• Tue, Mar 11 - 1:00 pm ET

10 Penises You Never Want To See On Pinterest

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Pinterest is where all good things go to die. I’m kind of kidding, only because I like to use Pinterest to pin a wide variety of recipes that I will never use. But we all know that Pinterest is full of supermom ridiculousness and other crazy bullshit that flies under the radar. Penis paraphernalia falls perfectly within the latter category.

I wasn’t searching for a P-in-the-V necessarily on Pinterest, but I was open-minded. You’ll never believe what I saw. Actually, you will because the penis glory of Pinterest is all over this page.

Penises on Pinterest—say that five times fast and then check out these amazing penis pins:

1. Man’s Best Friend Penis

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If you look closer, you’ll see that this is a wonderfully fluffy dog and not a wonderfully fluffy dick. Still, gotta love man’s best friend.

2. Penis Toothbrush

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The perfect gift for a man who is very, very comfortable with his sexuality.

3. Penis Chandelier

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Pinned on a Bachelor Pad decor board, obvy.

4. Penis Dress

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Don’t ever question art, even if it means wearing a penis dress.

5. Penis Shoes

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Didn’t I already tell you not to question penis fashion?

6. Penis Jewelry

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Elegant penis jewelry is so… elegant.

7. Penis Wine Cozy

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Nothing is cuter than a handmade penis wine cozy that makes absolutely no sense. In the spirit of Pinterest and Etsy, I’m sure there is a pattern out there somewhere so that you can make crocheted phallic gifts just in time for Christmas. Get on it. Wine not included.

8. Penis Egg Pan

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Sunnyside-up eggs are for suckers. Wouldn’t your breakfast taste better shaped like a pocket rocket?

9. Penis Vase

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I’m not sure if this was supposed to be the silhouette of a beautiful cathedral, but it definitely looks like a penis. I see nothing but penis here.

10. Crocheted Penis Gear

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Every man needs an easy, breezy crocheted banana hammock just in time for swimsuit season.

(Image: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock)

Share This Post:
  • Maria Guido

    That necklace is amazing.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      am gonna buy it for you

    • Socks (I HATE TAXES) Crusty

      A pearl necklace?

  • ChelseaBFH

    With the exception of #1, this is basically a gift guide.

    • Bethany Ramos

      But I want the penis dog too!

    • MaebykittyRN

      I’ll take the dog and the wine cozy, please.

  • Valerie

    The photo of the guy with the penis toothbrush complete with toothpaste bukaki sliding down his chin is just the perfect addition to his modeling portfolio. He can only go up from here.

    • Bethany Ramos

      “toothpaste bukaki” lolololol. You are my favorite person!

    • Crusty (I HATE TAXES) Socks

      WTF???

      If I wanted smut, I would have just stayed on CNN >:(

    • Valerie

      Crusty, are you in a chaste relationship?

    • Socks (I HATE TAXES) Crusty

      Are you interested? ;)

    • Valerie

      In something chaste? I just used the word bukaki in a sentence. I think the chastity ship has sailed.
      Am I on glue or did you change your name around again?

    • Socks (I HATE TAXES) Crusty

      Yea, I started getting my commented deleted on CNN like crazy. That’s my cue to change my screen nam.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Wow, they’ll never figure out it’s you. I think Valerie’s cracked the code pretty quickly.

    • Taxes Make Kittens Cry

      LOL you give CNN mods waaaaaay too much credit ;P

    • Valerie

      Beth, I can see your comment when I am logged out but not when I am logged in so I am blinding replying now. Hahaha.
      You are my fave too! *Smooches*

    • Kay_Sue

      #ThanksDisqus

      It keeps doing that for me too. I have had some luck logging onto the Disqus site itself and replying from there, but even that is sketchy…

    • Valerie

      It’s so annoying. Seems better on the iPad than any other device I use but still. Irritating.

  • Crusty (I HATE TAXES) Socks

    #7 can be used for real on a cold night.

    Prevent shrinkage!

  • MaebykittyRN

    Not gonna lie, I giggled like a 12 year old at all of these.

  • Valerie

    #6 is making me think of pinched nut sack skin. Like, I am picturing that gold coil aparatus stuck on the base of a man’s wang. Ouchie.

  • keelhaulrose

    I’m going to tell my husband I find #10 ridiculously sexy, take pictures, and have something to laugh at uncontrollably for a while.

  • Valerie

    I actually work in the wine industry and my boss is always looking for unique gift ideas for our suppliers. I am heavily considering the penis wine bottle koozie for my next round of suggestions.

    • tSubh Dearg

      Oh please do it! If I was a supplier to the wine industry I would love a penis wine bottle cozie. It would be the best thing ever!

  • OCT

    I just found my wedding dress! Nothing screams ‘fall wedding’ like a skirt of floppy dongs! And my MIL though she was upset when I told her I wasn’t wearing white.

  • itpainsme2say

    Btw I crochet and there are several r rated patterns out there. On revelry they have there own category vagina purses, elephant penis cosy/boxers, or tit beanies if you got yarn and some time you can whip one up

  • Kay_Sue

    Apparently we travel in vastly different Pinterest circles. I might enjoy it more if my friends were pinning this stuff!! ;)

  • Jallun-Keatres

    Now I want to be boned! :(

  • Williwaw

    The penis dress needs some testicles.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      *snorf* I misread that as “tentacles”…

      (And yes, yes it does need them!)

    • Williwaw

      Ooh, a tentacle penis dress would be so H.R. Giger.

  • Alanna Jorgensen

    I use Pinterest for funny stuff, clothes, tattoos, recipes and geeky stuff. I have apparently been using it incorrectly.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    On a slightly (only slightly) related note, I found some accidental SEX on Pinterest once…

    http://www.pinterest.com/pin/278308451946457558/

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahahah I love Pinterest fails!

    • Jallun-Keatres

      That’s what I get for reading things right to left!

  • Irony of ironies

    I wanted to pin this…where’s the Pinterest button? Irony!