‘Sanctibaby’ Is On Twitter And So Right-On That Some People Aren’t Getting The Joke

There’s a new hilarious Twitter account in town, and it’s so right on some moms aren’t getting the joke. You’ve heard of a “Sancitmommy.” But have you hear of a “Sanctibaby?” Sanctibaby exists to make you feel shitty about all of your parenting choices. And she is hilarious. Well, maybe it’s a he. I can never tell with babies.

First there was Honest Toddler, hilariously pointing out all the funny things parents do. Now Sanctibaby is here to point out all of our parenting pitfalls and make sure we buy organic.

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Oh man. Something about having a baby point these opinions out makes them funnier than they already are. You know why it’s so funny? Because there are people who actually feel this way. Everyone has opinions but the judgment that’s often attached to some of them is what is laughable.

This is the Internet, so as can be expected some people aren’t getting the joke:

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You’re having a conversation with a baby. Well, not really – but you know what I mean.

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“You’re being a judgmental jerk, fake Twitter baby!

Lighten up, people. These accounts exist so we can laugh at ourselves. They provide some much needed levity in a parenting environment where every decision we make is often dissected and ultimately proven to be wrong anyway.

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Your loss.

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You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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  • AmazingE

    Why did I read the day care kids tweet in Cartman’s voice? I laughed too hard and now I need new pants. Again.

    • EX

      Don’t you love how the woman who replied to that is all “*I* don’t have my kids in daycare but…”? Too funny. The replies really supply the punch line.

    • Tinyfaeri

      I’m just asking for a friend!

  • lyzl

    Bless you!

  • Kat

    My kid arrived thanks to pitocin, rides in a stroller and IS a daycare kid. He’s like the anti-sanctibaby!

    • Harriet Meadow

      Pitocin, c-section, we use a stroller and the drop-in daycare, disposable diaper, I breastfed but not exclusively (supplemented with formula from very early on)…and I think these are HILARIOUS!!! Maybe it’s just my naive interpretation, but calling yourself “Sanctibaby” and being judgy in an over-the-top hilarious way is less a judgment on the practices and more a judgment on judgment. But I guess the people who replied see things differently. Also, the stroller being “literally a life saver.” Nope, your life was not LITERALLY in danger due to your sore knees. Sorry.

    • Kendra

      Yes! All of the above for me as well, and I still found it funny. I’m even overly sensitive (I can admit it) about my C-section, and that post with “#blessed” literally made me chuckle out loud. In my opinion, the world isn’t a fun place if you can’t learn to laugh at yourself, which is what this twitter feed is all about. Because almost every mother I’ve meant (including myself) judges SOMETHING. It’s all pointless and unnecessary, which is why it’s so funny!

    • Zoe Lansing

      Is having a nanny considered better of worse than going to daycare?Just trying to figure our exactly how messed up I’m supposed to be…

    • Karen Milton

      Both are bad, but daycare is worse. One doesn’t know the calibre of the other children and there’s no telling what sort your child could be playing with. Nannies aren’t ideal – if you’re going to give your baby to someone else to raise, why did you have a baby? – but at least it’s one-on-one attention. Junior will expect to be the star of the Junior show for the rest of his life, but he’s entitled to that. It’s his RIGHT.

    • Zoe Lansing

      Well,I had a sister who was only 18 months older than me (yeah, I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking it, too: why did my parents have not one but TWO babies if they were both planning on shirking their parental responsibilities by going to work every day? I blame their poor decisions on the irrevocable damage that was done to them when they were forced to sleep in baby cages as infants and toddlers). Thus, despite having an outsourced home caregiver instead of being sent to a day orphanage, I was still deprived of my right to my own show. I had to settle for a co-starring role in the Sister, Sister show (complete with the bad 90s fashions).

    • Karen Milton

      I’m so, so sorry. Did they at least manage to get you a decent therapist? I’m assuming they’re aware of how damaging all of this was, but I don’t see how they couldn’t.

      I’m tearing up. I’m so lucky I was parented properly, it’s probably why I’m so nauseatingly perfect now. Everyone’s a star! #blessed #wereallstars.

    • Alannah

      I can top that. I have the perfect anti-kid.
      – unnatural conception (IVF)
      - elective cesarean
      -never had a drop of breastmilk
      - never co-slept
      -has had every vaccine known to man
      We have to put up with his annoying habits of crawling on the ceiling, spinning his head around and vomiting pea soup. I’m also getting a bit tired of the Sulphur smell. But otherwise he’s just fine!

    • Williwaw

      Ah, the caesarian explains why my toddler occasionally shrieks “Redrum!” in a creepy doll voice.

    • Psych Student

      Due to this last paragraph, you may be my most favorite person!

  • CMJ
  • EX

    Aw. I feel kind of sorry for people who don’t get the joke. Especially that poor woman who KNOWS it’s a joke but still, woosh, right over her head. OK, I don’t feel so sorry for them that I’m not laughing my ass off, but still…
    Also, if I did the twitter thing I would totally follow Sanctibaby. That’s some funny shit.

  • Lilly
  • LiteBrite

    Mariya’s comment “I know it’s a joke, but it sounds judgmental.”

    Um yeah. That’s why it’s a joke.

    • EX

      I think this is my favorite reply of all time. I’m not sure if it’s the definition of “to know” or the definition of “a joke” that she’s not grasping. I just love it. There’s so much unintentional funny in there.

    • JLH1986

      My guess? both.

    • rrlo

      It’s also kind of sad that someone would feel judged by a fake twitter baby with the handle “Sanctibaby”.
      It’s a fake twitter baby called Sanctibaby… Even if it was deadly serious – still no need to feel judged. It doesn’t exist!

    • brebay

      Yeah, you have to be really trying to be offended to let that piss you off…

    • Crusty Socks

      LB, there are plenty of people on M’ish who don’t understand that. Look at all the hate comments I get all the time ;)

    • LiteBrite

      True. But **I** get your humor. :)

    • evilstepmom

      I don’t always get your humor, but I refuse to argue with socks… most days.

    • Crusty Socks

      I call it humor. Others call it a mental disorder.

    • evilstepmom

      It’s only a mental disorder when the socks talk back. But sometimes that the only intelligent conversation of the day.

    • pixie

      Sadly, I’ve been pretty much stuck inside all day, trying to finish a huge assignment for friday and have nearly had a conversation with multiple inanimate objects, including my socks. With the state my brain is in now, I wouldn’t be surprised if any of them talked back. #mushbrain

    • rrlo

      Maybe you’re not funny!!! *Gasp*. Just kidding. You’re mostly funny.

    • brebay

      Oh, Crusty, you brought that barefoot in the kitchen deal on yourself. I’m only forgiving you because I love you…a little less than before, though.

    • Karen Milton

      I find that many people are not familiar with the existence of snark. Everything is for serious, all the time forever. You didn’t know, I take it, and you should feel terrible. Tsk tsk.

  • Bethany Ramos

    The agave tweet is the best thing I’ve read, ever.

    • Crusty Socks

      Not one of my awesome comments?

    • Bethany Ramos

      okay, second best!

    • Crusty Socks
    • rrlo

      I don’t get the agave comment. I feel stupid. Tell me what it is about!!!!!!!

    • Bethany Ramos

      From my understanding, agave was supposed to be a natural sugar alternative that everyone was really into because it was healthy, and it actually isn’t any better for you. Sugar “poison!” I think…

    • LiteBrite

      Ah, thanks. I was wondering that too. I have a bottle of agave in my cupboard so I was thinking “Oh great. Now what’s wrong with it?”

      I actually like it because it doesn’t get all hard and sticky after a couple of months like honey does. Stupid honey.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I like agave in margs!

    • Williwaw

      Isn’t tequila made from agave?

    • Bethany Ramos

      It is! I googled it! I guess agave in margaritas is kinda redundant…

    • brebay

      Thanks for asking so I didn’t have to.

  • SA

    I have got to try and figure out twitter just so I can follow this!

  • Jell

    You’ve got to be pretty hard up for controversy to feel judged by a fake twitter baby.

  • Crusty Socks

    I learned early on never to tease the C-Section faction on M’ish… I barely escaped alive.

    • brebay

      My bum’s still red from the lashing I took for the prison breastfeeding smack-down…bitches be crazy!

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    Oh my god, this is amazing.

  • tk88

    People misunderstanding jokes is likely the number one cause of people being offended by jokes. This twitter baby is hilarious.

  • Ro

    There’s a Facebook group called Sanctimommy. They post a sanctimonious entry, then get a lot of (obviously) fake sanctimommy replies. The best part is waiting for the replies from those who don’t get it.

  • rrlo

    Sanctibaby is amazing!

  • Valerie

    Omg I love Sancitbabys judgy little mug.

  • brebay

    Hilarious how these grown women are taking this seriously….reminds me of a friend I had in college who used to gasp and pearl-clutch all through The Simpsons. Seriously…satire…breathe.

    • Zoe Lansing

      I have a friend who I refuse to watch SNL with because I know there will always be at least a few jokes per episode that will cause her to be dangerously close to choking herself with her metaphorical pearls.

  • Zoe Lansing

    Besides @TheTweetOfGod and @ModernClueless (I’m an agnostic and a huge Brittany Murphy fan),this may be my favorite twitter account ever. And I don’t even have even have kids of my own yet!

    • Psych Student

      Thank you for introducing me to @TheTweetOfGod!

    • Zoe Lansing

      I prayed for you to go on twitter and read His tweets.

    • brebay

      I praise you for this gift.

  • Courtney Lynn

    I love it because I think we all need to lighten up on the “Mommy Wars”. The Sanctimommy Facebook page is funny, too.

  • gammachris

    What the ever-lovin’ hell is a gDiaper?

  • aliceblue

    Priceless. I’m guess that Sanctibaby is the younger sibling of Quinoa? http://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/

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