5 Things You’re Told As A New Parent That Are Total Lies

new parent liesBeing a new parent is rough. It’s like being tortured by the world’s most adorable little dictator. Between the soreness, the sleep deprivation and the infant-imposed isolation, new parenthood can leave you feeling lost and alone. Which is why I think veteran parents like to tell these little white lies in order to make things seem less scary. But they’re complete and total bullshit and in my opinion do more harm than good. Here are some of the worst offenders.

(Photo: Shutterstock/Pixachi)

5. The first two months are the worst…

cranky baby

Whether the person says it gets better by two, three, six or 12 months, it’s total crap. Each of my kids were as different as night and day and there was never a cut off point where things became “easier.” Not only that, but this idea of the very beginning of motherhood being a torture-fest isn’t always accurate. Often the first two months are way easier than you imagine. For me, things didn’t get “hard” until they started getting mobile and I could no longer cart them around the house in a carrier or sling if I needed to. Every baby and every mother is different.

(Photo: ShutterstockIrina Rogova)

4. You forget what childbirth feels like

early childbirth

Come on ladies, we all this that this little piece of “wisdom” is ridiculous. Personally, I think moms tell each other this to hide the awful, disgusting truth. Childbirth feels like you’re taking a massive dump. The most painful, gut-wrenching dump ever.There, I said it.

(Photo: Shutterstock/auremar)

3. Sleep when the baby sleeps

sleeping baby

This is good advice, if you have a great support system and the luxury of time to sleep when your newborn is napping, but let’s be real, how many of us actually did this? There are these things called responsibilities, and they don’t go away just because our little bundle of poop and crying decides to zonk out for a while. Did I manage to get some sleep when my babies were napping? Sometimes. But more  often than not I was stuck cleaning spit up, or paying bills or trying to sex up my husband before he becomes so frustrated that he runs away to join the circus. Speaking of sex…

(Photo: Shutterstock/Olesya Feketa)

2. Say goodbye to sex!

parent sex

According the unsolicited-advice-biddie-patrol (which is so going to be the name of my new band), once you become a mom, sex will no longer be a priority. When I was pregnant with my oldest child I was told at least a dozen times that I wasn’t going to have sex for months. One person even suggested that I get used to “using my mouth,” because my husband wouldn’t want to have “normal”sex after my hoo-ha was “ruined” by child birth. And no, they weren’t smoking crack (that I’m aware of). Obviously this is bullshit. We were back to getting our freak on at six weeks, no problems. And even if you can’t get back  on the proverbial sex horse (another great band name!), there is nothing wrong with you and you AREN’T ruined. It takes time, but it will happen.

(Photo: ShutterstockDitty_about_summer)

1. Breastfeeding is natural and shouldn’t hurt

breastfeeding baby looking at camera

I know that we’ve covered this topic quite a bit here at Mommyish, including an excellent post about it by Maria Guido, but I think this bears discussing again. Even done right, breastfeeding very well may hurt. In fact, it probably will at first. I think knowing this and expecting it helps new moms to push through. It’s not all rainbows and milk fairies. It can be hard work and no one needs the additional pressure of expecting it to come naturally and be pain free.

(Photo: Shutterstock/Oksana Kuzmina)

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    • mommabeer

      If anyone told me my vagina will be ruined after childbirth so no man would ever want to use it for sex ever again, I would be hard pressed not to punch them in the mouth.

      • Kat

        I highly doubt that person would be another mom.

    • Jessifer

      No. 3 is the most annoying by far. If I sleep when the baby sleeps, when am I gonna get my chores done? Sure, my husband can help out with some things, but I still need to take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and lunch, sterilize bottles, pump milk, etc… By the time you do all that stuff and finally sit down to rest, baby is already awake and it’s round 2! What are new moms supposed to do? Live in a pigsty all day and not eat? (end rant)

      • Andrew Cole

        I agree. I have been “mom” to our son. You can’t nap when they nap because that is the only time you have to do anything else, at least after they are too old to leave in a rocker or something. I end up spending about an hour or two of chores after he goes to bed as well, but I think the advice is solid as long as you add the caveat—”when you can.”

      • Katherine Handcock

        I was just coming to the comments to add that! I never minded people who said, “If you can, take a nap when the baby does.” It was the folks who said, “Oh, babies sleep so much – just nap when they do” that drove me up the wall.

      • Lala

        And yes newborns nap a lot but it is only at most maybe a few hours at a time. In the beginning you crave that eight hour continuous sleep you once had.

      • Jessifer

        My newborn didn`t sleep during the day. He was only a few weeks old and would stay awake 5-6 hours in a row. When he did sleep, he`d have to be in my arms and would start wailing the minute I`d put him down. It was the most difficult 4 months of my life. My sister’s friend complains that she’s bored cause her newborn sleeps all day, and I really want to punch her in the face.

      • Kat

        DO IT.

      • Kaka

        She’s prob a liar! This is what I assume of All people who tell me their kids sleep. Go ahead it will make you feel better :)

      • Ptownsteveschick

        Well, I was bored during the day because my kid slept all day, but then she was up all night and I never got any sleep because I was too busy doing chore during the night. So no doubt she is getting screwed over somewhere.

      • Paul White

        and only for what, like a month or so?

      • Valerie

        I also just can’t nap, period. No matter how tired I am I have never been able to fall asleep in the middle of the day. Night is my one chance. Bless my husband who totally understood this because even when I stayed home and he worked he would still help me with the kids during the night knowing that I would be a zombie the next day otherwise.

      • WriterLady

        This is particularly annoying for mothers who work full-time. I only had 8 weeks of maternity leave, and my son didn’t magically morph into a sleeping beauty when I returned to work. I will admit that my son was a pretty good sleeper (possibly because I didn’t breastfeed…nothing at all against breastfeeding, I had trouble with it to begin with, and I also knew that it would be nearly impossible due to my company’s lack of proper facilities for pumping—a busy conference room without a lock isn’t exactly inviting for new mothers), but my husband and I still had many a sleepless nights for the first 6 to 8 months or so. With that said, I realize that stay-at-home moms have many responsibilities and/or scenarios that prohibit napping when the baby does.

      • CW

        You’re supposed to be rich and have a “post-partum doula” AND a cleaning lady to take care of all the grunge work so that you can sleep when baby sleeps. I envy those of my friends and acquaintances who actually had the cash to afford these paid helpers…

      • ChickenKira

        The first time I thought about the people who said “sleep when the baby sleeps” was when my daughter, who was 4 weeks at the time, fell asleep in the supermarket. I was possibly delirious with exhaustion because I couldn’t stop laughing at the thought of lying down in the canned vegetables aisle and having a nap.
        People were giving me strange looks.

    • Jessifer

      No. 3 is the most annoying by far. If I sleep when the baby sleeps, when am I gonna get my chores done? Sure, my husband can help out with some things, but I still need to take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and lunch, sterilize bottles, pump milk, etc… By the time you do all that stuff and finally sit down to rest, baby is already awake and it’s round 2! What are new moms supposed to do? Live in a pigsty all day and not eat? (end rant)

    • Justme

      I had a sweet pregnant friend of mine tearfully ask me “when does it all go back to normal.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her, “never.”

      • Andrew Cole

        Well, it does, it’s just a new normal, unless you’re talking about her body and then we are above my pay grade.

      • Justme

        But she was asking to go BACK to normal…which doesn’t ever happen. And yes, she was referencing her body, her life, her hormones…everything. Very little will be the same post-baby as it was pre-baby. That doesn’t mean it’s all good or bad…just different.

      • Andrew Cole

        Yeah. Having a child is probably the biggest transitional time in a person’s life. Mine is 19 months now, and I already can’t imagine going back to not being a dad.

      • Katherine Handcock

        @disqus_505OqQCVBM:disqus, I have got to say, you sound like an awesome dad and partner. You’ve clearly got your head screwed on right :-)

      • CW

        Eh, I found that my body bounced back very quickly after having #1 and fairly quickly after having #2. Now after #3 it was a LOT harder and the last 10 lbs. have yo-yoed on me ever since (she’s 5).

      • Justme

        I just wanted to add that when I first read your last line, I read “above my gay parade” and I was VERY confused. :)

      • jane

        I made the exact same mistake. Either we both need more coffee, or we’re oddly in sync.

    • Katherine Handcock

      My number one least favourite comment I got when the kids were newborns was, “Oh, don’t wish it away. Soon they’ll be toddlers and you’ll miss having a little baby!”

      No, I won’t. Never did once. My kids are now five and three, and they get more fun with every month. They have actual personalities, they can do more and more interesting stuff with us, and less and less of the time I spend with them has to do with stuffing food in their faces and wiping bums. That’s not to say that I don’t have the occasional “oh, they’re growing up fast” pang, but I would not wish either of them back to babyhood for a second.

      • Justme

        I miss the baby stage enough to enjoy snuggling my friends’ newborns…but not enough to clean poopy diapers and continually wash spit-up out of my clothes.

      • jane

        That’s also the least helpful advice ever, because it’s basically saying “don’t feel the way you’re feeling now, because someday you’ll feel differently!”

        Yeah. No kidding. I often long for the baby days (I love newborns) but a) it doesn’t mean that I don’t love where my kids are now and b) doesn’t mean that some of those baby days didn’t seriously suck.

      • ChickenKira

        Yeah, I was told that there was something wrong with me for saying that I wasn’t the biggest fan of the newborn stage, because according to this person, every single mother loves every single age stage equally.

      • cybele

        I have an adult, two teenagers, a pre-teen and a school aged child. Sure, I miss when they didn’t talk back, or when they would just wear whatever I put on them and weren’t trying to get a $200 pair of shoes out of me. But silly things aside I don’t miss the baby stage. Turns out I’m not a baby person, I’m pretty good as the mother of teenagers, that’s my strength in parenting. For others it’s babies, for others it’s toddlers, and so on.

    • Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak

      Number four! I will NEVER forget what childbirth felt like. It was like the worse gas pains and diarrhea cramps ever. That was just labor. Mothers don’t forget; we just know more or less what to expect for subsequent pregnancies. If we really forgot then there would be even bigger families. (Hence the 6 year gap between my first and soon to be second!)

    • jane

      Another one: You won’t love your pets as much (or some variation on “you’ll realize that a dog is just a dog.”) Um, no. While it’s true that I don’t have as much time or money to devote to my pets, how I feel about them hasn’t changed one iota. I loved them before and I love them now. Do I feel the same intense love that I do towards my children? No, but I never did. You can be a real parent and a good pet parent at the same time.

      • Andrew Cole

        I have to admit that my affection for our cat has diminished a lot.

      • jane

        Yeah, but cats are kind of assholes :) I bet his affection for you has diminished too. Dogs, on the other hand, are like “ohhhhh, what’s this fun new toy you brought me that can throw stuff and drops food on the floor? This thing is awesome!”

      • Harriet Meadow

        Nope, my dogs hate the baby. At first, they hated that he took all my attention (they kept trying to cuddle me while I was struggling to breastfeed a baby who didn’t want to latch), and now that he’s crawling and cruising and grabbing and pinching, they’re terrified of him. We try to take time out of our day to give them extra special attention, and they still sleep in bed with us, and we still walk them, BUT they’ve started pissing all over the place and barking at everything. I hate to say it, but I’ve definitely gotten to the point where they annoy me so much that my love for them has diminished somewhat. Don’t get me wrong, I still love them to pieces, but…yeah… At the very least, I can say that I love my son MUCH more than I love my dogs. Then again, he hasn’t started sassing me yet. =)

      • Rachel Sea

        Your dogs are confused about their status. They sleep with you, which means they outrank the baby, but then you won’t let them push the baby out of your lap as their status should allow them to do. If you teach them that the baby always outranks them, then they will be much more accepting, and things will calm down.

      • AlexMMR

        Yeah, I used to be a major cat lady. Now they drive me nuts and I don’t have the patience for their crap (and wayward urine) like I used to. I don’t even want kitty cuddles anymore because I have toddlers crawling on me all day and when they are in bed, the last thing I want is someone else crawling all over me.

      • cabinfever

        Sad, but totally true.

      • darras

        Aw :( I love it when my cat finally decides to give me a cuddle! Mostly because he isn’t trying to rip out my hair, destroy my glasses or scratch my face. Plus he’s incredibly soft and purry :)

      • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

        We had to give mine away when my daughter was 15 months old because she was allergic and had permanent ear infections. I have to say I was happy because I just didn’t have the time or energy to care for them or love them anymore. When they would sit on my lap I wanted to scream because I was so tired of being trapped to the couch with something in my lap. I wanted to be able to just get up and get something or do something if I wanted to. I resented having to vacuum the carpet 5 times a day because my kids was eating their fur balls. Before I had kids I cried when one went missing for 24 hours and couldn’t imagine life without them. I used to sleep with one on top of me and the other one spooning me.

      • Justme

        Having a child makes me love my dogs more because they don’t sass me, nor do they require a college education.

      • ChickenKira

        My cat loves “the small human” – the small human throws pieces of salmon on the floor. She’s become incredibly protective of her.

      • cybele

        I still love my animals, and I feel good knowing that I can raise my kids to love them too.

    • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

      Tiger Lily come hither.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        Hey, thought police activated.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        Yeah I was banned from Epoch Times. You too?

      • ConservativeFreeman

        Yes. I did not say one disrespectful thing. All those bigots were calling all of us names.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        Exactly.

        That was what I was out to prove, and well we proved it.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        I am not seeing many posts there though. So maybe others were banned also.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        Perhaps. I’m still following it

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        http://us10. chatzy.com/12089140894705

        Tiger lily is in here. Tell her what you think.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        I think others will be banned.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        Looks like others are next. So sad.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        I really said nothing bad while being called “a” and various other things. But, that is OK with me.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        It’s not okay with me, brother.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        why?

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        It is borderline fascist. Imagine if these people were in places of power. They were calling us “gnats” and awful things.

        Genocide happens because of people like this and their tribal mentality.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        Oh, I agree. The other side started flagging our posts before you got there. They have no patience for other thinking. I am not sure how TL finds them to be friends.

        But, politico is very tolerant.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        No I LOVE the site (which I won’t name out of respect) but the commenters were very rude to me. It’s a shame I was banned because I like their articles.

      • darras

        Now I’m painfully curious.

      • Mish2308

        I’m pretty positive this whole conversation was between one person with two screen names…

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        nope.

      • NiceToMeetYou

        What the HECK are you guys doing in this forum? LOL! I came to look for Daffy and you are in a breastfeeding forum?!
        I swear I can’t leave you two alone!
        I am a couple hours closer to getting my CCW! Yay me.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        LOL i wanted to find a slower thread to comment on.

        (no offense to this thread.)

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        They blame us for all the flaggings and trying to “destroy their website” ridiculous. If they were nice people, there would have been no name-calling and no moderations.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        Yes, just interactions is fine by me.

        I try to re-read my posts even to offensive posters so that I am respectful. I might add a playful jab or something.

        But, I don’t think you are offensive.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        They see polite criticism as “trolling”

        It’s unbelievable. I love them, but they are so Blind.

      • ConservativeFreeman

        Agreed. There is wrong on both sides.

      • http://daffyduck325.tumblr.com/ AffableDaffy

        Agreed.

    • Kat

      I don’t know. I don’t exactly remember what childbirth feels like and I’ve had three. I remember HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING SUCKS but that’s the extent of it.

      • Layla

        I agree with you. I’m glad to not really remember it. I do remember kicking ass on the pushing part tho second time around bec I was just so done after a miserable labor for twelve hours prior. But I don’t remember details. Prob for best

    • Kheldarson

      I’ll admit that 3 is a lifesaver for me. But I work nights, so the only time I really get to sleep is when my boy sleeps during the day. Or is willing to play by himself in the pack n’ play. But that’s me.

      • darras

        I saw an earlier post from you about working nights while your partner works days. It sounds awful! You’re a machine! I have so much respect for your ability to just keep going.

    • brebay

      Someone left the gate open…

    • WriterLady

      “The first two months are the worst.” I’ve never understood this sentiment. All phases of raising a child are cyclical, with ups and downs occurring from the infant years to the teenage years. In my case, the first two months were obviously somewhat difficult, mostly due to a reduction in sleep and the general anxiety of becoming a new mom. Other than that, though, it wasn’t terribly difficult for me and my husband. Others who have had colicky babies would disagree, which brings up the issue that no two babies and family situations are alike. With us, the most difficult time has been the “terrible threes.” I love my son to death, but with increased wisdom and a desire for independence–coupled with the fact that he is still a very young, inquisitive, and occasionally rambunctious (okay, more than occasionally!) little boy–you get a scenario that can be incredibly trying on one’s patience. I’ve heard that everything parenting-related ebbs and flows, and that by the age of five (my son just turned four), things should ease up a bit. Then you have a handful of years of relative peace and cooperation until the preteen/teen years hit. However, I can’t stress enough that this is all dependent on the type of child–and even the ways in which moms and dads parent differently with subsequent children (a well-known acknowledgement of seasoned parents).

    • C.J.

      I actually did forget a lot of the labour for my first. There are things that they did to me that I only know they did because my husband told me. I probably wouldn’t have had a second if I remembered. I do remember pretty much all of the second one.

    • Shannon

      That’s the thing: breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt. It CAN hurt, especially when your newborn tries to Hoover up your nipple right after latching, but it should go away within a minute. If it hurts all the time, there’s something wrong and you need help. If someone tells you your latch is perfect but it hurts like hell, there is probably something else going on, like a tongue or lip tie. If you are in pain, it’s wrong, period. I’m only a lactation intern, so I don’t claim to be the foremost expert, but I have helped hundreds of moms breastfeed over the last few years. So many of my moms worry that it’s supposed to be super easy and you just put the baby to the breast like it’s no big thing, and they’re going to be shitty mothers because they’re having trouble. Of course that’s not true at all; there would be no need for lactation consultants and La Leche League if it was completely intuitive. I like to tell them, childbirth is natural but it sure as hell isn’t easy. Nursing your baby is the same way. I can’t stand women who luck out and have a baby that nursed great from day one and then get all judge when someone says it’s hard.

      • cybele

        That’s not true at all.

        I have breastfed 5 kids, it hurt at the beginning because my nipples are sensitive, lots of nerve endings there so being sucked on hurts. It hurt for weeks until they calloused up a bit, and you know what, they went back to being sensitive again and I got to start the process all over again when I had another one.

        Everyone has different pain thresholds, everyone’s nipples have different levels of sensitivity, for some women it hurts and there is nothing wrong, it just does.

    • footnotegirl

      While I have spotty memories of labor and delivery, I would say that absolutely, the oxytocin wash afterwards (and the level of pain during and my body’s reaction to it) erased most of the memories, at least the clear memories of pain. It’s all just … a foggy experience that happened almost like a dream, and that was pretty immediate right after having had my daughter. Like “Oh, yeah… I was in pain once? I guess?” Like rationally I KNOW that I had so much pain that I broke psychologically, but when I actually try to recall the pain? It’s not there. I have the knowledge that it happened, but no actual memory of it.

      • cybele

        I never had that famous ‘oxytocin wash’. 5 kids, 4 natural births, nada.

      • ElleJai

        Straight after giving birth and being handed my baby, I asked myselfif iI’dbe willi ng to go throughit aga in for another one. I wanted to decide while the pain was still fresh!

        I can’t recall the worst of the labour, but my uterus still cringes at the memory of the stretch and sweeps they were giving me like frigging candy :/

      • footnotegirl

        It’s almost like different women have different experiences, and so advice that they give might not be “total lies”, crazy, huh?
        Seriously though. I want to give you a medal. My one birth was natural and I am pretty sure that if I could actually remember clearly what the pain is like, I certainly wouldn’t have done it again 3 more times. You’re like, a goddess!

      • Lilly

        I had this, I had friends ask within a week of giving birth how painful it was and I honestly couldn’t remember being in pain. The best I could do was that it was an intense experience similar to the most intense workout I have ever had. I think that because I had a really fast delivery (less than 30 mins of pushing) I didn’t really have time to actually be aware of or acknowledge the pain

      • footnotegirl

        I dunno, I was induced without any pain meds and my labor ended up taking 35+ hours (give or take, it took so long in part because I’d keep going into labor and then going back out). I had only 45 minutes of actual pushing, but that wasn’t the painful part for me AT ALL. That part was totally a relief. Transition for me took over an hour and 45 minutes and that was the Worst Thing Ever Ever, and the thing I have the least memories of. After that, pushing was a breeze.

      • Lilly

        mine was that really annoying fast all the way through labour that gives other pregnant ladies (some. are the same friends that asked earlier) false hope.
        Basically woke up with some back pain around 7am, but being 39 weeks thought nothing of it. Had contractions periodically through the morning, figured it was braxton-hicks or false labour since they were sporadic and random and not exceptionally painful. Around 1pm started getting regular contractions so called midwife, since they were not super consistent at the time said to call back with update, did that and they came to my house around 4 pm. Did an internal exam and lo and behold I was at 7 cm, given the ultimatum go to hospital now (thankfully only a 15 min drive) or deliver at home. Baby was born at 6:30 pm — so all in less than 12 hours but I would say I only had 6-7 hours of what I would call labour and even then a good chunk of it was me just chilling at home trying to ignore the contractions.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Breastfeeding. Holy mother effer it hurt so effing much. It’s fine now but it was over a month of pain.

    • darras

      I had six weeks of pain with breastfeeding. My son almost literally chewed my nipple off! The LC was actually horrified when she saw, the crater went completely across the top of my nipple. Ugh.. Still, He’s 8 months tomorrow and we’re still at it, so I guess it worked out! Then again, from the start my mother told me that it would hurt to begin with, so I wasn’t going into it with the ‘it shouldn’t hurt’ brigade blasting filthy filthy lies in my face!

      I do still remember labour.. In technicolour detail, so much so that I still can’t face the idea of doing it again even though I’d rather like another child!
      But.. I totally DID sleep when my baby slept, for about four weeks. It was amazing, saved me! My house went to the shitter, but I definitely would have rather that than not slept when he did. Then again, I am lucky enough to be having a whole year of maternity leave and a very supportive husband to do stuff like paying the bills.

      • Shannon

        But that’s exactly it, pain from breastfeeding means something is wrong. It’s not a lie. If you are biting your fist to hold back tears and obscenities while nursing, or they hurt all the time, or you’re cracked and bleeding, something is definitely amiss. That’s why “Are you having any pain or discomfort?” is the first question I ask my patients, followed by, “Do you have any damage to your nipples?” If she says yes to either questionnaire I do everything I can think of and pull out every trick in the book to make her feel better. I also rule out any issues her baby could be having. I think the real lie is, “Your latch is perfect; you must have extra sensitive nipples/a low tolerance for pain” or anything along those lines. My nipples were practically two giant scabs for the first two weeks, but my nurses and the lactation consultant I saw as an inpatient said my son was latched fine. I saw two LCs who told me things were most certainly NOT fine, helped me with my latch, and eventually we got the hang of it. Whenever my son had new teeth come in, it hurt again. I found out he has a lip and tongue tie during my training, months after I weaned him. They were the issue all along. If someone had caught it when he was a newborn, I could’ve had those suckers snipped right then and there.

      • Shannon

        Question. Stupid phone.

      • darras

        mm I saw a crazy amount of people about it. The conclusion was that his mouth was just too small at the start, there was no tongue or lip tie. He stopped doing damage when he was about a month old, took me two weeks to heal up with some salve they gave me. I have a very high pain tolerance, which is probably how I managed to continue to nurse on that side all the way through it (I also nursed through mastitis). Thing is, babies are latched onto the nipple almost all the time when they’re new, nipples aren’t used to anything apart form maybe a bit of friction burn on a long run. Of course it’s not going to be comfortable immediately, anyone saying so just isn’t helping. And the people who say “It shouldn’t hurt.” off the bat are REALLY not helping.

        I’m glad you’re training though :) The world needs more people to help new mothers. The real damage is done by complete lack of education and literature on the subject. If women go into it informed they are far less likely to give up within two weeks. I was lucky in that my mother didn’t lie to me about it while I was pregnant. So I knew it would get better.

      • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

        My nipples cracked and bled no matter how much lanolin I used. Then after three months they grew callouses and were fine. It only hurt on initial latch but was fine for the actual feed. I had nurses at the children’s hospital trying to adjust my latch but finally I had one nurse tell me, the secret that it is normal that it will hurt for a while because your nipples need to adjust. It took so much guilt away from me because all the other ones were trying to tell me that it was my fault.

        With my second, it hurt for one week, then it was fine and I did nothing differently.

    • CW

      I did feel that motherhood got a lot better after about the first 8 weeks. My oldest (formula fed, not by choice) was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks, and even my younger two who took longer to sleep through the night because they nursed were only waking up once by that point. Getting enough sleep made SUCH a difference to my ability to function.

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      Thank you so much for #1. This was the worst thing I was told, “If breast feeding hurts, then you are doing it wrong.” I can’t tell how many times I tried to get people to adjust my latch because I must be doing something wrong since it hurt like hell for the first three months. I totally thought it was all my fault and that I was doing it wrong. With my second, it hurt for the first week while my calluses returned. Then it was fine.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      laughed so hard at the sexy one.
      i may not have had my hoo-ha stretched to russian circus tent size, but if we still manage every night after 5 years, i doubt anything will stop us.

      like seriously, i spend ONE weekend away at my cousin’s place and he literally pounced the second i got in the door.

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