shutterstock_128679134

I have so little to say about the importance of baby keepsakes. If you want a glimpse into my psyche, I still haven’t filled out my first son’s baby book, and he is almost two. At this point, I can confirm that I’m never going to do it, and I hope he enjoys the only thing written in his baby book—guest signatures from my baby shower. Oops.

So, you can probably guess that I’m not the type of person who would buy a gold-plated, diamond-studded rattle for thousands of dollars. The judgy part of me says that I would rather put that money to good use in my kid’s college fund, but then I laugh maniacally and remember that we don’t have one of those yet. I would probably just take the money and spend it on an upgrade on our beach condo for our family trip this summer—something totally impermanent that won’t need dusting on a shelf every year.

If you’re a fan of the baby keepsake, please convince me as to why I’m wrong. I’m open-minded. But as I search for baby keepsakes for all of my friends who are newly pregnant, I’m finding some of the creepiest shit evah. These baby mementos may seem cute to some, but they are probably going to give me nightmares tonight. Sorry, artisans, but…

DO NOT WANT:

1. Disgusting Baby Teeth Pendant.

sweetb-blog.com

sweetb-blog.com

2. Way Too Realistic Miniature Baby Sculpture.

ziggityzoom.com

ziggityzoom.com

3. Way Too Realistic Wooden Baby.

baby3

4. Frightening Fat Baby Hand Casting.

bodyscape.net.nz

bodyscape.net.nz

5. I-Don’t-Know-Why-This-Makes-Me-Uncomfortable Mom and Baby Hand Casting.

baby5

castingqueen.co.uk

6. Way Too Permanent Baby Face Tattoo.

baby6

7. Enough-Already Baby Hair Necklace.

notonthehighstreet.com

notonthehighstreet.com

8. Barfy Baby Hair Message In A Bottle.

etsy.com

etsy.com

9. Unsettling Baby Hair Paperweight Orb.

shpangle.blogspot.com

shpangle.blogspot.com

10. Haunt-My-Dreams Baby Face Wall Art.

etsy.com

etsy.com

(Image: Gladskikh Tatiana/Shutterstock)