shutterstock_161041592Pregnancy is kind of like solitary confinement on Orange Is The New Black. After you’ve been locked in solitary with nothing cool to do and no wine and no coffee, you start to realize that even your worst days out on the jail yard were a cakewalk in comparison to this bullshit.

Then, you finally give birth to your squirmy, slimy, adorable baby. That is a wonderful moment in and of itself, and as you start to recover from labor, you realize that the world is wonderful again. You can jump in the air with glee without hurting your back (after six weeks of healing)! You can roll over and sleep in any position you want! You can pound a glass of wine after you finish breast-feeding! Yes, life is good.

Everyone says that you feel the most magical rush of hormones and chemicals that make you freaking elated after giving birth, and that is true. But what people fail to mention is how FUCKING AMAZING you feel when you return to normal life and do your normal favorite things after months of deprivation while pregnant.

Here are the eight most amazing things you will experience in the hours after having a baby:

1. Look At Your New Miracle.

Okay, I had to put this in because it is cheesy but true. It’s incredible to do all of the hard work in labor or go through a C-section and realize that a real HUMAN came out of your body. Wow!

2. Eat A Huge Meal.

I was all about the carb loading after having a baby, following sweaty hours of labor. No other meal in my life has ever tasted so delicious.

3. Pee.

The first time you pee after having a baby has the potential to hurt or feel numb. But after that, peeing is fun again without a baby’s head pressing on your bladder. Yippee!

4. Take A Bath.

I steered clear of hot baths during pregnancy because I like baths very, very hot. That first bath after having a baby was…indescribable.

5. DRINK!

I had a yummy bottle of Bailey’s waiting for me to sip on after I learned how to breast-feed.

6. Sleep On Your Stomach.

That is exactly what I did the first time I slept after giving birth. I was exhausted, and it felt soo good.

7. Drink Coffee.

It was rad to wake up in the morning after having a baby and pour a huge cup of coffee. But not too much because I was still breast-feeding. Dammit.

8. Look In The Mirror.

After popping out a baby, I looked super skinny in comparison, even though I hadn’t lost my baby weight yet. Score!

(Image: Yuriy Rudyy/Shutterstock)