This will be the last time Iām ever pregnant (God-willing). Though in my current state Iām doubting to the depths of my soul that Iāll actually miss it, maybe thatās not completely true. In an effort to āenjoyā this pregnancy (and I use that term very lightly) Iām trying to find a few things to embrace instead of scorn. The truth is I do not like being pregnant. I donāt like barfing or feeling like my body is not my own and I really, really donāt like that the liquor store across the alley hasnāt seen my face in over six months. I know itās all for the greater good, but man, I am about ready to start pushing. Just say the word. Regardless of how I feel at the present moment, I know when itās all over, there may, in fact, be a handful of little things Iāll wish Iād appreciated a bit more.
Here are the top nine things Iām trying to savor about pregnant life. Feel free to stop me if I start to sound too perky.
1. Doing a few yoga poses and calling it a workout.
Nausea, fatigue, maintaining a four year old and growing a child have wrought havoc on my fitness routine. I still do yoga, but in my pre-pregnancy life, Iād be drowning in guilt by the lack of physical activity Iāve succumbed to. A little goddess pose here, a downdog there, pigeon, of course because it feels sooo good. After a twenty minute nap, I mean savasana, I pat myself on the back for my awesome āworkout.ā
2. Not having to say āI donāt feel like having sex tonight.ā
Because letās face it, he already knows it aināt happening. It seems the bigger I get, the more desperate my husband becomes. Unfortunately his growing infatuation with my pregnant bod coincides with my growing repulsion to anything even remotely sexual. Except in the case of…
3. Pregnant dreams.
Thatās right. In my waking hours, sex is repulsive. But once Iām down for the count itās a different encounter every night. Guest appearances have included Matt Damon, Leonardo Dicaprio and I hate to say it, Justin Bieber. Apparently my slumbering pregnant self is a total cliche (and kind of a cradle-robber).
4. Falling asleep at the drop of a hat.
In real life, Iām an awful sleeper. It takes me forever to get to sleep (unless itās wine induced, obv) and I wake up every time my daughter makes a noise or the cat walks across my bedroom. But when Iām pregnant, I hit the pillow and Iām done. Snooze-city till morning or till Iām four seconds away from peeing the bed. Typically the latter. Iāve also never been someone who could nap but pregnant? Anytime, anywhere, baby. If thereās so much as twelve seconds of silence, youāre gonna have to wake me. Preferably by rubbing my feet.