It’s Time To Face The Fact That You May Never Have A Cool Mom Friend

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Before I had kids, I had a lot of silly misconceptions about parenting that I subconsciously absorbed from sitcoms, reality shows, and low-rated romantic comedies. I thought that once you became a mom, you’d have a magnetic pull via some kind of internal GPS to other mom friends in your area.

This magnetic pull would obviously attract you to other moms with similar interests and snarky senses of humor and the same love of a soy latte on a rainy afternoon. You and your cool mom posse would run the playground, while keeping a relaxed eye on your gang of kids, until it was time to head home for an afternoon margarita before dinner.

Now that I’m a mom of two, I’ve learned the hard way that this mom fantasy is a big steaming pile of crap. I am not a lonely, sad mom who sits in my house all day watching Netflix and wiping tears from my eyes. I do have friends, but these are friends that I had before I had children. Some have kids now, and some don’t. We still hang out when we have time in our busy adult lives.

I tried to make mom friends, really, I did. But my kids aren’t in school yet, just in daycare, so the mom well is pretty dry. I even considered joining a local mom group to go on playdates with moms in my area. But when I realized that I got my fulfillment from working at home and spending the rest of my free time with my kids, there weren’t enough hours in the day to sign up for a weekly playgroup.

The moms that I have encountered are very mom-like. This may be par for the course, but I don’t have many shared interests with moms who craft and talk about boring mom stuff. I’m not trying to knock the mom stereotype, but many of these things simply aren’t that fascinating to me.

As far as I know, the cool mom friend fantasy doesn’t exist (outside of Mommyish). I was hoping to find a bad ass, witty mom to go to happy hour with and meet at the park on the weekend. I’m not sad that I haven’t found this mystical mom friend just yet, and I may keep looking. I’m just surprised that the fun mom unicorn is so hard to find.

(Image: Ondine C/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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    • Kate

      I just tell myself that I can’t find the cool mom friend because I AM the cool mom friend. :-)

      • Bethany Ramos

        YEAH!

      • rrlo

        *hear hear*

      • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

        All I know is that I’ll never be a cool mom no matter what :(

      • Lee

        My coolest mom friend is a guy.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Obviously. All the cool moms hang out here at Mommyish.

      • Robotic Socks

        I am adding you to Beth’s Uncool Mom List

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      Next time I go clubbing, I’m using that move.

      • Bethany Ramos

        I love it so much.

    • Jessifer

      I go to baby time at my local library in the hopes of meeting a cool mom friend. The problem is that I live right in the outskirts of an extremely affluent area, so the only other people that usually show up are the Asian au pairs OR wealthy SAHMs accompanied by their Asian au pairs (Oh, to be rich!). Then I get invited to special baby classes being hosted at their home for “only” $$$ per session… Thanks but no thanks! I suppose I could go to a different branch but it’s twice as far, so meh!

    • Cara

      It’s hard to find cool mom friends! I have 2 kids – 4 year old “spirited” boy and 2 year old sweet little girl. When my son was a cute little toddler, I found a couple of cool mom friends with toddler girls. We would meet up at playgrounds and whatnot. Kids played great. It was awesome. Now, my son is old enough to choose his own friends and “doesn’t like girls” so it is really hard to get together w/ them and their sweet 4 year old girls who want to play my little pony all day while he and his superhero self smash into them. Sigh. We try to get together sans kids but as you know, not always easy to make this happen regularly. And now with my daughter in the mix, it is virtually impossible to find cool mom friends with cool kids around my kids’ ages who get along well w/ my kids. We have ONE family. ONE. It is tricky for sure!

      • Bethany Ramos

        My son is spirited! Let’s be friends.

      • Cara

        I’m in! So now, about those plane tickets to Texas from Massachusetts….hmmm…….

      • Bethany Ramos

        YAY!!

    • arrow2010

      Anyone here watch “United States of Tara”? Now that’s a cool mom friend if you can one….

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Awesome show.

    • Lee

      My cool mom friend is my male co-worker. We don’t socialize outside of work but I still consider him my cool mom friend.

    • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

      List of Mommys that Beth deems uncool: (in no particular order)

      Eve, Kay, Maria, Val, Lee, allisonjayne, LiteBrite, JLH1986, Jessica, Theresa, keelhaulrose, Williwaw, CMJ, shorty_RN, Alicia Kiner, Alex_Lee, goth, Rachel Sea, etc.

      Future uncool moms as deemed by Beth: Julia and Pix

      • Bethany Ramos

        No, you’ve started a burn book!

      • Sexy Robotic Arms Dealer

        OOOH, must get a hold of Beth’s burn book

        (my entry will be over 13 pages long)

        :(

      • Valerie

        Robotic socks made out with a hot dog.

      • Alicia Kiner

        I feel cool just by being associated with these other women.

      • Robotic Socks

        NAY! Read the article and my OP

        you are UNCOOL! >:(

      • Alicia Kiner

        I definitely read both. But I can still FEEL cool, even if others don’t think I am. ;)

        And Beth did say except for Mommyish readers, so we ARE cool moms. Well, those of us who are moms. I think there are a few dads on here too, and they’re cool in addition to the not moms yet you named.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        You are cool AND awesome.

      • Valerie

        This quote sounds like something I wrote in people’s yearbooks in middle school.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I know I’m lame and I am totally comfortable in my complete and total lameocity.

      • Valerie

        Lol. No no. I thought it was funny.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I was going for funny, but in a lame way. So halfway there?

      • Valerie

        Totes.

      • Bethany Ramos

        You forgot “stay cool”!

      • Alicia Kiner

        Yay!!!

      • Robotic Socks

        Beth is not in charge of Beth’s Uncool Mom List!

      • Bethany Ramos

        Mommyish readers like you save my sanity!

      • Robotic Socks

        And Mommyish commenters like me does what to your sanity?

      • Bethany Ramos

        Yin and yang. ;)

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        You rock my robotic socks. Know this. *Stares creepily*

      • CMJ

        Socks – my mom doesn’t know I have a secret baby I keep under my desk. THANKS FOR OUTING ME.

        http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Paul-Rudd-Sneaking-In-a-Middle-Finger-As-He-Walks-Away.gif

      • momjones

        WHAAA? I’m a grandma again?!

      • Robotic Socks

        Shouldn’t you be on grannyish, ma’am?

      • momjones

        I am clearly too uncool for that.

      • Robotic Socks

        Next week, I’ll be outing your secret polyamorous husbands and wives

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        You too?

      • Robotic Socks

        I thought you duct tape yours to the wall?

        Both?

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Well, I duct taped mine for the drinking portion of my evening, but in order to get my swerve on properly I needed a hobo to watch them. Priorities!

      • Robotic Socks

        YOU need to write a book!

      • Lee

        Whoop! I made the list of Beth’s uncool moms as written by Crusty!

      • Robotic Socks

        Hm… maybe I should do a power ranking of Beth’s Uncool Moms

      • Valerie

        I better be in the Final Four.

      • pixie

        No way, I’m totes going to be the COOLEST mom! ;)

      • Robotic Socks

        We’ll call you the 1%er

        *runs away!

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Yay! I’m not on this list!

        For reals, though, Bethany doesn’t live near any of us that I know us, and she’s talking about someone she can steal an hour to get lattes with, so methinks that’s why the Mommyish Awesome Mom Brigade wasn’t included.

      • Bethany Ramos

        I know!! I really am so glad to have my true Mommyish friends, and now I just need to convince everyone to move closer, or vice versa… :)

      • Robotic Socks

        The geographic center of the lower 48 states is: Lebanon, KS

        (Hot guy not included)

        http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/56/LebanonMarker1.JPG/450px-LebanonMarker1.JPG

      • Valerie

        I think this is you. I can’t be convinced otherwise.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Everyone knows that the center of the universe is actually NYC. (Source: New Yorkers everywhere)

      • Valerie

        Move to upstate NY! We have high taxes. And snow. Shall I keep going?

      • Bethany Ramos

        Now I really want to! Why are all the cool moms in NY? :(

        ETA: Snow, yes! Taxes, no.

      • Valerie

        You should move here. Our schools are excellent. And we have many malls.

      • Bethany Ramos

        SOLD!

      • Valerie

        Sweet! I can also offer SU basketball and a few shitty lakes. See? It just keeps getting better!

      • Robotic Socks

        I added you for the duct tape baby to wall comment in the other article.

        You are officially Uncool Mom now! Congrats!

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        As long as they serve wine, I will attend the meetings of any club you put me in.

      • pixie

        What kind of Mommyish club would we be if we didn’t serve wine?

      • shafiq

        i am buze

      • shafiq

        job or study

      • Valerie

        I’m 4th??

        I’m 4th!??!?!?

    • kay

      Fact: I’ve made my standard of “cool mom friend” be someone who doens’t tell me their baby is advanced and is wearing real pants.

      With those standards I’ve met like 4 cool moms. (And it turns out one of them has season tickets to the soccer team here too! So maybe my standards do work)

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Personally, anyone who brags about wearing “real” pants is a douche in my book. #Leggings4Life

      • SA

        haha! Leggings. I was trying so hard to figure out what non-real pants were.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Solution: talk your cool non-mom friends into getting pregnant?

      • Robotic Socks

        Ask them if they need assistance.

      • Bethany Ramos

        I am working really hard on this, while respecting boundaries! Which means that I just think about it a lot and never say anything…

      • Robotic Socks

        You should enter a pregger pack with your friends.

        If they get preggers with #1, you’ll get preggers with #3

      • Bethany Ramos

        Noooooo.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Boundaries, schmoundaries. Grab yourself a turkey baster and get to impregnating!

      • candyvines

        Who needs talk when you can tamper with their birth control?

    • Angela

      Meh, I’ve never been cool. Actually one of the best parts of getting older was accepting that I don’t have to be (and neither do my friends). I do hear you though about the challenges of meeting new people when you’re a SAHM. I tried joining some MOM groups too but I never really seemed to click with them. I actually think you’re better off finding some non-mommy club to meet new people (like a book club, charity, photography class, etc) because it’s more likely you’ll have something in common. And since there’s an awful lot of women who are moms then it’s likely that some of the people you meet could become your “mom friends” who you can meet up with at the park with your lattes.

    • Alicia Kiner

      My mom friends are the moms of my kids’ friends and friends of mine from high school who now have friends. I don’t know if any of us are cool, but we enjoy spending time together while the kids play and no one seems to feel uncomfortable or like they don’t belong, so…

    • MoLiss

      I am 7 months pregnant with my first kid and I am SO excited that I already have 4 very cool mom friends! I just happen to be the last one of the bunch with no kids yet. lol. Win!

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      THIS is why you need to move to NYC, yo. We would be like a cool mom superhero duo, fighting sactimommies and having ALL the soy lattes.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Ok, you sold me! I visited NYC once and LOVED it. I’m ready to kick Texas to the curb whenever. :)

    • DeanaCal

      I also have no cool mom friends. In fact, when I got divorced, he got all the friends (they were all employees at his job (and their wives) where he was the boss anyway, so no great loss), and my current husband moved here from out of state, so he doesn’t have any friends. Thankfully, we get along smashingly, but for 7 years now, no friends. :( Seems unnatural, but I don’t know how to go find them. The few parents of my daughter’s friends that I’ve met, I just don’t have much in common with, so fooey!

    • SunnyD847

      You should really give the mom group another chance. I joined one when my oldest daughter was only a few months old. It was great to have a reason to get out of the house at least once a week and I made some great friends. We met at homes or the park. Going to the park alone with your kids is sooo mind-numbingly dull! When I had my second daughter they were great support. I belonged to that group for 4 years until we moved away and I joined another one in our new town. We’ve moved again, but I still communicate and visit with ladies from both groups.

    • jo

      I have mom friends! But the hilarious and witty ones can suck the most when they turn on you….and, if your kids are friends with their kids, multiply any middle school mean girl characteristics that you remember by 100 because some women get that much meaner and that much crazier when they’re orchestrating their kids’ social lives. However, some of them are awesome, especially when babysitting trades are on the table.

    • airbones

      ISO cool mom friend in N.E. Philadelphia burbs!

      • Bethany Ramos

        More cool moms in the NE!! I am so moving there.

    • val97

      I had the best cool mom friends when I was a new mom at 23 and a part-time bartender. I don’t know what happened. I moved away, got a “real” job, got married, had another kid, and now most of my friends don’t have kids.

    • kiki

      Keep looking! I had to join like 4 moms groups to draw a few SUPER cool Mom friends to keep. I tell them we should start a BLACK SHEEP MAMAS group for Un-Mom-like Moms.

    • Melissa

      Aw, right there with ya–wish I lived closer! We could be each other’s cool mom friend!!

      • Bethany Ramos

        ME TOO!!! :(

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