Call Me A Crazy, Slutty Bad Mom All You Want, But That Doesn’t Mean You’re Right

bad mom argument memeIf I’ve learned anything as a parent, it’s that “bad mom,” “whore” and “crazy” are the smack-talking trifecta of abuse that people toss out when they’re trying to discredit you. I call it the “Bad Mom Argument.” No matter what the argument, or who’s in the right, there is a certain type of person (read: most people) who think that once they drop one of the aforementioned bombs on you, the discussion is over. You’re a slutty, crazy bad, bad mom and therefore your argument is invalid.

You see this phenomenon on social media all the time. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, the fastest way to shut down an argument is to call a woman a shitty mom, a slut or a nut job (or all three). And it doesn’t just happen to us regular moms. Nope, it happens to famous mothers like Wendy Davis, Angelina Jolie and even the first lady herself Michelle Obama all the time. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in your life, how much you’ve accomplished or how many people you’ve helped along the way. If you dare to be a woman and a mother, you’re nothing more than the sum of your genitalia and the fruit of your loins. And if you have a problem with this, not only are you a “bad mom” but you’re crazy too. Now get back in the kitchen and make your man a sammich, you slags.

What pisses me off about this is that even if any of it were true, what does it matter about the argument at hand? Maybe the accusation of “crazy” has some bearing since, if it were literally true (and that is a BIG maybe), since it might effect one’s argument, but what about the other two insults? I could be the whoreiest whore in all of whoredom and it wouldn’t make my point less valid if the other person is in the wrong. And the same goes for being a bad mom. Unless we’re discussing the finer points of the Montessori method, or some other parenting-related subject, my motherhood skills are irrelevant. And so are everyone else’s.


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  • janey

    I don’t think you’re going to find anyone who disagrees that those are stupid grenades to lob. I do disagree that other people consider that their insults a no-fail trump card. Usually it just means the other person isn’t looking for a reasoned argument, but just wants to call you names.

    • janey

      Just wanted to add, don’t let the morons who throw those insults around let you feel defeated. They are so not worth it.

  • SmrtGrl86

    My rule is, if you can’t come up with something more original than slut, bad mom, crazy bitch or fat ass, I refuse to argue with you. Because you are not creative or intelligent enough for a fight to be entertaining and therefore not worth my time or energy. That is all I have to say for the knuckle dragging oxygen thieves.

    • Williwaw

      I’m going to save “knuckle-dragging oxygen thieves” for a special occasion, because it wins!

    • SmrtGrl86


  • Alicia Kiner

    See, when I hear the words whore or slut, I make the person define them. What do you mean by whore or slut? Because those two words are almost always used on woman, and are usually used by men (though women are using it more and more against each other).

    Whatever happened to if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all? When did it become all about winning just for the sake of winning? Healthy debate is a good thing, and can even lead to rational minds learning new things and/or adjusting their way of thinking. What’s crazy is calling people names just because people don’t live the way others think they should live.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    At least be creative when you’re ragging on someone. I mean, why call someone a fat slut whore when you can just tell them you wish they spend the rest of their life itchy and needing to sneeze?

  • JJ

    But it takes so much effort for sexist people to come up with an actually smart, witty response to a women. Why come up with that when you can just yell a bunch of curse words like you have tourette’s and bring up insults that have nothing do with your issue with the person. Don’t you know if your a women your nothing more then a fat bitch crazy bad mom who’s a super slut and needs to get back in the kitchen. (side note: I should get that on a t shirt so if anyone ever tries to call me any of those in real life I can be like too late already got it right across my chest)If you find these remarks offensive its because your all too sensitive and pc,Gawd ladies get over it already!

    I think I will become the anti troll and start praising women because of their lady parts and their many roles in society they play, not use their female gender or mom status against them. Yeah! You go Michelle Obama you have a vagina and are also incredibly smart, dedicated and a great mom to your kids too. Wooo! Rock it. Who’s that Angelina Jolie? A women who adopted a lot of wonderful kids with her husband and chooses to raise them as she see’s fit allowing them to be themselves, you go lady.

    • WriterLady

      Very well said, JJ! This dreaded, ongoing “mommy wars” saga (a term I loathe, by the way, but it seems to be the only moniker fitting of the ridiculously popular phenomenon of berating people while hiding anonymously and safely behind one’s computers) has turned many potentially rational human beings into astiundingly relentless antagonists. I am a firm believer that there are a few select situations when it’s acceptable to point out that someone is throwing out reprehensible slurs and acting in a contemptible manner. I’m only referring to the small number of trolls who frequent this site (others are much, much worse, such as Cafe Mom or Babycenter—to name a couple very well-known ones), but I do think the discourse is mostly civil on Mommyish. I’ve found the posts and comments insightful, humorous, relatable, and generally enjoyable.

      With that said, there are a few trolls who get their kicks out of attempting to knock certain people down in very hurtful ways. In those cases, I can’t keep my mouth shut. I won’t ramble on and on, but I will (for example) sarcastically point out the fallacies in the attacker’s argument (or lack thereof), as well as mention that they might need to reevaluate their current state of mind and seek professional help. I’m also guilty of using words like “angry,” bitter, and “delusional” in response to one particularly heinous person–@Brebay and others will know who I’m referring to. Are those unacceptable slurs on my part? Perhaps not, in some people’s eyes (and that’s fine). But it’s a way to defend those who repeatedly have been attacked to an extreme. In these rare instances, I try to end on a strong, but relatively positive note, which actually tends to make the trolls/irate individuals feel powerless and ineffective because in shutting down the replies, they no longer have further ammunition with which to get their kicks. Afterwards, I ignore all communication–despite the continued vitriol that is cast my way. Again, this is my personal strategy, altough by no means a strategy to combat online adult bullying.

      In all other respects, I absolutely agree that we should be lifting up other women and acknowledging their hard work, successes, and difficulties–things will can all relate to and commiserate with. That should be the focus. I’m relatively new to posting on this site (though I’ve been reading the articles and posts/comments for several months now), and I find it to be the one of the best and most refreshing of the mom-centered blogs. The topics and perspectives are honest and the writing is hilarious. And while readers may disagree with certain ideas, the dissenting opinions are nearly always done in true debate fashion, without the typical nasty slurs thrown around. The only–and I mean only–time I think it’s okay to bash other women/moms is if they’ve committed a serious crime and abandoned all sense of decency. Even then, words like “whore” are just ridiculous. As for trolls, well, I’ve already mentioned that strongly objecting to their viewpoints and pointing out their erroneous ways is a good way to go. Most importantly, though, is to ignore them whenever possible.

    • WriterLady

      Ha! I just received a reply that this woman is going through every recent Mommyish article or so it seems), trying to locate anything I have written in the last couple of weeks. She is currently going through every single comment and/or post I’ve made and writing mean and generally nonsensical replies in response to me. Who does that??!! She is actually stalking me. Brebay and Kay Sue will know who I’m talking about. The initials are LG (liberal [redacted]). The troll/unstable individual will not get what she wants from me, despite how hard she tries.

  • Jamie-tang

    I just laugh at the bad mom stuff. It’s that ridiculous and small minded to me. I wouldn’t call anyone a bad mom minus convicted child abusers, or casey anthony types. Obviously.

  • jmuns79

    I teach high school, and though I don’t get disrespected on a regular basis, I’m always disappointed when kids can only call me a “bitch,” or a “fucking bitch.” Be more creative! Come on!

  • Karen Milton

    Completely related to nothing, but Frances, YOU ARE GOOD AT EYEBROWS.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    “You’re just a dumb slut”
    ‘And yet I still wont sleep with YOU’

  • AugustW

    I kept scanning and waiting for this article to have a point.

  • Crusty Socks

    Wait, just who are these slutty whorey moms??? I mean, purely for educational purposes…

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I admit I’m at times, a bad parent.
    I regularly threaten to set the kids on fire if they don’t behave.

    I also told the 10 year old if she didn’t go to bed RIGHT NOW, I’d locate Justin Bieber and drown him.

    It worked.