• Wed, Mar 19 - 12:15 pm ET

STFU Parents: Bridging The Overshare Gender Gap: Daddyjacking Is A Thing

One of the few qualms I have about running STFU, Parents is that mothers of young children tend to “overshare” (and use Facebook) much more than fathers do. This isn’t a problem, per se, but many of the words I use to describe different “types” of oversharers are a play on the word “mom,” which makes the words appear hyper-feminine and applicable only to mothers. Mommyjackingsanctimommymompetitionmomedy,momarazzi, and documom are just a sampling of these words — and when they’re lined up in a row, it can kind of make the blog seem anti-mom. That’s not the goal, of course; the absolute last thing I want to do is “shame” women more than men for sharing their parenting experiences on social media. And in fact, there are thousands of dads who are inclined to share similar “woe is mom” tales or become enraged over a parent-and-child parking space, but because those examples represent such a small percentage of the overall submissions I get, I don’t tend to dedicate specific vocabulary to all of the TMI dads out there. And frankly, I think that’s pretty dumb. I’m working on a way to even the score, so to speak, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about parental overshare, it’s that everyone is capable of writing exhaustive stories about their barfing baby (and postingpictures of said barf, too) on Facebook.

Why only give moms goofy nicknames when dads can be equally as offensive? And I’m not just talking about baby vomit, either. Dads are also prone to being sanctimonious (“santidads”), as well as competing in absurd “dadpetitions,” and I think it’s high time to start showcasing their obnoxious social media habits, too. To kick off the first dads-only installment, let’s focus on one of the most obvious categories in which men are guilty:daddyjacking. Yes, dads hijack their friends’ status updates, and yes, they come off just as self-involved as their female counterparts. If ‘daddyjacking’ isn’t already a word you use, you can start “changing the ratio” by using it today!

(Seriously, sometimes I post daddyjacking submissions that feature names like “Bill” and “Mark” and the comments are still like, “This annoying bitch is a mommyjacker!” or “Whoa, sanctimommy alert! What a cunt.” It’s times like those that I have to wonder why people automatically assume that every single person on STFU, Parents is a woman. Is it my own fault for featuring mostly moms, or do people just need better reading comprehension skills? Has society taught us to assume that women/mothers are the irritation behind everything parenting-related? Let’s stop thinking that way.)

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  • keelhaulrose

    I’m glad we’ve got proof that people are equal opportunity offenders. We’re all about equality around here.

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      Some more than others

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      Some more than others

  • Fireinthefudgehole

    I wish someone with triplets had chimed in on number 5. Then maybe someone with quadruplets. I want to see an infinite chain of one-upmanship!

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      Where is Octomom when you need her?

    • Fondue

      At Vivid Studios filming a new porn. Or the welfare line. It’s anyone’s guess.

    • Are you nuts

      Only time those words have been uttered. Ever.

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      Where is Octomom when you need her?

    • Williwaw

      Hey, my dodecatuplets are pooping all over some Old Navy cargo shorts right now.

  • Lee

    With all the weirdness going on in #2 for some reason the “whom I’ve known for 15+ years” part strikes me as the weirdest of all.

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      They’re cousins?

    • Valerie

      You had to go there.

    • Valerie

      I sort of got a vibe of “we have known each other 15 years and met up last year and had sex once and we ended up pregnant so let’s roll with it”. I dunno. Just a feeling.

  • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

    Child: “Ms. Hoover, I saw my dad Daddyjacking in front of the computer.”

    Teacher: “Wot???”

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Of course it would be Ralph.

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      Yay, someone got my reference!

    • Williwaw

      If I weren’t a regular STFU,Parents reader, I’d think that too…

  • Kay_Sue

    “Daddyjacking” sounds distinctly vulgar, though…maybe it’s just my mind.

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      We clearly think alike…

      which means you should be very worried.

    • Kay_Sue

      Maybe you’re the one that should be worried. #JustSayin

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      O_o

      Kay’s a closet troll

    • Jezzer

      Try being a new parent if you really want something to worry about!

    • Jezzer

      Just kidding. :D

    • Marcie

      Good one! You made me snort!

    • Kay_Sue

      *yawns* Been there, done that. :-P

    • Valerie

      I definitely thought it sounded like something vaguely sexual.

    • SusannahJoy

      that was my first thought too. I’m glad I’m not the only one!

  • Guest

    #2 sounds like he needs friends
    #5 I would have a really hard time not asking him if he wanted to give one of his twins back, since it sounds like he isn’t able to handle taking care of them (I hate people complaining about having twins for some reason. You were #doubleblessed so complain in general but you aren’t better than anyone else so for that stfu.)

  • CMJ
    • Valerie

      That GIF is perfect.

  • pixie

    As much as I feel for Mike in #6 for having to go through that, I absolutely HATE when people do the one-upping on shitty situations. Mostly because somewhere, someone has it worse. I’ve known people who’ve done that to me in real life, like “hey you look upset, what’s wrong?” “oh, I just got a bad mark on an assignment” “that’s it? well my sister is really sick and the doctors can’t figure out what she has and they think she might die”. Gee, thanks? I wasn’t looking for sympathy, but you asked and I answered.
    Anyways, regardless of how trivial someone’s problems seem, even vague comments on Facebook about annoyances, nobody really ever deserves to be one-upped like that (like Mike did).

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      UGH I hate when people play the sad Olympics. Yes, there is always someone who has it worse. Especially since everyone involved has access to the internet – we are all pretty privileged here in the grand scheme of things. But that doesn’t mean we can’t ever be angry or sad about stuff, even if it’s ‘trivial’ in comparison to a lot of the really big problems in the world.

      I’ve certainly rolled my eyes when my fb friends are overly dramatic about pretty minor things (“omg I can’t believe I’ve been waiting over 5 minutes for this latte #worstdayever”) but that’s it…you roll your eyes and move on.

    • pixie

      Exactly! I knew a girl who would not only constantly one-up everyone, but also pretty well go out of her way to one-up people, like I mentioned in my example (which was not far off from a real occurrence). I stopped answering her, but other people weren’t so smart, so I still had to hear it if I was around…

    • JLH1986

      Sad Olympics? I’ve never heard of this term, but it is PERFECT to describe some…acquaintances. I’m stealing.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Feel free! I certainly didn’t coin it, I just use it a lot.

    • airbones

      Right! Plus, he doesn’t know what she’s waiting for. Maybe she’s waiting for medical test results or something, Mike, you ass!

    • Kelly

      Yeah, #6 really bothered me. A friend of mine recently posted something about hating waiting and asking for good thoughts. Some asshole tried to one up her with his own shitty situation and guilt her for being upset.

      She was waiting to find out if she had CANCER. She handled it beautifully and told him she hoped everything worked out for him but the guy seriously looked like a piece of shit douchebag to everyone who knew what she was going through.

    • pixie

      I hope everything’s ok with your friend!

      Even on the days where I feel the worst, like the couple days after my grandma died, I still listened to everyone else’s concerns and problems if there was something bothering them because I’m a decent person. I’m not going to discount or shit on someone else’s situations just because I think mine’s worse. (Hell, the night I found out my grandma died, I didn’t even hold it against my best friend who went out partying instead because she was already high as hell on cocaine and although she wanted to be there, she at least knew she wasn’t in any state to offer comfort)

    • Kelly

      It wasn’t good news but it looks like they caught it early enough.

      Yeah, I’ve had some really bad days too and I’ve never felt the need to turn on one of my friends and try to minimize their problems or make them feel bad. I don’t understand people who do things like that.

      I think you’re right and it does just boil down to being a decent person.

    • pixie

      Well I hope she makes a full recovery!

    • Kelly

      Thanks!

    • http://amylovesbrian.briamy.com/ Barfaroni

      I had a co-worker whose daughter had to have a heart transplant – she was about 2 at the time. My co-worker, over and over, reminded us that the donor had to pay the ultimate price and that there’s a family out there mourning the loss of their child. They were eternally grateful. And their daughter is going to learn from it. They’ll never let her forget her donor. I wish more people could see how lucky they actually are.

    • pixie

      Now those people are amazing, and I agree, I really wish there were more people like that. Realizing they’re lucky that their child gets a chance at life because another family was kind enough to donate the organs of the child they mourn.

    • http://amylovesbrian.briamy.com/ Barfaroni

      She’s at about 1:40 in this video if you’re interested.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mfBawx5MUE&app=desktop

    • pixie

      That is incredible. So many feels. And the little girl is totally adorable :)

    • Williwaw

      That is really touching…seriously, none of my usual smartass here: I have a two year-old and even contemplating the hypothetical idea that something bad might happen to him gets me really upset…but I would want him to be an organ donor, if it came to that (and myself, too). Your coworker sounds like an awesome person, and so is anyone who donates their organs. (I read that it is far more likely a person will need an organ than will ever be an organ donor, because there just aren’t enough suitable donation candidates – I don’t know if that’s because not enough people die with their organs in a suitable condition for transplantation or because not enough people volunteer to be donors, or both, but I think it’s the most amazing thing you can do for another human being.)

    • SusannahJoy

      Thank you for this! My nephew was an organ donor a week before his 6th birthday. I like to think that the kids/adult who got his organs are just as eternally grateful.

    • http://abasketcase.blogspot.com/ Basketcase

      Totally! If he had said something like “I feel your pain, I’m waiting for (babys name) to get out of surgery, and the waiting sucks!”, I would have felt sorry for him.
      Its the whole “Nothings as bad as what I’m going through” vibe that bugs me.

    • Williwaw

      Agreed. I have great sympathy for anyone whose loved one is undergoing a transplant, obviously, but minimizing someone’s feelings is kind of mean. I got that growing up – if I made a negative remark about my acne (which was really horrific for nearly a decade), one particular adult, close, family member would say something like “my colleague just diagnosed a girl your age with fatal cancer and she has four months to live”…which would take me from feeling ugly and bullied to feeling ugly and bullied yet also shallow and self-centered and not worthy of having feelings. I am going to try so hard never to minimize my kid’s (or any kid’s) unhappiness. Everyone knows there are people worse off than them – no need to rub it in their faces.

    • JJ

      Oh god I know. I too feel sympathy for Mike and anyone in a tough situation but you don’t need to one up everyone all the time. Just don’t respond to their facebook post if you have nothing nice to say. It’s like, “feeling sad today lost a friend today”.. “oh you think your sad while my whole family just died in a huge accident right this moment and I am homeless too. I also have no money and am just devastated. I have no hope left compared to you.I wish my problem was a small and easy as yours”(side note that wasn’t an actual conversation I saw but the way people are going on now on facebook these days I could see it happening). Why? Why can’t some people just tone down the ultimate suffering Olympics.

    • TattooedLittleMiss

      Agreed. A little sympathy would kill you? I mean, I hate unasked for advice, but I would rather that than someone play the pitty party game. At least it shows some sense of empathy and concern for you.

  • Zettai

    I do not understand people. Facebook is like that one-up frenemy you never want around while telling drinking stories. “Yeah, well one time I…”

    • AP

      One of my teachers in high school used to interrupt students on tangents in class with “So this one time at band camp, I stuck a flute…”

      Vulgar, but I still think of it when inappropriate tangents happen

  • Kendra

    Damn, Mike!! Have a beer or something bud!

  • AW

    For some reason #4 doesn’t seem THAT bad to me. Someone put up a totally random song and he had a connection to it that he shared. He can’t possibly be “Daddy-Jacking” here because there is nothing to “jack.” It’s not like the person posted the song and said, “Here’s an incredibly meaningful song to me.” They just posted it. For all we know, they posted as a joke about the damn kid’s name. Also, his comment doesn’t seem that whiny or attention-hoggy to me. He’s just saying a lot of people do it and it’s annoying. Calling this “daddy jacking” seems like you are just knocking him for even mentioning he has kids.

    • RCIAG

      Yeah I don’t find the Delilah one so bad.

      But it would’ve been funny if after he said “When EVERYONE knows we named her after that slut who ruined Samson!!winkyfacesmiley”

      And WTF is wrong w/Tom Jones!?? He’s just totes jelly that he’ll never have women throwing their panties at him when he’s 74 like Tom!!

  • airbones

    My husband is a STFU sanctidad/daddyjacker/woe is dad -er and it drives me insane. I made him unfriend all of our mutual friends (except for my mom) so that at least he is only annoying people I never have to speak to.

  • cady

    There’s one situation in which Mike might not be so bad: The kid who got transplant surgery is actually Roxanne’s kid, and he’s bumblingly trying to be encouraging, like “Hey, though, it can’t be as bad as that time your kid was sick and you had to wait to find out if he was OK, right?” I’m not saying that’s actually what’s going on, but it could happen.

  • Marcie

    I feel like these are even worse than the sanctimommies?

  • Jallun-Keatres

    #3 sounds like something my [mentally challenged] sister would do, but she doesn’t because someone told her how to facebook XD

  • darras

    Oh hey! My kid was also born at 03.09 #mommyjackqueen

  • Williwaw

    I think I’m going to make “P.S. Love your sourdough” my new all-purpose non sequitur. Because now I have introduced “sourdoughjacking” to the English language.

  • CV

    I have two-month-old twins, and I have totally thought things like what Eric wrote. I’ve even said them out loud to my wife, and once or twice to a very close friend who also has young twins. Would I ever say anything like that to a person with one baby, particularly someone who had just expressed that they were having a rough time? Hell no. Because babies are hard sometimes, period, and there’s nothing to be gained by trivializing someone else’s experience.

  • JJ

    You know they have this option now a days where you can just go on your own facebook page and post about the birth of your child, right. And from there people can see it and congratulate the couple. You don’t need to go on random message boards or facebook groups to tell strangers. Hey guys I know this page is about urinary tract infections and you don’t know me but I just wanted to say we had a baby this morning! All is good thanks for listening. Oh I love the show sons of Anarachy, Just wanted to go on the fan page to let internet fans know we had a daughter this morning, yay!

    No one outside of your direct friends, family and some co-workers give a hoot if you have a baby. People do it everyday your not the first and not the last to have a child.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    Parentjacking knows no gender.

  • Amber Starr

    Ugh. These always make me angry. These people are so self-absorbed. We get it: you have a baby (babies), changed their diapers (which may or may not be shitty. Ok, they’re usually shitty), you stay up at night to feed and/or change them.
    Seriously, we each have our very own Facebook pages to bitch and whine about how haaaaaaaaaard our lives are. Why do these people feel like they need to do it on everyone else’s page too? The worst is when they hijack a status that has NOTHING to do with kids.

    A: “My grandma died this morning. I will miss her.”

    B: “If you think THAT’S bad, little Blayne-Shabazz was up ALL night with the runs! #MYSONSHITTHEBED lol”

    A: “…”

  • Roberta

    Something about Mike irked me. I mean it really pissed me off. I was a heart patient as a kid. My parents spent weeks learning if I was going to live, and months learning if I was going to need a transplant. And you know what? Not once did I hear them ever make someone feel worse about their problems because of our own shit.

    You are not the better parent when you make someone else feel shallow because of your problems. You are an asshole who needs to learn the importance of empathy.

    All right, done my rant. Now to make my cardiologist faint and eat a bag of onion rings.

  • ScienceGeek

    During the worst of my ante-natal depression, sanctidaddies threw me into a completely unreasonable rage. Especially when they tried to lecture the childfree on how hard it is to be a dad because they once ‘spent an uncomfortable night looking after a sick child’. Yes, that was said. By a man whose wife had monoamniotic twins and spent 28 weeks puking, then 6 weeks in the hospital, all the while carrying two babies that literally could have died at any moment. But a bad night’s sleep gives him the ultimate suffering martyr status.
    Even now, I can’t remember that without thinking ‘I’ve had period pain worse than your ‘uncomfortable night’, you whiny little twit’.

  • Renee J

    I don’t think the second one is a case of daddyjacking his daddyjacking. He’s answering the news guy’s question and doesn’t know how to reply to a comment. (His comment came an hour after news guy’s comment.)

    The original was a daddyjacking, though.

  • doxgukka

    I get asked if I’m named after Marcia Brady. No. Im named after Marsha from some phillipino sitcom John and Marsha.

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