10 Signs That You’re Ready To Have Another Baby

I really don’t know how anyone does any family planning at all. How do you figure out how many kids you should have? Anyone? Anyone? I know most logical responsible people would say look at how much money you make, the area where you live, how responsible and patient you are – blah, blah, blah. I’m sort of a pretend adult so I can’t give you any of that advice. I can just pass on some things that showed me I was ready. Who am I kidding – my second child wasn’t planned!

Here are a few signs that you may be ready to have another child…

1. You’ve decided that sex really isn’t your thing.

Finding alone time with one child is one thing, but two? Ha. You’re constantly weighing what is more important, sex or sleep?

2. You think free time is totally overrated.

I decided to put myself on a strict writing schedule after my infant goes down at night. Ask me how many pages of my book I have done.

3. You are a ninja-like multi-tasker and think your talents are underutilized.

You have no idea what all this nonsense about not having time after kids is all about. Go ahead – tempt fate.

4. You’ve realized disposable income is for suckers.

Who needs it?

5. You love worrying.

You’ve managed to come through your first child’s infancy without giving yourself an ulcer – so, why not try again?

6. You really need more clutter in your house.

I thought I was clean before I had kids. I was actually pretty braggy about it. Thanks, karma.

7. You totally screwed up the first one and need a do-over.

You didn’t take any of the advice and now your kid doesn’t sleep, eat or show-off enough. Round two!

8. You missed the boat with “elimination communication” and want to see if an infant will really use the toilet.

Why not?

9. You’ve spoiled the heck out of the first one and need to make another minion to steal her toys.

10. You’re in labor.

Now you’re definitely ready.

(photo: Blaj Gabriel/ Shutterstock)

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  • Bethany Ramos

    Maria, does Lucien hate the baby? My older son haaaaates his baby brother and tries to kill him like every day. Sometimes, he will kiss him, and it’s like AWWW, and then back to the pure, unadulterated hate.

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

      Those are probably hate kisses. They lean in to see if they can smell fear.

    • Bethany Ramos

      #hatekisses hahahah

    • Maria Guido

      As long as she doesn’t touch his stuff he’s cool. haha

    • EX

      Oh let’s discuss this! My 2.5 year old started out totally ignoring her little sister and now (at ~3 weeks into this sibling thing) wants to “play” with her. So far that includes trying to wake her up, showing her toys and – once – trying to give her the dog’s bone. I am thinking this is kind of like the stages of grief or whatever – started at “denial” (ignoring) and working our way to “acceptance?” Just wondering when she will pass through the “trying to kill the baby” phase?

    • rrlo

      I am due this spring – and my existing child will turn 3. He is becoming more “violent” with each passing day. Like love is expressed through crashing into me at break-neck speed or sucking on my face (it’s always me, why is it always me?). I am terrified that he will show the same kind of “affection” to his brother. Keep me posted on how long it takes before the baby is hardy enough to put up with the love of the older sibling.

    • EX

      Ha! My daughter does the same to me (and ONLY me). She is constantly touching me but not in a sweet cuddly way – she’s either leaning on me, standing on me, climbing on me, jumping on me or running into me at full steam. She’ll say “I want to cuddle with youuuuu!” But then it’s never “cuddling” the way most humans would define it. So far she has not tried to “cuddle” the baby although she does occasionally try to “cuddle” me while I’m holding the baby. I would suggest working on your reflexes!

    • Maria Guido

      Mine was almost 3 when my second came, and he was the same way. You know what – he is so gentle with her. I think he’d really prefer she wasn’t here, but even when she messes with him (she’s now 9 months) he is really patient.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      Your baby is nine months already! Holy Crap why is time going by so quickly! Slow it down!

    • Maria Guido

      I know!!!

    • rrlo

      Phew! That’s good to know. Here’s hoping – fingers crossed.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Wellll I hope for your sake that she moves into acceptance really quickly. :-) Maybe it is because my older son is 2 and the baby is 9mo, but older son is all about MINE and laying across the toys that he claims are his, all of the toys, and crying dramatically. He has also tried to burn the baby with hot bathwater, but I think that was an accident…?

    • EX

      Oh shit. Maybe we should stop talking about this?! Haha.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahahha and pushed him through the dog door…

    • EX

      OK. No, really. I’m good now! Thanks! Haha.

    • Maria Guido

      Now you’re terrifying everyone!

    • tSubh Dearg

      My friend tells the tale of when she was a toddler and her parents caught her older brother holding a section of the Encyclopaedia over his head waiting for to come through the door so he could drop it on her.
      So maybe accidentally burning them with bath water and claiming all the toys isn’t too bad really….

    • Bethany Ramos

      Omg!! I feel better haha.

    • Kay_Sue

      That’s about the distance between my sisters. They still routinely try to murder each other. Now it’s just usually over hair dryers and who stole whom’s clothing…

    • EX

      Well, for now my toddler is really into sharing. Of course, she thinks this is how sharing works: she takes something that belongs to me and when I call her on it she says “Mom! We can share it!”

    • Kay_Sue

      Sounds about right. :)

    • Jayamama

      Wow. I’m on the opposite side of that. My 2-year-old loves her 3-month-old sister so much that I have to resort to protecting the latter from *literally* being smothered in hugs. She’s constantly trying to lay on her to kiss her, sharing her toys by banging them into her head, joining her in the play gym, and “helping” her swing by pushing it way too hard. I’m not sure whether I’d rather have her hate the new baby at this point. I think I’d settle for being ambivalent and ignoring her.

    • SA

      Funny. We don’t have a younger sibling, but my daughter (18m) is OBSESSED with babies. I am the mom at the park literally pulling her off of strange infants while their moms stare at me in horror. It must be something about that age and the nurture gene kicking in or something.

  • Crusty Socks

    You need more Child Tax Credit

    • Valerie

      Yeah if there’s any benefit to having kids I’d have to say it’s all the sweet sweet profit. I’ve never been richer.

  • EX

    Maria – I want to know about the book you’re (not) writing.

    • rrlo

      Me too! I would totally buy it and give it to others as a gift.

    • Maria Guido

      There are two that I’m currently not writing. One is a pregnancy book and one is survival guide for the first year of parenting. They’re both basically just full of horrible advice and jokes. haha

    • EX

      Well get to work! Ha ha. I want to read them!

    • rrlo

      Sounds amazing!

  • SA

    HA! #8.

  • Valerie

    There’s a colonial woman on the wing.

    Sorry. Kristen Wiig gif got me on a Bridesmaids tangent.

    • SDM14

      She is wearing traditional colonial garb. She is churning butter.

    • Valerie

      What kind of a name is Stove anyway?

  • Kay_Sue

    11. You’ve been abducted by aliens and had your memory erased.
    12. You’ve been in a terrible accident and had your memory erased.
    13. After years of pointless threats, your significant other has actually succeeded at driving you insane (probably with the assistance of prior children).
    14. You’ve accidentally stumbled into a government lab and had your memory erased.

    I think you can all see where I am going with this.

  • chickadee

    gif #1 — The idea of sex and Kiki of Kiki’s Delivery Service just kind of creeps me out.

    That is all.

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