You Will Never Believe These Real-Life Baby Escape Artists

shutterstock_149786204I have something very important to tell you. Never underestimate the stealth of your baby. This is probably my most classic problem as a parent. I get used to whatever stage my baby is in, which may last a few weeks, and then I leave him in some precarious situation where he inevitably gets hurt.

Example: I left my first son sitting on the couch as a blob baby, where he magically learned to roll over in minutes and flipped off the couch. (He was fine.) When our backs were turned, my first son mastered slithering out the dog door at about 10 months old. We finally caught on to him and got the whole adorable thing on video.

Fast-forward a few years later, and my older son pushed my baby son out of the dog door because he hates him. I’m glad we were somewhat paying attention because that could have been dangerous. We figured out what was going on when we heard my toddler say, “Bye-bye” and we saw him push my baby son’s tiny foot the rest of the way out the dog door. What a jerk.

Now my younger son regularly escapes through the dog door himself. If I walk into the kitchen for just a minute, he’s already up the first flight of stairs. Also, he fell down a full flight of stairs yesterday as he was “exploring” his freedom. Thankfully, they were carpeted, and he is again perfectly fine.

Moral of the story: Babies be crazy. I know my babies aren’t the only sneaky ones. These six stealthy baby escape artists will make your heart stop:

1. Baby Escape Leads To Epic Action Movie Fall Down The Stairs.

baby12. Baby Escapes To Become Baby Thief.

baby23. Creepiest Baby Escape Artist Ever.

baby34. Baby Escapes Crib With Painful Face Plant.

baby6

5. Baby Escapes And Blames Negligent Mother.

baby56. Baby Escapes Daycare And Heads Home For The Day.

baby4

(Image: Alexey Losevich/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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    • Kay_Sue

      My younger son is not bad, but I still clearly remember the day that my older son figured out how to get out of his crib. I had put him down for a nap and was across the hall getting ready for work. The door opened and he came trotting out, looking so pleased with himself….

      That last one, man. If my kid got away and walked home–my toddler! that is–I’d probably just…die. I don’t even know how I’d be able to cope with the thought of what all could have happened to him in that time period.

      • Bethany Ramos

        That daycare story was insane!! Sadly, I saw several stories of other kids that left daycare and went home. *shudder*

      • Kay_Sue

        That’s a nightmare.

      • Valerie

        OMG it’s so scary when they end up surprising you. My son decided he would pull himself to standing for the first time before he was even 6 months old. So I walked into his bedroom one morning and he was just standing there leaning over the side of the effing crib ready to topple out because we had not moved the mattress down yet. Good freaking Lord. I approached slowly, so scared he was just going to fall right out and grabbed him before he could get hurt. So we’ve decided on the 1% change we have a 3rd child, that mattress is going as low as it can from Day 1. Taking no chances.

      • Kay_Sue

        We did that with our second son too. It may have been successful, or maybe he just wasn’t as interested in getting out? I’m not sure, but it gave me some peace of mind!

      • Valerie

        Yeah, our daughter didn’t pull up until maybe 8 months old so it did not occur to us in our limited baby experience that he could do it so early. But our daughter was a super chub as a baby and the boy was a tiny little thing so I guess he was just more mobile because he could actually move his own body weight. ;-)

    • Megan Zander

      Last week I put the boys down for a nap and an hour later I heard noises and assumed, like usual, that they were awake and passing binkies back and forth while jumping up and down. They weren’t screaming, so I waited a bit before heading up. When I opened the door I found one baby still asleep, the noises I heard were because the other baby managed to reach over the crib and grab a lamp by the shade and pulled it into his crib, where he had turned it on and was happily playing with the cord. I freaked out. Thank God he was ok, but I had no idea he was that strong or could reach that far. I promptly redecorated and now their room looks like a monk’s cell, but I’m not taking any chances.

    • Jell

      I used to get in loads of trouble as a kid for crawling into the crib to sleep at night with my baby brother. I was 3-4 and apparently an excellent climber, no doubt spurned on by my fear of being alone in the dark.

      • ninjalulu

        My parents gave up trying to keep me out. When I finally stopped doing it, he wasnt big enough yet to sleep in a bed. He would cry my name (Me-Anne! Me-Anne!) and drive my mother nuts. They finally bought us a day bed (you know, with the trundle underneath?) and let me sleep on the outside and him closest to the wall.
        My mom has stated she never worried about us because she found drinking a beer before bedtime was the only way to fall asleep, afraid that one of us was going to smother the other. And my poor mother is a lightweight! :)

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      My mom and her first husband were once woken up on a Saturday morning to their apartment doorbell ringing. Turns out my sisters (something like 2 and 3 years old at the time) had gotten out of their room, gotten a box of cookies out of the top cupboard in the kitchen, and a neighbour found them sitting in the apartment lobby eating their bounty.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Omg!! Hahaha

    • keelhaulrose

      My two year old is a damn ninja. In the time it takes mommy to get an applesauce from the pantry or use the bathroom she can pile enough stuff on one side of the baby gate to get over it. Not sure how, I make sure the toys are on the other side of the room, but she manages.

    • Guest

      I’m terrified of this. My old coworker’s son used to unlock the front door and run out around the house (they lived on a lake) so they basically had to barricade themselves in side.

      • Jallun-Keatres

        OMG my mom had to put chain locks on the front and back doors because my sister was a runner.

    • Lee

      “…she looks at me with a face like a surprised raccoon.” That is hilarious.

      • Hibbie

        The gum one was definitely the best.

    • Valerie

      My kids were both master escape artists as babies and toddlers. Our child-proofing was more of an alarm system than anything meant to actually contain the little ninjas. Like, we could hear a gate being shifted out of place so we would bolt to stop them. Our son figured out how to scale a baby gate by about 10 months old- it sucked. He could also weasel his skinny little butt out of the highchair straps no matter how tightly we pulled them and he would rappel his way down the side like a rock climber. The worst incident of all was the 3rd night we were home with our new baby- our daughter was 20 months old and decided that was the night she would flee the crib. She took a swan dive straight out and face-planted. Luckily, it was carpet, but still. So my husband was assembling the crib into a damn toddler bed at midnight because she would not fall asleep in our bed and I was too afraid to put her back in the crib. All the while, the baby was refusing to latch and I was shrieking in pain from his attempts that felt like teeny crab pinchers on my nips. I do not miss the baby days. No sir.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Nooooo! A true nightmare.

      • Valerie

        Indeed. Swears flying from every direction- me and my tortured nips, my husband and his midnight toddler bed assembly. I think our daughter’s vocabulary grew by leaps and bounds that night.

    • Toaster

      My brother was master of escape. He got out of our apartment at 2/3 and would put the chair he used to stand on back so that there was no evidence of his escape. When we moved to a house when he was 3 he managed to get out of the 6-foot fenced back yard by standing on tippy toes in his tricycle, and then there was the day he scaled the trellis and made it onto the roof..

      My older son fortunately doesn’t seem to have wanderlust, which is good because he figured out the deadbolts on the outside doors ages ago and just recently mastered the childproof door handle guards.

    • Lindsey d.

      My niece was an escape artist as well. She was about 20 months old on Christmas day, with a house full of people coming in and out. I went to find her to get her dressed for dinner and couldn’t locate her anywhere. I walked out into the living room, dead serious, asking where she was. I’ll never forget the look on my sister-in-law’s face. My SIL immediately darted for the door and was barely outside when she spotted my niece, clad only in a diaper and pink tutu, being led back to the house by two adults. My niece had apparently made a break for one of the neighbors (across the street!) where a party was happening.

      A few months later, she did it again at her grandparents house and was discovered running down the middle of the road(!) while a pickup truck blocked traffic and protected her.

      • Guest

        These stories always scare the crap out of me- there was a news story here awhile back about a kid wandering out of daycare and someone seeing him on the side of a busy road -heart attack- So glad for the people that pay attention and help in these instances.

    • Crusty Socks

      Come on, Houdini think that babies will be good escape artists? Nobody wants to be caged up like that.

    • AP

      When I supervised Saturday swim lessons, I told all my staff that the number 1 danger they had to watch for was rogue toddlers. Mom would be helping the older kid find their swim cap/brush their hair/put on their clothes, and Rogue Toddler would come tearing out of the locker room and head right for the pool, the door out of the pool, or anything else dangerous/alluring they could find. Most parents were incredibly thankful when we intercepted their kid (or at least called to the parent to report their direction.)

      When this came up in a staff meeting, I was told that we should file a CPS report for each and every Rogue Toddler, because these “unsupervised” children were being neglected and their parents needed to be monitored.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      My sister was a runner. Gave my parents 10 years on their age in like 3 years lol

      HIGHLIGHTS:
      -She escaped from the apartments we were in, in preps of moving into our house. Found her walking down the busy street. (age 4)
      -She was found by a stranger riding her tricycle in nothing but her underwear down the very busy street behind our house and this stranger took her door to door asking everyone if this was their child until he got to our house. (age 4)
      -She disappeared one day and we drove all over the neighborhood looking for her. She had gone next door and was inside petting the dog. (age 9-ish?)
      -She disappeared at the beach one time for like 20 minutes. She was behind some dunes. (age 6-ish?)
      -She got on a random schoolbus after school for NO REASON even though my mom picked us up in the same spot every f’n day. I about had a stroke from anxiety >.> (age 10)

      By the time she was in high school she matured mentally enough to FINALLY be trusted on her own at home. She no longer runs but this happened anyway:

      Her senior year of high school she took a van from our school to a lifeskills program every day. The van didn’t show up one day and even though I saw her and tried to make her walk home with me she was too stubborn to listen so I said FU and left. I get a call like 20 minutes later that she is nowhere to be found. About an hour later she waltzes through the doors of her lifeskills program oblivious to the fact that she has like 25 missed calls and that everyone is having a panic-fest. Turns out she had, on her own, walked two miles, crossing over FOUR intersections, on stretches with no sidewalks, to get there because by golly, with her one-track mind, she was going to get there! She had her phone on her but since she was walking down major roads she couldn’t hear it. She didn’t understand why everyone was so PISSED at her! Nobody knew she even knew how to cross streets on her own and many didn’t know how she knew the way.

      She never disappeared again after that. She’s very predictable now. XD

      • Bethany Ramos

        This is so intense!!! I really hope my kids never escape to the street. Please God….

      • Jallun-Keatres

        Yeah my parents never thought they’d ever find themselves on the other side. Now if she sits down somewhere she’s still there hours later lol

      • footnotegirl

        Wait… no one knew that a senior in high school didn’t know how to cross streets on her own? WTF?

      • Jallun-Keatres

        Oh whoops I left out a very important part! She has Down syndrome XD

    • SA

      This is like something out of a horror movie. No escapes yet, but she is a climber and is close to being able to turn door handles.

      #2 Had me in tears laughing

    • Williwaw

      How timely. Two nights ago, my two year-old climbed out of his crib, opened his bedroom door, and made his first foray into the darkened house. We put a childproofing device on his doorknob, so he can’t get out of his bedroom again, but he climbed out of his crib again last night (at least he seems to have mastered climbing out of the crib without doing a faceplant!). We are definitely shopping for a toddler bed this weekend (and the weekend can’t come soon enough, so that I can get some sleep again!).

    • Heather

      Somehow my sister found out not only how to get out of our house, but also how to climb the ladder that was set up outside. My mom looked up to see her tiny baby foot hanging down in the window. She almost made it onto the roof of the house.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Ahhhhh!

    • scooby23

      Not a baby story, but a classic one in my family is the story of how my dad escaped from 1st grade. My dad lived in San Diego when he was little and went to a school with these outdoor hallways. One day he decide he didn’t like 1st grade, so he went to the bathroom and just walked out of the school and started walking down the streets of the city. His mom happened to be out walking, though, and caught him. As you may have guessed, she was NOT happy.