• Wed, Mar 12 - 5:00 pm ET

Your Babysitter Is Not A Maid, Sorry Not Sorry

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Recently, I saw an interesting question posed on social media from an honest mom friend that was looking for an objective answer. She wondered… If both of your kids are sleeping, is it reasonable to ask babysitter to do a few small tasks around the house?

I totally understand where she’s coming from. Our kids have the very early bedtime of 7 PM. There have been a few times when our babysitter has come over after the kids have gone to bed just to keep an eye on the house and watch TV. We still pay her the same hourly rate of $10 per hour, which seems to be common in our area of Texas.

So, the babysitter gets $10 an hour when watching two lively children, a toddler and a baby. She also gets $10 an hour when she kicks up her feet on the couch and watches TV while our kids sleep. (Just as an aside, our babysitter does an excellent job every time she watches our kids.)

I’ve thought before about how much we should pay her when the kids go to sleep, just “to get our money’s worth.” But instead of attempting to cut her pay if she comes over to watch sleeping children on the baby monitor—which I think is entirely unfair—or trying to even it out by asking her to vacuum instead, we just leave it as-is.

In my way of thinking, a babysitter is not a housekeeper. I know some people may have nanny arrangements that involve some light housekeeping, but this is something we have never discussed with our sitter. She is the sitter of babies, and nothing more.

Since we pay her an average hourly rate of $10, per her request, I feel like it all evens out in the end. There may be times when she does more work than necessary as she tries to put two kids to bed (good luck with that!). There may also be times when she does “less” by watching the house after the kids have gone to bed. It all evens out in the end.

Sitter arrangements may vary by family, but in our house, a babysitter has one job only. She does an amazing job of watching our kids. She tidies up toys and dishes, but I’d never dream of asking her to clean my house.

(Image: ostill/Shutterstock)

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  • Kendra

    When I started babysitting, my mom made it very clear that I was to tidy up after I put the kids to bed, and I was NOT to sit and watch TV. I always did. When I have babysitters, I will not expect them to clean up any more than the messes they create while playing during play time hours, but the ones who do tidy up will definitely get paid more.

    • chickadee

      That is precisely what I was told, and what I did. Our mess got cleaned up, and sometimes I’d clean up any kitchen mess that was already there (which there usually wasn’t).

      Of course, you can always make it easier by having the children assist in cleaning up one mess before beginning another.

    • Kendra

      I once cleaned up and organized an entire toy room. My mom had put the fear into me and it was such a nightmare…but usually, I only did some basic tidy work.

    • K.

      I was told this too, but I don’t think she meant to do more than say, put the dishes in the dishwasher and wipe down the table after a meal or restock the bookshelf. And most of the time, I did homework after the kids went to sleep, not watch TV anyway.

      And as a parent, if a babysitter DIDN’T do these things but was loved by my kids, I’d probably still hire her/him anyway.

    • keelhaulrose

      When I was a babysitter I always cleaned up whatever mess we made, including wiping down bathtubs after bath, cleaning out potty chairs, and cleaning the kitchen. I thought that was part of the deal, I helped make the mess, I helped clean it up, and I got the kids to help with the toys and such.
      But I didn’t even think to dust or vacuum unless that was part of our mess. I would have done it for more if it was agreed upon earlier, but not normally.

  • K.

    I’m always shocked at what people expect of nannies/babysitters. “Getting your money’s worth” means that the babysitter played games with the kids and engaged them actively (as opposed to plopping THEM in front of the TV and gabbing on his/her cell phone) and like, had a kid-friendly personality; not conceiving of them as personal assistants.

    Besides, I’m pretty sure that a 7th-grader’s housekeeping skills are going to leave something to be desired–not to mention I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a 12yo to be pawing through our laundry anyway.

  • Valerie

    I only ever expect babysitters to clean messes the kids made while in her care. And I don’t even mean clean-like, stick dirty dishes in the sink but no need to rinse or put in the dishwasher. I expect toys put away but my kids have to do that on their own anyway. So I’m only asking she enforce our usual rules. I would never want to alienate a great sitter by trying to make her “worth” her pay. To me, she’s well worth it just by keeping my kids safe and happy.

    But I will say- I always did a little tidying after the kids went it bed when I babysat as a teen. My mom told me the parents would love me for it and they did. And as a mom now I totally see why. :-)

  • CMJ

    When I babysat – I would always clean up the messes I made or the messes I made with the kids (games, books, toys, etc). If there were pots or dishes out when I got there, I would probably was them or throw them in the dishwasher too….and then I would settle in and watch TV.

    • Bethany Ramos

      TV was my favorite part! But yes, I tidied too.

    • Valerie

      My hometown has a prestigious liberal arts college so I babysat for several families where the parents were professors. A few did not have any TVs in the house. Do you know how hard that sucked for a bored 15 year old before the era of Smartphones? And many had no call waiting so I didn’t feel like I could talk on the phone after the kids went to sleep in case the parents tried to call. Man life was rough in the 90′s.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Whatttttt. I think my entire babysitting motivation was to earn time to watch tv alone. Those smarties, how dare they!

    • Valerie

      I knowwww. This one family had an extensive collection of classical music on CDs and I was a big nerd with singing and playing piano so that was ok. But the others were just an evening of silence. Blasphemy for a blabby teenage girl!

    • Linzon

      I did most of my babysitting for families in student housing while my mom was also in school, so TVs weren’t necessarily the norm there either. Fortunately I was a giant nerd and always had a book with me!

    • Valerie

      Yes, I read a lot too. Or brought homework.

    • Brittany Anne

      That was always my policy too–leave things the same way I found them, pretty much. If we dirtied dishes, I washed them. If we brought out toys, we put them away before the parents got home. Etc.

  • MellyG

    When I used to babysit, i always cleaned up after myself and the kids, but it would have been very strange had I been left a list of chores.

    Also, even if the kids are sleeping, the babysitter is still “on alert” so to speak. It’s been awhile since i was a babysitter, but it was pretty much the norm that at some point, one of the kids would get up and need something, so it wasn’t exactly party time for the babysitter

  • Angela

    I’d never ask a date night sitter to do anything beyond cleaning up after herself and the kids. If it’s a regular gig then I don’t see a problem with working out some type of arrangement, but caring for the kids would always have to come first (obviously). My good friend has a nanny who she hires to pick up her kids from school, feed them snacks and help get them going on their homework until she gets home. Recently she arranged with her to start coming by an hour early to do some light housework, get dinner started, etc which to me sounds awesome and I don’t think it’s taking advantage of the nanny.

  • Leigh

    As someone who used to babysit/nanny, it bothers me when people think that they need to pay their sitter less/give her more work when the kids go to sleep so that they “get their money’s worth.” What you are paying for is someone to be there in the event that something goes wrong. If she was really doing “nothing,” you’d just send her home once the kids are asleep, right?

    • SarahJesness

      Really, isn’t that the whole point of a babysitter? After a certain young age, most kids are able to feed, dress, and entertain themselves. A babysitter gets hired to ensure that nothing goes wrong.

    • Maria Guido

      Exactly!

    • Katherine Handcock

      Very well said! One of the babysitters who works for us regularly seems shocked that all we expect is that she be there if the kids need her – she is so surprised every time I tell her she can feel free to bring schoolwork she needs to get done or to use our TV and ample DVD collection. As far as I’m concerned, though, I’m paying a perfectly reasonable amount to have someone my kids adore there (seriously, they can’t push us out the door fast enough when they hear she’s coming) if they wake up and need something.

  • pixie

    Yep, agreeing with everyone else. Totally reasonable to expect the babysitter to clean up any mess that they and the children created while there. Basic things like cleaning up toys, putting dishes in the dishwasher or cleaning them if there isn’t a dishwasher, wiping down tables, and what not. I knew to do this at 13, and was apparently the only sitter the family had that actually did that (though my one sin was forgetting to turn off downstairs lights, something I had issues with in my own home). I was very respectful of other peoples’ houses.

    Asking to do other housework if it’s only an occasional time when you need a sitter, I don’t think that’s really appropriate ( I think that’s the word I want). A regular gig that’s several nights a week or more, like more of a nanny, then I could see having some sort of light housework included.

  • Amanda D

    I always cleaned whatever messes we made, which usually wasn’t very much anyways. And one family I babysat for would be out til midnight or later so if I wasn’t watching tv or reading a book I was asleep on the couch, which was never a problem for them. If I ever had a babysitter for my child I would expect them to have the house looking like I left it, but since I am blessed with my parents being able to take him whenever I go out, which is a rarity, they have him at their house so my house is able to stay mostly clean.

  • Kelly

    I think it’s fine if you’re paying enough and make the arrangement up front.

    Now, if you’re paying say $10 an hour for babysitting and then later on you want the babysitter to clean too, that rate needs to increase or you’re just acting like a cheap jerk.

  • rrlo

    We had a nanny for a few months before my son was old enough to be in his daycare program. She tidied up at the end of the day and did one chore while my son napped – like loading the dishwasher. And occasionally I would ask her to put a prepared meatloaf in the oven.

    I don’t believe that anyone needs to get their money’s worth from the babysitter. But discussing the possibility of some minor chores doesn’t seem unreasonable to me – especially when the child is napping 2-3 hours a day.

  • Rose

    The first time I left my son (then, 6m) with a date-night sitter, our family room was already kinda messy. So when we got home at the end of the night and the room was clean, I was mortified. I thought she’d leave it in the same condition, and when I saw the room cleaned, was ashamed that she thought we were pigs. I also didn’t know you were to feed babysitters (I thought they brought their own packed lunches! I was such a noob).
    Anyway, that babysitter has been with us for 2 years and she is an angel, cares spectacularly for the boy, and even brings him homemade toys!
    If you want a babysitter to be a cleaner too, that needs to be brought up at an initial hiring, not a “oh hey, can you also mop the kitchen floor? kthx!” as you’re heading out the door.

    • pixie

      I was told a few times that I left the house cleaner than it had been, but my thing was I couldn’t remember if the kids had made that mess, or was it there before, or am I imagining things….I really respected other people’s houses and was terrified of doing something wrong, so if I wasn’t sure, I cleaned it up.

      Not saying that was the case, she could have been bored, but whatever the reason, big score for you for getting a fantastic babysitter.

    • KarenMS

      Boredom definitely was a factor for me. It was also weirdly fun to clean other people’s homes even though I hated cleaning my own.

    • CW

      I worked as a nanny, and I actually left one position because the snotty mom expected me to cook for the kids (which I didn’t mind doing) but then not eat any of what I’d made! If she had made that clear up front, I never would’ve taken the position in the first place. I never snacked on my employers’ food unless I was also giving the kids a snack, but to expect me to cook for them but not eat any of it was ridiculous. And this mom was a successful commercial realtor who drove a Mercedes and wore designer clothes so it’s not like she couldn’t afford to buy a few more groceries each week.

  • Taxes Make Kittens Cry

    OK! I had enough with Beth and her War on Toddlers via Gifs

    >:(

    #bethhatestoddlers

  • Garavriel

    When I babysat I would clean up any mess that the kids and I made and occasionally do a little extra tidying of the play room. I would wash the dishes we used to eat and any other dishes that were in the sink at the time. Then I would read or watch TV.

    I charged $10 an hour but my neighbors had a tendency of insisting that was too low and giving me a little extra, especially the ones with multiple children or if they were out until/past midnight.

  • Momma425

    It’s one thing to expect the babysitter to rinse the dishes she and the kids use while she is caring for them, or clean up messes that they make while she is home.

    But no, I would never ask my babysitter to clean my house for me while my kids are in bed. If I can’t afford the expense of having someone stay at my house and watch my kids (who I can’t leave home alone, even while sleeping), then I don’t hire a babysitter.

  • Rosa

    I’m a nanny and I always clean up the messes I’ve made with the children. I also do dishes and laundry. But I also charge way more than ten dollars and hour.

  • Sarah

    When I babysat, my mom’s rule for me was always “leave it as least as clean as you found it.” So, whatever food I got out for the kids got cleaned up, dishes and toys put away, messes tidied, etc. But I sure wasn’t vacuuming or mopping!
    Now, I did nanny work for a couple years for a family, and for them I did have an arrangement wherein I got paid a bit more but also handled several chores left on a list for me each morning- maybe deep clean a room, put dinner in the crock pot, clean a bathroom, fold laundry, etc. I was fine with it, since it was spelled out and agreed on. I don’t like expectations that aren’t clear cut, and I don’t think anyone does, especially teenagers.

    • Ponytail

      I was about to say the same thing – I au-paired for one family, where I was expected to do housework, and especially so when the kids were away (when I would ONLY do housework). At the same time, I had a small job where I babysat for someone and cleaned – but at different times ! I was hired at one rate to clean, and another to babysit, and she never once tried to get me to combine the roles. I possibly cleaned up any mugs I’d used, and would tidy away any magazines I’d read, but that was about it – the baby was 3 months old, there wasn’t much to do except be there really.

  • Maria Guido

    I totally agree with you that you shouldn’t expect a sitter to do more if the kids are sleeping. I’m always shocked when people feel like they’re not “getting their money’s worth” if the kids are asleep. How about the sitter is keeping you from getting arrested for child endangerment or abandonment – is that worth your money? Ha!

    • Bethany Ramos

      I really wonder how far our video monitor will stretch sometimes…

    • Darras

      Mine only stretches to the end of my dive. I checked.. :D

  • Victoria

    I think it depends on the nature of the arrangement. An after bedtime babysitter is there for the kids, s/he may not be needed, but you can’t just leave your kids without supervision at any rate. I think “leave the house in the condition you found it” is a good rule to follow. I will say that I know people who routinely would leave a sink full of dishes when they knew the babysitter was coming and feeding their children so that the babysitter would essentially have to do them, which isn’t fair either (a couple dishes beyond those the babysitter used, yes, but a full sink, no). They wondered why I was always “busy” when they asked me to babysit…

  • aCongaLine

    When I was in high school, I was the ONE and ONLY sitter that my very special needs neighbor kid didn’t scare away with his quirks and sensitivities. (He was cool. It was fine. I became a special ed teacher partly because of him and his awesomeness.) His mom had a lot on her plate with him and his siblings… I always cleaned a little once they all went to bed, just to help her out. I babysat for them a lot, sometimes just the one kid, sometimes the others, sometimes all of them. She paid me well, but I think it was because she was terrified I wouldn’t want to come back- and I was the only one her son was comfortable with. I set a time limit on cleaning and tidying though- usually 30 minutes. It was usually enough to tidy our messes as well as do a “quick” clean up of the living areas. She never asked me to, but years later she told me how much she appreciated it.

  • Kelly

    I definitely don’t expect sitters to take a pay cut once kids go to bed and/or make them “earn their money’s worth” in chores. However, there have been a few occasions that we have asked a sitter to sleep over b/c we have had out of town engagements to attend. Instead of paying the hourly fee overnight, we kind of just agreed on a lump sum for the whole experience. She loved it the arrangement and it actually worked out to be cheaper for us (24 hrs of babysitting at her hourly rate would be EXPENSIVE!!!)

    • pixie

      When I babysat in the early 2000s at 13/14 I got paid like $5/hour plus an extra $20 (just $20, not per hour) if the parents were out past midnight. Plus, if they were out past midnight, I spent the night there, got breakfast in the morning, and got a ride home. Pretty sweet deal for a 13 year old.

    • A Different Kelly

      LOL, when I babysat in the early 90s, I got a dollar an hour per kid. I babysat for a family with four kids and their mom worked nights so most of that time was spent staying up late, eating snacks, drinking soda and playing video games.

      I was very happy with that job.

    • pixie

      Lol. That’s pretty fantastic.

  • fireflywander

    The way I see it, your kids would be taken by CPS and you would be charged with negligence or reckless endangerment of a child if the babysitter wasn’t watching them, awake or asleep. The house should be left in relatively the same condition as it was before the parents departed, and the parents should be grateful if the babysitter can get the kids to bed on time and spare them from a crankypants monster the next day.

    • Conuly

      Are you freaking kidding me? Is CPS going to take the kids if the babysitter is watching them for more than one day and has to sleep? Or if the kids sleep in separate bedrooms? Or if they want a little privacy as they poop?

      Babysitting doesn’t mean you have to literally keep staring at the kids at every hour of the day and night. Creepy, much?

    • Althea Vestrit

      I think firefly meant ‘looking after them’ not WATCHING them watching them…
      Overreact much?

  • Liz

    This is the second time I have seen something on here about normal pay for a babysitter being $10/hour. I feel like I’m getting so ripped off. I still babysit for extra cash sometimes, and I don’t usually get more than $5/hour. ‘S’not faaaaair. Waaaah.

    To put my two cents in, I think it’s appropriate to expect a sitter to clean up after themselves and after the children, but not to do real housework unless you have some type of an arrangement with them where their pay and duties include housework.

  • Lackadaisical

    I would absolutely not ask a babysitter to do chores round the house. Not only that but I would make sure the house was pleasant before the babysitter arrived so that they don’t have to sit in filth while minding my kids so doing housework for me wouldn’t be an issue. If I want a cleaner I will hire a cleaner, and not ask the cleaner to mind my kids for free while she cleans the house.

  • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

    When I was a teenage babysitter, I would clean up the mess we made during the day when the kids were sleeping. All the toys we used went back in the bin. All the dishes we used were washed and any leftover food put back in the fridge. I would wipe the high chair down, and sweep up food thrown about. Once I spent a weekend with two kids and then I did maintenance on the house such as sweep up the sand we had tracked in from the park. I try to leave the house in the same state it was when I arrived if not a little better.

    Once when one of my parents broke her leg she asked me to come over and help her out. The kids were snuggling with her and she asked if I would mind doing the dishes. I didn’t mind, that was what I was there for.

    I think I would have been offended though to be assigned chores after the kids were in bed. Even as a mother, I don’t clean the house once my kids are in bed. I do that on a weekend day when I have more energy. On weekends I worked a full day in a saw mill, then if I arrive and your kids are awake I have played with them, fed them and put them to bed. I am exhausted. If it is a weeknight, I would have been at school all day and I am probably doing my homework after your kids are in bed.

    Mind you, I was only paid $3-$5 an hour back then. I earned my money though whether the kids were sleeping or not. I had one set of parents who lived across the street from me. They would have me come over at bedtime because they were incapable of putting their own child to sleep. They didn’t want to cry it out, but I had developed a system that worked without having him cry. Eventually I was able to teach it to them.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I used to do regular childminding four days a week for three different families.
    If the kids were sleeping, I automatically looked to see were there dishes I could do, or toys I could tidy or even unload the dishwasher.
    It’s politeness, especially if it’s a regular family.

    HOWEVER- I DID tear strips off one mother.
    She had recommended me to another couple with a little girl. I sat her, got on great.
    Then the NEW mother I sat for, turned around and said just so you know, XXXX (old mother who recommended me) said you were great cheap labour, she told us if we wanted to leave our dirty dishes in the sink or clean clothes in a basket, that you’d sort and clean everything. I didn’t think that was very fair.

    I thanked her for telling me, called the old mother, told her to stuff herself and never call me again, that I was a CHILD-MINDER not a SKIVVY!

    Needless to say I didn’t sit for the old mother again.
    Cow!

  • JLH1986

    Once when babysitting (and I babysat daily during summer and then every Friday night through out the year) my kiddos family asked me to clean, they were having a party the next day (bbq) and didn’t want to stay home to clean. I think they paid me like $7 an hour normally to baby sit. They paid me that plus $100 to clean their house! The kids went to bed at like 8 and I scrubbed their house. I made like $150 that night. It was totally worth it. But it was a one off, otherwise, I just had to clean up the mess we made together while I was keeping the kids. Though I did try to do dishes and what not because there is only so much tv I could watch before boredom set in.

    • Bethany Ramos

      This is kinda of an awesome idea – I’d never take advantage of a babysitter, but I may offer her $100 or more to clean before a special event (plus wages). As long as she was comfortable.

    • JLH1986

      I loved that family. I watched their boys for 3 years, until their mom lost her job. She never took advantage, but she waved $100 for a couple hours of work (they were hardly slobs) I was in. I had been sitting for them for a couple of years at that point. I totally would have done it every Friday night for that kind of bank, I was 14, that was a TON of money in my eyes…hell that’s a lot of money to me now! lol

  • KBC

    I am an adult postpartum doula who also nannies one child part time to even out the very dynamic nature of doula work. My nannying charge is $25/hour for one child (in Raleigh, NC), which is less than my hourly doula rate. As a nanny, I do small tasks around the house that were pre-agreed to in my contract. So, I think anyone paying a teen $10/hour to take care of two small children and a baby is “Getting your money’s worth” many times over even if the sitter is just there at night to make sure your most precious people in the world are safe and comfortable.

    When a mom friend of mine, who is lovely in every way, will happily pay $4.50 at Starbucks for a medium latte that took only 3 mins to make (and is gone in 10 mins) and then complains to me that her sitter charges $12/hour for two very active kids, I scratch my head at the odd discrepancies it brings to light. This mom also pays more per hour for a house cleaning service once a month and, in her pre-marriage days, spent $40/hour on a personal trainer and $60/hour for a massage. And the list of services goes on.

    So why is it that she feels so put out by spending $12 to have her two children well cared for? She clearly values her children and the quality of care for them very highly in her mind, but when it comes to putting her money where her heart is, she still feels that the person providing that care should make 1/4 of what the guy at the gym makes, 1/6th of what a masseuse makes. Which service is truly more important to you? So why the huge pay discrepancies? Mainly because so many babysitters and nannies are willing to accept such tiny wages (another comparison, I was paid $9.35/hr as a teenage lifeguard back in 1989 and yet I agreed to babysit 3 children under 6 yrs of age for $6/hr- crazy!) for the very important services they provide. So, if the babysitter is kicking back and watching TV while the kids nap or at night, then you are still getting a total steal of a deal… and taking advantage of the very skewed market value put on child care.

    • Guest

      Exactly- and you really want your babysitter happy for a multitude of reasons including that they’ll keep coming back :)

  • Guest

    I always picked up the toys and cleaned the dishes we used at dinner. I wanted to leave the place in the same (or better) condition then when I got there. My lady was ecstatic that she’d come home to a clean house with sleeping kids. She was always awesome though- telling me babysitting stories like someone who always made her give the kids baths…and she was like “I would never ask someone else to bathe my child!” or when someone she knew had a babysitter organize her cupboards and alphabetize all the cans :-/

  • Guest

    Reminds me of when my Mom offered me as a babysitter for $2.50 an hour (this was like 14 years ago) because that is what SHE got paid. The lady was like maybe we should do more like 5-8 but towards the end she would basically pay me in 20′s and round up. Kept me happy and I was available.

  • Blahblah

    When I baby sat, I was perfectly fine like, wiping the table after a meal and washing our supper dishes, putting any laundry in the washer if we’d went swimming or something, making sure the kid at least tried to put their toys away. If I was already washing dishes, I’d wash whatever was in the sink if I had time. If I was already doing the wash, I’d fold and put away what we had used. If I had already wiped the table, I’d sweep the floor.

    But I had one Mom who would leave me a list of things she wanted one. Like, going and picking up dog poop in the yard. Or making her bed. Or dusting the living room. I told her if my job was increasing, my pay would need to. Suddenly, I wasn’t her sitter anymore.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Dog poop?!?!?!? Unreal.

  • CW

    I used to work as a nanny, and I did not take positions where I would be expected to do anything more than clean up after the kids during the day. The home wouldn’t be any messier when the parents got home, but it wouldn’t be any cleaner either. If the parents wanted to hired a maid, they needed to find someone else. I made it clear up front what I would and wouldn’t do in terms of cleaning tasks.

  • SA

    Out sitter charges $2 less an hour if the kid is asleep – $12 awake/$10 asleep. We always leave while our kid is still awake, so we just do $12 an hour regardless because I am just not the type of person that is going to come home and ask when the kid went to bed and then start deducting money – although I might be more likely to if I knew my kid went to bed at the exact same time every night. We love our sitter though so I don’t mind and she definitely makes us a priority!

    I don’t think I would ask the sitter we use now to ever do any cleaning (outside of what happens while she is there), but if we found a new one and that was a wish of mine, I would mention it up front and see if they were interested and discuss an extra amount of money I would pay her/him on the nights they did do housework.

  • Rachel Sea

    Where I live, house-cleaners get paid more than babysitters. A good sitter will make sure the house is roughly as clean as they found it, but at night they are an insurance policy in case your child gets sick, or can’t sleep, or there is an emergency. Anyone who wants their sitter to do more should pay them more.

  • Melissanichole Hermes

    As a babysitter- I’d like parents to consider just what I’m doing for them. Your kids are fed, washed and their homework is done. When they get to bed I get to do a tiny bit of studying myself (I’m in college). I need that time.

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