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Okay, before I judge away about the terribleness of people that don’t have a year’s worth of college tuition saved by their baby’s first birthday, just know that I haven’t started a baby college fund yet either. But whenever it gets brought up in conversation or on the Internet, I feel like a super slacker mom who must wish minimum-wage employment upon her kids.

Blarg. I spent all this time gestating a human being and pushing it out of my stretchy lady hole and nursing it and teaching it how to sleep and now teaching it not to bite its brother, and now I have to think about college? I can’t even begin to describe how un-fun this sounds to me.

Also, when I googled “baby college fund,” there were like a million different choices with strange combinations of numbers and fancy investment sounding names that made no sense to me. Double blarg. I really don’t want to do this.

According to the Internet, you can open up a college savings account before your child is even born. I always consider myself to be on the ball, a true type A personality, but pre-baby college savings never even occurred to me. Now my babies are already born. I lose on that one.

The Gerber Life plan claims:

Right around the time your child is taking his or her first steps is the best time to take your first step toward a college savings plan.

This sounds delightful and all, but I don’t know if I really trust Gerber since they’re the jerks that try to peddle all of the overpriced baby stuff at me anyway. How do I know that this so-called college fund won’t be used to fund mad scientists trying to invent some new super strain of baby food? I disapprove.

All jokes aside, I really have no idea when to start saving for my baby’s college fund. I have been telling myself that kindergarten seems reasonable since it also seems so far away (my oldest son is two). But we all know how fast time flies. The next thing you know, my son will be putting on his little backpack to head off to his first day of kindergarten, and I’ll be thinking of another lame ass excuse as to why I haven’t started saving for college yet.

(Image: Vitalinka/Shutterstock)