shutterstock_251786Because I’m a fancy and well-respected journalist mommy blogger, I am obligated to bring all you parents the news regarding important scientific studies that will help you raise your babies in a healthy and productive manner. I am also here to totally make fun of these dumb studies because they are always written with a heaping dose of assumptions that all parents are idiots and that we have no idea what we are doing. So first, the facts that none of you didn’t know already:

Leaving your kid in a stroller or a bouncer or any stationary baby-holding tool for too long isn’t good for them because it doesn’t encourage growth of their little bodies and little brains. From the Daily Mail:

The warning will be delivered by neuro-psychologist Sally Goddard Blythe at a conference staged by the charity WATCh? (What About the Children?).

Speaking ahead of her speech, she said: ‘Attention, balance and co-ordination skills learned during the first 36 months of life support cognitive learning and have been linked to performance on SATs at school.

‘Infants need opportunity for free movement and exploration, whether that is tummy time, cuddling or rough play.’

 

Raise your hand if you did not know this. No hands raised? OK, what I thought.

I mean, do these people not have ANY children? Any mom who has a child can tell you that the majority of kids will happily sit in a stroller that isn’t moving or a bouncer or exersaucer for maybe about the same amount of time it takes a mom to urinate or empty a dishwasher. That is all. Some babies nap in swings, but if they are asleep I doubt it is doing them harm anyway, except getting them used to a rocking motion. Most kids don’t enjoy being trapped in any device for any extended period of time, and they let you know this by fussing a lot or crying.

My own scientific fact? Moms do not enjoy hearing their children cry. It either makes us sad, or makes us feel guilty, or gives us a headache, or really annoys us. So we take the baby out of whatever device we have strapped them into and hold them, or put them on a blanket on the floor, or pace with them, or play with them, or sing to them, or any number of things that all parents have to do with a small infant in order to make them happy.

On the rare occasion you do have an infant who will sit stationary strapped into a device and never make a peep, I fully believe the majority of parents don’t even allow this to happen. Because after the house is cleaned and the laundry done and food prepared and all the other gazillion things parents do every day, one of the things parents sort of enjoy doing is holding with and playing with and kissing their babies. In all of my years I have never known a parent who sticks their kid in a bouncer for extended hours and pays no attention to them.

I’m so tired of all of these PARENTS R DUM studies. It feels like pretty soon we can expect one that says “Babies need air” or “Babies who don’t get their diapers changed after soiling them may get a rash.”

(Image: chippix/shutterstock)