10 Reasons You Don’t Get To Dump Your Kids Off For A Playdate

shutterstock_159197900I don’t mind my kids having friends over, but I hate playdates in general. There is one family of kids who can come over any time they want because they are fun, nice, cool little humans who play great with my kids and who don’t act like monsters when they are over. But the rest of those kids who want to come over to my house? I dread it. Why? Because I said so, that’s why. But seriously, I hate playdates, and I can give you 10 reasons why your kids can’t come over.

1: My Kid’s Room Is A Pit From Hell 

Your kid can’t come over because my kid’s room is a disaster. It’s the law. if they can’t clean up their space, they don’t get to have company.

2: My Kid Has Homework 

Sorry, they have a pile of math to do and I don’t believe in rewarding them with happy fun times until they are done with their work.

3: Because I Don’t Feel Like It 

Somedays having kids of my own is bad enough. Somedays I don’t feel like dealing with dumb kids who I didn’t even give birth to.

4: Because Your Kids Don’t Play Nice  

For whatever reason, our kids end up fighting over toys or hitting each other and before you know it someone is crying or possibly bleeding. Our kids don’t play nice together, and at this point I think we should just give up the dream of them ever getting along.

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  • Jessica

    The phrase “play date” makes my eye twitch almost as much as the word “moist.” I also hate when the kids having the play date are young (4-5) and right on the verge of not going to these things alone, so I never know if I am supposed to stay or go, and whether I am supposed to invite random moms to hang with me at my house when I could be ignoring my household chores and playing Candy Crush alone.

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

      Moist, yeasty playdate. Worst phrase ever? Or worst phrase of all time?

    • Valerie

      I hate that I read this comment while eating Chobani Pineapple yogurt. ::vom::

  • Crusty Socks

    Bottles of chloroform help. Remember when there’s not enough for all the kids, there’s still enough for yourself.

    • Valerie

      Nah. Too crime-y. Benadryl lollipops are the way to go.

    • Crusty Socks

      Val, you need to write a book. We should have lunch.

    • Valerie

      A crime book about lightly drugging small children so I can play on Pinterest and drink coffee in the sweet sweet silence? I’m in.

    • Crusty Socks

      Oh I know. You can write “Dexter, a Children’s Nighttime Story”

    • Valerie

      Sounds like this might need to be a collaboration.

  • Holly

    My daughter has a friend from school who has come over twice to play. Having her over is a complete nightmare. She is rude to the adults, she’s rude to my son, she pulls out toys and literally throws them around the room. I have a rule that everyone needs to clean up what they get out. Yeah, clean up time didn’t go well. Her mom thought it was ridiculous that I expected her daughter to help clean the messes that she he helped make. She asks to come back to play all the time, and I always tell her with a smile “not today!”. Recently she got a huge attitude and asked why she wasn’t being asked to come back to play. That was an awkward conversation.

    • Guest

      I hope you gave it to her straight. lmao

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Because your mom is a bitch who doesn’t teach you how to clean up your messes….., sweetpea.

  • Guest

    Sometimes kids/parents are not compatible. I was a quiet, shy, well-behaved kid and most of my friend’s parents loved me (and many still do, to this day). My one friend’s mom and I just did not mesh well. I had one experience over there where literally everything I did or said was wrong.
    You want cheesy eggs or plain? Oh, Holly wants plain eggs. Ashley make the cheesy eggs for everyone then you sit down and eat, then go play, I’ll sit with Holly (by herself) while she eats her plain eggs.
    She worked in a daycare and we were racing to a couch- I flew over the back of the raggedy ass couch and landed perfectly- something everyone who was over was doing. She just happened to be standing in the door and staring daggars at me. “We don’t jump on furniture in this house”.
    I just remember that I had never been made to feel so bad in my life and definitely did not expect it from this witch. After that, I declined any sleepover opportunities.
    It’s not you, it’s your Mom.

  • LJ
  • Kay_Sue

    Yes, yes, and yes. That’s all I have to say to this.

    • Valerie

      Totes. Play dates suck a bag of dicks.

  • brebay

    Because then I feel like I have to put on real pants and run a brush through my hair and Bitch, it’s Saturday.

  • Valerie

    Um, I rather like the idea of making them do chores. A Little Kid Laundry Folding Extravaganza. And the bonus (besides all of your socks being sorted) is that they won’t want to come back ever again!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Have a party and you can have a Little Kid chore assembly line!

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    Whoa, the kid is old enough to have homework but you still have to come up with activities? God damn it. When I had friends over at that age we played Barbies and my mom took the opportunity to play Tetris. I want to play Tetris. Or some variation of Tetris.

  • AP

    I had a friend when I was little who, on a playdate, taught me how to break down locked doors with a shoulder-check so we could go into the parts of the house my mom had set as off-limits. After he left, my parents had to go buy new indestructible plastic covers for our forced-air heat vents, because he thought it was funny to kick them all down and smash them. And another time, he went to retrieve a toy from the street and decided it would be funny to lie down on the yellow line for a bit and pretend to take a nap.

    He was SO COOL. My parents, however, did not agree and I thought they were SO MEAN.

    As an adult, I’m surprised they put up with him for so long.

  • val97

    Confession – I don’t understand play dates. I don’t think we do them right, and at this point, it’s too late to change. My kids have friends over sometimes, sometimes they go to friends houses. I don’t interact with them except when they ask me for a snack.

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