Bad News For Utah Homophobes: Children of Gay Parents Are Growing Up Just Fine

shutterstock_166750586Utah’s ban on gay marriage was intended to preserve the family unit. After hearing personal testimonies from the children of gay parents, we discover that quite the opposite is true.

National and state gay rights organizations filed an amicus brief to challenge Utah’s gay marriage ban before the US Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit.

The brief contained children’s testimonies that discussed what it was like to grow up with gay and lesbian parents and how the same-sex marriage ban has affected their lives.

Supporters of the same-sex marriage ban in Utah argue:

“The state of Utah, like many gay marriage opponents before, argued in a lengthy brief last month that allowing gays and lesbians to marry “poses real, concrete risks to children.” When the state restricts marriage to straight couples, it encourages “child-centric” marriages and “selfless parenting,” the state’s lawyers wrote. Their brief suggests that if wedding doors are opened to gays, generations of children will be harmed.”

Yet it is funny that a young child’s response makes the most sense of all:

“I’m perfectly fine. My brother’s perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with us,” said Riley Hackford-Peer, a 12-year-old whose moms were married in December.

The state’s argument is “kind of bully-like,” he added.

All the children interviewed said that the most difficult aspect of having gay parents in a conservative state like Utah has nothing to do with the quality of parental support.

Thanks to my very religious upbringing, I am more than familiar with this unfortunate anti-gay sentiment. But in the midst of this ridiculous, ongoing court battle, the kids are the voice of reason. The children of gay parents aren’t having difficulties because of the quality of their family unit. They are having difficulties because the state continues to bully and discriminate against them.

(Image: Syda Productions/Shutterstock)

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You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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  • keelhaulrose

    I know many gay and lesbian couples who are raising children, and the only problem any of the kids seem to have is there’s one fifteen year old who fancies himself a chef who, well, let’s just say he’d be right at home on the Worst Cooks in America.
    Being legally married is a big deal to these couples and their children

  • Lee

    When will people realize that the children of gay and lesbian parents are probably better off then their counterparts. Gay parents can’t just get knocked up and have a child. They have to really want children and work very hard to have children though whatever means works for them (adoption, surragacy, or insemination).

    • Bethany Ramos

      Very true. It makes no sense that people think that making kids feel guilty about their upbringing will do the situation any justice. No matter who is raising the kids in any type of family unit, the kids should feel supported and safe.

  • libraryofbird

    A couple of years ago a co-worker of mine moved to Utah to live with her girlfriend, I remember wishing her all the luck in the world because DAMN Utah can be terrible.

    • Guest

      We’ve got family over there …and yes it is so effed up.

  • Alene

    Oh yeah, forgot that being straight automatically makes you a kind, mentally stable, financially sound person who should totally be having children! Thanks, Utah!

  • Joy

    My next door neighbors are a middle aged gay couple with two teenagers, and they are the most well-adjusted, polite, awesome kids I’ve encountered in a very long time. My uber-religious parents met the parents while visiting (but not the kids) and got all pearl-clutchy about “what those poor kids must go through” having two gay dads. These kids were adopted, in Texas, in the 1980′s. Obviously the dads had to fight like hell to get the chance to be parents, and I’m thinking anybody who wants to be a father that badly is going to rock at it. My parents were so confused when I replied, “Yeah, must really suck to have two parents who are in a committed long-term relationship and wanted to be parents so bad they moved heaven and earth to be able to adopt you.” When Texas finally gets its shit together and legalizes gay marriage so these two can tie the knot legally I will be buying them ALL the Pottery Barn.

    • Bethany Ramos


  • tk88

    Gay people can’t have children by accident. So gay parents are likely to be better parents than many straight couples who didn’t decide beforehand to have kids. If a gay couple has children you know for sure that they wanted them enough to go through lengthy and expensive insemination/in vitro/surrogacy or adoption processes. When children are wanted they are typically loved and cared for properly, regardless of their parents’ gender.

  • Mystik Spiral

    I really don’t understand the not-so-subtle undertones of gay people being selfish and self-centered. There are lots of selfless people in the world, and there are a lot of selfish ones. Sexual orientation has zero to do with it.

  • Maggie May

    I was raised by my two dads. I am now i
    fully grown, an RN, married with 3 beautiful children. I like to think I turned out perfectly fine. The only thing about my life that was different than my friends that I remember was that my nana took me shopping for my first bra. And it wasn’t easy for them either – one dad is my biological dad, (I was born when he was 17. My biological mom didn’t want anything to do with me, so my dad kept me and my grandparents helped A LOT while he finished high school and college) he met my other dad in college and when they graduated they began raising me together. It took a ridiculous amount of paperwork for my dad to legally adopt me.

    I get very RAGEY at people who think the children of gay couples are going to turn out damaged somehow. My dads are supportive, loving and worked hard to give me the best life possible. They are awesome grandparents, wonderful fathers-in-law (my husband adores them) and just great people.

    We live in MA and they finally got legally married about 6 years ago. I think I was more excited for their wedding than I was for my own!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Such a wonderful story!

    • Guest

      Awww that is so sweet :)

  • Jordana

    Good for you for being able to combat the gay prejudice in your religious upbringing! I experienced that as well, and it was kind of hard to shake at first. I can’t believe the pro argument – they are saying gay people are just naturally more self-centered parents? Yikes, some people…

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yes! A very shitty thing to say to kids. :(

  • Williwaw

    Children of gay parents are growing up great. Gay children of homophobes are probably pretty miserable.

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