Pinterest is where all good things go to die. I’m kind of kidding, only because I like to use Pinterest to pin a wide variety of recipes that I will never use. But we all know that Pinterest is full of supermom ridiculousness and other crazy bullshit that flies under the radar. Penis paraphernalia falls perfectly within the latter category.
I wasn’t searching for a P-in-the-V necessarily on Pinterest, but I was open-minded. You’ll never believe what I saw. Actually, you will because the penis glory of Pinterest is all over this page.
Penises on Pinterest—say that five times fast and then check out these amazing penis pins:
1. Man’s Best Friend Penis
If you look closer, you’ll see that this is a wonderfully fluffy dog and not a wonderfully fluffy dick. Still, gotta love man’s best friend.
2. Penis Toothbrush
The perfect gift for a man who is very, very comfortable with his sexuality.
3. Penis Chandelier
Pinned on a Bachelor Pad decor board, obvy.
4. Penis Dress
Don’t ever question art, even if it means wearing a penis dress.
5. Penis Shoes
Didn’t I already tell you not to question penis fashion?
6. Penis Jewelry
Elegant penis jewelry is so… elegant.
7. Penis Wine Cozy
Nothing is cuter than a handmade penis wine cozy that makes absolutely no sense. In the spirit of Pinterest and Etsy, I’m sure there is a pattern out there somewhere so that you can make crocheted phallic gifts just in time for Christmas. Get on it. Wine not included.
8. Penis Egg Pan
Sunnyside-up eggs are for suckers. Wouldn’t your breakfast taste better shaped like a pocket rocket?
9. Penis Vase
I’m not sure if this was supposed to be the silhouette of a beautiful cathedral, but it definitely looks like a penis. I see nothing but penis here.
10. Crocheted Penis Gear
Every man needs an easy, breezy crocheted banana hammock just in time for swimsuit season.