Gift-Grubby Mom-To-Be Sends Incredibly Annoying Poem To Everyone Who Missed Her Baby Shower

shutterstock_111283643__1394732192_142.196.156.251Imagine being invited to the baby shower of a person you barely knew. Now imagine not going, which is the obvious choice. Finally, imagine getting a poem from this mom-to-be who you barely know, reminding you that you can and should still buy her a gift. Wow.

One of our readers sent this little gem along today, that she received from an “acquaintance” if you can even call her that. They sat next to each other at graduation and they have some mutual friends in common, but they are not friends. I repeat, they are not friends.

We’re sorry you missed the shower!


There was fun and games to be had

The food and drinks not too bad

The loot was a plenty

But we looked high and low and found none from you

Not even a shiny penny!


Babies need a lot

Of this fact we all know

So we’ve included some shops below!


If none are to your liking, and that we understand

Then grab a pen and get to writing

For checks are to our liking!


The *** Family is registered at these stores and checks can be mailed to this address.

First, let’s just get the obvious out of the way – this is one of the worst poems I’ve ever read. Next, what is going on here? Either you will be sent a gift or you won’t. You don’t send a horrible poem guilting guests (some that you barely know, I’d like to point out) who missed your shower into buying you a gift. Maybe they had already planned on sending you one? I’m guessing that this poem will change their minds.

Baby showers are great and can be very, very helpful. But it would be fantastic if women like this could remember that a gift is a gesture. It should never be received because someone was made to feel guilty for not coming to an event and contributing to your “loot.”

I think the obvious choice for everyone who received this letter would be to send her a “shiny penny.” That would be the best, wouldn’t it? This would be my response:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Here’s your shiny penny

I barely know you.

Well, not only did she send a poem to those who didn’t get her a gift, she also sent one who got her a gift that wasn’t to her liking:

We loved seeing you at the shower
Remember how the gifts they did tower?
We sorted them for hours

Upon sifting and sorting we noticed something amiss
For your gift didn’t match the list

To fix your situation we listed our stores below
But a check could also help us flow!

How exactly does this couple manage to have any friends to even invite to their shower?

(photo: bikeriderlondon/ Shutterstock)

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  • scooby23

    And here I’m sitting in awe
    My eyes can’t believe what they just saw
    And to think I thought baby showers
    Were for celebrating Baby and your birthing powers
    I thought the gifts were just an add-on
    But I guess it was all just a con
    To get the victims to spend their hard-earned pays
    On wipe warmers, strollers,
    and a designer onesie that will be ruined in 2 days

  • Katie

    With my son, only a few things were bought off the registry but between family and co workers, plus hitting some consignment shops, we got more than enough! Showers are a celebration of the baby to come, ultimately it is up to the parents to provide for the child, not every person you know.

  • Frances Locke

    This little stunt would get this bitch a one way ticket to “Fuck You, You Stupid Asshole” Land.

  • Mab321

    Your shower sounded dumb,
    hence I didn’t come.
    I’d rather save my cash,
    then waste it on your bash.
    No gift you will receive,
    your poem I can’t believe!
    How a mom could stoop so low,
    listen bitch you really blow!

    • Andrew

      If she did blow she wouldn’t be needing a baby shower.

  • Rebecca Kimokeo

    Heres a poem

    People who cant write their own checks
    Need not to be having any sex
    You ought to pick up an etiquette book to read
    If you think that your friends are responsible for what baby will need

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  • doxgukka

    “How exactly does this couple manage to have any friends to even invite to their shower??” you answered this in the first line when you said the sender was someone they barely knew. so seems they’re inviting anyone and everyone in their lives who have crossed paths with them. sat next to you on the bus. pls come to my baby shower. we stood in line together a walmart, pls come t my baby shower. i banked a cheque at your window. pls come to my baby shower…

  • karen

    reply –
    Dear expectant parents to be,
    Didn’t realise YOUR child came with a fee to me,
    A shower is a chance to celebrate a new life,
    And this sense of entitlement and greed is why the world is in such strife,
    So my gift whether judged worthy by you or not,
    Is to develop some gratitude and thanks for what you’ve already got!

  • WCE-Mote

    I’d send her a condom in a card that read ‘Better luck next time’.

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  • Larissa

    I hope she sees this article and realises what an absolute rude imbecile she sounds like!!

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  • Sherri

    I’m terribly sorry for missing your shower

    There are just better ways of spending my hour

    I could go for a walk, or read a book

    Or stab myself in the eye with a crochet hook

    We hardly know each other, this is true

    Never have I met an entitled bitch like you

    Pardon me for being so upfront

    But please shove your gift list up your baby-maker

  • Cynthia Almas

    roses are red violets are blue do I even know you.. you might work in my office or sat next to me at grad.. if you think we are friends then you have been had! do not expect a gift card or a present from me as you are just a money grabbing mommy to be! ahahahaaaa ©

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  • Godwine Lee

    I wonder why
    any guy would risk his stake
    Marrying you
    Should’ve made him sick

    You proved you are cheap
    by begging for bills
    you should have saved this baby
    by being on pills

    I would never gift you anything
    even if I were very rich
    and the reason for this is that
    you are a greedy witch

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  • Shawn

    My reply would go a little somerthing like this…

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    For the sake of humanity; put the child up for adoption,
    oh, and Fuck You!

  • Annie Sisk

    That poor child. S/he has NO shot of growing up with any decent values. *sigh*

  • Sandra Entrop

    How tacky. That young woman needs a lesson in how not to expect a gift from someone who did not attend your baby shower as they did not really know you. What is worse is to send a note to say that the gift that was given by someone attending the shower was not good enough. Did you ever think that some of the gifts that you registered for were to expensive and that you will need to buy them yourself. Grow up and while your at it give your head a shake. Then sit down and write letters of apology to all the people that you sent this too. That would be the right thing to do.

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  • Bridget Curran

    I would send her back a poem of my own:

    So kind of you to invite us
    So sad we had to pass
    But you can take your list of shops
    And shove it up your a$$

  • Beth

    thought I was happy
    That you decided to breed.
    It never occurred to
    That you were so high-need.
    So social services
    Will be visiting your
    To make sure your kid
    Won’t be raised in squalor.

    • Beth

      Weird spacing. Thanks, Disqus! Sorry, readers.

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  • Siací Ross

    Does the *** in *** Family stand for ASS?

  • Siací Ross

    Here’s a gift!

  • Dani Jones

    Imagine what their wedding guests must have gone through…

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  • iannicholson2000

    Your baby gift trick is quite sick!
    Oh why didn’t you give ‘dick’ the flick?
    For now we’re expected to pay
    for your unwarranted roll in the hay.
    So to save these financial contortions,
    Please, go and have an abortion!

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