You Parents Trying For A Certain Gender Need To Rethink Your Priorities

shutterstock_176872415I’ll admit it—I always wanted a daughter. Now I have two sons, and I couldn’t be happier.

I think that I always wanted a daughter because I am one myself, obviously. I just assumed that having a daughter would come naturally to me, just like being a daughter. I also had romantic notions about the special mother-daughter bond that so many people speak of: pedicures, gossiping about boys, and romantic comedy movies.

Well, now it looks like I’m going to have to do all of those things by myself, and I don’t mind one bit. Or, there is the possibility that one or both of my sons will be into getting regular pedicures with me, and I welcome the possibility.

I thought that I would have a girl and I wanted one, but it never even crossed my mind to “try for” a specific gender. There are several ways that parents go about it who have their hearts set on one sex or the other.

First, there are numerous suggested methods for pre-conception gender selection. There is absolutely no research to prove that these methods work, but there are countless theories and anecdotes to support them. My midwife, a mother of nine, even recommended a book about natural methods to use to conceive the gender of your choice. For some reason, that just didn’t sit well with me. Also, there’s no guarantee it would even work.

Second, we have the families that keep trying and trying and trying. I can’t tell you how many families I know that have three boys or three girls. (I acknowledge that not all families of three same gender kids were trying for a specific gender.) The whole setup is kind of comical to me. Again, I don’t have any science to back this, but it seems like many families get stuck in the rut of procreating one gender or the other. If you’re trying for a girl after three or four boys, or vice versa, you might as well quit while you’re ahead.

Two sons were not what I expected, but I can’t explain how happy I am to have each individual (male) child. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. Parents trying for a certain gender, especially those having child after child in the hopes of a boy or girl, perplex me. It’s not only impractical but disrespectful to the kids you already have.

(Image: Maksim Shmeljov/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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    • CMP414

      When I was pregnant the first time I was totally obsessed with the idea of having a boy. Imagine my shock when in the delivery room that it was a girl. It took me a few days to adjust. Once that wore off, I couldnt have been happier she was a girl and I haved loved it ever since. I’m pregnant again and have no idea what the baby is but this time it doesnt matter because I know I will be so, so in love no matter what.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Congrats!!

      • CMP414

        Thanks!

    • Crusty Socks
      • Bethany Ramos

        HAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Kendra

      I’ve always wanted three girls. Mostly because I only had sisters and all my friends growing up only had sisters. I have no idea what do about boys. I had to babysit a boy a couple times. #Lost. Anyway, had I ended up with a boy, or if I have a boy in the future, I will be confused a lot I imagine, but I will be overjoyed with baby love. How can you not be overjoyed with baby love? Have you smelled a new baby??? I never was into the different positions or timing to “try for a girl” either….mostly because I didn’t know those existed and also because that’s a bunch of hocus pocus if you ask me.

      • CMP414

        I will be overjoyed if my second is a boy but honestly I have no idea what to do with them either My entire family is a family of girls. I never even changed a boy diaper.

      • VĂ©ronique Houde

        OMG My thought exactly when i found out i was having a boy. My BF asked me if I was happy, and my first comment was “what do you do with boys??” I’ve never had brothers! I mean, I know how to change a boy diaper, but the rest? I guess I’ll figure it out soon enough!!

      • CMP414

        I feel like a live in pink Disney princess world! if this baby is a boy i have so much to learn

      • JLH1986

        Generally I think for the first few years they aren’t all that different from girls. You know pooping and peeing and screaming and crawling. I think its’ around toddler years that it gets tricky, but by then I think they start to do their own thing…

    • keelhaulrose

      It feels like if you have two of the same sex people have the nasty habit of asking when you’re going to try for one of the other sex.
      Luckily Harry Potter is popular enough I’ve said “Yeah, you know Molly Weasley? That’d be me, but with girls, and my husband would run once we’re all synced up with each other”.
      One Easter a great-aunt of mine was bugging my cousin, who has two boys, and I asking when I was going to try for a boy and when she was going to try for a girl. We loudly agreed to swap younger kids, then told he we ‘took care of the problem’.

    • Lee

      Before we had the boy my husband and I had a deal. If we had two boys or two girls we would try one more time for the opposite sex. I have now decided we are done after #2 if we even get around to having a second.

      • JLH1986

        I told my hubs I’m only in for 2 kids. 2 boys, 2 girls, one of each. don’t care. If we get two in the first go round. I’m done. 2 sounds like a nice round number…but I reserve the right to stop at one because I’m not a mom so it might be hell, so I can only guarantee we will be trying for one. He just said “Whatever you gotta carry it whatever you say, boss.” I love him.

      • NatS

        My husband and I have a similar deal except if we have two girls we stop because we don’t think we could deal with 3 girls but if we get 2 boys we are willing to try for a third. We haven’t had any kids yet so that will probably change.

      • moonie27

        Bwahaha. My parents have three boys and me – a girl – and let me tell you, I am sooo the easiest child, though maybe the most expensive.

        Gender doesn’t really affect the difficulty of the child.

    • Meg

      I have talked to several parents trying for baby number 2 and they always seem to be wanting the opposite gender of the first. They say it will “complete the set” and they “can be done” making babies.

      I always wonder.. What if the baby is the same gender? Does that mean the baby doesn’t belong in the set? So the parents have to try again til they get the “right” gender. And people wonder why middle born kids often feel ignored. :/

      • VĂ©ronique Houde

        I hate people who compare kids to salt and pepper shakers. I always get that comment – that it’s perfect that I’m getting the “set” since my first was a girl and now i’m expecting a boy.

      • aCongaLine

        I’ve got two girls… we like to refer to them as a “pair” :)

      • Ashie

        I know someone who thought this way completely. She has 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. When she was pregnant with her last one she said it had to be a boy so it could “complete” her family. I asked her what would happen if it was a girl? She said that it would totally suck and that they would keep trying for that other boy. I guess “luckily” that baby was a boy, but I just can’t comprehend wanted a boy or a girl so badly! She even expresses how much she wishes her 2 girls were boys and doesnt like spending time with them etc., which totally breaks my heart. I myself have 2 boys, but if they ended up being girls instead when I had them I could care less, same goes for any further children I have. I mean it would be “nice” to have a girl next, just because I don’t have one, but really all that matters is that I have a healthy baby who I love and have a blast with.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      Oh, how I wanted a girl. I felt certain I would, even though the odds were against me. My husband’s family sires sons. His grandpa had three boys, one girl. Those sons sired only boys. Those boys between them have four boys and two girls. I had a son.

      I would trade this boy for nothing and I don’t even want a daughter anymore. Funny how life is sometimes.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Agree!

      • Jayamama

        I’m the same way but reversed. With both pregnancies, I was hoping for a boy. I have two girls, but I can’t picture it any other way. If it weren’t for my husband wanting more, I’d say with certainty that I’m done having kids. But we’ll see. I may get that boy yet.

    • Muggle

      The only thing I have to say to people “trying” for a certain gender is: Henry VIII. Seriously. Three dead wives and countless dead/stillborn/miscarried babies later, he finally got the boy he wanted… who wound of dying of tuberculosis at 15 anyway.

      • VĂ©ronique Houde

        Well, TBH, the first wife died because of neglect at an older age after she was done being able to bear his children. The fourth wife died in childbirth after having given him his only son. It’s only the second wife that he put to death lol. He got the third wedding annulled before even consummating the marriage and she’s basically the only one who remained safe and in friendly terms with him.

      • Muggle

        I know, I know, but that’s how desperate he was for a boy. (also, you got the third and fourth marriages mixed up. The third wife, Jane Seymour, died in childbirth, and the fourth, Anne of Cleves, was the one who remained on friendly terms with Henry). Catherine of Aragon did die earlier than she probably should have, though. She went through menopause early and only had one surviving daughter, then she got thrown out because she couldn’t have any sons (because this was *totally* all her fault) and died of what appears to be cancer, though nobody really knows for sure.

      • A.A.

        Jane Seymour didn’t actually die in childbirth – she died around a week after. And 2 of Henry’s wives were executed, just to clarify.

      • Lady Pool

        Jane Seymore likely developed an infection right after child birth. Cathrine Howard was second wife who was beheaded for adultery. She probably was sleeping around but what do expect when a 15 year old girl marries a morbidly obese 50 yr old with a festering leg wound? Oh he was probably impotaint at the time too.

      • A.A.

        Catherine Howard was his fifth wife. Anne Boleyn was the second. They were cousins, and both executed.

      • Lady Pool

        I meant she was second wife he killed.

      • lizinthelibrary

        Yep, wife #5, Catherine Howard, was also executed. Why yes I can name all his wives in order and the reason of their downfall. It’s a good hobby. And I win at pub trivia.

      • VĂ©ronique Houde

        Oh yes, I forgot about the 5th wife!

      • Muggle

        It’s believed she contracted an infection from child birth or right after, then took like 11 days to die from it.

        Anne Boleyn was executed on made-up charges, basically because while she made an awesome mistress, she was a terrible wife (by 16th century standards, anyway; she wasn’t very submissive), and had 2 stillborn sons. Henry wasn’t very happy about that…

      • Kat

        Catherine of Aragon had a number of children, only one of which survived childhood. She had at least three sons, but none of them lived longer than a few months. If only one of those boys had survived infancy, the history of England (and the world) would be quite different.

      • pixie

        Was it consumption? Everyone died of consumption, it seemed to be a popular name for a disease. Can’t think of a name? Call it consumption!

        (half joking, but I have seen a lot of references to “consumption” as being a cause of death in history books, along with black death and complications of alcoholism)

      • Muggle

        From the sources I’ve seen, nobody seems to be sure. Apparently her heart was black, so modern Tudor think it was cancer. Back then though, some people thought Anne Boleyn (or Henry) had had her poisoned.

      • pixie

        To be more clear, I wasn’t strictly speaking of her when I said I’ve seen lots of references to consumption as cause of death, I just meant in general it seems to be something that a lot of people died of. But I can see both cancer and poisoning as equally plausible causes of death.

      • Muggle

        Oh, well then. xD

        Fun fact: The reason Catherine was believed to have been poisoned was probably not because Henry was THAT much of a cold-hearted bastard (which he totally was) but because Anne was so cruel to her and Mary and even threatened to have Catherine hanged at one point. yyyeeeeaaaahhhh.

        I will never understand why modern tellings of this story always leave out how much of a horrible, stone-cold bitch Anne was and play up how passionate she was about Henry.

      • pixie

        lol, I’m pretty sure they were all cold-hearted bastards back then. I imagine it being kind of like an episode of Game of Thrones. :P

      • Muggle

        Not quite, actually. Westeros is way more barbaric than 16th century England was, even with the heretic-burning, hanging, decapitating and drawing and quartering. Of course, Westeros is at war in the series but even before the wars started it seemed pretty awful.

      • pixie

        Shhh. You and your logic and knowledge of history. ;)

        (And on the flip side, it’s after 1:30am where I am, I’m trying to get as much of my assignments done as possible before I go to sleep, and I’ve been watching Game of Thrones for the past couple days, so that’s where that came from…needless to say, my brain is a little dead at the moment :P )

      • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

        His third wife was the one who died naturally from childbirth complications.
        Catherine was number one with only one surviving daughter, Mary (Bloody Mary!)
        Anne Boleyn was number two with one surviving daughter (Queen Elizabeth) and some miscarriages. She was executed on likely false charges.
        Jane Seymour was number three, who gave him that son he was angling for. Henry had her picked out while Anne was still alive. Jane died from childbed fever.
        Anne of Cleves is number four. Henry liked her not. She granted an annulment, was proclaimed his “sister” and he took financial care of her for the rest of her life as thanks.
        Catherine Howard is number five. She was a teenager, beautiful and cheated on Henry. She was beheaded. Her lover was also executed.
        Catherine Parr, number six. A protestant, she was nearly executed, but was smart enough to play dumb and support her nutty husband. She outlived him and bore him no children.

      • candyvines

        Shame he never knew his sperm made all those girls.

    • aCongaLine

      People are so funny. Many of my coworkers asked me if I was sad that I didn’t “get a boy” with #2. (I totally thought #1 was a boy, and totally thought #2 was also a boy. I have 2 girls.)

      When we found out #2 was a girl, like her sister, I was excited. Purely because I could reuse all the girl baby clothes, and we would save money short term. I was MORE excited that said baby was healthy, and normally developed. (We had a “scare” in the beginning that included words like “Hallmarks of Downs Symdrome” and “failure to develop normally” and the like. Fortunately, that’s not our scene now. We found out that girl #2 was developing normally at the same appointment that we found out she was a she. People were all excited about the gender, and didn’t get why were were so much more excited about normal developments, and healthy baby. Not that Down’s babies aren’t healthy, not that we wouldn’t have loved her no matter what, but still. One less thing to stress and worry over.)

      Now everyone wants to know when we’ll have a boy. Ugh. Over it.

      • Bethany Ramos

        My parallel life in reverse! Also, glad everything with daughter #2 went well. :)

    • Maire

      I have two daughters (3 and 2) and a son (3 months). We were not `trying` for a boy – in fact we weren`t trying at all :) But it now drives me INSANE when people say, “Oh, your husband must be so happy to have his boy!” First of all, we are ALL happy to have our boy, secondly, my husband and I were just as thrilled to have BOTH of our daughters. People are insane.

    • Alene

      I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “hoping” for one or the other, or imagining yourself with a specific gender. I’m pregnant with #2, and I’m imagining a girl just because #1 is a girl and that’s what I picture myself with now. It’s when people start to see the child as nothing more than his or her gender that it gets to be a problem. I mean, I grew up as the only girl in a family of 4 kids, and when I talk to families with just girls or just boys I don’t feel like we had vastly different childhood experiences just based on the family gender ratio. We all fought. We all played together. We all threw up on one another in the back of the van on the way to see Grandma. Siblings are siblings and kids are all individuals.

    • Amanda

      With my first we decided to wait until the baby came to find out the gender. I was totally convinced I was having a boy, possibly to protect myself because secretly I really wanted a girl. I had told myself the baby was a boy so much that when the doctor said, “it’s a girl!” I was totally shocked and I didn’t believe him. And then I was so so happy! We got girl number 2 (which I also secretly wanted), and we would like more. Honestly, I would be totally stoked to have another girl, but I’m sure I would come to understand a little boy.

      On another note, I have a SIL (who is awesome and I love dearly) who has 6 girls. Yes. 6. Girls. They really love kids and when they were havin their sixth lots of people assumed they were trying for a boy. She told me later that they were actually terrified of a boy, they had this girl thing down pat. :)

      • Bethany Ramos

        That’s very sweet. :)

      • Alene

        My best friend is one of 5 girls, and her parents have said that once they were pregnant with numbers 4 and 5 they were actually hoping for more girls to spare a boy from having so many older sisters!

      • Rowan

        I had the same thing with my son. I was absolutely convinced that my bump was a girl – not for any real reason, just had a feeling. Luckily my brain seemed to cope fine with the transition of girl bump into boy baby!

    • Gabreella

      Look, I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but the title’s a little harsh. I am a mother of four(considering trying for a fifth), and I’ve always wanted three daughters and a son. Maybe it was the fact that my mom was my best friend in my life as an only child, maybe it was my love of pink and purple and blue. I always wanted that family since I was 12. I kid you not, I named them and bought their clothes with my allowance when I was 13. I always dreamed of having a Lolita, a Nalia, a Corinne(after the mother in Flowers In The Attic), and an Aiden. I used every method ever to conceive my desired genders, and it payed off. Now I am the mom of Lolita, Nalia, Corinne, and Aiden. So while sex selection seems silly, it makes some people happier.

      • Jayamama

        Pretty names, but did your husband get any say in them?

        I wanted a boy, then a girl, then a boy growing up. My first was a girl, so that was thrown out the window, and I now have two daughters. I also wanted to name one boy Daniel and the girl Katie. I ended up marrying a Daniel and his sister is Katy, so I won’t be able to use either name. But you roll with it.

    • ShanLea

      I honestly had no preference with either child, but after spending time with my nieces I know I was made to raise boys, and if by some Mary-Mother-Of-God type miracle I ended up pregnant again, I would be hoping for another boy. My ex and my husband both seemed to be hoping for boys pretty exclusively, I think in part because they were looking to “pass on the family name”, which was somewhat legit in their cases, being the only ones in their family capable of reproducing, but I also think it maybe had a little to do with their womanizing pasts (and in ex’s case, present and future) and were afraid of having a daughter who was treated like they had treated women!

      • ShanLea

        Holy run-on sentence Batman…really, I usually have much better composition.

      • pixie

        My boyfriend used to be really set on wanting a son to “pass on the family name”, since he’s an only child, but he’s grown out of that after realizing that being a family is so much more than sharing a name. However, kids are not coming any time soon…at least planned ones!

    • Crusty Socks

      It’s not whether or not you get the gender you wanted, but how hard you tried.

    • JJ

      I always just think that there is so much more to identity then gender as well. So even if you keep trying over and over again to get a certain gender after having 4 girls/or boys there is no guarantee that even if you do get your preferred gender the kids going to fit into our ideal of that gender. People often have dreams or ideas in their head, understandably(especially if you have all boys/girls), of how their little girl or little boy is going to be once there here. Oh she will be a little princess who loves pink and he will be a little sport who loves baseball, wrestling and boy stuff. But the reality of life is there so much more to identity then the gender between our legs. People could finally get that daddy’s little man they always wanted and he could very well be flamboyant, sensitive and grow up to come out as gay. That princess daughter could grow up totally hating pink, shopping, and anything feminine related. So while I sympathize with parents trying for more kids with an ideal gender in mind (I can’t help but admit that if I have kids I want a daughter, wrong I know but I can’t help it) I just can’t help but think what are you going to do if he/she comes out and doesn’t fit your fantasy image? what if they grow up to come out as transgender? Kids and their personalities are just soo much more then their genders its actually kind of amazing to see sometimes how they are unpredictable with their interests.

    • tk88

      I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with hoping or wanting a certain gender (especially if you have one or more of one gender and want both in your family.) I do however think it’s wrong to be thoroughly disappointed in the baby you get once s/he is born. This was once a big pet peeve of my grandmother’s. The first child she had (a boy) died due to the doctor’s incompetence, and she was in a room with a woman who complained she didn’t want to see her newborn daughter because she wanted a son instead. Grandma put her in her place by saying she would take the other woman’s daughter since her own baby died! Needless to say that woman realized how lucky she was to have a healthy baby of either gender.

      • telepanda

        I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hoping for one or the other, and I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of fleeting disappointment when it’s not what you hoped.
        We always wanted to have a son and a daughter – and we got lucky! But that’s a big reason we decided to find out the gender early, so if we were going to be disappointed we’d be over and done with it long before we met the baby.

        It’s only a problem to be disappointed if you wind up holding it against the baby.

      • tk88

        Well I guess I meant a long-standing disappointment in the child itself rather than that “Meh, I kind of wanted the other gender” shortly after s/he is born. It’s understandable to feel that, but unacceptable to allow that feeling to blossom into resentment of your child.

    • Williwaw

      I think it’s okay to start out wanting one sex or the other, as long as you’re prepared to love whatever you actually get (which I think in most cases is true), but I have trouble understanding it when women say they want a daughter so they can do girlie things with them. I get that different people like different things, but what if you have a daughter who’s not a girlie-girl? What if she hates the thought of a pedicure and loathes romantic comedies? What if she’s more interested in her earthworm collection, likes playing in the mud, and wants to see Alien for the 26th time? (I was that girl.) I guess what I’m trying to say is that being male/female might not be a big deal in how you bond with your kid. Maybe you’ll have some common pastimes that aren’t stereotypically male or female. I wound up with a son, and we aren’t planning on having any more, so hopefully he will like mud…

      • moonie27

        Why can’t you do girly things with your son? I can’t count the number of male friends I have who have “secret girly indulgences” like rom coms or having their nails filed and taken care of or moisturizer. There’s nothing wrong with liking girly things, even if you’re not a girl.

      • Williwaw

        Of course there’s nothing wrong with liking “girlie” things, regardless of your sex!…it’s just that you don’t usually hear a woman say she wants a son so that she can watch romcoms with him and get pedicures together (and I confess to always feeling a bit lost when I was with a group of people who were into that). If stereotypically girlie things are what makes you happy, go for it; the world would be boring if we were all the same. (Of course, I’m hoping that my kid and I will have at least some interests in common, but it’s also likely he’ll be into stuff that doesn’t interest me, and I think that’s a good thing, since I want him to be his own person, and if that means he’s into pedicures, good for him. I want him to be happy and fulfilled, not a clone of me.)

    • anon

      If you have two of one sex, you are statistically more likely to have a third of the same sex – here is one study that discusses it: http://www.isds.duke.edu/~dalene/chance/chanceweb/144.rodgers.pdf

      • Bethany Ramos

        THAT is what I have been looking for!! Thank you.

    • whiteroses

      I thought I wanted a daughter. I had a boy instead, and severe PPD.
      I want another baby, but to be honest, as long as the baby in question is human— I don’t care what sex it is.

    • Anne

      Here’s the issue I have with this article. I had a girl…she passed away the day before her due date. So I gave birth to my daughter, held her and then handed her to a nurse so an autopsy could be done. Four months later we got pregnant again and 8 months after that gave birth to my son. Do I love my son and am grateful? Did I go through depression after he was born because I felt guilty complaining about normal mom stuff as people told me I should be grateful he’s healthy and here?
      When I was pregnant with Julianna (my daughter) I dreamed about certain things…being a dance mom, having a sidekick, have mommy-daughter dates, attending her bridal shower and doing wedding things. I had a chance for all of these thing and it was ripped away from me.
      SO before you get all…just be grateful for a baby and stuff like that…just remember the stats. 1 in 4 women will experience some sort of loss during pregnancies and 1 in 160 births will result in a stillborn. I would like and deserve my second chance. And there are millions of women just like me who feel the same way.

      • Bethany Ramos

        I really am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. :)

      • Anne

        I usually just lurk around on mommyish (you guys are hilarious) but for some reason this topic really pisses me off. I actually had someone say to me that it was good I didn’t have another girl right away because than people would think I was just replacing her.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Ugh, I can’t believe someone said that to you. I’m glad to hear your POV on this.

    • RW

      I kind of equate “trying” for a certain sex to be like “trying” to win at roulette. It’s all chance, and in this case its literally flipping a coin every time.

      When I was pregnant with our first, we opted not to find out (mostly because it didn’t matter anyway). But when people would ask, our go to answer was “well, we wanted to find out. We told the tech we were hoping for a boy/girl and wanted to know which is was, because if it was the wrong sex I’d just have an abortion and we’d try again. Unfortunately the tech said they couldn’t tell…” We maybe found it funnier than it should have been, but the looks on people’s faces were priceless!

    • KarenMS

      I did really want a girl and will never forget how elated I was when the ultrasound tech told me I was having one. I’m sure I would have switched to absolutely wanting nothing but a boy had I been told otherwise, but leading up to it, I was thinking girly thoughts. Now I do hope to have a boy next, to experience having a son as well.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Yeah to have a boy simply eat pineapples while hanging upside down playing ping pong whilst your partner [censored for random reasons including not coming up with something creatively absurd enough]. It has a 50/50 chance of being right!

      • Bethany Ramos

        Those tips are nuts!!

    • Angela

      I’ll be honest. I’ve always wanted a daughter. Yeah I get that a whole lot more figures into personality than gender and I could care less about the superficial stuff like whether my kids like pink or princesses. But still, I’ve spent so many years preparing to raise an awesome, self-confident young woman free from the purity/patriarchal culture that was forced on me. Yes, my boys will benefit from this too but in a different way.

      Anyway I have two sons and we don’t plan to try again. As much as I completely adore my boys I still grieve for the daughter I’ll likely never get. There’s several reasons that we’ve decided not to go past two kids but if our circumstances were different I might be tempted to try once more, hoping for a girl. This is something I really only see as a problem if the resulting babies are any less loved when things don’t work out as hoped or if the parents wind up having more children than they can properly care for.

    • Savannah Kelly

      Whenever I eventually have children, I have one big fear. I’ve never ever changed a little girl diaper. Ever. I don’t know how. It seems like a statistical impossibility since I’m sure I’ve changed over a hundred (three much younger brothers and babysitting), but a smelly little girl has never been dropped in my lap. Boys are easy. They don’t have crevices and nooks. How do you get it all clean? I mean, babies sit in it and it smooshes every where… I can’t. It keeps me up at night. Not really, but I’m sure it would if/when I find out I’m growing a female.
      Genitals and diapers are really the only difference between boy babies and girl babies, so it’s the only thing I’d be worried about. But I’m not about to only do it while watching baseball to “try for” a boy and avoid a girl diaper. :)

      • Jayamama

        I have the opposite fear. I have two girls, and it’s really pretty easy. But I have no idea what to do with boy junk. I mean, I don’t have that equipment, and it seems a bit intimidating, especially because I intend to keep any sons I have intact, and I’m really only familiar with those who have been circumcised.

      • Savannah Kelly

        Boys are so easy, especially uncircumcised. You don’t have to worry about mess getting in this comparatively giant open wound. But the only things that freaked me out at first were A- babies get boners and B- their junk will try and move away from cold wipes. I seriously spazzed the first time that happened. I called my mom in to make sure I hadn’t hurt him. But after a while it gets less awkward. Kind of…

    • Ife

      Some of the rhetoric in this article really rubs me the wrong way. Disrespectful? Rethink my priorities? My priorities are just fine, thankyouverymuch. I have two girls, and when my husband decided we wanted another baby, we tried a few of the methods to have a boy – knowing the whole time we did so that all of the “methods” were most likely B.S. Mostly the trying was just for fun and to satisfy personal curiosity, and we didn’t put much stock in it First and foremost we wanted another baby, but yes, we both were hoping for a little boy and we figured that the things we were trying couldn’t hurt and might help. And when we went for our anatomy scan and found out that #3 was a girl, I was disappointed…for approximately 30 seconds.

      Does the fact that I put some minimal effort into trying for a boy detract any from the love I have for my third daughter? Nope. Is it disrespectful to the kids I already have? I don’t think so – I love having daughters and I wouldn’t trade them for all the boys in the world. It’s not like I thought that timing sex to ovulation was some glorious fool proof method that was sure to net me a boy, or anything, and there was no post-anatomy scan ramapge full of tears and plans to abort. It was just a bit of “oh well, I guess that didn’t work…at least we have a full wardrobe for her already!” and on goes life.

      Lots of people have a preference regarding the sex of the baby, Including the author of the article. Let’s not paint everyone who might try a little something to influence which sperm reaches the egg first with the same brush, eh?

    • Sosie

      Eh, I wouldn’t try for a specific gender, but mainly because I don’t buy the theory behind it. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting one gender or the other, as long as it’s not taken to extremes (like most things.) I’m having a boy, but if next time around the ultrasound tech announces it’s a girl, am I allowed to be excited? Or do I have to put the “I’m just excited to have a healthy baby!!!” disclaimer on every thought? Because it seems like that goes without saying.

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