• Mon, Mar 10 - 4:00 pm ET

Your Daycare Provider Wants You To Know That You’re Doing It Wrong

shutterstock_155336075I can’t stress how much I love our son’s daycare provider. Right now, he goes to an in-home daycare in our small town. He absolutely loves it, and his daycare provider is sweet, personal, and intuitive. Attending half-day daycare has been the perfect compromise to get him out of the house while we are working and give him some social interaction.

But there’s always another side to the story… I’m not trying to knock daycare providers by any means because I think they are generally great people doing a tough job. I’ve also worked in the service industry as a waitress. I know it’s really easy to get frustrated with “customers,” or the parents, in this case.

Wouldn’t the world be a wonderful place if parents could put themselves in their daycare provider’s shoes for a minute? I took the time to dig through daycare provider forums to get the 411 on what they’re really talking about after you take your kid home at the end of the day. You may have a wonderful relationship with your daycare provider, and I sincerely hope that is the case. But there’s always room for improvement.

Here are a few big mistakes you could be making, according to your daycare provider:

1. You Need A Better Potty Training Plan. daycare1 I haven’t tried potty training at daycare just yet, but I would assume you need a flexible plan that will work in both locations for any hope of success.

2. You Don’t Respect Her Vacation. daycare3 Daycare providers are people too! My son’s daycare provider takes two weeks of vacation spread out through the year. I don’t love it when he has an extra week at home, but I know she deserves a complete break.

3. You Bring Your Sick Kid To Daycare. daycare3 I always thought there were pretty strict rules about bringing a sick kid to school or daycare. Barfing is a no-go.

4. You Bring Your Kid To Daycare Late. daycare1 If I was a daycare provider, I would be infuriated if a parent showed up late and kept me waiting again after work.

5. You Don’t Send Your Child In With Shoes OR Pants. daycare2 So much about this scenario makes me sad. Why is a seven-year-old wearing a diaper? Why is a toddler coming in without shoes or pants? This daycare provider deserves a raise.

(Image: Nadezhda1906/Shutterstock)

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  • keelhaulrose

    As much as I hate to say it, I agree with most of these.
    Especially the sick one. I have a million stories of parents who tried (or managed) to drop their sick kids off. If you’re normally chatty and suddenly you’re ‘dump and run’ you can bet we’re feeling a forehead to wonder.
    And the potty training thing. I knew which parents were working on it at home, and which weren’t. It’s frustrating when parents want you to do all the potty training. And the candy thing is frustrating because there are rules about what we’re allowed to give children, and, in the centers where I am at least, you’re NOT allowed to use candy as a reward (for good reason).
    Vacation, well, anyone would be mad about getting interrupted during their time off.
    The pants and shoes are also a rules thing, at least in the center. I can’t let a half-naked kid run around. The shoes are in case of emergency. I can’t stop to put shoes on a kid if there’s a fire, I need to get them out.
    As for the late thing, that one I think is more an issue for at-home programs or preschool programs. For the centers I worked in it was no big deal. You were in when you were in, and out when you were out, and the only time it was an issue was if you were late picking up (and the stories I have of that… ugh). It boils down to respecting your provider’s time.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yeah, I can’t see a center getting on board with the candy reward because it definitely wouldn’t apply to all kids.

    • keelhaulrose

      I’m all for rewarding kids for potty training. We did sticker charts and treasure boxes. But I have a fundamental problem with rewarding anything with food. It’s what my parents did, and I’ve been battling the bulge ever since. It took me until 25 to realize that I had become conditioned to using food to reward myself, and that I was seeking out reasons to reward myself as an excuse to eat unhealthy things.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      I’m going to take this opportunity to ask you a question about a daycare-related matter since it’s on topic. My son just started daycare today. He’d napped all of 20 minutes by 2pm. He’s currently on a massive pass-out nap right now because I picked him up early to make his first day short.
      I was wondering if you could give me an idea how long an almost-year-old baby might take to adjust to the noise and activity of a daycare and take good naps? Is there a normal/average time?

    • keelhaulrose

      That’s hard to answer because there are so many variables. At nearly one many centers have quiet time in the baby room, so that might help. The better your son is about falling asleep in the first place the easier it’ll be. If he’s out like a light even with some noise it should only take a few days. But if he usually requires absolute silence it’s going to take longer because there’s never a totally quiet time in the baby room. Are you in home or center? Ideally they’d try to work with you for an ideal situation, a quiet corner or something, but it’s not always possible.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      It’s an in-home daycare with the sleeping space in the same area as the play space. He’s able to fall asleep and stay asleep… but the activity around him might be a problem.
      Knock on wood it works out :)

    • keelhaulrose

      I sincerely wish you the best of luck. I’m sure once he gets over the excitement of a new place things will work out well. And if there’s a ‘trick’ that helps put him to sleep let your provider know. I’d rock kids to sleep, pat backs, rock cribs, sing, anything to get that naptime so I could disinfect the toys and get my paperwork done, so most of us will happily do something special to help get the kids to sleep.

    • personal

      I don’t know if there’s a norm but wanted to add that the in-home daycare my boy goes to 2 days a week is the ONLY place he sleeps alone and in a baby bed. For me, the little guy will only fall asleep at the breast or next to me or in his stroller. For the childminder, in the baby bed next to all the other kids.
      If today was his first day, he’s probably all excited and may not be able to calm down and get to sleep. He’ll get used to it.

    • Karin

      My son never slept at daycare ever for his entire first year. This meant I picked him up at four, fed him, and put him to bed by six…and he slept straight through until 7am.

    • keelhaulrose

      My daughter was a favorite in the daycare I worked at unless it was naptime. Then she drove everyone nuts because she wouldn’t sleep most days. We’d have to rock her, singing nothing but the ABCs, while patting her back to get her down, and it would often take as long to get her down as she would wind up napping. Then she’d sleep on the way home.

    • Angela

      I agree with the sick thing but I can understand why it happens. When my son was in daycare he got sick all. the. time. It was all minor stuff but I still had to keep him home. My husband and I both took turns staying home with him but we still used up all our sick time and I was terrified we’d lose our jobs. It also doesn’t help that half the time when I’d stay home with him he’d wind up being totally fine after an hour or so and I realized that I’d wasted a sick day. I was so worried about us getting laid off that there were a few times I thought I’d have a panic attack when I realized that he was sick AGAIN. And eventually I was laid off because of it. So while I’m definitely not advocating taking sick kids to daycare I do feel for parents who feel trapped.

    • SA

      Yeah with my sitter she has to be 24 hour fever free. That means if she starts running one early in the day at the sitters, I have to take that day AND the next off of work, even if the fever turns out to be nothing and go away quickly. I definitely understand it because I don’t want my sick child to put other parents in this position, but I didn’t work a full work week (5 days straight) the first 6 weeks of this year because of several illnesses/related doc appts and was in full-blown work panic attack mode!

    • rrlo

      Oh yeah – we had random 3 am fevers that went absolutely NO WHERE so many times. And my son is perfectly fine the next day. Thankfully my husband and I have work from home options and if we both stay at home, we can actually get work done.

    • rrlo

      I know what you mean. And my kid’s sickness is always followed by my own sickness. Thankfully my husband and I both have very flexible, family friendly work places and we have my parents (semi retired) close by. Otherwise, we would be SCREWED!

    • keelhaulrose

      I don’t disagree with you, but,, at least in the state I worked in, centers have their hands tied. Hit the magical 101 on the thermometer and the child is supposed to go home.
      We really tried to do a case by case basis. Tylenol to get fevers down, especially in kids who were teething, just had shots, or weren’t acting different. But when you work with a kid long enough you know when they’re sick. They just don’t act like themselves. Most get super cuddly. You get the runny noses, vomiting, all that stuff. And you’ve got fourteen other kids you don’t want getting sick. We know it’s a huge inconvenience to you, but at some point our hands are tied. It’ll be an even bigger inconvenience if the center gets shut down for not sending home sick kids. There was one memorable time the five teachers who were in my room one day all had to be sent home for 72 hours plus a stool test because a mom who knew her kid had salmonella ignored the rule about not bringing kids in after they had been diarrhea free for 24 hours. She didn’t tell us about the salmonella, so when we found out every teacher who had changed his diaper had to stay home and pass a test. For three days the kids in our room had substitute teachers who didn’t know our routine. It was awful for everyone, but it’s a good example on why we have to be careful, and it’s not just for the kids.
      I won’t go into my pink eye stories.

    • Alicia Kiner

      The teething thing!! Both my kids would run 103 temps for about a week prior to cutting a tooth. Had no other symptoms besides being generally cranky, because, hey mouth hurts like hell. Couldn’t really blame them and luckily once the our day care provider realized that was the case, noted it in their files, and let the kids stay there as long as nothing as was going on. I even got something from the pediatrician stating this was common for my kids so if the state inspectors came in, the daycare was covered.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Timely! My 10mo is running 103 today, and we are taking him to the doc now. I know he’s teething hard, but I hope it’s not an ear infection.

    • brebay

      Ugh. My kids’ elementary school has a similar policy, 48 hours if they throw up (with or without a fever). They sent my son home twice, so he missed 4 days of school, then I kept him home one day because he was really ill. So after the 5th absence the district sends you a nice, passive aggressive “Education is Important!!!!” letter letting you know that they refer to the County Attorney for truancy after 10 absences…and you’re halfway there! And I’m like, WTF? 4 of those were on you! Do I get to take you to court if you send him home more than ten times? He threw up because they have a 12 minute lunch and then go out to recess, they don’t even get to digest before they hit the monkey bars. So he played outside all day the second day of the 48-hour-holds. So silly.

    • kris

      My daughter got strep 3 times this school year, and strep is an automatic 48 hours home from the time antibiotics start, so if you get them sick on Monday, take them to the dr, they aren’t allowed back until Wednesday or Thursday. Then there are any other sicknesses, like a stomach bug that went around, with another 48 hours from last vomit rule, etc. I have gotten the nasty gram about how many days your kids have been out of school, and I have hit the 10 day mark. I am like, do you think I WANT her home? This last bout of strep, I was talking to the school, and I was like, I am over days that she is allowed to be absent already, but she has strep and a fever, you still want her? Yeah, they didn’t. (And yes, we are scheduled with the ENT. Poor baby is only 5)

    • WriterLady

      I completely empathize with you. I returned to work when my son was just 8 weeks old, and I have worked full-time ever since then (though to be fair, my situation is a bit unusual because my line of work afforded me the opportunity to freelance, rather than continue to work in a corporate setting, for which I am grateful). He just turned four and has been in three separate daycare settings. When we lived in a relatively big city, we vetted several in-home providers while I was on maternity leave and decided on one older lady with lots of experience. My son stayed in that setting from 8 months of age until he was several months shy of 3. I thought the provider was fairly good (though she had too many kids under 3 in my opinion, and she wasn’t particularly willing to work on things like potty training). Her policies were fair, with two weeks of paid vacation and rare call-offs for illnesses or emergencies. I fully agree that daycare providers should receive paid time off, as with most other jobs.

      A month or two later, we had moved to my hometown. I did my research, and chose what I thought was an excellent center. My intuition couldn’t have been further off. There were several significant problems. First, while the teachers seemed pretty good and the facilities were incredible (a phenomenal indoor play area and a library full of books, for example), the clientele was sketchy, to say the least (I’m talking parents of all races and ages). My first clue was noticing that more than a couple of parents or caretakers would yell and cuss at their kids in the parking lot, sometimes even yanking them from the car. My second clue was when my normally sweet and generally well-behaved kid suddenly turned into a full-blown devil child at home. Mind you, he was now almost 3, and within two weeks or so of attending the center, he was biting, smacking, and sometimes outright attacking us (and especially me). He was also extremely aggressive with his possessions and seemed disturbingly high-strung. Furthermore, there were a total of three reports of “accidents” or “injuries” happening to my son at the school, which had to be reported to a government agency (per standard protocol). The reports were shady, and I was well aware that he hadn’t simply bumped his head, for instance, but had been attacked by one of the bullies. (I don’t blame the kid, because any parent that displays signs of borderline abuse right out in an open parking lot in front of the damn daycare center is probably not exactly “mom of the year” material). So, one day, I dropped him off and observed the classroom for 20 minutes or so. For the love of God, it was total mayhem. I’m talking movie-worthy chaos. The boys, especially, were constantly using foul language and some of them were intensely bullying the other children. The teachers seemed to be doing their best, but they, too, were in way over the heads with this crew. Many were very young (late teens or early twenties), and it was clear they didn’t know how to handle the situation. Hell, I wouldn’t know what to do, either, aside from contacting an administrator right away. I quickly put two and two together and realized that my son’s unusual and sudden acts of aggression were stemming directly from this center. He was only enrolled for a few weeks, but talk about parental guilt! I later learned from word-of-mouth that the center is a magnet for dysfunctional families. How unfortunate.

      I panicked a little after removing him from the previous center, because even though I was freelancing by that point, I was working over full-time hours on a difficult project. My husband works through a temp agency as a contractor doing financial analyses, so he has no benefits—including zero time off (accept for the 4 or 5 major holidays). Eventually, I reached out to former acquaintances through FB and asked for recommendations. This time, we found an excellent center, I have only positive things to say about the experience at this new center (which my son has been enrolled at since last April, I believe).

      The only problem is dealing with the illnesses that run rampant through larger daycare/preschool centers. After years of in-home care, I was shocked to find out how often kids pass bugs back and forth when there are 15-20 kids in one classroom. This winter has been HORRIBLE. I nearly lost a major, lucrative client because I’ve had to miss something like 20 days of work–mostly due to illnesses, but also as a result of the center’s week-long closure during the holidays. Luckily, I was able to recuperate the lost time by working straight through the night (in some cases). In other cases, my project managers extended the deadlines for me, but I could tell that they were getting irritated with the last two bouts of illnesses. I completed that particular project last week and will be starting a new one sometime later this week, but it’s really hard to maintain a career under such circumstances. I don’t fault the center or the teachers at all for their policies, though. To me, they are commonsense practices. It was just hard for us because the only people I truly know anymore in my hometown are my parents, and my mother has not yet retired (my dad can only handle my son for periods of time, due to two herniated discs in his back). Aside from them, I don’t have a backup plan. It’s not like a stay-at-home mom friend is going to take in my sick child, which would be like playing Russian roulette by taking the very obvious chance that her kids would wind up sick, too.

    • brebay

      Most daycares charge you now whether you’re there or not, which I can understand, because their overhead changes, but at the same time, neither does the fact that if the parent in paid hourly with no sick leave and they still have to pay daycare, at some point, they’re going to have to bring them in sick. Is there ever a winter month when at least one kid isn’t sick?

    • keelhaulrose

      Winter… my hands were never quite right during the winter months because of all the hand-washings. Wipe a kids’ nose, wash your hands, wipe the next one’s nose, wash your hands. And they were toddlers in my room, so they didn’t wipe themselves, nor did they sit still.
      We were honestly very lax in our room. Runny nose, cough, that didn’t phase us. We’d let fevers with no change in behavior slide under the radar unless we knew the nurse or health department was coming and we didn’t want to get in trouble for ignoring a ‘sick’ kid. It was only when there was puke (because toddlers don’t try to get a bin or toilet, they just puke wherever, and it was usually on the carpet, someone’s favorite blankie, or the most popular toy in the room) or when there was a big change in behavior (like an extremely active toddler climbing onto our lap and refusing to be put down). Or the very visual stuff. Pink eye was a mandatory 24 hours for any staff who gets it, and because it’s less than two days we didn’t get paid for it, so we’d send pink-eye home quickly.
      That’s the thing, too. Kids get it, and staff gets it. And many situations require the staff stay home for 24-72 hours, they don’t like sick staff coming in, especially those of us who worked with toddlers and infants. Less than two days wasn’t comped. We’d lose money, too, if sick kids came in.

  • SA

    In my experience the worst parents I came across where the ones that blew off you trying to discuss behavior issues with them or telling their child they didn’t have to obey the rules you created if they didn’t want to. Yes, I literally had a kid kick me and then tell me that his mom said he didn’t have to listen to anything I said. She actually worked at the center too and encouraged her kid to misbehave if she didn’t like you.

    • Amber Leigh Wood

      I once had a parent who told us that her child’s behavior issues were up to us to fix as “she spends more time with you guys anyway” the little girl was in care 5 days a week for upto 10 hours a day, and obviously seeking attention from her parents, it was so sad.

    • rrlo

      Yikes!

    • keelhaulrose

      My center once kicked out a kid who was a biter because he had broken the skin on six different children and his mom refused to let us do anything about him because ‘he’s an angel at home’. Those type of parents drove me nuts.

    • aliceblue

      SIX?? A dog only gets one bite, what’ the deal with this. Were the first 5 kids less important than Muncher?

    • keelhaulrose

      Six was just the number of times he caused bleeding. He bit at least once a day no matter what. I was bitten ten times at least. It’s all economics. Don’t want to throw out a paying customer, especially one paying full price and not relying state aid, like a lot did in our center.
      What finally did it was not even the biting, really. Once a year we did a mass movement of kids instead of moving them on their birthdays. Keeping groups together and all that. When this happened teachers could put in for a room transfer. Usually only a couple did, often they worked out who they would switch with so they could say “I’m switching rooms/shifts with so and so, we agreed”. Our company’s policy was to grant all transfer requests, forcing some people to move to accommodate if necessary, to avoid teacher burn outs, but it was rare for someone to request like this. We got attached to our rooms and co-workers. What finally got the kid kicked out was all three of us in the room putting in for a transfer. When they asked why we cited him as the reason, we’d have him at least six more months and probably a year because he had already been moved up early because he bit in the infant room. We said we’d happily stay in our room if he wasn’t there, but we were sick of having to constantly hold him, and explaining to other parents why their child was bitten. Again. I opened the room and was alone for an hour, and if I had to change a diaper I couldn’t hold him, and he’d bite. We begged the owners to kick him out, but they would always say something dumb like “that’s how toddlers are” or “boys will be boys”.

    • Psych Student

      The worst part is it doesn’t better. My friend is a high school math teacher and this is roughly how the conversation went.
      Student: Why did I get a zero on my project?
      Teacher: Because you didn’t turn in your project.
      Student: My mom said I could have more time.
      Teacher: Your mom isn’t the teacher!

  • Hibbie

    My daycare provider stopped me the other day and said, “well, you certainly didn’t give birth to a perfect little angel!” I appreciate her candor (and accuracy).

  • SA

    Oh, and another one I remember are the parents that expect their kid to be sparkling clean when getting picked up. Parents freaking out about mulch or dirt on clothes when they were getting them straight from the playground. You should never send your kid in special clothes or plan on taking them somewhere directly after without planning a change of clothes.

    • CandaceB

      This just reminded me of all of the times that I found playground wood chips in my dryer from the daycare. Ah, memories…

    • Valerie

      The only time I ever got mad that my son was dirty at pickup was when the snow had melted and the world was all mud. They were playing outside when I got there and my son had no snow pants on and was literally covered in mud head to toe. For real. Like I found some in his ear that night. I wasn’t mad about ruined clothes but I was mad at what I perceived to be a total lack of supervision that my son was able to get that way and no one stopped him. It was so cold out and he was a pruney wet freezing muddy wreck. And I may have even been willing to keep my mouth shut but we had an appointment at the doctor for my older kid right after. So I had mud monster, who needed to be hosed down, and 15 min to pick up his sister and get to the doctor. So yeah, I was pretty upset about that one time.

    • SA

      Ew, gross. Yeah, the hardcore mudding is way too extreme.

    • keelhaulrose

      We once had a parent bring in cupcakes for a birthday, then complain when her 16 month old got frosting on his shirt.
      Um, you bring cupcakes, it gets EVERYWHERE. We came in for a Saturday deep-clean and we found frosting from Valentines day cupcakes on the undersides of the tables in March.

    • Kendra

      Once, I picked my daughter up and her robin’s egg blue shirt was COVERED in strawberry stains. I did the logical thing and laughed. She was so apologetic and assured me she had a bib on, and I told her “I don’t doubt it, she does this all the time! She’s a very messy eater!” They came out in the laundry. These things happen!

  • Crusty Socks

    Beth is stealing future ideas from STFU Parents

    http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a112/Reseven/Smiley/popcorn.gif

    • Bethany Ramos

      Oh snap!

  • C.J.

    My kids went to an in home daycare. I absolutely loves the daycare. I was appalled at the way I saw some parents treat her though. I remember one kid that the parents refused to send pull ups for because they wanted her to train him. It became so unsanitary that she had to tell them either send pull ups or don’t bring him. The kid wore pull ups at home because mom and dad were separated and couldn’t agree on how to potty train the kid. She had a couple that were so badly behaved and the parents refused to discipline them at all, they became a danger to the other children and asked not to come back. I could never do that job, not so much because of the kids but because of the parents.

  • CW

    A big reason why I went with a large center over an in-home daycare is the vacation thing. I get that providers want to take vacations too, but being closed 2 consecutive weeks in the summer and also the week between Christmas and New Year’s was more vacation than I was given in my job. So I’d have to double-pay for childcare (because the in-home daycare providers expected to be paid their normal rate even when they were closed for vacation) those 3 weeks. Nope, sorry. The center I chose for my DD was open 52 weeks per year, and only closed on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and 4th of July.

    • Valerie

      Yup. I don’t have a good enough backup plan for when the in home provider calls and says she’s sick and I can’t bring my kids. I needed the reliability of facility care.

    • Sara610

      That doesn’t make sense. My daughter is in a large center, and we love it. If we keep her home, we still have to pay, because the center still has to keep running–their expenses don’t change because she’s out for a day or two. But if she’s out for a full week and we let them know ahead of time, there’s a 50% discount on tuition that can apply to up to two weeks per year. It sucks to still have to pay for the full day if we don’t use it, but that’s part of the deal and I understand why the rule is the way it is.
      But as a daycare provider, I can’t imagine saying, “Okay, I’m going to go on vacation for three weeks, but you still have to pay me my regular, full rate.”

    • CrimsonWife

      If I’m going to have to pay for the 3 weeks, then the in-home provider should have a substitute so I can still send my child IMHO.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      But as a daycare provider, I can’t imagine saying, “Okay, I’m going to go on vacation for three weeks, but you still have to pay me my regular, full rate.”

      It’s the paid vacation amount they get per year — same as any other salaried employee. I work for the government; when I take my vacation days, I’m still getting a salary for the days I’m off, it’s just part of my vacation time.

      Our provider works the same way; she gets three weeks of vacation a year. If we keep our kid home because of illness or other reasons (our vacations, if they don’t line up, for example), then we still pay. If the provider is closed because she’s sick or needs a personal day, we don’t pay — unless we get alternate care, in which case we pay that person (so it costs the same, just money going to someone else instead of our normal caregiver).

    • CW

      There is no legal right to paid time off in the U.S. Plenty of jobs you only get paid for the hours you are on the clock. I don’t see why parents should have to double-pay for childcare just so that the provider can get a paid vacation. if she wants to get paid for those weeks, SHE should provide a sub on her dime.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      Sorry, I’m writing from the Canadian perspective. I can’t speak for the OP.

  • SusannahJoy

    I really want to read these, but the pictures are only showing the center words, with several words on either side being cut off. :( I use Safari if that’s relevant. Is there a transcript of these anywhere?

    • Bethany Ramos

      Because forums are written farther across the page, I had to cut out the relevant parts to make the images a normal size. Sorry!

      Here is the venting daycare thread:

      http://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35057

    • brebay

      Wonder how many providers are on this thing during the day when the kids are there…more than a few, I bet!

  • brebay

    I think rewarding for this is bizarre anyway, but one reward for pee and another for poop? What the hell? It’s either in there or it’s not!

  • civa

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    • WriterLady

      Alrighty then. I caught about a quarter of that, and not one aspect is related to daycare conundrums. Also, is this “doctor” a leader of a religious organization (ahem…cult) by any chance? Perhaps he can refocus his attention away from performing love spells to helping these parents with their daycare dilemmas and parenting woes. Wink, wink.

    • Bethany Ramos

      LOL – All hail DR OLOKUM!

  • Kendra

    So, I’ve been taking my daughter to a daycare full time for almost a year and a half. I can say from personal experience that the daycare providers above are correct and those parents are essentially being assholes. Everything in those bulletins (excluding potty training) is outlined in my daycare contract, and I stick to that thing and reference it if I have questions. She is doing me a HUGE favor by caring for my child all day long, and she is an enormous part of our lives. She deserves to be respected and treated the same as I expect to be treated at my job. I think people often treat daycare providers as their employees, instead of recognizing them as more of a family friend or business partner.

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      I don’t really think of my daycares as doing me a favor. It is their job. There is a contract that they agree to look after your kid, for money not for a favor.

      When my nephews watch my kids for a few hours in the evening and refuse to be paid, then they are doing me a favor.

      I am hiring the the daycare lady to do a job. I am expected to follow the rules of the dayare and I expect that she will provide reliable service. I don’t like it when they tell you in the interview that they take your kids outside unless there is abnormal weather and then don’t go outside all winter even on the mild days. It is not good for my kid.

      In turn I expect to be kicked out if I pay late, pick up late or refuse to follow daycare rules. It is a business contract.

      When you go to your pediatrician, they are also not doing you a favor by treating your child. The children’s hospital also is not doing you a favor.

    • WriterLady

      I completely agree. Whether in-home or center-based, kids spend many hours with the people we entrust to not only simply watch our children, but also to engage them in learning to play intellectually stimulating games and helping them to thrive in numerous areas (i.e., cognitive, physical, and interpersonal). As such, they are much more than just employees. As you’ve mentioned, the respect needs to go both ways. Parents who criticize and nitpick every last rule and detail only subject themselves to unnecessary hardships and strained relationships. Ultimately, this ends up impacting the kids as well, since the older ones are likely savvy enough to pick up on the drama. The key is to choose quality, credentialed providers or centers, making sure that you are clearly satisfied with the daycare provider or teacher, the rules and expectations, and the facility/facilities—even if that means having to switch places as a result of a poor experience. This can be hard work, but it’s well worth it when you have found the right provider for your child. :)

  • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

    This is a dangerous topic. I made the mistake of reading daycare forums and it really made me hate daycare more than I already do. My daughter was kicked out of one daycare for not napping, then kicked out of another daycare for being disobedient. We are quite strict parents, she is just a strong willed child. I know it is exhausting, but I can’t completely change her personality. My other child is an angel and all the daycares love her. My husband is guilty of dropping off late though. We didn’t even know that was a thing. We always tried to spend as much time with out children out of daycare as possible, so they would be happy if we drop them off at 10 since that meant he was a good Dad who wanted to spend some time in the morning with his kids. He comes home at 6:30, we eat dinner, they brush their teeth, then go to bed so he really doesn’t see them much on week days. We thought they would be happy they had one less kid to worry about for an hour. When my eldest started refusing to nap at 3 years old, the daycare lady said it was because he was letting her sleep in too late. He would get her up early and then take his time to get ready so they could be together.

    My youngest had one daycare where it was mandated that he arrive at 8am, 8:15 at the latest. Then she closed at 4:30 but we had to pick up by 4:15. I have to admit, I am guilty of hanging around for a while because my children can be slow to get ready, but I am usually the first one to pick up anyway. When we started with this daycare she closed at five but asked you to be there are 4:45. That was no issue because I am always there at 4:15-4:30 anyway. When she changed the hours I had to change daycares because I was so stressed about being late. Also in the summer rather than taking two weeks off, she took every Friday. She and her kids were sick all the time so she closed frequently.

    Now my daughter is at a daycare where the lady throws her in the daycare in the basement and doesn’t even going downstairs with the kids. She spends the entire time on the phone or computer. If my daughter is the only kid that shows up, she puts her in front of the TV all day. Thankfully she starts school in September and I will be done with crappy home daycares.

    I know daycares complain that parents don’t address behavioral issues at home, but honestly what are you suppose to do. If the daycare complains that my kid did something lecturing her hours later is not really going to help. They should have systems in place for handling punishments. I am just thankful I didn’t have a biter. My daughter was never really aggressive, just stubborn, slow to comply and she could not fall asleep during the day. Here that means horrible child that no daycare wants to deal with.

    Thankfully she seems to have settled down. She is in grade one now and her report card tells me: she raises her hand to speak, listens when others are speaking, follows the rules, participates in class discussions. I was crying happy tears. I never thought I would hear that about her.

    • WriterLady

      “Now my daughter is at a daycare where the lady throws her in the daycare in the basement and doesn’t even going downstairs with the kids. She spends the entire time on the phone or computer. If my daughter is the only kid that shows up, she puts her in front of the TV all day.”

      This is absolutely horrifying to read–particularly the first sentence I quoted from. You do realize that this is seriously neglectful and could actually lead the in-home provider to lose her license or face legal consequences? The fact that she throws your kid in the basement and fails to even regularly monitor her and the other kids is extremely disturbing. Based on your account, what she is doing is quite possibly illegal (as previously mentioned). I realize that daycare centers can be quite costly, but I would do anything to prevent this purported neglectful and inhumane mistreatment of my child. After all, no job or amount of money doled out due to placing your child in a safe, credentialed environment is worth the psychological–and possibly physical–damage that is likely being done here (particularly in terms of the psychological aspect). For the sake of your child and any other children in her care, I sincerely hope you report her and take action immediately.

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      We didn’t really figure out that she was doing this until I started talking with the other parents and comparing notes. There seems to be no abuse, they just don’t do anything. In the other seasons they go outside, but in winter most of the home daycares don’t like to bother getting the kids dressed. When we interviewed the lady, she assured us that they go outside all the time, all winter unless there is a windchill warning.

      We have been through many daycares and they seem to all be some variation of this here. Or we just have bad luck.

      The centers are great. We have been on the wait list since conception though so I think that is a lost cause. Switching mid year is almost impossible. There is a huge daycare shortage in our area so the daycares dictate the terms, and pick from hundreds of kids without care. If they don’t like you or your kid, they just kick you out and try another kid. It really sucks :( I am so happy to be done with daycare soon. We will put her in summer camp over summer.

      Yes I suppose we could try to find another one, but it will probably be no better and could be worse. Yes I could sell my house and buy a cheaper one so I can quit working for the next few months so she wouldn’t have to go to daycare, then again by the time the house is sold and we have found another one, plus the realtor cost she would probably be in school by then. Perhaps I could take a loan out to pay our mortgage for those few months, or maybe I could find a job to work nights and just not sleep. I don’t really see any other options.

      I am certain she is not being abused. The lady is home, and will come if they need something. She just doesn’t go downstairs and entertain them. Yes I am pretty sure it is against regulations. They are supposed to be on the same floor as the children at all times. I don’t really think it is much of a risk though aside from the fact that she is dreadfully bored.

      At her first daycare, the lady would be in the room with the kids, but they pretty much just had free play all day long. I pulled her out of there when she got older because it is very boring for an older child. She went into a place where the woman had a lot of energy, took them out, did activities but closed all the time. Plus all the older kids started school and she was left with only babies.

      We switched her again. Now she is again in a room with toys and I suspect the women is upstairs mostly. She has friends there now and switching her to another home daycare would mean risk getting a worse one with kids she may not connect with. There isn’t really a ton of options out here. Had I known this when I was planning to have children, I would have prepared my finances so that I could stay home. I was unaware until I was pregnant.

      Because the daycare situation here is so terrible, and I have had such horrible luck, it really pisses me off to hear daycare workers complaining about their parents. I have seen the other side, where the daycare workers are telling parents the child needs to nap, and if they are not falling asleep at night the parent is doing something wrong, it has nothing to do with the nap. They may be right in some cases, but they are not right all the time.

  • James

    Be careful here nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get your ex or love back,any testimonies of most spell caster here must be ignore.because most of them are scam i mean real scam which i was a victim and i got ripped of thousands of dollars because i was so anxious to get my wife back after she left me for over 2 years with my 7 years old son jerry,i have applied to 7 different spell caster here and all to no avail they all ask for same thing send your name your ex name address and picture phone number etc which i did over and over again and most of them were from west Africa until i saw a post about mama Anita spell and i decided to gave her my last trail.she ask me four things my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and $180 and said my ex will come back in 24hours, i have paid over $3000 on spell casting and courier and nothing have work for me after 3 days i was thinking about how much i have lost so far so i said let me give her a try so i called her again and send my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and the $180 because i swear it was my last try so i was waiting as she told me to wait till next day and i could not sleep that night because i really love my wife and want her back at 9pm that day i saw my wife on line on face book and she said hi at first i was shock because she never talk with me for the past a year and 9 month now i did not reply again she said are you there? i quickly reply yes and she said can we see tomorrow i said yes and she went off-line i was confused i try to chat her again but she was no more on line i could not sleep that night as i was wondering what she is going to say, by 7.am the next morning she gave me a miss call i decided not to call back as i was still on shock again she call and i pick she said can we see after work today i said yes so she end the call immediately i got off work she call me and we meet and now we are back again i call mama anita the next day thanking her for what she has done in fact i still call her and thank her as my life was not complete without my wife please be careful here i have been scam thousands of dollars if you want a true love spell then contact mama Anita (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)

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