My eyes have rolled right out of my head so it is very difficult to write this, so if you notice any typos or mistakes please forgive me. It’s just that I wrote this while listening to Beyoncé and I am currently pregnant right now or something, because that is what Bey does to women and young girls, she encourages us to spread our legs and have the nearest roaming P come right on in our V and give us a baby. At least according to Bill O’Reilly, who told Russell Simmons when he was a guest on his show that Bey’d video for Partition ‘glorifies having sex in the back of a limousine,’ and then warmed to his point saying, ‘Teenage girls look up to Beyoncé, particularly girls of color. She’s an idol to them,” he continued. “I’m saying: Why on earth would this woman do that? ’Why would she do it when she knows the devastation that unwanted pregnancies – and fractured families – why would Beyoncé do that?’
WHY WOULD BEYONCE DO THAT WHYYYYY BEYONCE WHYYYYYY? I’m not going to get into how parents have been terrified of sexually provocative music since the birth of rock and roll, or how it’s up to a parent to decide if they are cool or not with their precious children watching Beyoncé videos, but instead I will tell you what it takes to get pregnant while watching the video for Partition.
1. You need to look like Beyoncé
2. You need to have been with the same guy for over ten years
3. You also need to have a baby with him
4. You need a lot of ridiculously amazing costume changes
5. Your partner needs a dirty little nickname for you
6. You need some highly talented backup dancers
7. More costume changes
8. You also need a limo and a driver
9. That ass
10. A man with better aim
Because everyone knows you probably aren’t going to get pregnant if a guy does that to your gown.
But yeah, follow all these steps and you will be knocked up in no time! Thanks Beyoncé and Bill O’Reilly!