw around all willy-nilly, I’d totally consider buying one.

      But all these listed pieces above that look as if they were swept off the floor and unceremoniously clumped together to make “art” make me twitch. If you’re going to do something like this, put some actual effort into it.

  • G.S.

    *in singsong voice* I found something creepier~

    Seriously, people figured out how to make a 3D Print out of your fetus. The only use I can think of for that is to either inappropriately troll the general populace (“Whoops! Mah babby just fell down the stairs!”) or to threaten your future kid into submission (“Oh, what’s that, Junior? Don’t feel like picking up your toys? WELP, time to put the creepy fetus statue on the mantle for all to see! You were so cute at 23 weeks!”).

    http://www.3d-babies.com/main.sc

    • Bethany Ramos

      Ahhhhhhh!

    • Dixie

      Oh, I’ve seen those advertised somewhere….SUPER CREEPY!

  • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

    Hair is entirely unacceptable off of the head. Ew. Vom.

  • Kathy Daniels

    A baby keepsake should be what you want to make it be! Buy an acid free box and fill it with the special items that remind you of your little bundle of joy. Maybe it was that first little dress you bought your daughter or the first pair of shoes your son wore. The hand knitted baby blanket grandma made is too small but so dear and precious to you with all those nights spent up nursing. Go to http://www.foster-stephens.com and start that keepsake before you lose track of all those items.