Gift-Grubby Mom-To-Be Sends Incredibly Annoying Poem To Everyone Who Missed Her Baby Shower

shutterstock_111283643__1394732192_142.196.156.251Imagine being invited to the baby shower of a person you barely knew. Now imagine not going, which is the obvious choice. Finally, imagine getting a poem from this mom-to-be who you barely know, reminding you that you can and should still buy her a gift. Wow.

One of our readers sent this little gem along today, that she received from an “acquaintance” if you can even call her that. They sat next to each other at graduation and they have some mutual friends in common, but they are not friends. I repeat, they are not friends.

We’re sorry you missed the shower!

 

There was fun and games to be had

The food and drinks not too bad

The loot was a plenty

But we looked high and low and found none from you

Not even a shiny penny!

 

Babies need a lot

Of this fact we all know

So we’ve included some shops below!

 

If none are to your liking, and that we understand

Then grab a pen and get to writing

For checks are to our liking!

 

The *** Family is registered at these stores and checks can be mailed to this address.

First, let’s just get the obvious out of the way – this is one of the worst poems I’ve ever read. Next, what is going on here? Either you will be sent a gift or you won’t. You don’t send a horrible poem guilting guests (some that you barely know, I’d like to point out) who missed your shower into buying you a gift. Maybe they had already planned on sending you one? I’m guessing that this poem will change their minds.

Baby showers are great and can be very, very helpful. But it would be fantastic if women like this could remember that a gift is a gesture. It should never be received because someone was made to feel guilty for not coming to an event and contributing to your “loot.”

I think the obvious choice for everyone who received this letter would be to send her a “shiny penny.” That would be the best, wouldn’t it? This would be my response:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Here’s your shiny penny

I barely know you.

Well, not only did she send a poem to those who didn’t get her a gift, she also sent one who got her a gift that wasn’t to her liking:

We loved seeing you at the shower
Remember how the gifts they did tower?
We sorted them for hours

Upon sifting and sorting we noticed something amiss
For your gift didn’t match the list

To fix your situation we listed our stores below
But a check could also help us flow!

How exactly does this couple manage to have any friends to even invite to their shower?

(photo: bikeriderlondon/ Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • scooby23

      And here I’m sitting in awe
      My eyes can’t believe what they just saw
      And to think I thought baby showers
      Were for celebrating Baby and your birthing powers
      I thought the gifts were just an add-on
      But I guess it was all just a con
      To get the victims to spend their hard-earned pays
      On wipe warmers, strollers,
      and a designer onesie that will be ruined in 2 days

    • Katie

      With my son, only a few things were bought off the registry but between family and co workers, plus hitting some consignment shops, we got more than enough! Showers are a celebration of the baby to come, ultimately it is up to the parents to provide for the child, not every person you know.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      This little stunt would get this bitch a one way ticket to “Fuck You, You Stupid Asshole” Land.

    • Mab321

      Your shower sounded dumb,
      hence I didn’t come.
      I’d rather save my cash,
      then waste it on your bash.
      No gift you will receive,
      your poem I can’t believe!
      How a mom could stoop so low,
      listen bitch you really blow!

      • Andrew

        If she did blow she wouldn’t be needing a baby shower.

    • Rebecca Kimokeo

      Heres a poem

      People who cant write their own checks
      Need not to be having any sex
      You ought to pick up an etiquette book to read
      If you think that your friends are responsible for what baby will need

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    • doxgukka

      “How exactly does this couple manage to have any friends to even invite to their shower??” you answered this in the first line when you said the sender was someone they barely knew. so seems they’re inviting anyone and everyone in their lives who have crossed paths with them. sat next to you on the bus. pls come to my baby shower. we stood in line together a walmart, pls come t my baby shower. i banked a cheque at your window. pls come to my baby shower…

    • karen

      reply –
      Dear expectant parents to be,
      Didn’t realise YOUR child came with a fee to me,
      A shower is a chance to celebrate a new life,
      And this sense of entitlement and greed is why the world is in such strife,
      So my gift whether judged worthy by you or not,
      Is to develop some gratitude and thanks for what you’ve already got!

    • WCE-Mote

      I’d send her a condom in a card that read ‘Better luck next time’.

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    • Larissa

      I hope she sees this article and realises what an absolute rude imbecile she sounds like!!

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    • http://nakedwizardmedia.com/ Sherri

      I’m terribly sorry for missing your shower

      There are just better ways of spending my hour

      I could go for a walk, or read a book

      Or stab myself in the eye with a crochet hook

      We hardly know each other, this is true

      Never have I met an entitled bitch like you

      Pardon me for being so upfront

      But please shove your gift list up your baby-maker

    • Cynthia Almas

      roses are red violets are blue do I even know you.. you might work in my office or sat next to me at grad.. if you think we are friends then you have been had! do not expect a gift card or a present from me as you are just a money grabbing mommy to be! ahahahaaaa ©

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    • Godwine Lee

      I wonder why
      any guy would risk his stake
      Marrying you
      Should’ve made him sick

      You proved you are cheap
      by begging for bills
      you should have saved this baby
      by being on pills

      I would never gift you anything
      even if I were very rich
      and the reason for this is that
      you are a greedy witch

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    • Shawn

      My reply would go a little somerthing like this…

      Roses are red,
      Violets are blue,
      For the sake of humanity; put the child up for adoption,
      oh, and Fuck You!

    • http://pajamaproductivity.com Annie Sisk

      That poor child. S/he has NO shot of growing up with any decent values. *sigh*

    • Sandra Entrop

      How tacky. That young woman needs a lesson in how not to expect a gift from someone who did not attend your baby shower as they did not really know you. What is worse is to send a note to say that the gift that was given by someone attending the shower was not good enough. Did you ever think that some of the gifts that you registered for were to expensive and that you will need to buy them yourself. Grow up and while your at it give your head a shake. Then sit down and write letters of apology to all the people that you sent this too. That would be the right thing to do.

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    • Bridget Curran

      I would send her back a poem of my own:

      So kind of you to invite us
      So sad we had to pass
      But you can take your list of shops
      And shove it up your a$$

    • Beth

      I
      thought I was happy
      That you decided to breed.
      It never occurred to
      me
      That you were so high-need.
      So social services
      Will be visiting your
      parlor
      To make sure your kid
      Won’t be raised in squalor.

      • Beth

        Weird spacing. Thanks, Disqus! Sorry, readers.

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    • SiacĂ­ Ross

      Does the *** in *** Family stand for ASS?

    • SiacĂ­ Ross

      Here’s a gift!

    • Dani Jones

      Imagine what their wedding guests must have gone through…

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    • iannicholson2000

      Your baby gift trick is quite sick!
      Oh why didn’t you give ‘dick’ the flick?
      For now we’re expected to pay
      for your unwarranted roll in the hay.
      So to save these financial contortions,
      Please, go and have an abortion!

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