• Fri, Mar 7 - 10:00 am ET

12 Stock Photos That Prove Pregnant Women Just Can’t Get Enough Milk

Pregnant Women Drinking MilkAre you pregnant? If so, you should probably grab yourself a nice glass of milk like these pregnant women are doing. Pregnant bitches love milk. You spread your legs and let some guy stick his P in your V and it’s basically MILK TIME! Drink some milk! Or if you are sassy, call it MOO JUICE! All I know is you need to wrap your lips around a glass of this creamy goodness and chug it all down!

While You Are In Your Kitchen 

(Image: nata-lunata/shutterstock)

(Image: nata-lunata/shutterstock)

Drink that milk out of a coffee cup and then put your coffee cup into your clothing washing machine because that is where it goes!

Have Your Partner Feed You Milk Because You Are A Baby 

 

(Image: nata-lunata/shutterstock)

(Image: nata-lunata/shutterstock)

When your hands are busy making delicious banana-cauliflower-lettuce-grape soup make your partner feed you milk you are a baby!

Drink Milk Out Of A Flower Can 

(Image:  Dmitry Melnikov/shutterstock)

(Image: Dmitry Melnikov/shutterstock)

When you eat all the flowers out of the flower can replace them with delicious cold milk!

Bitch You And Your Milk Drinking Is Out Of Hand 

(Image:  Ekaterina Shtern/shutterstock)

(Image: Ekaterina Shtern/shutterstock)

You brought coffee cups to serve milk in while you are in your wheat field but you love milk so much you drink it straight out of the gallon!

At The Beach On A Hot Day 

(Image: GTeam/shutterstock)

(Image: GTeam/shutterstock)

When pregnant women go to the beach they always think you know what is transportable and will taste delicious when I am at the beach? A glass bottle of milk!

When Contemplating Shaving Your Junk For Your Episiotomy

(Image: Doczky/shutterstock)

(Image: Doczky/shutterstock)

Should you shave or not shave? Milk will help you decide!

When Getting Ready To Dig Into A Heaping Bowl Of Baby Shit 

(Image:  nattanan726/shutterstock)

(Image: nattanan726/shutterstock)

You know what goes great with baby shit? MILK!

When It’s Your Wedding Anniversary

(Image: Blend Images/shutterstock)

(Image: Blend Images/shutterstock)

Nothing says Happy Pathetic Anniversary like champagne flutes filled with icy cold milk!

 While Eating Amazingly Gigantic Bread Products 

shutterstock_141095122

(Image: Iryna Prokofieva/shutterstock)

You need milk to wash down this horrifyingly large bread product!

When Acting Like A Fucking Creep 

(Image: Albina Tiplyashina/shutterstock)

(Image: Albina Tiplyashina/shutterstock)

When you are hiding behind curtains getting ready to jump out and scare people a nice glass of milk can keep you company!

When Your Doctor Gives It To You 

shutterstock_18599177

(Image: Gelpi JM/shutterstock)

This happens to pregnant women all the time they gave you milk after your checkup!

When You Have No Table 

(Image: Rudolf Polle/shutterstock)

(Image: Rudolf Polle/shutterstock)

You don’t need no freakin’ table to enjoy your milk just place your glass on your baby bump and pour the liquid gold into your glass.

 

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  • Kay_Sue

    1. Do they not know that pregnant women actually can drink other liquids? Water, juice, liquor…okay, not liquor, but definitely the other two.

    2. That one chugging from the jug needs help. Milk Drinkers Anonymous or something.

    • Kay_Sue

      And would no one else’s child have kicked that cup off in the last photo? Both of my kids were infamous for kicking at anything that pressed on their abode, whether it was the dog (poor guy, he loved to snuggle my belly) or a cup (I have a video of my eldest kicking and the cup bouncing) or my husband (who was once very nearly kicked out of bed…well, more startled, I think, but kicked sounds better).

  • Julia Sonenshein

    The giant croissant might win.

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      I can just imagine her, rubbing her throat to try and get the doughy lump of colossal baked good down, tears streaming.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      IT HURTS

  • Lee

    The only constant craving I had when I was pregnant was milk. I drank 1/2 to a full gallon of milk everyday. I did not look like any of these women though. I slammed that shit like a 60 year old alcoholic in a day drinker bar and probably looked just as haggard and desperate.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      Holy cow (LITERALLY)! My lactose intolerance acted up just reading this.

    • TngldBlue

      Ha, me too! I would’ve cut someone over a gallon of milk. I’m not proud.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Then this whole post is YOU!

    • TngldBlue

      I will admit, most often I had my milk in a meadow with artfully arranged daisies and an array of breads.

    • Badpreggo

      Giant bread, though, right?

    • Diane Harrison

      Same here Lee! I chugged it all.the.time!

    • jsterling93

      Same here. I drank massive amounts of milk and normally I can’t gag the stuff down. I also seemed to the think the best food on earth were cold crisp bell peppers. I haven’t touched a bell pepper since.

    • Harriet Meadow

      I, too, craved milk while I was pregnant (and directly after giving birth). However, I don’t think I ever enjoyed it at the beach, or out of a giant glass bottle. Just regular old milk cartons for me… Honestly, I had NO idea how funny this post would be, but those are some weird-ass pictures!!!

    • Alicia Kiner

      mine was longhorn colby cheese. I wanted nothing to do with milk, but if I could have the cheese and some fountain sprite, all was okay in the world.

  • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

    I can’t decide if the woman in the first one is wearing a dress that looks like a shirt, or a shirt that looks like a dress. This is going to keep me up all night, I can tell.

    Re: the second photo; has anyone every successfully gotten beverage in their mouth rather than down the front of their shirt when attempting this kind of drinking maneuver? I’m skeptical.

    And the expression on the lady in the last one might be my favorite. “Really? You want me to pop my collar and – what? Put the glass here? Um, okay, it’s your money, I guess.”

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      she is my fave, and the creepy curtain woman

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      “Roses are red,
      this milk is white,
      I bet I could finish your eyeballs
      in just one bite.”

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      HAHAHAHAHAH BEST POEM EVER

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      I imagine that they had to stand statue still to get the shot. Just a preglett, her hubs, and a slowly curdling glass of tepid cow juice.

    • LiberalGilt

      Do you even shave your under arms? Something tells me no

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      Not sure what in this post in particular tipped you off to my dirty hippie street cred, but to answer your question: yes, but not my legs! Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to feel the glorious breeze stirring in my built-in leg warmers as I march stridently in street protests singing anthems to the working class.

      http://i.imgur.com/CupiM.gif

    • LiberalGilt

      This implies the bush is full, but more importantly, your alleged ties to the working class suggests you are a poseur, no?

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Ogden

      Your creepy interest in my downstairs is rivaled only by your inability to comprehend colorful hyperbole. My beautiful leg hair can’t actually wave in the breeze, I have to wear snow pants when I go protest because it’s too cold here.

    • Valerie

      I don’t know what to make of this exchange but your replies are fantastic.

    • LiberalGilt

      for a retard

    • LiberalGilt

      yep WI poseur

  • Bethany Ramos

    Hahhaha why is this so funny?!?!? Also, I have the IKEA mug in #1.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      stick it in your washing machine!

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      That IS where it goes.

  • wonderstruck

    Haha, what the hell?!

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    Oh man I just actually laughed out loud several times and now my co-workers know I’m not working. Mocking stock photography is one of my favourite hobbies.

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards
    • Bethany Ramos

      I AM CRYING AT THIS TUMBLR.

    • Valerie

      Literally. Like, I am gasping. That is perfect.

    • Guest

      Speaking of which, there’s a pharmacy near me that has a bunch of posters on it that are just giant, very low quality stock photographs that they clearly did not purchase because they still have a watermark on them. One of them is this one, which I really want to sneak-caption: “You put WHAT in your ass? I hate my job.” http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/muslim-doctor-13604445.jpg

  • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

    If you need extra calcium during pregnancy, why not try a quad trenta latte?

  • pixie

    I’m trying really, REALLY hard to not laugh like a crazy person in the middle of class right now.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    What’s going on with #1′s cupboards? They don’t match. It’s bugging me.

  • rrlo

    OK – last night I ate a whole thing of pasta and suffered some serious heartburn and I WAS the lady in the last photo because I drank a cold glass of milk and rested it on my belly in between sips.

    ETA: Although I was wearing pants, did not have a popped collar and not have that expression on my face.

    • https://twitter.com/FaintlyXMacabre Theresa Edwards

      you should have snapped a pic and raked in some royalties.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I was gonna ask if you rocked the lady mullet and the thousand yard milk stare

    • rrlo

      Unfortunately, no.

    • Bethany Ramos

      “thousand yard milk stare” lolololol

  • Crusty Socks

    This is like some milk preggers fetish porn or something…

  • candyvines

    Number three looks like she’s trying to drink a scented fucking candle. Number one is the most normal looking one except OH MY GOD WHY IS THE WASHING MACHINE NEXT TO THE STOVE?!?

    • EmmaFromÉire

      I didn’t know this was a weird thing in the states- I live in Ireland and in my own house, and the vast majority of my friends and family’s houses, there are no utility rooms or anything of the sort. In my house all the appliances are lined up under the counter tops next to one another- oven, dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer.

    • candyvines

      Oh, thanks, I didn’t know! I don’t think it’s weird to have laundry in the kitchen, but it looks so strange to me to have the washer next to the stove without a dryer in sight.

    • airbones

      I live in the states. I have two sisters, parents and parents in law and out of our 5 homes, 4 of us have laundry appliances in the kitchen. So… I guess not such a weird thing? Maybe it’s regional? We’re all in the Northeast.

  • radicalhw

    Thank goodness I’m not pregnant so I can drink the entire pitcher of White Russians that I’m suddenly craving.

  • Frannie

    a) I know I like to have my washing machine in the kitchen so all my clothes come out smelling like last night’s dinner.
    b) that flower can cup is obviously empty

    c) If I had to toast with a glass of milk instead of champagne, I would NOT be smiling.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      hahahahaha . Wash your meatloaf socks!

  • Cousin Tad

    So she not only breaks up marriages but now Leann Rimes just sits in city parks drinking milk eating Crossan’wich‎es? She’s really let herself go.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 4EVER

  • Valerie

    I hated milk while pregnant but I did love orange Gatorade. Which my husband came to call Hate-orade because I would positively lose it if he drank even one drop from my gallon jug that I went thru each week.

  • Beth Horton

    You know what goes great with hilarious comments about the focal points of a photo? POP UP ADS! BITCHES LOVE THAT SHIT!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      sorry.. I have no control over it :(

    • Beth Horton

      Oh I know you don’t, but it’s one of the most annoying things about this site that I otherwise enjoy a great deal. I don’t even mind ads, because I depend on them myself, but this ads-over-photos trend is not a happy one.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I know I hate it tooooo.. I do complain a lot to the big bosses.

  • Kiers Kay

    The beach one makes me think of this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FM3Em7FIOc

  • stefania

    Why are they always rubbing their bellies, for god’s sake?

  • Jill Loutas

    Seeing all those bellies and non-wine beverages makes me soooo glad I’m not still pregnant.

  • mommabeer
  • arrow2010

    I have to admit this was hilarious.

  • LiberalGilt

    Apparently at least one of the pregnant women also enjoys chewing on a giant grub.

  • Katherine Handcock

    I cannot stop staring at #2. What is she making? I totally didn’t think about the strange collection of produce until I read the paragraph below, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.