shutterstock_146627999Scientists in Spain have developed a new sausage containing baby poop. Why? Because they are obviously assholes. I mean, come on, in this great big world we need MANY things: a male birth control pill, a cure for cancer, some effective ways to reduce global warming, but these losers made sausage out of baby poop.

Can we take a puke break now?

I cannot even logically write this because I’m so upset.

From ABC News:

Writing in the journal Meat Science, - IMMALETYOUFINISHABCNEWS BUT COME ON THERE IS A JOURNAL OF MEAT SCIENCE WHAT THE HELL-  the scientists described how they took 43 fecal samples from infant diapers provided by parent and midwife volunteers. Using three strains of probiotic bacteria they isolated from the dirty diapers, the investigators cooked up several batches of pork that resembled a type of fermented Mediterranean sausage known as feut.

Great OK whatever, I’m sure Mediterranean sausage is all fine and dandy without the added feces.

Beyond the probiotic advantages of better digestion, the scientists said their fermented creation was lower in fat and salt compared to regular sausage. Professional taste testers declared it delicious.

I love food. Food and I are BFFs. I have notebook with hearts all over them declaring I love food forever, and shit SERIOUSLY SHIT like this makes me want to go crawl into bed and cry. We do not need this. There was some nonsense on the article about probiotics and SHIT like that but I did not even read that part because I’m too revolted.

I do not want this. I would not try this. I would not even be in the same room with this. This is not food. This is a Clive Barker novel.

Someone hold me.

(Image:  IRINS/shutterstock)