Someone’s Finally Proven Having Sex On The First Date Is An Awesome Idea

shutterstock_151491074__1394223488_142.196.167.223If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “you should never have sex on the first date,” I would probably only have about ten dollars because my friends aren’t archaic, sexist jerks who actually believe the notion that sex is a prize to be won by a man and the longer the woman holds out – the better.

Philip N. Cohen, sociology professor at the University of Maryland is shedding some light on why we may feel the way we do about the timing of sexual relationships. I’m sure plenty of people would say that a relationship is doomed if you have sex on the first date. Cohen says, a relationship is doomed if you don’t like each other – and liking each other has nothing to do with whether or not you had sex on the first date:

Like all theories, this one assumes a lot. It assumes you (women) decide when couples will have sex, because it assumes men always want to, and it assumes men’s opinion of you is based on your sexual behavior. With these assumptions in place, the data appear to confirm the theory.

But what if that those assumptions aren’t true? What if couples just have more dates when they enjoy each other’s company, and men actually just call back when they like you? If this is the case, then what really determines whether the guy calls back is how well-matched the couple is, and how the relationship is going, which also determines how many dates you have.

What a novel idea. I know personally I have never dated an ape who thinks that all women should don a chastity belt until they have some indication that their mate may considering them for marriage. By my own very scientific research, I also know that if you really like someone, then share a night of mind-blowing sex – you still like them. Weird.

By this interpretation, the decision about when to have sex is arbitrary and doesn’t affect anything. All that matters is how much the couple like and are attracted to each other, which determines how many dates they have, and whether the guy calls back. Every couple has a first date, but only a few make it to the seventh date. It appears that the first-date-sex couples usually don’t last because people don’t know each other very well on first dates and they have a high rate of failure regardless of sex.

See? He or she isn’t not calling because you gave it up on the first date, they just don’t really like you. It’s time to give up the notion that sex is a prize and your mate needs to earn it. If you are an adult – sex is not a prize. It’s a totally normal way of communicating with someone that you are into. If you are dating someone who you think would judge you for sleeping with them on the first date, you’re probably not a good fit anyway. Unless you are a glutton for punishment and you hate yourself.

Early sex doesn’t destroy the prospect of longer term relationships; bad breath and stupidity, and a lack of a sense of humor do. Okay, that last part is my opinion.

(photo: Patricia Chumilla/ Shutterstock)

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  • Kay_Sue

    My biggest problem with the whole sex on the first date equaling instant disrespect is that it implies that our sexuality(or modesty) is the most important aspect men respect us for. That’s bull-hoaky…and sexist on both ends. It once again dehumanizes men into beings who are only in it for the pu-tang, incapable of higher thought or purpose, even as it dehumanizes us as women. As a woman that birthed boys, I find it repulsive on multiple levels.

    Your partner should respect you for many things, and blowing his mind in bed should be but one.

    I give my little sisters this advice: Sleep with him when you want, but consider that after the first date, you don’t know how into each other you are. You don’t know where this is going. If you’re okay with that, and you won’t regret this if he never calls, go for it. Use condoms.

    That my advice because I do think it’s a very individual decision, and I do want them to think about how they, individually, will be affected by a one night stand. If it’s not going to bother them, then I hope they have a helluva lot of fun with it, man.

    • Kendra

      I think you’ve said it perfectly. I could never be down with that. That isn’t to say I think it is wrong for everyone. I’m sure there are couples who’ve slept together on the first date and ended up married. There is no one right or wrong way. However, it is a personal decision and doing so has the potential to be upsetting. IMO, I would feel a little gross if I were to do that and then the relationship go no further. But, as I said, that’s just me.

    • Kay_Sue

      One of my sisters is just like you here, and the other is much more lenient. She really enjoys it, and doesn’t care if it leads to anything more–hell, she doesn’t know if she wants kids or ever want to marry, either. Just looking at the two of them really drives home how personal sexuality is, and how different from person to person.

    • Kati

      What if you’ve been friends for years, finally aren’t dating other people, go out, (ahem), then get married 5 years later? Is that gross? A friend of a friend wants to know.

    • kay

      slept with my husband 4 months BEFORE our first date. (overshare? but yeah, you can hook up and still get married)

    • jsterling93

      lol me too! I met him at a party he threw and ended up hooking up with him. The next few months we saw each other in groups and he asked me out a few times but I wasn’t actually interested and kept saying no. He gave up. Several months later at another party we hooked up again. I figured what the hell and we went on a date. Now we are married and have a baby and couldn’t be happier.

    • Angela

      Yes. So much this.

    • remainderman

      I’m confused. You’re saying that the concept that men only respect women who are not promiscuous, is sexist against men and women. Against men because it “dehumanizes men into being who are only in it for the [sex] [and are] incapable of of higher thought or purpose.” Against women as it “dehumanizes us as women.” I’m not sure what it is you find objectionable. It sounds like you dislike the fact that men will lose respect for a woman who puts out too quickly, and it’s sexist for us as a society to admit that men think that way.

      Something tells me that you are going to raise your boys to respect women. If you are successful, then they will probably not think very highly of a women who just puts out on a first date. Sp does that mean you are raising them to be sexist?

      I may be reading this wrong, but I think you are saying that our society’s traditional view regarding a man respecting a woman because she has some virtues is sexist. This is what is taught in most feminism classes. That any traditional way a man views, thinks, sees, or speaks about a woman is automatically sexist. In reality, the traditional, moral viewpoint of how a man should think about and treat a women is out of respect, not as an object for his desire. It is the opposite of sexist.

      So raise those boys to respect women. If that’s sexist, then I guess we’re better off being sexist.

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      Well, this post is three months old, so I’m not going to bother rehashing old points, but yes, you read my point perfectly. As I am a feminist, it’s unsurprising to me that this reminds you of concepts from a feminist class, although I disagree with the idea that anything men do is automatically sexist.

  • Crusty Socks

    Hm… does” Philip N. Cohen, sociology professor at the University of Maryland” have ulterior motives?

    If he does, he qualifies for Bud Light Real Men of Genius status.

    Also, I’m sure his popularity with his male students skyrocketed beyond any professor feedback form can measure.

    • Kay_Sue

      I can just imagine the person compiling those statistics.

      “Well, Professor Cohen seems to be experiencing an absolutely astonishing jump in perceived effectiveness…”

    • Cyke

      That’s pretty sexist of you Crusty…Or do you not think it goes both ways.

    • Crusty Socks

      I am very interested in ladies who go both ways…

      how YOU doin’?

  • Bunny Lucia

    I don’t know, you couldn’t PAY me to have sex on a first date. But that has nothing to do with “sex being a prize,” it has far more to do with “I don’t know this dude and I want to see proof of his latest STD test results before anything goes down.”

    • Paul White

      Yeah. I agree. Sex is one of those behaviors that is 100% necessary for the species, and damn fun for individuals, but sometimes I think in the backlash against years of restrictive mores people want to start acting like there’s no reason to limit sexual activity which I find bizarre.

  • SusannahJoy

    I think really the only problem with sex on the first date is that you don’t know each other well, and theres no way to have sex without risking pregnancy or STD’s, and without knowing the person, you don’t know how they’ll react to that. You don’t want to be tied to a person you don’t like for forever because you were horny at the moment.

  • brebay

    I don’t think it’s about respect, your body, your choice; but what worries me is that people seem to think that STDs aren’t an issue anymore just because they don’t get a lot of airtime anymore. I think it’s a safety issue, but to each their own. Please be careful, though!

    • Kay_Sue

      I do kind of feel like there’s a real impending disaster in combining the move towards less restrictive sexuality with the current lack of comprehensive sex ed in the US. It’s like we’re giving someone control of the 747 when all they’ve really dealt with is a flight simulation game at the mall.

    • remainderman

      What kind of twisted “comprehensive sex ed” do you think they should teach? One of my kids had their first sex ed class (6th grade) and it was pretty comprehensive. They discussed what the parts are, what they do, and what the consequences are when they are done–in detail: and I live in the South. Maybe you’re hoping for live sex acts? Class room lab hook-ups complete with critiques?

    • Wicked Prophet Kay Sue

      *sighs* *shakes head* *walks away*

    • Whatwhatque

      Certainly, sex can be risky but so is driving a car and getting a pedicure. You take the precautions, it’s odd to act like this one facet of human life that poses risk (as almost ALL facets do) is special in that way. Use condoms, you know? They aren’t 100% but again nothing is, ever!

  • CW

    If very few relationship make it to 7 dates, that’s all the more reason IMHO to wait. You’ll avoid a lot of regrets that way. Of all the guys I went out with a few times, not a single one do I look back in hindsight and thought, “I should’ve slept with him.” They clearly were not future husband material so I’m glad that I didn’t get physically serious with them.

    • Smishsmash

      But this pre-supposes that everyone will regret a one night stand with a guy they don’t end up liking. Which for you appears to be true, but for me, not so much. I’ve had flings with guys I would not in my wildest dreams have wanted to marry, and good times were had by all. Now I’m happily married, but its not like I’m sitting here regretting the frogs I had to kiss to get to the prince because I had no intention of trying to figure out if those guys were my prince in the first place. Why would I regret a one night stand anymore than I would regret having dinner with the guy or any other enjoyable recreational activity we did together that didn’t lead to a long term relationship? As long as everyone is being safe and treated each other civily, why regret anything? Not everyone’s looking at every guy as potential husband material.

    • HollywoodNeedsHelp

      There’s a big difference between having dinner with someone and letting someone physically inside of you, and it’s funny when I see this kind of reasoning because it’s clear the individual is trying to justify their own actions to the public due to their insecurity of how society views them based on said actions.

      There’s plenty of people who don’t just jump into bed with someone because they went on a few dates with them. You inherently regret it because society has made you feel ashamed for doing it. I guess it really comes down to people’s views on how they define self respect. If you “need” to have sex because you’re not looking for something with some kind of connection in mind, not even talking about marriage or a full fledged relationship here, then I honestly don’t know what you think you’re doing with your life.

    • Big Water

      You are so full of cr@p. You assume sex is some high and mighty bond between two people. When in reality, it is exactly what you said it was: somebody being inside of somebody else. When done with precautions its fun for everybody.

      It is its own bubble. It has nothing to do with love or marriage. It is an activity in and of itself and to say it must or it should be kept for special people is crazy. If you feel that way, good on you. But you questioning somebody’s self-respect because they have a more modern vision of the role sex plays in their life reeks of elitist moral snobbery. And that makes me question what you’re doing with your life.

    • JusticeB

      Some people (myself included) go into nesting mode after sex, which isn’t so great if the person you had sex with isn’t nest-worthy. So you have to know yourself. If you’re the type who becomes attached after sex, you have to be pretty careful about who you sleep with, for the sake of your own emotional well being.

    • HollywoodNeedsHelp

      I question your elitism for implying there’s anything wrong with the notion’s I stated. Your idea of modernism is seemingly having no discernment, because “screw what other people think”. So can I ask just what exactly YOU’RE doing with your life?

      I never said sex had to do with love or marriage, you’ve decided to lash out and make a jaded generalization by latching onto perceived “buzzwords” to paint me as some backward, repressed individual who’s a product of the 1950s or something.

      I hate to break it to you, but even in our “modern” age of sex, people still judge. You’ve been judged, I’ve been judged, but we pretend like it doesn’t happen and you’re bad if you judge others. Know what that mentality is a product of? An over-entitled whiny generation (my generation) who hate the idea of taking responsibility for their actions and don’t like the idea of consequences, so they’d rather point fingers and blame someone else.

      You want to know why people still judge? Because people are protecting their self interests, and that’s priority number one, for every single person. Life is about balance, and if you put such a heavy emphasis on “Sex doesn’t mean anything”, then really, take a step back and re-evaluate your life. If sex is no more important an activity than brushing your teeth, combing your hair, or any other daily routine in one’s life, I really do feel sorry for you.

      And no, I will not take someone seriously who wants to jump into bed with me on the first date. I’ve been with enough women in my life to know there’s something not all right upstairs with a person who jumps into things that quickly. Anyone trying to justify that behavior is lying to themselves, and has some serious, unaccounted issues they have not confronted. But goodness forbid someone say that in this ultra-sensitive, modern age where it’s bad if someone’s feelings get hurt by other people’s words! Reality hurts, deal with it.

  • tSubh Dearg

    Myself and my fiancé had sex on our first date and it was mind blowing and that is probably why we’re still together 9 years later and getting married in October. It worked for us but I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone. There are guys I have met and I was so connected to them that I just wanted to get them into bed straight away and then there were others that I held off having sex with and I’m glad I did as they turned out to be a bit crazy.

    You do what’s right for you and your sexuality.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      well said missus!

  • Valerie

    Me and my husband did “everything but sex” on the first date and had done it all by the 3rd. That was the fastest a relationship ever progressed for me so I guess my lady parts knew he was the one before the rest of me did.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      lol your loins felt the burning desire haha =P

  • dreamweaver55

    Such rubbish. Sex on first date has turned men commitment phobic.
    romance is a lost are because of it.

    • brebay

      So, your definition of romance is all the things men used to do in between the first date and the time they finally got sex? Hmm…if the only reason they did it then and don’t now is because they’re getting sex sooner, then they were doing all that “romance” stuff just to get sex. Sounds more like manipulation than romance to me.

    • Benwhoski

      The way I see it, for this to be the case, I would have to assume that the only reason a man would want to commit to a woman is to get the sex that he is otherwise being denied.

      Even if I believed that, why would I, as a woman, want to commit to one of those men anyway?

    • WriterLady

      I think much of this depends on whether we’re talking about one-night stands, or even casual friendships that turn sexual with the rather blatant understanding that it’s a “friends with benefits” arrangement. If that’s not the angle you are going with, the notion that men will become commitment-phobic due to having sex early in a relationship seems rather outdated. This smacks of the offensive mantra, “Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free.” When a couple truly has affections for one another and knows each other beyond a few shots at the bar, both parties should have enough respect for one another—as well as maturity—to understand that sex is part of the overall package of establishing a romantic relationship. To suggest otherwise is insulting to men, IMO. Now, it’s also completely reasonable that many couples will want to wait to do the deed, but that’s an intensely personal decision that should be made between the guy and girl.

    • dreamweaver55

      Now this respect for one another happens on the first date?

    • WriterLady

      It absolutely can happen on a “first date” (more to come on that concept later in the post). I met my now-husband nearly a decade ago through mutual friends. He was a member of my brother’s band and, as we came to find out, a friend of another friend from college. After knowing him for several years and hanging out with him nearly every weekend (and even some weekdays), we expressed that we had always adored each other and were sexually attracted to one another. So, yes, we had sex that night. And many nights for years after that, to this day (when our 4-year-old is sound asleep).

      And, no, I wouldn’t call my scenario “sex on a first date.” Here’s why: Reread the following line from my previous post you responded to: “When a couple truly has affections for one another and knows each other beyond a few shots at the bar, both parties should have enough respect for one another—as well as maturity—to understand that sex is part of the overall package of establishing a romantic relationship.”

      Even though my situation doesn’t match your hypothetical scenario of a romp in the sack with a virtual stranger, I’m not such a prude that I would judge a couple who had sex on a first date. It’s their choice to be made. If poor choices are made in the process (such as condoms and birth control not being used), those individuals may have to worry about the possibility of STDs and pregnancy. Of course, blind hook-ups happen on college campuses, and I really don’t have an opinion on that one way or another, other than to say it happens with relative frequency. Again, not my life…not my choice. But people who have known each other for quite some time having sex on an unofficial first date is no biggie.

      By the way, what constitutes a “first date” anyway? I attended many restaurants, concerts, sporting events, and the like with my husband prior to our official status as boyfriend and girlfriend–the only difference is that we were usually with our group of friends, rather than a single couple’s outing. I think some people definitely need to move beyond the antiquated notion that a first date for grown adults must involve the man showing up at the door, with roses in hand, ready to pay with his hard-earned money (despite the lady perhaps making more money), dropping her off at home after dinner, and kissing her farewell on the cheek. This isn’t the 1950s. :)

    • dreamweaver55

      I have no issues with sex on the first date for anyone who wants it.
      I was speaking to the notion that it is a an awesome idea. I stated what i felt was the problem with this. years ago before it become so so common. it could lead to a long term relationship. today it is a way to stay sexual without anything after. some exceptions of course.There is no 1950′s attitude here . Do we think that is why people do it now? So antiquated.So icky.
      i have plenty of nieces in the dating world to make clear observations from.I see the collateral damage from this mindset. on the way to that lasting love.

    • Mr. E

      1) You presuppose that collateral damage should be avoided in the “dating” world. I firmly believe that most truly functional relationships could not happen without both parties learning at some point from this same “collateral damage” you seem to want your nieces to avoid. It sucks to go through, but most people come out stronger on the other side for it.

      2) Why is there anything wrong with something purely sexual and nothing after? Sex is fun. Sex is natural. And Sex is a strong driver for most of us, at least at some point (or in some nights) in our lives. To say it MUST accompany something greater or beyond the sexual act itself IS the outdated thinking. There is nothing wrong with sex in a bubble.

      Mind you, I am not trying to convince everybody to have first date sex. It is a personal decision. But I am sick of those people who assume that those who chose to sleep together on the first date are the stupid ones who aren’t thinking. When the reality is, their choice is usually just as thought-out as yours.

  • Rowan

    I figure if a guy is the sort of tosser who’d judge me based on when I have sex with him, I’d prefer to find out sooner rather than later.

    • syncflow

      Cool! And I figure if the girl is the sort of “tosser” who exhibits the deficient judgement and low-grade decisions skills which would lead her to sex on first date, I’d also prefer to find out sooner rather than later…

    • Rowan

      It does take two people to have sex, dipshit.

    • HollywoodNeedsHelp

      Yeah, and in this example, you’d be the only one wanting to have sex on the first date.

    • Rowan

      So women who have sex (or want to) on the first dates are horrible sluts and not worth a relationship, but men who do the same are…. what? Just being men? Using their cock as moral litmus paper to see if the woman is worthy?

    • Moral evaluator.

      I don’t laugh at people like you who judge others based on their decisions. I feel sorry for you. Especially when there is no basis in logic and just stinks of hypocrisy.

    • bugman

      Heh heh. I see what you did there.

  • angelina ♥

    I think all circumstances are different. My husband and I Did sleep together on our first date…but our first date happened four years after our initial meeting and mutual attraction. I had never slept with anyone on a first date prior to that, but obviously I’m not passing judgment on people who choose to.

    • JusticeB

      Yeah, the first date thing doesn’t necessarily reflect how long you’ve known a person. Big difference between a first date happening months or years after you met someone, and a first date between people who met at a bar a few days before.

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    I just gotta say, if “He or she isn’t not calling because you gave it up on the first date, they just don’t really like you”–then why are you having sex with them? Am I old fashioned to think you should at least LIKE the person?

    • bugman

      No kidding! I’veseen far too many people who treat it as “just a thing to do.” “Oh, we went for drinks, then went back to his place and had sex.”
      Uh huh. And in the same breath they complain about how they never meet any nice guys. Better check your methods, there!

    • HollywoodNeedsHelp

      So freaking right. We’ve brainwashed a generation into this thing is normal and what you should expect.

  • allisonjayne

    My wife and I were a one night stand that turned into a lasting relationship. We were both in our early twenties, just having fun, dating lots of different people, not ready at all for any kind of commitment. Then we ended up going out a few times, and lo and behold, we’re still together after almost 12 years.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    not the first or even second date, but by the third date, my fiance and i actually broke the bed.
    so while I can’t speak for the first date, I CAN speak for early dates lol.
    I think it’s a great way to get your kinks and turn ons out in the open right away!

    What if I found out after a few months of dating that my fella say, didn’t like BDSM?

    Or he only discovered after several months that actually, what he’s doing isn’t working for me, please move to the other side lol.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      for the record, this should not be taken as an account of ym freakiness, these are purely examples..



    • Mookie

      Why would a woman “give it up” on the first date? What is wrong with you people!? What is happening to morality in the world? Don’t you see just how bad this is for all of humanity? Wake up, slumbering people and repent of your foolish ways!

  • Captain Piccard

    If you want to sleep with someone do it. If you don’t, then don’t. It’s literally that simple.

    I think we all (hopefully) know a little better than to believe the media’s 4 portrayals of both sexes.

    Sometimes there exists a certain momentum and energy on a first date, leading you on the path of sleeping with each other. And if you follow it, it can be amazing! Don’t deny yourself some magical awe inspiring night because you are worried or have standards (I know how messed up that sounds)… It could lead to the best relationship of your life.

    The one time in particular I can remember that happening, it was amazing and although it fell apart a year and a half later and she moved back to UK, it was definitely one of 2 people I ever loved.

    Captain Kirk was a giant man-whore, and he still commanded a flagship.

  • Arthur Machado

    Yep, archaic, sexist, jerks who would perfer to keep sexually transmitted diseases and people with deep psychological problems under control.

  • chiwawa

    I love all of the self-justification being posted by slut monkeys here. Men date and have sex with women who are fun, but they marry women they respect, and a huge part of respect comes from chastity. There is a biological basis for men’s behavior too. When they decide to get married, men are theoretically deciding to have children in the not to distant future also, which requires a non-carousing, steady, and reliable female for the mother role.

    • Shaking My Head

      Ive read a lot of hokey responses to this article. But none has been so arrogant, elitist, and completely full of incorrect quack science as yours. Congratulations.

      Sexual behavior is not at all indicative of fun level or respect. Lot of men marry women they don’t respect. You need to look a little harder if you can’t see that. Lots of “sluts” as you call them, are very boring. Sexual behavior is indicative of one thing: sexual attitudes. And just because they don’t conform to your outdated, elitist, and judgmental viewpoint, doesn’t make them wrong.

      Respect doesn’t come from chastity. At least, not on a universal scale. Any trait that is respected or not is based entirely on one’s own moral set. If I don’t personally feel chastity is a virtue, I hold no elevated level of respect for those who possess it. Ergo, the men that want to sleep with a woman on the first date won’t hold that against her if she does.

      Now as to your quack science… As to marriage being a biological indicator of a man’s readiness to have children? The most recent census found that only 44% of all married couples in the US have or have ever had children. And while a percentage of this number is newlyweds, it undercuts your theory that marriage is the dinner bell for child rearing. I myself was married for 6 years before deciding to have children. And there is a huge portion of the population that never wants to have kids but still wants to be married.

      And steady and reliable have nothing to do with sexually active. Decisions are made by who you are now, not by who you were when you first met. Yeah, if she’s sleeping around after years of being together, sure, she may not be the right mother for your child. But sleeping with you on the first date does not make her unfit to be a mother. Not in my book, or in anybody’s book who sees things clearly.

    • chiwawa

      Wow! I am so relieved that you are not elitist, given the fact that you are one of the few people in the world who “sees things clearly.” Maybe we should just start teaching/allowing fornication in the Middle Schools, since there is no psychological detriment to such behavior. Fortunately for me, my “outdated, elitist, and judgmental viewpoint,..” is still the majorities viewpoint, and it appears that Lena Dunham and the other slut monkeys are not making meaning inroads to change the idea that such reckless and selfish behavior is not only personally demeaning, but also introduces the possibility of unwanted pregnancy, abortions, and STDs.

  • Jill Dalton

    This is stupid. Some men are players, they will do whatever they can to have sex, and whether they call you back or not has nothing to do with whether or not they “like” you. Other men have real feelings, and those affect whether or not they call you back, whether or not sex happens on the first date. I would caution that some men assume first-date-sex means your easy, and they immediately lose respect for you… but that is not all men.

  • San_Diego_Bill

    The title of this article is misleading. The professor’s theory is that people who LIKE each other on the first date are more likely to last as couples, NOT that people who have sex on the first date are more likely to last.
    “All that matters is how much the couple like and are attracted to each other, which determines how many dates they have, and whether the guy calls back.”
    NOWHERE does the professor indicate that “having sex on the first date is an awesome idea!” That little bit of confusion is entirely the invention of this article’s author, and has nothing to do with the professor’s quotes.
    In fact, the professor indicates that MOST OF THE TIME, having sex on the first date does NOT result in a lasting relationship! Having sex or not seems to be irrelevant — which is VERY DIFFERENT from “awesome.” HOW did the author of this article MISS that important message?
    Says the professor, “It appears that first-date-sex couples usually don’t last because people don’t know each other very well on first dates and they have a HIGH RATE OF FAILURE regardless of sex.”

  • Reformed player married fling

    I was the kind of guy that wouldn’t ever consider calling you back if we didn’t have sex after once or twice of having the opportunity. I was a ‘player’ and really only wanted the sex….that being said, I had a ‘one night stand’ with my wife of now 14 years. I wasn’t looking for a relationship and the sex was great so we were ‘friends with benefits’ for about a month before I realized that I loved everything about her. We have an amazing relationship and we still have mind blowing sex 3-4 times a week (when our 2 kids go to sleep)and we are the envy of most of our friends because we have such a honest and open relationship, I have never cheated and never will because I did enough looking around to know that she was the ‘one’ in the bedroom and out of it….my point is that if she had tried to play games and ‘act’ like she didn’t want it as much as I did, we never would have made it past the dating stage. Ladies, don’t use sex as leverage or we will too. Meaning if sex is a prize to be earned then once its gotten then a guy goes “ha, finally got that stupid chick to give it up. Time to move on” instead of “omg she was so great in bed and shes fun and funny and great to talk to, I can’t stop thinking about her, and I can’t wait to see her again” ……….sex is to a relationship like a test drive is to a car….the car may look great and have an awesome stereo and banging wheels, put if it drives like crap I’m not going to buy it, and likewise it doesn’t matter if she is the funniest prettiest woman in the world. if she doesn’t know her way around the bedroom then eventually I’ll be looking for someone who does….wouldn’t you rather know before you invest months or years of you life, that the person your with is going to be able to satisfy ALL of your needs?

    • remainderman

      You said: “…he car may look great and have an awesome stereo and banging wheels, [b]ut if it drives like crap I’m not going to buy it….”

      Nice, I hope she doesn’t get hurt and can’t perform. Just drop the mother of your children off at the hospice and look for the next ride?

  • Edward Skupien

    Let’s say you have SEX on your first date and it’s really crappy. Are you then glad that you didn’t wait until your 10th or 20th date? Sex is a normal healthy part of all relationships. If it’s bad, it usually doesn’t get better.

    I’d be inclined to say that if you have great communication, a lot in common, and GREAT sex on your first date that you’re off to a wonderful start!

  • Rob_Grant

    Brought to you by; every 16 year old boy on the planet…

  • remainderman

    More moronic babblings from the left. There are reasons why most people believe that on a first date, most men want to have sex, and women really control whether sex happens: Because its true. Lefties like to live in the universe that they wish were true. They want to think that sex is irrelevant to whether people “like” each other. But the rest of us live here, with all its flaws. Bottom line, sex on a first date is highly risky, both physically and emotionally. Sex is not just about an individual feeling good–you can do that on your own–rather it’s about intimacy with a fellow human being. And it’s ultimately about procreation. The idea is, when you have sex, you might be creating a life, so be careful with whom you have sex. The moral inclination to wait should not be discounted nor trivialized.

    • JusticeB

      The person who wrote this article was not endorsing the study. In fact, the person was making fun of it to some degree.

    • EnjoyingTheView

      My wife and I had wonderful animalistic sex on our first date and we have been happily married for 22 years with 4 wonderful chidren!!
      Sorry to burst your sad, bubble of archaic ideology!

    • remainderman

      That’s neat. But my “archaic” moral stance (as stated above, feel free to re-read) didn’t say you shouldn’t have sex on the first date. I said the moral inclination to wait shouldn’t be discounted or trivialized. Bottom line is, if adults want to engage in risky behavior, then go for it, but it is still risky behavior. There are consequences. Morality has a purpose in our society. You can act all sophisticated and modern all you want, but if everyone acted without morals, very few would be happy.

  • lulu

    I love sex and I’m only 4.

  • Briton

    Cohen is a sociologist; which means that he’s most likely a cultural Marxist since the social sciences today are simply propaganda outlets for Frankfurt School ideology. And one of the aims of the Frankfurt School was to destroy the foundation of Christian family life by propagating rabid licentiousness among young people. Young people swallowed the advice hook, line, and sinker because they were eager to let their hormones do their talking and deciding for them. And the result now is that relationships are based not upon affection but strictly upon raw unmediated mindless sexuality and utilitarian hustling.

  • Doctor_M7

    Almost every 15-year old boy thinks that. It is a juvenile argument at best, and self-serving at worst.

    Those of us with daughters know better.
    Cohen needs his liberal ass kicked until his teeth fall out.

  • HollywoodNeedsHelp

    As a guy, let me tell you. It’s a very real thing that we think woman are of low value or are not “longer term partner” potential by the rate physical intimacy occurs. Because chances are, we’re thinking “This probably isn’t the first time she’s done this…”, secondly, she seems to have little restraint, and thirdly, what’s the point if one of the most alluring and exciting pursuits in a potential relationship (for both people) is just thrown out in the open from the get go?

    There’s a reason dating is a dance, because without SOME kind of pursuit, some kind of spark with chemistry and excitement, there is nothing. If things are just “given” to people, there is no sense of “accomplishment”, it’s instant gratification. And I don’t mean “accomplishment” like YEAH I JUST HAD SEX WITH A GIRL. I mean it as in you developed a real, tangible connection and relationship with someone, who’s company you enjoy, you build a real rapport and love with, and you respect on all levels.

    No one really can say to themselves they can feel that way after having sex with someone on the first date. Not to mention I’d be worried about what the hell this woman’s got going on in the way of sexual diseases…

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  • RtReverend

    Bad Business. “God will judge the sexually immoral”. A guy who has no more self control will be unbridled after marriage.
    VIRGIN is not a dirty word.

  • Wayne Baumgartner

    1. Great idea. If you sleep with someone, you’re sleeping with all of those he or she has slept with…
    2. Like the hooker told the man: “I’m going to give you something you’ve never had.” You see, he never had syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes or any of the other STDs she may have been carrying…
    3) People, you’ll never compete with rabbits but that is a dubious goal.

  • Wayne Baumgartner

    Yep, you may get something you’ve never had before like: Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Herpes, etc. When you have intercourse with someone, you’re also having it with whoever they have had sex with. Not too smart not knowing their past.

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