You Can All Rest Easy Now Because Runaway Cheerleader Rachel Canning Is Back Home

Rachel Canning Returns HomeYour favorite ungrateful little witch runaway cheerleader Rachel Canning is back home after the judge tossed her case out of court. There is no information on whether or not her parents will continue paying her tuition bills. According to a news report from The Daily Mail, the attorney for Rachel’s parents was quoted as ’Her return home is not contingent on any financial and/or other considerations,’ Mr Sarno said in an earlier statement released Wednesday, and regarding the Cannings ‘They’re not athletes, they’re not actors. They didn’t ask for this attention… Please respect the Canning’s privacy.’

I think we are all happy to respect their privacy, because it wasn’t like we loaded up the minivan and drove over to their house to get in their business, they were the ones yammering to the press about who did what and who drank what and who ditched classes and who was paying for what. The sad part about all this is according to the report, Rachel’s younger siblings have been affected by this, and as we have discussed before I am sure they have, because having your older sister move out and your parents fighting with her and appearing on TV and all of that couldn’t have been fun for them.

(Image: twitter)

(Image: twitter)

One aspect of the report that I found sort of interesting was that it was revealed that when she was busted at the homecoming dance Rachel threatened to sue a teacher for kicking her out. I don’t know about you all, and I don’t know all the details, but I do know that my goal in life is to never raise a kid who would either threaten to sue me or sue an adult at their school because they didn’t like the way things were going down. There is just something I find inherently creepy about a kid who threatens legal actions over things like unpaid tuition or being booted out of a homecoming dance. When you think about all the cases we have discussed here about young adults who threaten lawsuits when they are being racially profiled or sexually harassed and you compare it to a kid threatening one when they are kicked out of a school dance it makes you wonder if some parents aren’t raising some special snowflakes that don’t understand actual real life problems versus getting busted for behaving badly.

I only have one more doozy for you guys which is this: Earlier in the evening Rachel, now 18, had apparently been hard loudly boasting that she had Everclear, a brand of vodka. First of all, I am not sure Everclear is technically a vodka, because I always thought it was some sort of grain alcohol. And secondly, have you ever drank that shit? I remember a bottle being passed around when I was growing up and behaving badly with some friends and I could barely even smell it. It’s illegal in 14 states. It’s like moonshine light. It’s barfy. So not only is Rachel being raised to think threatening to sue people left and right is A-OK, she also has really bad taste in booze. Someone needs to think of the children!
(Image: Facebook/twitter)

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    • keelhaulrose

      I have little doubt that, because of her being a pseudo-celebrity, we’re going to hear when she sues someone else for some little slight. This is going to come kick her in the ass later.

      • JLH1986

        I’m waiting for the family that helped her sue her parents to sue them again, this time for damages for suing the family!

      • pixie

        Is it just me or does it seem like the overly affluent tend to be the most sue-happy?

      • Alicia Kiner

        I don’t think it’s just them, they just actually have the disposable income to actually do it.

      • pixie

        That is true, but generally when I hear about people threatening to sue, or know people who are threatening to sue they tend to be very wealthy already. Not that I don’t know average middle and working class people who’ve threatened to sue (once knew a guy who would go bankrupt through his own fault and try to sue people for ridiculous reasons). I agree though, it probably does have something to do with them having the money to pay for legal fees.

        We’re also a wee bit less sue-happy up here in Canada.

      • Katherine Handcock

        A big reason we’re a little less sue-happy here in Canada is that, if the judge throws your lawsuit out as frivolous, you pay the other person’s lawyers. That’s pretty powerful motivation not to sue unless you’ve got a real grievance. Doesn’t work 100% of the time, but it would sure work on me unless I had a pretty strong case!

      • JLH1986

        I assume that’s a learned behavior, their parents probably threaten to sue too. “Oh you aren’t going to finish my dress on time? I won’t pay you and I’ll sue you because I NEED this dress by that event!”.

      • pixie

        Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I’m suing you for this statement.

      • pixie

        I’m suing you for suing me.

      • Taxes Make Kittens Cry

        Oh snap! This shit’s gettin’ real!

      • Angela

        They’re the only ones who can afford decent lawyers so they’re the most likely to win but I’ve also seen ambulance chasers and other shady types of lawyers who prey on poorer people by promising them big settlements. Then they just get the case tied up in court while milking them for all they’re worth until the money runs out.

      • pixie

        That I can see.

      • K.

        Yes, and no–well, at least in my experience.

        I think that…how do I say this? The NJ Housewives set a la Canning family ARE sort of sue-happy because most of them have a weird novelty-esque relationship to money and because they’ve invested a large part of their identity in the money.

        People of *genuine resources* generally are not sue-happy. Why? Because they don’t want anyone to know how much money they actually have AND because they’re smart enough to know that a trial really sucks AND because to them, money isn’t that big a deal. They’d rather simply buy off the conflict, because who cares? There’s plenty more of where that came from.

        …And I came to this conclusion watching my mother, who is a lawyer and worked in corporate law, and my father, who is a divorce attorney. Oh, and the other irony? Both of them, as lawyers themselves, would probably rather peel off their fingernails than go to court if they could prevent it.

      • Alicia Kiner

        Can I just OWWW to the imagery there.

      • pixie

        Yeah, when I said overly affluent, I was thinking of the NJ Housewives and the like. I do know some wealthy people who would really rather not go to court if they didn’t have to.

        I was thinking of the ones that have this odd power trip about money when things don’t go their way (like threatening to sue for being kicked out of a high school dance for being underage and drunk). People who “suffer” from affluenza, I guess I was going for. Obviously not all wealthy people are like that, but the loudest and most visible seem to be.

      • K.

        So tawdry, that new money!

        Although it seriously is ridiculous. On the one hand, Rachel Canning’s rant about boomers (if she wrote it) is the stuff of a spoiled brat. On the other, you start to wonder if she’s weirdly accurate, in her limited NJ affluenza experience.

      • JLH1986

        Most attorneys I know (I work for them in my day job) are the same way. How can we avoid Court? is the mantra. not “Let’s sue some people!!!”

      • Andrea

        Maybe not. This country has an alarmingly high rate of successful lawsuits for the most idiotic reasons.

    • JLH1986

      I’m not saying that she is not a little shithead (because clearly she is a little shithead, but most people were shitheads at 18). But for a girl at that age to think she can sue people? That she can actually sue her parents? Someone is giving this girl shitty advice. My guess would be the parents of the girls she was living with (who spent an absurd amount of money to sue the parents, something Rachel would NOT have been able to do). Yes, Rachel needs to accept responsibility for her actions (drinking, yelling, running away) but someone in her life is telling her that when things don’t go your way you can sue them. Those people need to be punched.

    • Valerie

      She will probably end up in a “celebrity” boxing match. Like, against Tanning Mom.

      • keelhaulrose

        Yet another “celebrity” who would probably be able to beat the shit out of George Zimmerman in his “celebrity” boxing match.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Man, if I were her parents, I’d be taking a hard look at where I went wrong, and making concrete steps to make sure I don’t fuck up my other kids while there might still be time.

      • whiteroses

        This. So very much this.

      • CW

        It has been my observation that there is typically one “black sheep” in every extended family, and most times the parents are good and at a complete loss to know what to do with the problem child.

    • Alicia Kiner

      I’m actually a little jealous that she can get a hold of Everclear. I can legally buy alcohol, but nothing that is 100 proof or higher in the good old state of PA, and I have this awesome recipe for apple pie shots that requires grain alcohol or Everclear. I have to drive to Delaware to get it. That makes my recipe completely not worth the money. :(

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I wonder if we can send you some? Bring Everlcear To Alicia for apple pie shots kickstarter ™

      • Alicia Kiner

        Woohoo!!

      • mannakay

        I can get down on that. Apple Pie drinks are DELISH.

      • Bunny Lucia

        There’s a liquor store near my house that sells local moonshine. They have apple-pie flavoured moonshine.

      • Alicia Kiner

        Oooooo that sounds yummy.

    • pixie

      SUE ALL THE PEOPLE!

    • K.

      Wow. This girl is a complete mess, and although a bit of a shithead, I feel sorry for her.

      She may be a spoiled brat. Her parents might be dickwads. And it’s hard to not laugh at the ridiculousness of what she’s doing (suing M&D for tuition? Is she nuts??) But at the same time, I do have some sympathy for teens that suffer, even if they’re suffering under the trappings of privilege. Because clearly, suing one’s parents isn’t simply acting out in a spoiled manner, or at least, I don’t believe it is–it’s acting out in a desperate manner.

      The drinking, the eating disorder, the running away, separated-then-reconciled parents, the scholarship pressure…This is one unhappy kid.

      And if her parents had their heads screwed on straight, there is NO WAY this would have ever gone to trial or come to pass in court. THAT’S what’s bonkers. I have no doubt in my mind that the Cannings could have taken measures to stop this.

      (10-1 with the caliber of the parents at work here, the family she stayed with is going to sue the Cannings now for “support” or “damages” or something.)

    • Kelly

      I’m not willing to paint her as an ungrateful little bitch because the story her parents told is almost the exact same story my parents told when they threw me out at 18. Nearly word for word. And the reality is my parents are abusive monsters and I really should have sued them or at least tried to send them to prison for their crimes.

      She could just be a brat but there might be a whole lot more to this story than anybody knows. I’m not willing to cast judgment on either side.

      • Angela

        I also feel that the parents are probably at least partially to blame for the drama here. I mean what kind of parent tries to prevent their kid from graduating HS to make their point? And the family she was staying with that encouraged this lawsuit is just awful. If they really wanted to help her they could have just quietly paid the remainder of her HS tuition so that she could graduate and then encouraged her to accept one of the many scholarships she was offered to less expensive colleges. But honestly I don’t think she’s totally innocent in all this either. It seems that if abuse was going on (and I’m not denying that it wasn’t) then she should have reported it to the authorities rather than suing them for college tuition. If she simply had wanted to get out then it wasn’t exactly as if she had no options. Her friends helped her pay her HS tuition and she was offered full-ride scholarships from several state schools. It does seem as though she was intentionally creating drama and had a pretty healthy sense of entitlement.

      • Kelly

        See, that’s the thing though. Abused kids often don’t act the way they “should” in the minds of healthy people, because they aren’t healthy. You can’t grow up with major dysfunction and just magically be normal when you hit 18.

        As for her wanting money instead of reporting abuse, I’ll fully admit that I felt my parents owed me money because of the abuse I suffered. I still feel that way and it’s why even though I don’t have a relationship with them and won’t speak to them, I will cash every check they send because they owe me more than they could ever possibly repay. I know from my time in support groups for abused children that it’s a common sentiment.

      • Angela

        Good point. Plus the fact that she’s only 18 and has been getting some terrible advice from exploitative adults who were pretending to help her.

      • CW

        Attending private high school is a PRIVILEGE, not a right. If the parents didn’t want to pay the final semester’s tuition, the non-bratty thing for her to have done is to go to the school and politely request (not demand!) some sort of payment arrangement whereby she works for the school in lieu of the tuition. Maybe delay starting college for a semester and then do some sort of admin job (admissions clerk?) for the school. Most schools would try to work something out for a good kid in that kind of situation.

      • Angela

        I agree that no one is entitled to a private school education. I plan on public schooling my own children in fact. However, when you enroll a child in private school then it’s the parents, not the student, that sign the contract and agree to cover tuition for the year. You’re still on the hook even if you transfer schools mid-term. Given that I think that it’s fair to expect the parents to make good on their agreement. In this case though I think it was somewhat of a moot point because her friends raised the money to pay for her high school tuition.

    • Angela

      They didn’t ask for this attention??? Right, taking your family squabbles to court and getting the media involved is just what anyone who values their privacy would do.

    • Zettai

      I’ve never had Everclear, but I know people who drink it and just the thought makes me want to puke. I don’t ever want to be THAT drunk. Same reason why I never did hard drugs, I never wanted to be THAT high.

      Anyway, I wonder how the family is going to work things out so they can all live together peacefully? I think in a month that girl will move out again.

    • Taxes Make Kittens Cry

      Ironically, her classmates voted her as “Most Litigious”

    • That_Darn_Kat

      I will admit, when I was in 7th grade, I threatened to sue a (long-term) sub teacher we had. This sub was against ANYONE using the restroom during class time. I desperately needed to use the restroom, in that I’m-going-to-pee-myself kind of way (I had a UTI at the time) and we still had 20 minutes in class. The sub refused to let me use the bathroom, and threatened to write me up if I asked again (cuz I kept asking. Also, this was during work time, so he wasn’t lecturing or anything). I finally got fed up, went up there and told him that if I peed my pants, and made my UTI worse, I would sue him to cover my medical bills and for the humiliation I would receive.

      Now, in my defense, this was a sub that made a student vomit into the trashcan because he wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom, and a couple of girls had some close calls with their periods. Our classes ran for an hour, with a 5 minute break between them. Enough parents complained and he was eventually told by the principal that he couldn’t keep us from using the restroom.

    • personal

      I hope her parents don’t have to pay back that lawyer she was living with.

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